I woke up to bright sunlight streaming through the window. For a split second, I panicked, thinking I had overslept. But then I remembered I had fallen asleep last night. How long ago was that? I couldn't remember, but judging by the sun's position, I guessed it was early morning.

Groaning, I sat up in bed and stretched. My head ached, and I realized I hadn't slept properly. I yawned stretching my arms above my head. When I lowered them, I spotted my clothes neatly folded at the foot of my bed.

Huh? Did I sleep naked?!

I grabbed a towel, covered myself, and then opened the curtains to look outside. Sure enough, there was a large crowd gathered near the gate. Most of them wore robes, but there were some guards standing guard as well.

"Wh-what's happening?" I stammered.

I was feeling nauseous and was pretty sure I was hung over.

"Well," Lori tapped her chin with her fingers while looking at me curiously. "We did get attacked during the night."

"Attacked?"

"They broke into the inn and a bunch of other buildings, and stole a few things."

I frowned. "So...they got away with it?"

"In....a manner of speaking. Yes."

I groaned, feeling a dizzy spell overtake me. "That isn't good."

"Indeed." Lori nodded grimly. "But fortunately, they left behind their tracks! Which means we should be able to track them down soon enough."

"Wait, track them down? Why do we care?"

"Welllllll...sheesh. How drunk WERE you last night?"

"What!?"

"Ahaha. HAHHAAHA! Just kidding."

I stared at her for a minute, then she burst out laughing again. "Oh man, you're hilarious."

Looking at her again, I noticed that she had bags under her eyes, but she was still the same hyperactive girl I'd met yesterday.

"Sorry." I shrugged awkwardly. "Was that supposed to be funny?"

"Ha ha! Noooo, silly! I'm just messing with you! You need to learn to loosen up when you aren't drunk sometimes, you know?"

"Umm..."

"Now come on, we've gotta go get our magic jewel thingie back. They attacked late into the night and made off with a whole bunch of stuff."

Wait. Wait a second. Magic Jewel?

"They....took the jewel?" I repeated.

"Yep," Lori replied serenely. "It's quite valuable, so it'll fetch a high price in the black market. And since they're thieves, I imagine they won't give it back willingly."

"Right," I muttered numbly. "So, um, what now?"

"We follow them." Lori pointed towards the door. "Come on, let's leave."

I stood up slowly. My legs were sore from sleeping in the same position for so long. And I was way too young to have the hangover I did. That was maybe two 'drinks' tops, but Alice was a goddamned lightweight. Moving over to my clothes, I put my travel clothes back on and got ready to go outside with Lori.

As I hobbled to the door, I caught sight of the maid who had brought me my ale earlier. She was staring at me with wide eyes.

"...Uh, hello," I greeted her with great hesitance and trepidation.

She snapped her mouth shut immediately and turned away in fear.

What was that about?

Once we exited the building and headed toward the town center, I noticed something strange. There were fewer people walking around than usual. Some of those we passed glared angrily at us. They must have recognized Lori from yesterday.

"Is everyone angry at us?" I whispered to her.

Lori shook her head. "Welll...you drove off the bandits earlier, but you set quite a few buildings on fire."

Wait, me? I set some buildings on fire?

"Wait seriously? H-how many?" I asked dubiously.

"Seven," she confirmed. "Thankfully none of them burned down to the ground."

I winced. Not great.

"Still, it's not like anyone died," Lori continued optimistically. "Those four bandits you flew into the air and went all nyoom nyoom WIND BLADES on will probably miss their limbs, though."

Huh? I did it? I dismembered four people? In one night?

"If nothing else," she concluded, "at least we got rid of those damn thieves. We can rest easy knowing they probably won't bother this town anymore."

I stared at her, speechless.

Lori laughed. "See? Nothing to worry about!"

I blinked in confusion.

When we reached the town center, a small army was already waiting for us.

The soldiers wore heavy armor, and they carried spears and shields. Their leader approached us cautiously. His red eyes were set into a round face, his dark brown beard came down below his chest, and his hair was cropped close to the scalp. He frowned under his helm as he made his way towards us.

"Dame Lorina Liddell," he addressed her in a formal and respectful manner.

Lori smirked. "Hello, Captain."

He sighed heavily before turning to address the crowd. "...Very well. Please excuse my rudeness. I am Captain Olimar of the Royal Guard. I apologize for interrupting your day once again, Lori. You were a magnificent help last night."

Lori waved him away dismissively. "No problem at all, sir!"

Olimar cleared his throat. "Please allow me to introduce my men to your dear sister. This is Staff Sergeant Mila."

Mila bowed politely. She was a brown-haired elf, and her uniform appeared identical to the other Royal Guards.

Next came Lieutenant Hildebrand. She was a human with a similar uniform to the others, although hers was decorated with medals.

And finally, there was Lieutenant Domingo. He was dressed in a robe, which made me think he wasn't part of the military. My instincts told me he was a magic user.

Captain Olimar continued. "These are my best men. Our job is to protect and serve the citizens, ladies, and gentlemen of the Kingdom."

I glanced at Lori and saw she was wearing a smug smile.

"Of course, if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you could tell us where the item they pilfered was last located."

"Why do you want to know?" Lori asked casually.

"Because, it belongs to the court mage, and I'd like to return it as quickly as possible."

"So," I remarked dryly, "If this thing was important enough to have some elite, royal guards all over this...why exactly was this assigned to a Rank B and fledgling adventurer again?"

Lori flashed a sweet and excited smile. "Because, my dear sister, that's how we do things here in the Kingdom! We value efficiency over everything else, so people delegate tasks to adventurers wherever possible."

"Ergh," I grunted. "That makes absolutely no sense!"

"Hmmph." Lori rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I'm glad you decided to help us out, Captain."

"Thank you, Lady Lorina."

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

"Don't mention it," she replied breezily, batting her eyelashes. "Let's go see what kind of trouble we can stir up today, Marcus!"

"Just like old times, eh Lori? I mean. Lady Liddell..." Captain Olimar turned to judge me with an appraising eye, "Anyway, the townsfolk told me your sister was quite the hellion herself last night. Nasty stuff indeed. Are you sure she's fit to be out and about yet?"

I froze. What the hell? Was he talking about me? I blushed in embarrassment.

"Um, yes sir. I believe so." Lori said while letting out an obnoxious and mischievous giggle. "Her stomach has calmed down now, and she seems to have fully recovered from the effects of alcohol poisoning and her mana expenditure. Shall we begin tracking these thieves right away?"

"Yes, please." Olimar nodded enthusiastically. "Follow me, then. Let's catch them before they cause any further problems."

I groaned inwardly. What was I even doing here? Wasn't there anything better for me to be involved in? Like helping a little old lady cross the street? Or maybe cleaning up trash on the side of the road?

Lori turned to Captain Olimar with a serious expression, "We'll go on ahead, Marcus."

"Seriously, do I really need to be involved in this?" I asked as Lori dragged me off with one hand.

After leaving the town center, we found a trail of footprints heading northward. It led straight through the forest, so I assumed whoever took it had been traveling along a main path.

"Wait, Lori, what are y- AAAHHHH!"

I jerked in surprise as suddenly, Lori slung me over her shoulder and carried me in pursuit of the thieves, jumping in massive bounds. My stomach flipped, and I felt my lungs burning from lack of air as Lori jumped from tree branch to tree branch. We sailed through the air and I felt my heart leap up into my throat as the ground below rushed by in a blur.

The air hissed past us and I felt very light and very small, like a doll in the arms of a child. I stared in amazement at the girl who carried me. She seemed like a warrior from an actual high fantasy anime. Captain Olimar reached out in surprise behind us, before following after us in a brisk run. The dwarf moved shockingly fast for his size and height, but Lori's speed was unreal.

Eventually, the visible tracks faded from the ground, and we came out to a clearing with a marked path that split into two forks. We stood still for several seconds, and I began to second-guess myself again as Lori caught her breath. Then, she spoke up.

"Okay, let's split up and search the area. Remember, stay quiet, and keep your voice low. We don't want to alert our targets to our presence."

"Hold on," I shook my head in fear. “This doesn’t sound like a good idea at all,” I said nervously.

Lori winked at me playfully. “You’ll be fine! If you see anything, just cast off a flare spell, alright?”

My heart raced as I thought about being spotted. “But what if someone sees me? Wouldn't they attack me if I'm alone?”

Lori just shrugged. “Then fight back! You can take them on - I saw you break their entire raid last night. They should know better than to mess with someone like you!”

I still felt uneasy about the situation.

“But still, I don't want to do this alone...”

She sighed in frustration. “Look, it's your choice. But these guys are gonna regret messing with you. Just yell if you get into trouble! I'll be able to find you easily.”

I swallowed hard. That sounded pretty ominous, coming from her mouth.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Lori bolted off in one direction. I was left alone in the road.

I sighed. I just stared at the other trail that she had dashed down. I trudged over to the path and began walking along it into the woods. The sound of birds and insects took on a creepy, sinister tone as I walked alone through the woods.

I walked along, taking in my surroundings. The campsite looked like it was occupied regularly; empty bowls were scattered about, uneaten food piled up in pockets of branches, and a fire was still smoldering.

At first glance, it looked like the area had been used recently; more recent footprints were on the ground that led further into the woods, and I followed them with Alice's wand in hand. I didn't know what this thing really did, but I could use it to bluff in an emergency.

I heard voices from somewhere ahead; they were loud but muffled by tall trees, so I couldn't see them from where I was standing. From what I could make out, they were arguing. The foliage was thick, but I could slip through the trees with my petite, unarmored body.

"Hey hey, everybody calm down!" A man barked.

"No, listen to me! I didn't steal it, I promise!" A woman replied, her voice quivering.

"Then who did?" A second man asked.

"I don't know! Someone must have taken it after I gave it away!"

"You're lying! Everyone knows you're the one who stole it. The masked guy was willing to pay top coin for it too," a third voice argued.

"Quiet down, you two!" An older man interjected. "It doesn't matter who did it. We just need to find the item now."

"Yeah, yeah," another person spoke up.

After hearing their conversation, I peered around the corner to get a better view. Squinting hard at the people in the distance until they came into focus, I saw three men and two women. One of them had something wrapped up in cloth in their arms, probably a box or suitcase. The other two were carrying large sacks full of coins.

"Alright, that's enough." The first man said with a sigh. "Once we get back we'll split the earnings".

The woman looked horrified. "How much?"

"Forty percent for me."

"Ahhh! That's highway robbery Zlatan!"

"This isn't a negotiation," He said firmly. "If we don't take enough then we won't be able to pay off our debts and start over somewhere else."

"But..."

"No more discussion," he cut her off mid-sentence. "Let's get going."

At that moment, I spotted movement in the corner of my eye. Something glittered in the distance, reflecting sunlight. I blinked and focused on it intently. Then I realized what it was: a single golden ring hanging off a branch on a string. It was suspended above the ground, swinging slightly in the breeze. The ring sparkled with its own light along some intricate carvings and gleamed beautifully against the backdrop of the forest.

The swaying made me feel dizzy, and suddenly I found myself hurtling forward.

Oh shit, oh god, oh crap! I thought desperately.

I was definitely staying away from alcohol from now on. My body was betraying me!

"Alice, wait!" Lori suddenly screamed out loud from close behind me.

I had the wherewithal to wonder, 'where did she come from!?' - right before I lost my balance and stumbled forward, tumbling right into view of the alleged thieves.

Everyone stopped abruptly and turned toward me. They stared at me with hostility, and I felt a sudden rush of heat rising to my cheeks.

Oh god, what the fuck. Why does shit like this keep happening?! I hate being in this world. I hate being stuck in this stupid, clumsy, and weak body.

"Who goes there?" demanded one of the men suspiciously. My eardrums pounded in my head.

I held up my hands in surrender, and then I felt myself retch. My head spun in circles, and I promptly hurled a continuous stream of stomach acid and digested foodstuffs on the ground in front of me.

It hit the dirt and began bubbling and burning fiercely, spreading across the entire area in an instant.

"Crap! It's her!" the first woman shouted.

"Seven hells, Alice! You don't have to go for the overkill spells right out the gate every time!!" Lori panicked from above.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing! How could I have done that to them!? And I hadn't even intended to use fire magic! It just sorta happened!

"D-Damn it!" cried the second woman. "What do we do?!"

The background changed to pure green, and their arms and legs seemed to....turn into comically underbudgeted circles, and they ran in circles with that classic anime panic and swear animation.

"Run! Run for your lives!!" yelled the third guy. "She's gonna burn us all alive!"

They dropped their cargo and fled as fast as their legs would carry them. The first woman started running towards us, waving her arms wildly.

"Look out! Look out!" Zlatan shrieked. "Get away from the fire!"

"Y-you too, Captain!" the second woman called out fearfully. "Flee now!"

"Right behind you!"

I watched helplessly as the three thieves ran past me without stopping. They disappeared into the trees, disappearing from sight.

"Did you see that?" Lori exclaimed excitedly, shouting behind her as she caught up to me. "She really scared 'em good! Ha ha!"

"Lori..." I groaned, fighting off a migraine.

"Well, don't worry," she added cheerily. "I've got plenty of potions left for that hangover."

"Good..."

My head throbbed painfully. My vision swam in and out of focus. I couldn't seem to move properly. Everything around me seemed to spin and thrum, and I struggled to remain upright.

Where was I?

Was I dead?

Or perhaps I was dreaming…

Wait. No. I definitely wasn't asleep. I remembered the events clearly. I was in the middle of tracking down some thieves when—

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my skull. It was almost like my brain itself was splitting apart. I gritted my teeth and clutched my head, trying not to scream aloud.

"Alice?" Lori asked anxiously.

"Nnnngggg…"

I winced as another wave of agony washed over me. Oh God, this hurt!

"Are you okay, Alice?" Lori asked again. "Can you stand up?"

"Uhhh...no," I mumbled.

I felt green and accidentally barfed all over Lori's armor. I tensed in fear for a second, then I relaxed when I realized I hadn't set Alice's sister on fire.

"Oh no," I heard Lori mutter as she....doted on me? "Do you need medical attention?"

"I don't think so..." I muttered. "I just...need...some time...to rest...water."

"Okay, fine." Lori pouted unhappily. "Take a few minutes."

As soon as she stepped aside, I collapsed onto the grass.

I was exhausted. Exhausted beyond belief. My whole body ached from having exerted myself so much yesterday. Alcohol was a bad idea, too, even if it was just a little bit.

Even though I hadn't gone crazy, it still messed me up pretty badly. Maybe I should stick to eating meat instead of drinking next time.

"Here, drink this dear." Lori passed me a canteen. "Drink slowly. Don't gulp it down."

"Thanks," I murmured gratefully. I gulped it down in a second.

Once I finished drinking, I sat up carefully, careful not to fall flat on my face.

"Is your headache better now?" Lori asked kindly.

"Not really," I admitted sadly. "But thanks anyway."

"Ah, well, don't worry about it. Drink some water, then we'll get going."

"Uh huh."

Captain Olimar approached us, looking concerned. "Lady Lorina, what happened to you?" He glanced at me as I stumbled around. "And why are you covered in vomit?"

"That's... a long story," Lori explained. "Let's continue following the trail of footprints. Hopefully we can catch them before they reach the capital and get some information." She looked at me pointedly. "Don't forget to stay hydrated, Alice!"

"Whatever," I glowered.

I looked towards the back as Captain Olimar's crew approached, then I froze as I saw a figure in black robes standing on top of a hill through my blurry vision, staring at me with malevolent red eyes.

I blinked, and he was gone.

I glanced back at the giant bag of loot the thieves had left behind.

Now that they weren't there anymore, it was safe to pick it up and examine it.

Wow, these guys sure had picked up a lot of stuff. There was a pile of gold coins and dozens of bags containing various items. Luckily, the box with the magic jewel was right there for the taking. Captain Olimar walked over and picked it up, opening it to inspect it with a serious look on his face.

There was also a strange-looking book sitting on top of everything. Its cover was shiny metal, which reminded me of a sword hilt with a broken blade. I reached for it out of curiosity, only to recoil violently. The binding stung my hand like hot iron, causing me to recoil back. Reaching into my belt strap, I gingerly flipped it open with my wand. I saw pages filled with words written in a language I'd never seen before.

What the heck is this thing? I wondered with a great sense of unease. It looks dangerous as hell!

I decided to put it back in its place in the loot pile quickly. After all, I didn't want to deal with any cursed artifact nonsense. I knew that much.