The Princess is shacked up in the back of the castle's kitchens. I have her brooding on a bed I stole for her. She wasn't so easily convinced by my enthusiasm. I ran her out of the throne room to avoid the worst case scenario.

Pixie would be captured in the King's hands. I'd be 'an intruder' or worse, 'a Blessed Hero, an aberration to the level system with strange magics'. Ravyn said the elves hate strange magics. I can't trust the elves. There's no way they'll let someone with blessings like these run around freely. With no standing in this world, I'd have to depend on Ravyn to help me deal with the elves. I understood that I needed a bargaining chip. That bargaining chip? Another person with 'strange magic' the elves don't like. The Crimson Princess, who can collect enough lifeforce to use Royal Magic in unseen ways. The elves don't like unseen ways.

Muslimeshi hunts me. While I sneak through the castle halls for daggering and stealing, sometimes a blue blur will bash through the windows. I play dead, and once I do, the slime bounces away. This castle is full of broken windows by now. Does the slime think I was the one who killed the Slime King? It wasn't me. But, I'm glad. If the real culprit were a target, Pixie would be slime diced by now. I'd be dependent on the 'Solace' Ravyn.

I've managed to pull Bartin over to my- er, the Crimson Princess's side. Meeting in the kitchen to plan, I asked him about what a 'Solace' is.

"Solace is an elf title. It means she's a virgin who dedicated herself to erudition and cultivation over the pursuit of worldly pleasure." Bartin said. This level 99 grew impatient with the Demon Vicar, realizing he'd get nowhere with her despite threats. He hopes to have the Crimson Princess take the throne and help his tribe.

"Ravyn's a virgin?"

"A virgin," Bartin nodded.

I cut some meat off of the troll. We were in the back where they hung the trolls, and because they regenerate, they are a great source of meat. Only one was left on the hooks.

"Disgusting." Bartin clamped his nose.

"You didn't have to follow me. How's that thing I talked to you about going?"

"It's done. Today." Bartin gave me a steely glare. As steely a glare as a mouse the size of a human can give me. "I freed all the other trolls. I left this one out of respect to you. It is my duty to witness it's suffering firsthand."

"Yeah, yeah." It's annoying, but Bartin won't eat the cheese I offered him. He said that it's 'troll cheese' and that he only eats plant-based cheese. A vegan mouse. When I confronted him on it, he said:

"It's common among my people. The Demon Vicar believes otherwise, that we can, and should, be content with surviving off troll meat.

"It's cheap." I countered.

Bartin shook his head. "She limits our population growth. The rabbits are separated from each other in mating season. She says this is to prevent a famine. We farm as best we can, but we've been granted harsh lands. Many of my tribe have fallen to the lure of free meat. They eat the troll meat, and they are changed. It is monstrous."

Bartin has many good points about his people. I'm not interested in politics. Sounds like a rough deal with little profit in my direction. But now, I can see why the Princess got so sold on uprooting Ravyn. I tried to change Pixie to a more flexible position about killing Ravyn when I visited her to deliver meals.

"We can't kill the Demon Vicar." To which she responded to with a moody glare.

I came back another time, offering some gifts I stole from her room.

"It doesn't make any strategic sense at this point." She requested me to steal her a few more things instead of giving me a response.

And the last time I spoke with her.

"The Guild is on her side. You have me, Scott, Bartin. You have your Crimson Princess Royal Magic. You're special. I'm the Blessed Hero. We have a lot to offer them." She didn't budge.

She's sulking. I don't know over what, but she doesn't want to come along with what I have to say. And I can't see why. Everything I knew about her lead me to believe that she'd be swayed by a clear, rational, even ended statement. Yeah right. When I told her about what she has, I was really talking about what I have. I have my dagger, Pixie, Scott, and Bartin.

But Pixie is the only card that's not playing the way I want her to, which is awful, because she's the main card I need to win safety from the elves. Otherwise, I'm stuck in a contest of power. I don't like the odds of Scott and I against some shadowy elf empire who could toy with us as they please.

At least the Guild has no beef with me. Save Geradt. But that's only if I manage to derail Pixie from wanting to kill the Demon Vicar. Worst comes to worst, I'll bail on Pixie and swim to Ravyn to beg for help. She already extended a helping hand. That hand is looking more and more attractive versus the Princess brooding in the back of the castle's kitchen.

During my stealthing through the castle, I sought out Vizar. I convinced him to come to our side to help me against the elves. Luckily, he hates elves. He told me some long tragic backstory but I mostly tuned it out and nodded.

Vizar hangs out in the library, studying curse magic. I'm the one who brings him food. Had to chase out all the cat maids to keep Pixie from being found, have to keep Scott holed up in the kitchen as well to avoid discovery. So sneaking Vizar food became my job.

"Is there really no way to send a Hero home?" I asked him.

"Hmm. You believe the Crimson Princess's Royal Magic is enough to perform such a feat?" Vizar held a book in one hand, waving me off with another. "That's nonsense. If even the elves can't do it..."

"The elves lie. You heard what Ravyn said. The whole prophecy of 'blessings' was a tale created to uproot strange magics."

"That doesn't mean the elves can turn sheer fantasty into reality!"

"Doesn't mean they can't, either. Or that they wouldn't know of a way."

Vizar grumbled, "Damn elves."

I'll take that as he's admitted I'm right. I wanted an option three, so I have one. If I can't carve out a space for myself in this world, I'll just plea with the elves to send me back home with Scott. However, I'd still need bargaining power against the elves to even ask the question. I want some bargaining power against them. Worst case they turn me into a lab rat before even asking, discard me when done. Best case, they see my proposal of wanting to go home as a way to rid themselves of a troublesome existence. The only way to find out more is to take Ravyn's hand again. Right? I could do that, but first, I'll execute my little plan.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

I snuck off to see her. The Lbesslaum Guild got lodging in the castle. Geradt would just turn around and walk away if he caught sight of me. Everyone else save Flynn snubbed me. They didn't want to get stuck between the Crimson Princess and the King. Should they take the wrong side, they'd end up without any rewards for their adventures, Flynn told me.

The Demon Vicar's study is stacked with pastries today. As I entered, I saw Ravyn pigging out. She straightened as I called out to her, flicking a napkin around her face.

"Oh? So. You've come. How is Pixie?"

The way Ravyn called her drew my notice. "'Pixie'? Not 'Princess?"

Ravyn shifted from the couch near sweets to her desk, gradually growing more and more stalwart as she sat down. She drew her gloves on, folding her hands in front of her.

"I've known her since before she was born. To me, she's a child."

I see. Pixie did say something like that, that 'she's not a child'. A child who is currently brooding because her plan to kill her father and take his job failed.

"I'm worried. I'm worried about the elves."

Ravyn leaned back into her chair. "The elves? They don't care about Pixie."

I'll test what she knows. "Even with her Slime Slave?"

"Yes. I've received reports that she is to be disregarded. Summoned Heroes like yourself cause disturbances around them, this is a new one, but it's not considered dangerous. The limits of Royal Magic, even with the extra lifeforce fueled magic, is not nearly enough to equal a threat to elven capability."

I think I see a crumb on her face. Ravyn noticed where I looked, swiping her face. "Anyways, if she attacks and kills her father, I can't do anything about it. That would be in violation of elven law. If she wants to fire me from my Demon Vicar position and take up the responsibilities herself, there is also nothing I can do."

So it was never a matter of defeating her in battle from Ravyn's point of view. Rather, it's all a job to her. I narrowed my eyes. How convenient for me.

"Why would Pixie want to kill you?"

"Oh." She sighed, chest lowering deep. "Yes. You wouldn't know. She lost her mother. Her and I, we used to play together all the time. I raised her, taught her. I wanted her to be a good successor to the throne. I loved being with her. But, when her mother died, she blamed me."

"Why?"

"I could have saved her mother, Pixie must think. I taught Pixie about the elves. The disease her mother had is curable by high ranking elves. The amount of expense needed, and the social position you need to get attention of one of these high ranking elves is extremely high. I told her I was a Solace, a special high ranking elf-"

"A virgin."

"Yes, yes." She said, souring. "Anyways. She said I should have done anything it took to save her mother. My social position isn't high enough, I've never had enough resources either. Pixie still must blame me for that, even though, I believe, she knows that I told her the truth." Ravyn sighed, standing up, she walked to the window, snatching a plate of sweets as she did. "It's impossible to get everything you want from this world. That girl, if she really thinks killing me would solve that, I need to teach her the truth."

I liberated a scone and Elderberry Wine from the table, joining Ravyn at the window. This is my favorite part.

Ravyn stared at my glass and scone. "I didn't say you could have any."

"You don't mind, this is an important conversation."

"I do mind! That's my food."

"You hold back when it comes to sex, but you won't hold back if there's food?"

"Ah," Ravyn scowled. "There's plenty of food. You have sex once, then you have to keep having it. You're stuck in cycle of desire for another person's body. That person has ever evolving standards of pleasure separate from my own. Meanwhile, food is steady, simple, reliable. I can keep eating forever as long as I moderate myself, to, preserve my figure. It's a great compromise."

I looked down at the scone. "Is this vegan?"

"No troll products? Well, there's troll jam in there, for the custard filling. Farmed goods are expensive compared to troll products."

I bit into the scone. "So it's not vegan."

"Why did you ask?"

"I wanted to make sure it wasn't vegan."

"You prefer troll products?"

"I like how cheap and tasty they are."

"But, you're from another world. Aren't you disgusted by how we carve the flesh off renegerating, sentient creatures?"

"I see your point, but where I'm from, there's this guy growing pig organs for human transplant. And in that world, we already eat pigs. It's only a matter of time before we have people full of pig organs eating pigs."

Ravyn went back to the table, pouring herself some Elderberry Wine. "That's terrible. I can't imagine that. Pig organs, inside of people?"

"Hey, you have magic to heal people here. Where I come from, we don't. Maybe if this world relied on building skills and knowledge of the world instead of magic, Pixie's mother would have been fine. With pig organs."

"Huh." Ravyn returned to the window, Elderberry Wine glass in had. "I haven't thought of that. The elves, this world, it is satisfied as it is—"

"Is that really the case?" I countered her. "Actually, don't the streets seem rather bare today, Demon Vicar?"

Ravyn flustered. "Well, why, yes. Yes. The streets appear to be bare of cats..."

I smugly drank my Elderberry Wine. My grin could not stop. "This world might be fine. But not this Kingdom, and at least, not Nyanyork. Not now."

Ravyn shifted an eyebrow. "You know something?"

"I know something. I didn't come here just to chat. The elves. What do the elves think about me?"

"You? You're the Blessed Hero. An aberration to the level system, yes, but, my orders are to observe."

"Is that the same with the elves in the Guild?"

"Flynn plays his own games. Slyva wants nothing to do with the elves. Are you worried about the elves? Why?"

"Not the elves. Not yet. Right now, I'm worried about Trolls."

"Trolls? I thought you liked eating troll."

"Eating trolls, yeah. But, see, Bartin? The Mouse Hero?"

"Yes..." Ravyn said, her tone drifting down.

"Bartin thought you might ignore him. That you wouldn't listen to his demands. So, Bartin made a deal with the Trolls. I thought at first when I saw him with the Guild that he was some noble do-gooder with nothing up his sleeve, an idiot who Pixie would have to appease once she took the throne. But, look." I pointed to the streets. "No cats. He had his people follow behind him, disguised, they infiltrated Nyanyork. They spread catnip across the entire city, selling it at high prices to anyone who would buy."

"Catnip? What's catnip?"

A plant I happened to identify in the library, with Vizar's help. Vizar didn't know, and still doesn't, how much he's helped me. Luckily, it exists in this world, and Bartin's rabbit people found it. Once they did, the rest of my, I mean, our, plan fell into place.

"The cats are enjoying themselves. When they attacked us en masse and forced us into the castle, I was so scared." I knew I had to do something about them, first. "The sight of these bare streets are so soothing. But, Bartin told me something troubling, about his deal with the trolls." I smiled. I really shouldn't smile right now, she might catch on. "The Trolls learned about the state of the Cats. Now, Nyanyork is defenseless. The Trolls are on their way, Bartin told me."

"What? Trolls, there's, they would never launch an attack on Nyanyork itself..."

"How's the army? Is it doing all right? Who's going to protect us? I came here, I'm so worried." I am not worried at all.

Ravyn melted down, dropping her wine glass. Wriggling in spot, then she rushed out of the room. Headed for the King, I see. Good. This was the perfect time to set things off. I got word from Bartin early this morning, so I waited as long as I could. Any longer, and Ravyn might be hearing reports of Trolls attacking before I could tell her. Then, the Guild might be caught off guard, and fail to mount a defense of the castle. That would be bad for me.

I drank my wine in front of the streets of Nyanyork, catching a glimpse of torchlight on the horizon. I can't estimate the elves choices, so, I made a few of my own. No matter what Ravyn said the elves believe about me, I already decided I needed a stronger position. Whether it's behind Bartin's allies, Pixie, or the Guild and Ravyn, the who doesn't matter. What matters is a bulwark against the elves. Without Bartin's input and my catnip discovery, we'd have never been able to pull this off. I sighed, placing my glass down on Ravyn's table. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.