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I Have A Dagger
12-I'm a hero.

12-I'm a hero.

Spam email is like a dagger. The person sending the spam email wants something from you. Money. Attention. Power. Love. The spam email, in turn, promises you all these things in exchange.

You can have money, attention, power, love, and so on. Just click on this email. No, it's not spam. This is important. This is an opportunity. And then comes the dagger's stroke.

The person who sent the spam email, if the target takes the bait, gets their little reward. They get information, access to bank accounts, credit cards, the one who makes out great is whoever sent the spam email.

But, on the other end? The person who opened the spam email? They just got daggered.

Right now, staring at the dagger Flynn left on the throne room floor, I knew it. I've been daggered. He daggered me in my body, too, but I have Blessing of Life so I'm healing fine. Scott's fine thanks to his ability. But, as I walked over and picked up the dagger, I pieced it all together.

"Pixie," I looked at her, hiding behind a pillar. "Did you summon me to this world?"

She shook her head, confused. "I summoned Scott." She walked out from behind the pillar, staring at the pink dagger in my hand. "You, you're a Hero?"

After all this time, she didn't know. I never told her. Vizar never told her. I see, to her, I'm just some guy who saved her life. I appeared out of nowhere with my dagger, killed those bandits. Then, Pixie lead us into the Lich's territory. There, she told me she saw me as enjoying killing. Maybe since then, her view of me hasn't changed. I pushed her to kill those bandits so she could survive. I told her I'd stop her from killing the Demon Vicar, and I claimed victory.

I don't know her. Even though I've traveled with her and survived with her, who is she to me? And who am I to her? I stared at Pixie as if she were an unknown entity, then sheathed the pink dagger in my belt.

"Yeah. I'm a Hero." I said.

We exited the room, shouldering Vizar. Flames howled down the hallway. Scott and I headed to Huguenot's room. I couldn't do much for the wizard. I didn't want to carry him out of this castle, either. My escape plan is through the sewers, I'm not going to be able to keep a handle on the old wizard in a fight. And what if he comes to his senses? That might worsen our situation.

How? I don't know. I'm worried. I saw the status of the Pink Dagger. Or, maybe I should call her:

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[Dagger Princess]

A pink dagger crafted by an elf as a favor for a mischievous friend. Can summon Heros.

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Pixie didn't summon me. This dagger did. Or Flynn summoned me, with this dagger? Does that matter?

Either way, Huguenot found us first. The lumbering giant took one look at us and picked Vizar off of us like a stray teddy bear he found laying in his daughter's room.

"Geradt?" Huguenot asked.

"Dead." I answered.

"Flynn?"

"Faded."

Huguenot grunted.

"Castle town. Trolls. I kill."

Before I could stop him, he walked straight through the castle wall, dropping down eight floors, he lumbered towards town. I saw Slyva and D'Arc in the distance, culling trolls like wheat on harvest day.

Pixie tugged at me from behind. "What do we do?"

"You're asking me?" As I turned to talk to her, I saw the flames. Oh, yeah. Escape. "Let's find Ravyn, first."

Pixie's eyes narrowed. A short puff out of her mouth, and she said nothing. She's upset, but, she down for it? I think? Scott slapped my shoulder.

"That thing with the elf and king and monk guy was weird. Come on, let's get out of here."

Praise Scott. He's good at returning everything to normal, isn't he? That must be his real power. I grabbed Pixie's hand, tugging on her, she came with me. Ravyn's room wasn't far. I kicked the door in to see what I expected, her stuffing her face.

Ravyn shot up as I barged in. "Castle's on fire, and you're still eating?"

She started choking. I looked at Scott, he shrugged. Guess I have no choice.

I looped my arms around Ravyn's slim waist. Cupped her navel. Her butt bounced against the bottom of my stomach, settling in, as I gripped her back close to my chest. I arced my legs, then my back, heading backwards in a complete suplex. Ravyn's head slammed against the floor.

"Gack! Gack!"

I laid next to her, grasping her shoulder and lightly shaking her, as if waking her up. She stared at me in fear. I rose, extending a gentlemanly hand. Ravyn took my hand, closing her eyes, she raised up using my strength as leverage. She put a fist in front of her mouth, coughing once, politely.

"I see. So the palace is burning, is it?"

"It is." I'll pretend, along with her, that I did not just suplex this elf.

Ravyn calmly filled a haversack she pulled from nowhere with an entire table full of goodies.

"Err-hrmm. I happen to have an escape route," she said.

How fortuitous. I happen to have one as well. Should I let her lead? It would look weird if I were to insist on my previously planned escape route instead of hers. I'll be polite.

"That's great!" I faked enthusiasm. I can see Pixie giving me a dead stare. Don't look at me like that. Ravyn's face lit up with pride. She walked out into the hallway, then caught sight of the roaring flames, half running back inside her room before Pixie snagged her.

"The escape route?" Pixie looked up at Ravyn. Ravyn halted, then nodded. "The escape route."

The two of them seem awfully peaceable, given that one was on a grand quest to slay the other. Pixie's mace is sheathed by her side. I've been watching her, cautious if she might try anything. I can't have her cut off my elf contact.

I followed behind Pixie, keeping an eye on her as Ravyn lead us through the castle halls. How is Pixie thinking of the Demon Vicar now? I do not know. Maybe all that talk I said to her got through? Who knows. She told me, "I'm not a child!" but, really, when you fail to communicate effectively, you might as well be a child.

As we descended down stairways past vistas of flames, I reminsced. Did I ever say what I wanted to say? Did I ever get what I wanted in my old world through speech? Nah. I kept my mouth shut. I played the fool. Since I've got here, it's been my dagger doing the stabbing, and I've been talking more. I smiled, staring at Pixie's back. I am an adult.

Right? Yeah. Right. I stifled a laugh, my hand catching my mouth. Unfortunately, Scott noticed. He leaned in, whispering amongst the crackle of the merry flames. "What's so funny?"

"Remember how life was before we came here?" I said. Scott chuckled. Pixie shot us a snide look. Yeah, yeah, I apologized with a tight smile wordlessly. I know, your father you were planning to kill anyways died by elf hands and now your nemesis you planned to kill is leading you out of the castle you were born in. That's your normal, 'Crimson Princess', not mine.

But Scott didn't seem to notice. "This, honestly, a vacation, it feels like a vacation. No COVID, no family to worry about. Too busy thinking I'm going to die. It's a reminder of what really matters to me, you know? Surviving. Feels real." We neared a cellar door. Scott kept talking though, a wistful look on his face. "When I got, er, daggered just now, that like, holy shit that hurt. I've seen you like, get ripped apart like eight million times, I swear, this whole time, it felt like a video game. Like I was looking at you on Youtube or something, it didn't feel, real, you know? But taking that daggering... you've been dying all this time. And you like, you never said anything. Not even once."

He made a good point. It struck home. In a way, it felt like a different sort of wound. Like, I'm not human. Most humans have trouble with not dying when they are killed. But me, I straight out got decapitated and played dead just fine. Scott wasn't there. What would he have said about that, I wonder?

Pixie turned towards me, looking in my eyes, as if challenging. But she said nothing. I don't have Blessing of Mind Reading. Geez.

Ravyn waved wildly at us. Ah, yes, stairs, escape the burning castle. She cracked open the cellar door, leading us down. She lit a small light from her hand to light the way in the dark. I saw an outline of Pixie's face as I followed behind her.

"I could kill her right now," Pixie said. "One mace hit, and she'd fall over, down the stairs, she'd die like any human would. She's bad with heights and dark. Look at her, she's shivering."

I looked. Indeed, the elf is shivering.

"That'd be mean, Pixie. I thought I raised you better than that."

"It would just be a little love tap on her head."

"Scott's right here, I'll have him reset her, he's a total pushover, so he'll listen."

Scott objected. "I know it's true but please don't say it out loud!"

And then Ravyn had her own complaints. "Talking about killing me right now is making me nervous, could you please wait until we get on solid ground?"

So talking about killing you would be fine otherwise? Pixie grumbled, reaching for her mace. My eyes sharpened against the little light I had, keeping an eye on her hand. What am I going to do, dagger her? She didn't pull her mace out, just kept her hand on the end. She's reassuring herself.

We entered a wine cellar, old, bare, damp. Ravyn tapped a stone wall and it swung inwards, revealing a tunnel. We walked through, guided by her light. Down past dirt tunnels, down past stone, into a lit tunnel.

Ravyn held her hand aloft. Strange sigils traced the air. She sniffed. "Sewer guard is dead. My safehouse is near. No sign of trolls. How did they get into the city? What happened? What did Bartin say to you?" She asked me.

"Oh, something something trick-drug." I'm not lying.

"A drug? Poison? In the water supply, maybe?" She waved her hand over the flowing sewer water, more sigils traced the air. "Nothing. Still not good to drink, though, cat poo. Blood, too. Ew."

We passed under a sewer grate, hearing various disturbing sounds to which I tuned out. Pixie grabbed my shirt again. She's ripping it, she's ripping it.

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Ravyn lead us into a small sanctum behind another secret stone door. It was jam packed with goods and books, jewels and strange items. Motherlode. Unfortunately, even if I stole it all, there's nowhere to sell. Aww.

Pixie scrunched herself onto a couch, bouncing her mace up and down in front of her. Ravyn went behind a desk, busying herself with paperwork. Scott asked Ravyn if she had any picture books, to which Ravyn directed him to some illustrated children's books. I got a good look. Nice art.

Ravyn made a few quick notes. She paged through documents. Then, she called me over. Separate across the room from Scott and Pixie, I imagined they couldn't hear, but in a small space like this, they definitely could. I told her about the King.

"Falstaff's dead? A good and loyal man who wanted the best for his people, right to the end. What happened?"

"Er," I fumbled for an explanation. Pixie must be listening. Flynn implied I made a pact with him to kill the King. Anything else would sound like a lie, to Pixie, at least. But telling Ravyn I was behind it all along... well, that'd be throwing myself to Ravyn's mercy. I need her trust, I don't need Pixie's trust. "Dead when I got there. Someone must've used the troll attack as cover."

"Hmm," Ravyn leaned forward onto her hand. "Pixie? Would you mind?" She waved the girl over. Pixie grumbled, sighing as she came to my side.

"I don't, there's, what could we possibly do now? The Guild is out there, isn't that enough, there's like no one left." She's more nervous than I expected.

Ravyn assessed her. Then, she leaned back. Her black hair spread out over the edges of her armrests. "Then, how about murdering me? Right now?"

Pixie's face screwed up. Her eyes teared up at her sides, then she looked away.

Ravyn sighed. "It's fine, you know. I mean, if you want to come at me, come at me. You have your two brave handsome knights at your side. I've even heard the Geradt from Lblessaum Guild complaining about how troublesome your magic is. You killed the Slime King. What was the spell, again, 'Slime Slave'? It's really be a hit back home, elves love the rebellious. If you killed me right now, they'll make you Queen of the continent." Raven waved her hand. "And whoever came up with that 'Crimson Princess' thing, I swear, that would really get the elves on your side. You'd be a big hit. You're going to be a wonderful Queen, I'm sure."

What's this? Ravyn's kind of strange. Would the elves really like a rebellious princess with a fashionable name, or is she saying that Pixie is going to be a huge threat in the elves eyes? I can't tell.

Pixie shook her head. "That doesn't matter. What am I going to rule over? Who am I going to rule for? The city above, it's as if the ground ripped apart and set loose all the demons on the place. I thought they were all foolish beasts, but, they managed to overwhelm the mighty cats. I thought with the strength of the cats behind me, I could overwhelm the unreasonable demons and bring happiness for all in my Kingdom. Look at it all now. Just, just flames."

Ravyn shook her head, raising a hand towards Pixie. "Those are fine ideals. Your father died for those ideals. He tried the same, in his younger days. I had to remind him, for so many years, for so long, again and again, what this order I built is for. The trolls had their hunting grounds. The cats kept the trolls in check. The animalkin tribes had their farms. Peace. An unhappy, imperfect peace, but peace all the same. Now that the trolls have so many clogging the streets of Nyanyork, even if they were pushed out this second, it would take a full generation to rebuild the peace we had but a day before. Do you understand?"

Pixie's eyes watered. "It's not... It can't be that bad."

Ravyn pointed her fingers at her like a blade. "You don't want it to be that bad. Have I ever been wrong? Do you think I'd lie to you?"

Pixie wiped her eyes, shaking her head. "No, no. I hate, I hate hate hate you. I hate you. I've always hated you. You, always, you always have to be..." She quieted.

Ravyn sighed at Pixie. "I did offer you the choice of murdering me. Perhaps you were raised too well to believe killing me would solve anything. The young are always allowed to be as stupid as they wish, whatever the era." She looked at me. "And you? What's your aim in this?"

Oh, I only, ruined everything Pixie loved. Is this the second time? I think it's the second time. Feels like the second time. Pixie answered for me.

"He probably did this. No, he, he definitely did this."

I looked at her. The clear eyed Princess did indeed have a tinge of pink clouding her eyes. She's not looking at me though. She's looking at Ravyn. What? How? No, she, there's no way she knows, that's impossible! My acting skill is foolproof, I'm, I'm sure! Damn, dammit.

Ravyn creaked her chair back. "I see. You have no evidence, Queen Pixie?"

Pixie nodded. "I have no evidence."

Ravyn cocked her head, ears wiggling. "It is common for Heroes to upset, everyone. There is that slime, what did they call him? Muslimeshi? Strange name, almost rings a bell." Ravyn knit her fingers over her belly. "Bad sign. Bartin himself came to the castle, defended me. Bad sign. Flynn was there. Very bad sign. How'd you rope the Lblesslaum Guild into this, my Queen?"

Pixie folded her arms in front of herself. "I talked them up, after an attack. But I only really convinced Vizar to my side to kill you. Vizar spread the message to Huguenot and D'Arc, and somewhere along the way here, the elves found out. Someone told them."

I'm not seeing why this matters now. Everything's borked. I did bork it all, but what are you going to do? Bork me? Please.

"Maybe it was him?" Ravyn pointed towards Scott.

Pixie looked towards Scott, who waved. "Even if he did let it slip... it's impossible he did it out of malice. Either way, the situation is as is. Nyanyork is overrun. An impossible situation, who could bring it about, except an impossible power?"

Ravyn countered her. "You could wait for everything to die down, right here, with me. The trolls will burn themselves out. There's no need to launch yourself into a perilous situation with these two. How many could you save? And if you die, how many in the future will perish because of you?" Ravyn's voice grew softer. "The elves would take Nyaan-Cat Kingdom within a year. With no human royal at the head, there would be no political backing from the human kingdoms. Trade would die. There is still much to be salvaged, if you admit loss here, escape."

Pixie nodded her head. She looked towards me. "If you are after burning the entire Kingdom down before my eyes, now would be a good time to tell me."

"Oh come on, I don't like you like that!" I said. It's true, it's not like I enjoy her suffering, or anything.

"Then, how is it? You, just, what? Burn a city to ground, why?"

"I didn't do anything!" I did everything.

"Look. I know, I've not been, the best person to you. I've strung you along. I know, I know you know. When we were going after the Lich... that was my fault. I knew I was doing something stupid. I knew it. And all... the..." She blushed, glancing at Ravyn, then back at me. Crimson Princess! Crimson Princess! "But, it happened. I did it. I'll admit it. I don't know what you want with me. At least, I ask you to spare my Kingdom whatever grudge you hold."

"I have no grudge!"

Ravyn interrupted with a palm held out. "Please. She knows. You're not fooling anyone. I see that pink dagger on your belt. Did you believe I wouldn't notice it?"

Ah. Flynn! He daggered me with this pink dagger! After he daggered me! He left the pink dagger behind on purpose, so I'd loot it as he expected, all to send a message to Ravyn? Goddamn. I really am out of my league here. Leveling up won't close this gap.

"Now," the Crimson Queen asked me. "What do you want from this world, Dagger Hero?"

Scott sauntered over, holding his children's book. "You guys are so serious. Come on, we're safe down here. If we're not going to kill each other, can I have something to eat? I'm hungry."

Great Scott the Almighty, killer of tension, deliverer of life and freedom. I nodded. "Food."

"Food?" Pixie balked. Ravyn nodded wisely. Does she agree with me, or something?

"I see. My Queen, that is enough for now." She stood up, walking over to Pixie, she closed her arms around the girl, pressing her head into her chest. "You did well." Ravyn flicked her hand at me and Scott. "Go prig each other outside. I don't want to see the two of you until tomorrow."

Scott turned an eyebrow up at me. I headed out the door first. Scott followed. I shut the stone door, pulling out my dagger, I marked a notch in the stone so I could find the place again. I heard a muffled sob as I did.

"We gonna prig?" Scott looked at me with a stupid grin.

"I won't be prigging you."

"Whoaa. Keep the dagger pointed away, if you don't mind, I have trauma with those things."

I swore, knocking my hand against the stone. Scott leaned his head in. "What's up?"

I heard some sound from Pixie. Pulling myself away from the stone, I wandered off, hearing Scott's shoes tap up behind me.

"She didn't give us any food... sure would be nice to have one of those [Item Boxes] like they do in those fancy isekai novels..."

I stopped, turned. "You read that stuff?"

"Friend does. Won't shut up about it."

"What trash. Who reads, anymore?"

"Well," Scott said in a reasonable tone. "I think most of the appeal is the anime girls and the plot setup, if you ask me. It's an easy ride, you know." He walked alongside me, keeping pace. "The reader identifies with the MC, right? They see themselves as the MC. So, to them, they get teleported to another world. Everything from the old world," he swished his hands in the air. "All gone. No COVID mutations. No stupid dead-end job in a soul-sucking economy. Your family problems are all reset to nothing. Then, they see the MC get super powers, but it's not like some cape crap, you know the kind, right?" Scott proffered his hand towards me as we kept walking. "It's like a video game, like my ability. It's all not real. It's fake. It's imagination. They sit there, and they read, and their life ticks away, and nothing matters." Scott stopped, and I stopped with him. He stared into the flowing sewage below us. "They dream of childhood again, before all the expectations of the world washed over them like a waterfall. You know, before they cared. Before they bought into their problems. Before the pain set in, and they grew bitter, lashed out, shut themselves away, because it's all too hard."

I chuckled wryly. "Did getting daggered kill your mood this badly?"

Scott smiled, patting me on the back. "I thought I was going to die. I really did. But after I took that dagger, and thought it over, it's always been you, right there, in front of me. You saved my ass."

"No, man," I wiped my eyes. "Seriously, I would've died so, so many times if you weren't there. You got your damn cheat powers. I got a dagger."

Scott scoffed. "That's all you got? From where I'm standing, you have a whole lot."

I turned to him. He doesn't know shit.

"If you knew—" Scott interrupted me. "You think I care? This isn't about you, or what you think you are. I don't want to know what you've done, or what you're gonna do." Scott stepped towards me. "I got a home to get to. I got a family, my family, to save. I don't know about you, and I don't want to know. You, you get to decide. You can do whatever the heck you want. There's squat I can do, ever since I got here," he held up his shield. "I've been hiding. Today, I knew it, even if I got home, there's nothing waiting for me. My evil uncle's got freakin' paramilitary troops on his side. And still! Still I think, somehow, I'll walk in there, and I'll beat him in hand to hand combat or whatever, win back my inheritance, pay for my sister's operation, pay off my parent's mortgage before the bank takes the house, wean my brother off Fortnite and get him on a real career path!" Scott. Scott! He sighed, backing off, he leaned against the sewer wall.

I stared at him for a second. I don't know where he was going with all that. Not sure I want to.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry. Just whining. Whining is about whining is still whining, dad always says. Sorry. I get like this when I'm too hungry," he said.

I stared at him. "I'll go dagger a troll. Wait here, okay?"

Scott nodded.

It bothered me. I made dagger marks in the stone, pulling away from Scott's position. It's bothering me. I know, I know it's bothering me. What's bothering me? Screw it. Dagger it. I found the sewer grate, sheathing my dagger I gripped the rungs, pulling myself towards the light, I pushed the grate out.

The streets were quiet. I stolled among carnage. Dead cats, raked trolls. A group of cats sprung past, lively bunch, one of them gave me a quick look. I dashed after them, watching as they aimed themselves at a pack of trolls having themselves a party. I watched as the cats shred them the trolls to pieces, leaving not a single living thing standing as they bounded off.

Those cats. Soon after I collected my curses from the Cursecat a whole tsunami of them shoved us right towards the castle. Even Flynn, and I suspect T.T. as well, ran straight for the castle. We couldn't stand against them. Crazy, crazy creatures.

I remember fighting against the cat knights in the castle. Those cat knights. When I got seperated from the Guild, if I didn't have my [Curses Into Blessings], or that dagger upgrade, I would have died. It's dog eat dog, or in this world, cat eat troll? Whatever. The metaphor is dead.

I went towards the shredded trolls. All of the dead would trade places with me. But, I'm not lying here. I'm standing. Scott, did he have a point? And Pixie? No, no, what am I thinking? It doesn't matter, yeah, this is, this all my fault, but, who cares? Who cares?

Sure, if someone were watching me they might call me an idiot, or hate me, look down on me, or laugh at this idiot. But none of them acted as I did. None of them are me. And those who don't like me, who look down on me, who hate me, well...

I think they're right. I drew my dagger. Trolls thronged in from all sides, yelping, jeering as they surrounded me with sneers, cackles, and jeers. You're all, you're all right. I drew my dagger towards the sky, the setting sun dying my blade amber. I don't know what's wrong with me. What I've done, what I feel, I don't know. And, maybe it doesn't matter. Some people, they—

The trolls rushed in. I slit throats, opened a belly, snapped off a head, stomped a knee joint the wrong way.

Some people, like me, we're just daggerers. I slammed my point home through a troll's skull, striding forward, the wave of trolls flinched back as I charged them.

We ruin this world. We're no good. We're people who are pieces of shit, clogging up this sewage of humanity! I ripped the [Dagger Princess] from my belt, clouds of daggers raining in onto the trolls. I duel-wielded, like those stupid kids who want to be cool like some anime hero. I'm no hero. I smashed the hand with [Dagger Princess] through a troll's chest with brute strength.

I'm no good. I'm no good at all. I'm just a daggerer, a born lost one. A grin lit my face up. I'm excited, I don't know why, but, I feel like I could give Huguenot stab or two right now and come up rosy. All of you, all you trolls, come, come and join me! Come, come and fall apart on my blade!