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I Have A Dagger
8-my dagger is special

8-my dagger is special

Waking up to Slyva is great. Waking up to see Flynn in the same tent, not so great. "Dagger's up." Slyva said. I wish she'd be even a little less deprecating with her voice. I am a human. I have value.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I raised myself to see a mouse demon. Looks like the small mouse with the sword I saw fighting off Huguenot and D'Arc at the same time. A tankard drifted in an empty spot, tipping over and emptying it's contents. T.T.'s there.

Flynn came and sat down next to Slyva, skinning a cheese wheel for himself. "Hungry?"

"Weren't you killing mice with that dagger?"

"That's in the past now." He said softly, jabbing his cheese dagger toward the mouse. "Bartin, care to introduce yourself?"

Bartin nodded, adjusting the sword at his side. "I am Bartin. I will gain better terms of living for my people in this nation from the King. Or the new Queen, if the Crimson Princess takes the throne. My people have lived too long as 'demons'."

Flynn shook his dagger at Bartin. "They attacked us trying to take Pixie. Had I known, I would have given them to her. That is, if I thought I could slip her past all of my fine fellows."

Slyva tapped on Flynn, clearing her throat. Flynn nodded. "Oh yeah, Bartin here is level 99. A mouse hero. So, don't mess with him." Slyva tapped on Flynn again. I interrupted this time.

"Did you see the level on Muslimeshi? Er, the slime I fought?"

Flynn raised his head. "Colorful name. We elves are the greatest peoples of this world, right? We made the level system, and we made it for two reasons. One, for everyone to know how awesome elves are so they stop bothering us and dying needlessly, and two, to identify errors in this world. You know, when something doesn't fit into the world, we can catalog it, deal with it, somehow, later. Muslimeshi is one of those."

"Super strong?" Go Muslimeshi.

Flynn raised his palms, shrugging. "I don't know. Usually, errors outside the level system are weak. Muslimeshi cut you up like a salad. I'll send that name up the elf chain. We've been calling it SLI-999. Awful name. The higher up elves will love Muslimeshi. Maybe it'll become popular."

Slyva placed a plate of cheese and biscuits at my front. She added a cup of water. "Here. How did Ravyn do? She's awful at political games."

"Oh. So I was right. You... elves sent me there in my dreams? To Nyanyork Castle?" I asked.

Flynn waved his hand. "The situation is bad. Worse than I thought. See, T.T, Slyva, and I, we all want to protect Ravyn. The Demon Vicar. But the rest of the Guild, they've bought into this foul concept that killing an elf is somehow, okay. This may be our final journey together."

Barely out of a fight like that and already, they are drawing new battle lines. Wasn't that fight enough for you all? You're all so bloodthirsty. I swear. "What's so bad about killing Ravyn?"

Slyva shook her head. "They wouldn't believe us if we told them of Ravyn's true power. They think this is a fight they can win with muscles and their special Crimson Princess's souped up Royal Magic." Slyva pulled out her tiny bow. She strung a blunt arrow across it. "Which, is why you're here. Now, how'd it go with Ravyn?" She fired into my forehead.

The arrow bounced off, making my eyes twitch. I'm used to much worse from Pixie. In comparison, this is adorable. "Well. She. Uh."

"Ravyn..." Slyva buried her face in both hands.

"She wasn't, that bad." Why am I apologizing with a hand reaching out? As if I'm trying to comfort her. "Why even send me there in the first place if you know she's going to mess up?"

Flynn chuckled. "She's pitiful, isn't she? That's great. You've seen the face of your so-called 'foe'. Now that you've seen 'that' side of her, you won't be able to think of the 'Demon Vicar' the same anymore."

I thought of the mice demons, glancing a Bartin, who sipped from a small wooden cask. I'm curious about him. A selfless type. A heroic type of hero. He said he was here for his people. Is there really no selfishness in this mouse?

"We killed a load of your people, Bartin. Do you blame us?"

The mouse shook his head. "My fault, if anyone's, for not sounding retreat earlier. I thought the alliance with the Slime King would turn the fight in our favor. Such a small band were able to repel us all without a single loss. I knew the other peoples were higher than us, greater. But I did not realize the extent..." A faraway look appeared on the level 99 mouse.

Where is the selfishness here? He could have died. And yet, he's here, still trying to earn what he can for his people. Even I, someone who wants to live only for themselves, felt something was wrong during that fight.

The pressure itself, too intense, the dying over and over, yes, intense. But, I couldn't see them like I saw the bandits. The bandits were old, ugly, scum-like. No better than video game models brought to life. Easy to dagger.

Meanwhile, the mice, rabbits, and moles, they fought together. They had strength. They attacked together. I respected them. It was brief, but I felt it. These were people. These were lives. They weren't nearly as daggerable as bandits. I knew that much from daggering them.

"This, Demon Vicar, what is it? Why is the Demon Vicar an elf?"

Slyva butted in past Flynn, as if trying to stop him from answering falsely. "Elves are seen as the top of this world. Ravyn accepted a position in the government, called 'Demon Vicar', to administrate the demon tribes of Nyaan-Cat Kingdom. To a Hero from another world, it might be strange, but elves are naturally accepted as greater than everyone else. Elves are immortal, they have stronger magic than the other peoples, they made the level system. The cat people of Nyaan-Cat Kingdom allow humans to rule them. They do that on purpose. To keep the elves at bay."

"What? What would the elves do to the cat people?"

At that, Slyva looked away, but Flynn jumped at the answer. "Use as pets. It's happened before. Elves in general look down on everyone. The elves who leave our territories are rare, like me, Slyva, Ravyn. We each have our own reasons. For me, it's just good old adventure I'm after."

Well. I thought it over. This is all very interesting. Maybe in the future, I will be dying less. Dying less means daggering less. I closed my eyes. Sacrifices are necessary. I rose to my feet, stretching.

"Wait, we're not done yet." Flynn said in a half-laughing tone. "Are you after fun like me? Or something else? We can work out a deal. The most important part here is who's side your leaning towards, dagger-bastard. Slyva didn't send you on that magical dream trip for nothing."

My Anglerfish INT did some somersaults and came up with a few concerns as I stood over the two elves, the mouse, and the invisible dwarf. The invisible dwarf made my decision for me. I remembered the explosions of blood during that fight. Whatever happened there I don't want to happen to me. No way I'd be alive again in time to protect Scott for the wrath of T.T. Shadow.

And, with the situation like this and the adventures spilt against each other, it's the perfect time to act. Especially now. I see a way past Flynn's [Perception].

"Flynn. Let's talk, alone." I said, and Flynn smiled towards Slyva, who quickly notched and loosed another blunt arrow, this time towards Flynn. He didn't even turn as it hit his head.

We exited the camp. I caught Pixie's gaze across the grounds. She was eating something with both hands, looking at me with worry. I'm glad I'm cared for. Now, next time, please don't Slime Slave me. Soon, I'll turn the tables on her. Soon. I grasped my dagger handle, cackling under my breath.

Flynn and I stopped under a tree. I strode to the tree's trunk, leaning against it. "I can't trust you. So, I'm going to trust you. Because I have to for what I'm about to do."

"Oh? What loopy logic, I like it. A surprise? A betrayal? I can't wait." Flynn grinned. "You're smart enough to keep the details secret, I assume?"

"Yeah. But, I need one thing, and only one thing, from you. Your [Perception], I don't care if you use it on me, but you can't say anything, to anyone."

I don't know the true extent of Flynn's skill. But, it doesn't matter. Even Vizar knows my curse from Pixie turned into a blessing. What Vizar doesn't know is the skill on the dagger, [Curses Into Blessings]. I asked Vizar about the curse turning into a blessing, but luckily, I didn't mention the dagger's skill. I knew something Vizar didn't. This is the key to victory.

The problem is if Flynn can use [Perception] on my dagger. If he can, he might ruin everything. And, even if he can't see the dagger's skill, when I start walking around with eight (Blessings) in my status he might blab and ruin everything.

Flynn held out his hands. "No reports to the higher elves, even?" As if he's checking to see how far I'm asking him to go. Not like I have any way to fight back against the elves. Yet.

"Between me and you, I don't trust elves. I don't think I can trust you either, but, see this as more of a favor to a fellow dagger-haver than something like betraying your people. Is that good enough?"

Flynn grinned, nodding. "I like it. I have no idea what you're going to do. It's Hero mischief no doubt, the stuff of legends! Just like your naughty nightly indulgences with Pixie!"

I got angry, leaning off of the tree trunk. "Like I told you before, it's not an 'indulgence'. I'm not into it, she forces 'that' on me!"

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

"Isn't 'that' part of the thrill?"

I stormed off with a huff, leaving Flynn elfing behind me. How dare you. You don't know how humiliating it is. How much it hurts! The shame behind it. It's already been too long. What's worse is I think I've gotten used to it. No more. I'll finally throw off my yoke.

Today is the day. I will dagger Scott if I have to show her I mean it. And, as a bonus, I'll get my level cap lifted. No, no, I need Scott, still. Even if abusing [Curses Into Blessings] makes me float in the air and shoot eyebeams, does that really give me an excuse to dagger the one guy keeping me alive since day one?

I shook my head. Then, Pixie's tackle hit me. Hot tears fell onto my face. I stared up at the girl, who, looks sad. Damn. And I wanted to bring up the Crimson Princess play! Curse you.

After a half hour of her apologizing in the middle of camp for everyone, yes everyone, to watch, we retreated to our tent. Scott peeked his head in. I drew my dagger, dashing towards him. I held the dagger high, looping my arm around Scott. Scott stared at me.

"I have a hostage."

"I, I," Pixie stutered. "I really wasn't going to ask you to do it. Tonight..."

"Not ever! I took a Slime Slave! You saved me during that ambush, but still! This is just something you got addicted to! I can't take it anymore! No! I won't take it anymore!"

Pixie sighed. She smiled, sadness creasing her face in the dark. "I see. I went a little, wild, didn't I?"

Scott looked between me and Pixie. "Can I go?" I patted his shoulder. "Sorry." Scott waved his hand. "No big deal. I felt like an enabler, the whole time, but I went along with it, because, well, you seemed happy with it, I guess." He mumbled onward, unsure of himself. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "And, and, you were really great. You really were. I mean, at the battle. That was, that was some good, um, daggering. I'll leave now sorry."

He's embarassed. Poor guy. He doesn't even know that Pixie lied to him about going home, or that I have a level cap quest to dagger him. I feel bad for him.

I returned to Pixie, who hugged her mace like a teddy bear. I sat down across from her.

"What was that? All that crying in the middle of camp?"

"I really thought you were dead. All my fault, for listening to Vizar and using that spell he cooked up. You wouldn't wake up, for so many days. Geradt couldn't heal you, Slyva eventually said she had a special elf trick she could try. I'm glad it worked." Her relieved face is painful.

I've been keeping her Crimson Princess waiting, then. How sad. I'll ask her straight out.

"Are you in love with me?"

Her face scrunched. "Love?"

I put my two fingers together, imitating a kiss. "Romantic love. Do you know it? I'm not giving you the birds and bees conversation. I'll pretend your feelings are nothing before I go that far."

"Really. You look at me like I'm some child. I am a Princess."

I laughed. Hard.

"Hey! I have a really high position! People respect me! Look, I even have the Lbesslaum Guild on my side!"

My face hit my palm. I won't bother mentioning the brewing conflict between anti-Demon Vicar killing and pro-Demon Vicar killing factions. "You know they're just doing this to leech off your position, right?"

The Princess looked down. "Isn't that obvious?" A shaft of moonlight cut across her face. "I told you. I am not a child."

I pity this princess, I hate her, and I pity her. Why the hate? I don't know. Why the pity? I don't know.

"Okay. Okay, whatever. Princess. I need to know. I'm only asking because I really need to know, if you're serious, if this is something you're willing to die for." I stopped my mouth. What am I saying? "Does the Demon Vicar really need to die?"

Pixie loosened her grip on her mace, placing it to her side. "Do you really care? After all I've done to you, you stuck around. And, I still don't understand why you saved me in the first place. What do you want, dagger?"

Power, clearly. But, to level, I need to dagger the guy who is keeping me and kept me alive. So, to protect my life and what little morals I have, I won't be daggering him. I have my [Curses Into Blessings] strategy cooking, but, I need a Cursecat for that. I won't tell her any of that, though.

"Does the Demon Vicar really need to die?" I repeated.

"Why are you even asking? If my kingdom burned—"

"I'd loot the ashes, yes, you're right, about that. If there is money, I'll take it, if there is power, I want it. This is life. There are desirable things in this world, staying alive is one of my deepest values. You can understand that, right? And I'm asking you, on purpose, because, if you give me the wrong answer, you could end up in my way." My voice came out much more threatening than I thought. Pixie's eyebrows straightened. I tapped my dagger hilt. "You know what I am. You just don't want to accept it. Now, give me the real answer. This can end badly, for both of us, if you don't."

I kind of hate myself right now. I went off on her. Maybe it's stress. I don't know. There had to be a simpler way to get an answer from her, but, that wasn't what happened. Pixie stared down at her mace.

"You had this made for me. A weapon with a hole in it, an invention that perfectly suited Royal Magic. Without this, I may have had to kill you. I was thinking about it. I really was."

And now I feel better about myself. I remembered the Lich thing too, and my brain pilied on the Crimson Princess nightly indulgences as well! Curse you, Pixie. She sighed.

"Trusting you, the thought of telling you the truth. It hurts. It's too ugly, the truth, my truth, is to ugly. But I, this is what a mature person would do. They would talk, and say the real reason why they did what they did. I owe it to those who died, at least to my knights, to be honest here."

"What are you afraid of, Pixie? You almost died. You just told me you were thinking of killing me to get out of our [Carnation] lifeforce bond drain. What does the Demon Vicar have to do with this?"

Pixie ran her hand through her hair. "She's an elf. They look down on us humans. We humans, we look down on the cats. The cats look down on the demons. This world, it's everyone looking down on each other, from top to bottom, we all hate each other. We clump in groups, afraid of each other, killing and fighting. I can't change that... but her. She can. Ravyn, she can change it." Pixie, caught in the moonlight, heaved in a deep breath, spilling it out. "Ravyn. The Demon Vicar. She's been in the position since before I was born, and, she changed the country. Little by little, the Nyaan-Cat Kingdom has lessened tensions. The demon tribes are separated, they have their own lands, their own place to call home. Ravyn did it all, all of it, before I was born. And," She tightened her face, eyes glimmering. "Ravyn failed."

I can imagine that. "She failed? I thought you said, she could change this world?"

"Yes, yes, change the world. She did. She changed it for the better. This is all we get. She has no intention of improving the lives of our citizens. Ravyn doesn't believe that the elves maintaining their position is wrong. She, she maintains the peace, yes, but at the cost of everyone's livelihoods! We're all living in this, this machine that Ravyn has made!"

Sounds complex. I did ask for this. Unexpectedly vague, political, and emotionally charged. I've seen this on the internet. Meh, nothing new.

"So what?" I told her.

"What do you mean, so what? You know nothing of my kingdom."

"No, I mean, uh, why does her dying fix all this?"

Pixie stopped for a second. "She's the one who built it. Maintains it. This system is all her creation. To allow for a bright future, I had to, I felt I needed to, strike her down myself. Take my father's throne for myself. No one else cares. My brothers died in battles against the demons, there is no heir to the Crown. I'll be married off to some political figurehead, and live my life as if my ideals mean nothing." Pixie shook her head. "No one will be saved, not by me, not by anyone. This nation will continue, even after my death, to march to Ravyn's drum beat. Can you see how crazy that is?"

Ah, well. Actually. I lived in a world where that was, status quo, so. The world I lived in was designed by people smarter than me, who studied for years, and even then they repeated the mistakes of the people before them, a thousand, a hundred thousand times over. Humans are a fickle race, they want their answer, their selfish answers, to matter. Even when there's someone who figured out the problem a thousand different ways two thousands years ago, maybe they'll make a Youtube video or book about how right they were. And even then, ego and fear sit in the way of learning.

And, there's more sitting in the way besides just fear and ego. The desire to be special. To matter as an individual. To place your mark on this world and say, "I mattered. To everyone, I was as special to this world as the most special people." Even if it's an absolute lie.

Even if no matter how long you live, you'll continue being a burden on others, causing them in ways you'll never understand even after you die. Some of us, we're dead weight to the progress of humanity. We're human trash, destined to seek what little pittances of joy we can snatch before we die. Meaning with a big 'M' is for the strong, the smart, the reflective. For the rest of us, we'll have to be satisfied with the pleasures of our beastly natures. Like daggering.

To me, that's obvious. I've always known that. So, I take what I can, when I can, I sponged off that world, and in this one, I'll do the same. I looked at Pixie. She's serious. She can't see the world, this world, the way I saw mine. No, maybe the way I looked at my world was wrong, and all along, I was the one who saw what others built, then gave up in frustration.

Maybe I'm weak. Maybe Pixie is strong. Either way, I have my answer.

"Pixie. You're wrong."

"I knew it, this Kingdom is nothing to you, anyways."

"No. I think you're right about Ravyn." I thought of that chocolate stained sleeping elf face. "But, killing her, that solves nothing. I may be from another world, but I know that."

"How could you? You know nothing."

"I'm going to stop you." I said. Pixie twitched in her bed. Cold sweat ran down her face. "I won't let you kill her. I'll show you. It doesn't matter what she's done, where I come from, I know things," I pointed at her mace. "Things that you could never understand. Things that you could never think of. I don't think I'm better than you." I pulled back. "But, I am different. I won't let you kill the Demon Vicar."

"What are you saying?" She huffed. She's pissed. She threw herself under her covers, grumbling. "I will Slime Slave you again, if I have to. Scott will keep your body in one piece, that's what really matters to you, isn't it?"

I suppose she's right on that point. It's not like I'd be all grand and Hero-like and sacrifice my life for Ravyn's, smiling sweetly as I died in Pixie's arms saying, "Now, you know how to be a better person... and stuff..." and then croak.

And, stopping Pixie from killing Ravyn solves nothing. Well, might save her from T.T. Shadow. Or the elves, or whoever else. Maybe Pixie's right and I just don't know yet, and Ravyn's death really does solve the Kingdom's problems, and Pixie leads everyone to a shiny happy future. Yeah, right.

There's no way. I leaned into my covers, keeping as much distance as I could in our small bed. Pixie tugged the covers over to her side. I let the covers slip out of my fingers.

Getting up, I grabbed my travel pack. Slept in Flynn's tent, after trying Slyva's and getting an arrow reception. It's sad. I can't even get pity from her. Flynn woke me before dawn like I asked. This elf is good as an alarm clock. He pointed out Vizar's tent for me.

I thought I'd have to wake the old wizard up. He busied himself with writing in a book, looking up at me as I entered.

"Ah. It's the dagger-bastard. What could possibly bring you here? Princess's sheets too rough for you, so you moved on to Flynn's?"

"Are you implying what I think you are implying?"

"Banish the thought," Vizar rose. I handed him my dagger. "As I suspected, a little tussle like that and you come running for another [Upgrade]. You do know, most weapons can't be [Upgrade]d more than once?"

"I have a feeling my dagger is special."

Vizar grunted as he sat down. "Everyone's weapon is special. You're paying full price."

I let out a mournful sigh as I handed over my precious. Vizar did some magic circle nonsense. My dagger changed from black to a silver color. More normal than before. I liked the black blade that couldn't reflect light. This feels like a downgrade.

"There. Hope this gives you the courage to keep living. Oh, and this reminds me of that (Blessing) of yours. Pity about that. I'll have more access to texts when we visit Nyanyork, so please be patient."

I waved Vizar off with a cheer, pumping my fist as I exited. Yessss he suspects nothing! Go go team dagger!