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I Have A Dagger
7-The Demon Vicar Has Nothing

7-The Demon Vicar Has Nothing

Huguenot charged. Halfway between a mace, an axe, and a tree trunk, he swung the weapon at the ambushing mouse demons. They scattered into the sky like autumn leaves caught in a fall gale, whirling around before landing with sickening crunches onto their own allies.

Pixie Scott and I kept close. Vizar near, frying mice, Flynn stabbing away all comers to my right, explosions of bloods and organs marked T.T. Shadow's invisible carnage to my right.

We're caught. Ambushed. Geradt hovered near the Crimson Princess as a boxing rabbit demon flashed in to fight him, they engaged in speedy exchanges of hands and feet, the speed chess melee ending in a decisive glowing white palm blow to the rabbit's chest, sending the rabbit flying.

I tried to get my bearings. Slyva fired arrow after arrow into the trees as they rained in from above. I took many arrows to every body part, blocking Pixie's body with my own. Scott's ability reset the wounds, only for more arrows to pincushion me.

D'Arc's twin rapiers snipped us space amongst the demons clogging. What a batch they were. I struck, catching a mouse demon in the neck, then another mouse in the neck, then a rabbit demon, then some small black creature with leathery ears and big claws, mole, it's a mole demon, and, well, I kept on daggering.

Mundane travel with Lbesslaum Guild turned into an ambush from a horde. My dagger caught in the ribs of one beast, I strangled another with my bare hand, tearing out it's neck with my sloth grip. An arrow hit my head. I twitched. My head reset as Scott's ability saved me, again and again.

I want to complain. I'm getting slaugthered here. Yet, everyone else is killing their share just fine. I swirled around Scott and Pixie, making sure that nothing could get to him. One stray arrow hits Scott's foot, I'm dead for good with the next arrow storm. And if Pixie gets hit, might distract Scott long enough for me to stay dead as well.

The rabbit Geradt faced came for me, sensing my weakness. I took punches and kicks, crouching into bob and weaves trying with all my strength to keep my body jammed in front of Scott and Pixie. My neck snapped from a jab. I caught the rabbit demon's arm with my dagger, dragging it lengthwise across from elbow to fist. The red gap in the rabbit's white fur stung the air with red drops as more attacks poured in. Straight jabs, left hooks. Higher speed than mine, higher skill than mine. Had this been you and me, rabbit, you'd have the knockout a thousand times over. Luckily for me, Scott exists.

I backed off, the rabbit launching a haymaker, wide sweeping strike taking my head. I pushed forward before the hits. As Scott's ability reset my body's position, my mind still told my legs to move. I swirled in under the haymaker as it blasted my cheek, jamming the dagger blade straight into the rabbit's throat. Twisting upwards, I pushed into his skull, wrenching the dagger out the side of it's neck, splattering blood over my next target.

"Corporal Spotnose!" A despairing cry rallied from a rabbit demon. She rushed in with a spear, aiming straight at Scott. I dashed forward, taking the spear straight through my stomach on purpose it snapped from the weight of my gut pressing on it's length. Closing, I swung my dagger blade down like a gavel into the crown of her head. Scott's ability bounced me back a few paces, leaving the she-rabbit collapsing with a snapped spear.

"Euliaaaa!" A mouse and rabbit and a mole charged me as one. The mole flew backwards in the air in an arc, crushed, as the mouse and rabbit took swift strikes from behind, felling them each in a single blow. The attacker then decapitated no less than eight heads in the span of seconds.

That was to my left, so T.T. Shadow. I think. Thanks? An explosion of blood erupted in the pressing beasts as screams for their loved ones reached a fevered pitch.

"Where is it?! What is it!"

"Run! We haven't a chance against it! Run!"

"Somberblossom! No!"

Another anguished wail and fountain of blood spreading into the sky matched time with my latest daggering through a mouse's stomach. In a brief wistful gaze, the older grey mouse demon stared off past me as his eyes clouded over. "Bartin... save us..." I kicked away his body into a rabbit's spear.

Then, Slyva called out. "Slimes raining in!" Her arrows sped into the sky, knocking a few of the rainbow colored blobs pouring onto us. Vizar blasted the sky with raking lighting, frying slimes, but one slipped past landing on Scott's shield. I daggered it, only for the slime to spread out from the point of my attack, looped around my arms and snatched my head. My neck cricked the wrong way.

Pixie raised her mace, aiming towards me. "Scott, one second!" She called from below me. The slime's position reset, then it took my head again. Neck crick. Flame engulfed my entire body. I fell to the ground, burnt to death. Then I gasped for breath, falling forward onto Scott's shield as a pink tinge came out of the corner of my eye. "Behind!" Pixie shouted. At me. She's shouting at me.

I turned with menace and a foul hatred ready for the bunny bastard I ripped while tearing. Dashed forward, haze over my eyes as I cut through a pack of moles, then shivved another mouse in the neck. My position on the ground reset back near Scott as an arrow storm poured in, making me a pincushion.

"Scott..." I growled, as I died, again. It didn't last long, and a mouse came with a club, just for me, so I could strangle it. I kicked the next rabbit in the face on purpose. A slime plopped down near me, a tinge of pink and a burst of flame vaporizing it. More plopped in, despite hearing the cracking sears of Vizar's lightning tearing the sky apart. Pixie's blasts took them out as I circled around Scott and Pixie, daggering the furry beasts.

Overwhelmed. Without me, our lovely Crimson Princess would be a crimson mess right now. I swished my dagger through more mice, prancing away from intrepid slimes like a little girl running from a centipede.

Huguenot's roar cracked the battlefield. A clang shook the earth. I swear for a second every living thing trembled at once. Flynn to my right side standing over a field of corpses glanced over at the sound, his eyes glowed briefly before he snapped his head back. "Level 99 Mouse Demon Hero!" He yelled. Then took his cheese dagger into an oncoming mouse.

D'Arc shouted above the fray. "Geradt! Dispell! Vizar, slimes!" Geradt, standing near us, ran straight off. A pack of rabbit demons with spears poured in from where he stood guard, I jammed myself between the spears and Scott's shield. The rabbit's spears cut through me, knocking against Scott's shield. I pushed my legs against the ground, crouching over the spears, I looped my arms around them and violently twisted my entire body in one effort. My whole body filled with spears with the weight of the rabbits pushing them into me snapped the spears in a bundle. Then, Scott's ability reset my position, leaving me panting on the ground. Pixie dropped her mace, snatching my arm she pulled my body to her. My hand fumbled in the dirt, grabbing her mace, I knocked her back, shoving her mace back into her hands. "Slimes!" I yelled at her.

Her eyes quivered, wet, as she engulfed freshly plopped slimes in flame. I rose, shaky on my feet, another mouse came to for dinner, and I gave him a dinner knife, in his gut. I raised my dagger through his ribs, kicking his body back. I dashed toward Geradt's position, rabbits with broken spears charging in.

"Flynn! T.T.! Support! Support! I need an adult!"

I seriously can't believe that came out of my mouth. My embarrassment lit up my girlish blush as I sheared rabbit fur and bone into tufts. An explosion of blood in the pressing pack of rabbits assured me T.T. was here. Before I could even process the sight in front of my eyes, the incoming rabbits slumped. Not like I could see T.T.'s attacks anyways, but, they all looked dead enough, allowing me to get back into position. There, Flynn had a fresh pack of mice demons gutted on the ground, as well as two daggers out and rapidly churning through more.

"Princess priority, T.T.," Flynn called to his back. Huguenot's roar shook the earth again, I nearly toppled over.

Slyva called out straight afterwards, "Flynn!". "Busy!" "Check that incoming slime!" Slyva ordered. What slime?

I had a brief instant to look up. Zipping through the air, dodging Vizar's lightning, the slime came. My heart skipped a beat. Plopping down before me, going from the blinding brightness of the sun to hidden in the shroud of shadows cast by the demons towering behind it, a slime.

A slime with an eyepatch. A topknot. Two katanas. It drew them with thin strands of slime emanating from it's tiny blue body. Muslimeshi.

Flynn shanked as more pressed in on him, he gave the slime a quick glowy glance before yelling. "T.T.! Slime!" Slyva yelled back, "Level?!" "It's nothing!" "We need T.T.! Make do!"

Where'd T.T. go? I bisected another small black demon, only for the katana slime to flash in on me. For a second, the slime's good eye and mine met. An instant slash. One cut. Perfect. Straight through my bone and body, bisected. I stumbled, my consciousness gratefully fading before I found my body back together.

This time, I couldn't get my muscles to move right. Impossible speed. Pixie fired a blast of flame, an explosion of pink, then Flynn cut in, himself dodging back he snatched Pixie's hand, calling to Scott. "Come! Come!"

I struggled up, an impossible blow landing on my dagger hilt, I grit my strength against the slimes, pulling back. Scott and Pixie ran with Flynn as I held back the slimes blows with my body alone, praying Scott would keep me together at the end of each slash.

My arm. My leg. My other leg. My nose. Muslimeshi kept cutting off body part after body part. My speed tripled, an unknown reserve surging forth as our attacks linked. My dagger's hilt and blade caught his katana's merely by chance. I saw it as a miracle. Then I died.

Within seconds I stood there, alone in the middle of a horde with Muslimeshi. My body fell. Despite being in one piece, my dagger loosened from my grip. My body slumped pat across the dirt. I can't move.

Too many attacks, too much fear, too many deaths, I didn't know. Every part of me felt fried, baked, and sold out. Foreclosed. Muscles twitching on their own, face planted into dirt, my eyes swiveled to check on Muslimeshi. His one good eye stared down at me, brandishing his katanas. A mouse and rabbit charged. Muslimeshi raised his swords towards them.

"Finish it, slime! We're allies, what are you doing!"

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"You flop," the rabbit shouted at Muslimeshi. "This is a battlefield, we haven't got even one of these monsters down even with Bartin on the field! End it!"

Muslimshi shook his tiny blue body in a 'no'. Then, he sheathed his katana, looking to the sky with his good eye. I followed his gaze. Oh god. Oh god, why have you forsaken me?

Was it all the daggering? There, out of the corner my eye, the entire sky filled with slime. One slime. One slime, the entire sky in size, muting the sun through it's clear body, drifted down. Muslimeshi bounced away, the demons as a whole yelling and running away in terrified unison. "Slime King! The Slime King is here!"

They all quickly left. Yet, here am I, under the Slime King's shadow. Muslimeshi didn't finish me, but, that doesn't mean Muslimeshi must save me, either. I closed my eyes, thinking of the good times. Thinking of the daggerings. Thinking of Pixie, when she first maced those bandits I daggered half to death for her. Happy memories. I smiled.

Then, the Slime King's bulk hit me. Drowning, my body sucked inside the Slime King. I had no ability to resist as my body got thrown and swirled around. I caught sight of the battlefield as I rose through the Slime King's body. The horde of rabbit and mice demons thinned, then split off, running. Half were corpses left on the field. Hundreds? Couldn't be a thousand. Charred slime remains mixed in the the dead as the Slime King's body ebbed over all, sucking them into itself. As I flew through the vortex, choking, I croaked. I felt my body reset position, try to breathe. Still stuck in the Slime King's body.

I saw them in the distance. That merry band, the Lbesslaum Guild, Scott, staring at me with his eyes bulged. Huguenot and D'Arc fought some tiny mouse with a sword, who held them back on both sides as he commanded, "Retreat, retreat!" I heard Vizar yelling at Pixie.

"The spell! The spell, now!" "But, he won't," Vizar cut her short. "The spell, Pixie!" He called her by name. Odd for one as formal as him. I croaked again. Vizar snatched Scott. "It's up to you." I could see Scott's sweat from here. How strange. I closed my eyes. Maybe it's better to let it all end.

A huge magical array setup below Pixie. A pink ball shined and winced with light as it started to grow from the tip of her pointed mace, swirling wind around her. The Crimson Princess's voice thundered through the battlefield.

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"One who is darker than black

One who is pinker than carnation

Buried in drifting petals

In thy great name,

I now pledge myself to pinkness

Who stands before us, bars way

Bend to beautiful ideals

Combine thy power and mine

Grant destruction to selfishness!!

SLIME SLAVE!"

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A snake of pink launched from Pixie's mace, tunneling towards the Slime King, and me. Pink cascaded over the world. The sky blotted out. I watched the Slime King's body melt into flower petals, scattering into the wind. And with it, I, too, became nothing.

The floor is cold. My first feeling telling me I'm alive. I think I prefer oblivion at this point. I'm too tired to care. I rolled around, eyes closed, wishing the universe could stop existing. "I'm tired. Let me sleep." I said. "Let. Me. Sleep." As if ordering myself would do any good.

I grumpily rolled over again, my eyes opened. I expected to see the battlefield, the sky, yet another death Scott pulled me out of. But no, not this time. This time, I saw an arched ceiling. Baroque period? No, for this type of architecture, the kind I've only seen in books, there's arches, and arches makes me think medieval, and medieval makes me think of the word 'Baroque'. Gothic. Middle ages. Castle.

I sat up, my hands searching for my dagger. No dice. Damn. I had clothes on, patting myself down, my spare pocket change I kept in my pants in case Flynn stole all my money wasn't there either. Rising to my feet, my sight wandered out a window.

I caught sight of a city. Below my eyeline lay a garden, and there, a cat. Yes. A cat. A cat, demon? I think. It stood on it's hind legs, like the rabbit and mice demons. This is a cat on it's hind legs, as big as a human. It wore a straw hat and overalls. It used a rake on the garden. I saw the cat raking, unaware of the human above staring down at it.

The light of the sun drifted down in warming rays. I touched my body to see if everything was in place. Grasped my throat. Can breath. That's good, I like breathing, now. Breathing, I walked across the room, passing a mirror. A caught a glance of it, thinking it was odd how clear the mirror is, then, I doubled back, passing in front of the mirror again. There's no reflection.

I waved into the mirror, touched it, got close, breathed on it. Nothing. Am I vampire? Did I become a vampire?

That would be interesting in it's own right. Never been a fan of the blood sucking or fangs, but immortality, turning into a bat, those sound interesting. I left the mirror behind, grasping at a door knob. My hand passed through it. I walked through the door. An arched bedroom door revealed high ceilings. White, blank spaces with golden candelabra's bigger than Pixie's body. I walked under them across the silent floors, hearing my feet make no sound.

I saw a maid, white furred cat demon. This can't count as a catgirl, even though this is a cat girl. It's just a cat female maid. She walked right on by, her big eyes avoiding me entirely.

I checked the rooms, one after one, looking for goods or something to steal. I couldn't grab anything now, but maybe I can mark this down in my head. I'd peek my head in, room by room, hoping to find something interesting. And I did.

"Urhrmm!" A long black haired elf in a black bathrobe and black slippers said in front of a full length mirror. "I am the Demon Vicar." She tried to look imposing, threatening. She failed. "I am... the Demon Vicar!" A dramatic reveal. dun dun Dun. She touched the mirror, trying for an evil smile, "See, my dagger-bastard... it is I, the Demon Vicar..." Her face soured as she pulled back, darkly chuckling at herself.

She pulled off her bathrobe, swishing a large long dress over her head. I watched as she struggled inside the cloth to find the armholes. Her head popped out of the top of the dress with her puffing breath in a spurt of relief.

"Haah." She breathed in and out, taking her time as she paced. "Then... if... maybe..." her murmurings lead her to papers strewn across a desk. The elf bent over, scribbling down something. I'll leave her alone.

As I stepped out, she burst out of the door, looking around. She's looking right at me. "You saw?" She said. I nodded. She wriggled in place, then snatched my hand, pulling me inside her room.

The dark study walled off in books and a desk strewn with papers surrounded me, and at my back, a panting Demon Vicar. "You... you are dreaming. This is just a dream. It was all a dream. Is, all a dream." She walked past me, seating herself, she dug into a seated on a coffee table near a couch. She sat down, inhaling ate the cake in one blow of her fork before swishing her hand in the air, as if hoping I would come join her.

I sat down on the other side of the couch, surprised my body didn't phase through. "I'm Ravyn," She mumbled, cheeks full. "Give me that," she pointed towards a coffee cup on my side. My hand went down to the cup, my fingers grasping through it, touching nothing. "Ahhh I forget to enchant it!" She reached over, snatching the coffee and draining the cup herself. She reached for a slice of cake, pushing it over to me she laid a fork near it. "Try it."

Suspecting poison, curiosity got the better of me. I picked up the fork, angling it towards the Demon Vicar. Then, I stabbed the cake, scooping off a large portion. I ate.

"See, see, look, I got the right side of the table enchated. I should have sat you here. I'm so hungry. Too nervous. I forgot to eat, I've been so worried. I'm going to die. I'm going to die." She said. Inhaling more candy as she did. "I even went this far, because he said so, summoning an enemy, a Hero! Right here, to visit me in a dream. Like, me, I, I can't..." She fell back with a chocolate stained face and plate as she drained coffee straight from the kettle into her mouth. Shaking the emptied vessel above her head with a pitiful eye glaring at it in spite, Ravyn tossed it onto the floor, jumping at the clang as the pot hit. A wave of exhaustion seemed to hit her all at once.

She melted back into the couch. Her long dark hair furled over, her dress messed with crumbs, she groaned, the last murmurs of her failing voice whispering out. "I'm going to die. I will die. Let me die."

A bird shot past a window pouring in the only light. Ravyn's eyes closed, head fell back, and, began to snore. I raised up, fork in hand, I moved over to her body. An exposed marble neck, delicate apple plump skin, black diamond earrings layered on her the tips of her long pointy ears tangled into her hair. The plate laying across her breasts rose and fell, tipping over and onto the couch next to her.

I put my hand forward. Grabbing the plate, I loaded up my dish with desserts from the side Ravyn said she enchanted, I could touch a fair bit of food. Even if I could stab it with the fork and layer it onto the plate, I couldn't eat some of it. Ravyn must have missed enchanting all the desserts on this side of the table.

I looked her over, again, she curled up, putting her thumb in her mouth, she moaned, squishing her body into the couch cushions.

This is the Demon Vicar? Well. First. I expected a demon. Not an elf innocently and greedily sucking her thumb in her sleep. I read on the internet, once, that like 50% of the UK population still slept with teddy bears. But, still, seeing this childishness and slobbery in person felt like a new experience. As if watching an elf nature documentary.

I pulled back, sipping on some berry tasting wine I'll dub Elderberry Wine, for now. Because, the berries are sour, slightly bitter. I liked the taste. Searching around the room, I tried to read the paper's on Ravyn's desk, trying in vain to shift them around with my hands. There were walls of text. I wish she drew some pictures.

Circling around to Ravyn's side, I ate my fill. I ate some the chocolate cake Ravyn spared. There was only a slice left, but I savored it. This has no calorie cost at all. Got to watch my girlish figure, right? I wonder. Was this baked by cats? It had to have been baked by cats. I tried some scone, marveling at how subtle the flavor was. Compared to the too sweet taste I was used to, this flavor had more puffiness, inviting me in, as if saying, "take some time enjoying my taste," in a seductive voice.

I stared at Ravyn. Licking my fork clean, I placed my plate down. Rising, I passed by her, placing the fork on her stomach. Watching it rise and fall on her defenseless stomach, I grew nervous. I lightly took the fork off of her, questioning my own sense of taste, I laid it on the table.

I left, phasing through the wall. I'll take a walk. So. What was the point of that? Oh, wait, how'd she even know who I am? Flynn, yeah. No doubt. Elf and elf. Flynn must be her spy. Told her about me, and my questionable morality. Maybe. I'm running on fumes here. Did she really try to, I don't know, convince me to join her side? It's amazing how pathetic that attempt was.

Reminded me of those videos where it's just scene after scene of people trying to do something and failing. Even I could do better. Nah, I'm being harsh. She, probably, didn't sleep in weeks. Stressful job. She caved long before Flynn told her, somehow, about me. And me catching her off guard, that must have been the final straw.

I patrolled the grounds of the castle, taking in the smells and sights of Nyans... Nyaayork? Nyanyork? Vizar mentioned it, the throne lies in Nyanyork. The throne Pixie wants to take. And, assuming Ravyn wasn't impersonating the Demon Vicar, this is the place.

On the way, got hit by that oddly charismatic and good natured demon group. I could have sworn those were the good guys. Like, the mouse demons and rabbit demons were the kind of people who'd all love each other selflessly in good and bad, baking good food and engaging in perfectly wholesome lifestyle. Before the Lbesslaum Guild, Pixie, Scott, and I, tore through them.

And what was that, Muslimeshi? I can't think of Muslimeshi as anything other than Muslimeshi. Even though it's just a name I made up on the spot, it stuck immediately. It's probably dead. If this really is a dream, then I'm not dead. I breathed in the air, enjoying the pleasant weather as I strolled into town. Cats, cats everywhere. I see cat people. I wonder when, if, I wake up, will my body be in one piece?

Scott saved me again. It's annoying to admit. I'm stuck with him. Little daggering in sight. And it's not like I can dagger him. I thought of Ravyn, sleeping on her couch. Then, of the rabbits who speared me through my stomach. Morals are a high bar for me. I can understand when I like something. I can understand that much, that, even if it's to remove my level cap, how could I dagger Scott? It would be easy to dagger him. Would I want to live with myself? Before that, would I even go through with it? Agh, it feels like I'm trying to talk myself into daggering Scott.

I'm weak. I want to annihilate an army of good-natured creatures single handely. So sad, it's so sad that I can't. So sad. Surely there must be something— "Cursecat, this is the end of you!" I heard it from a pack of cats cornering some old white one. I phased through into an alley, watching the standoff as the old white cat wielded a stave, swishing it at the snarling cat pack in front of him.

I watched as the Cursecat spread a wave of black dust in the air, melting his aggressors to their bones. The Cursecat hobbled off. Curses. Curses. I see. I grinned.