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How to write dumb boys, a struggle
December 24, Friday– Chocolate (Chapter .25)

December 24, Friday– Chocolate (Chapter .25)

The film lasted a good two hours. Two hours while Sae did not pay attention in the slightest. Anything could have happened on the screen; he didn’t care at all.

At first, he thought about messaging Emi to ask where she had been today, but then he thought better of it. If the little girl wanted to tell, she would have already done it. Sae wasn’t sure if Emi and Shum Deil did actually meet each other, or even if they did, why. What kind of relationship could these two have? Did Shum Deil make a deal with Emi, getting a new client for that peddling business of his?

However, if Emi was against sharing this part of her private life, then it wasn’t Sae’s place to make her fess up. He didn’t want to come off as intrusive.

Sae felt there was no right for him to speculate or draw conclusions by himself. Thus, he remained passive about it.

After the film finished, the club relocated to eat.

Since every other place was packed from wall to wall, Pan Rita herded the kids to a less-known restaurant. The main room in the restaurant was full, but a smaller side room still had a few empty tables.

The songs played by the speakers sounded cheerful but not in line with the festivities. Sae noted how ambient it was. The club seized the last three tables, mingling amongst themselves, sitting in whichever order. Somehow Shum Deil and Sae ended up at the same table, on the same side, moving for the same chair.

“Yea, sorry, coming through.” Teo shuffled between them. He plopped down in the seat Sae had been eyeing. “What are you doing? Sit down, here, here.” Teo pushed back the chair on his right for Sae to sit on.

“...Thanks.” Sae shared a glance with Shum Deil over the crown of Teo’s head. The other boy appeared just as puzzled as him.

“Hey, what are you doing there when we’re here?” Minke pointed at them from one table over. She sat with girls and upperclass boys.

“That’s precisely why we’re here, though,” Teo shot back.

Minke made a face at them, but she wasn’t actually bothered.

“Sorry.” Sae tried to mend the situation. He really wasn’t paying attention to others just now.

By this time, almost every seat had been taken. Shum Deil walked around the table, taking the last available seat. Right across from Sae. As he sat down, he glanced at Sae, then at Teo.

“Alright,” Pan Rita said while taking off her coat. “Order what you want, but no alcohol is allowed! I warned you!” She stared the seniors down. “Also, don’t make a ruckus. There are others dining beside us.”

This shop specialised in noodles, therefore everyone ordered noodles without a second thought. As Sae leafed through the menu, Teo pushed his elbow. “Here.” He thrust his phone out and took an impromptu picture of the two of them.

Sae paused and pressed his other hand to the side of his chin, curling three of his fingers back. “To Emi?” he asked once his eyes lowered back to the menu in his hands, pretending to read it over. As he mentioned Emi, he lifted his gaze and quickly scanned Shum Deil.

Likewise, Shum Deil glanced at him too. Sae rested his gaze on Shum Deil, their eyes meeting for that brief moment.

“Mnm, let her know we’re having a blast,” said Teo. He fiddled with his phone, but no one answered. Teo paused to look up. His head turned back and forth between Sae and Shum Deil. “What?”

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Ever since they had left the little art cinema, Deil could feel a pair of eyes on himself. The sensation wasn’t that uncommon nor uncomfortable, as he later realised that the one peeking at him was none other than Saering. However, he could not quite understand what he had done to deserve it.

“Is there something on my face?” he asked Teo, who was still looking back and forth between him and Saering.

“Huh?” Teo said in a daze, “Not that I can see.”

Upon hearing this, Deil shot a glance at Saering as if asking, Then why are you staring at me? to which Saering retracted his gaze.

“How come you’re here?” Deil turned back to Teo. “Are you joining the club?”

Teo seemed a bit flustered with this newfound attention on him. In truth, Deil aimed to ask this for a while. Now that Teo had spoken to him first, an opportunity as a casual conversation starter presented itself.

“Nope,” Teo said, glancing sideways at Saering beside him. “But I felt like watching a film and coming out to eat.”

Deil nodded and chose three glasses from the tray at the end of the table. He filled them with water, pushing two of them before Teo and Saering. “Was it worth it then? Did you like the film?”

Like a bunny caught in the headlights, Teo froze for an instant. “...Yeah.” Several seconds later, he cleared his throat before continuing, “I mean, it was okay. Seen better and worse, for that matter.” Beside him, Saering wanted to laugh so bad he barely managed to keep a straight face. The corners of his mouth rose a hint, twitching.

Deil caught the motion and smiled back. He heard Teo ask, “And you?”

Deil schooled his expression, levelling his eyes at the person who had talked to him. “Not really my taste, but at least it was thrilling.”

The expression on Teo’s face changed three to four times under a few seconds. As Deil had sat right before him, he knew what a jittery mess Teo became under the cloak of darkness. The secret was out.

It was difficult for someone with the size of Teo’s face to swallow his pride. He choked for a moment, followed by a bit of silent mental cultivation, and self-consciously asked, “Was it so conspicuous?”

“It wasn’t. Not until kernels started to fly into my hair,” said Deil. He trained his eyes on the menu written on the wall behind the two boys.

Saering clapped Teo on the shoulder, shaking his head as he chuckled.

Deil did not intend to tease anyone with his reply. “I once got so flustered during a movie I kicked the seat in the row in front of me.” Deil said as he decided on his order, “I kicked pretty hard, too. The person sitting there was under the impression he got attacked and screamed like a pig, collecting everyone’s attention. Today, at least I didn’t get the impression of being attacked, so I feel somewhat lucky.”

Saering burst out laughing. “What kind of film was it?”

“I don’t remember. Some cheap horror one,” Deil said with a smile, “I wasn’t even allowed to watch it by age restrictions. It was a long time ago. I only remember scuttling away at the speed of light before the big guy ahead of me had the nerve to turn around.”

By sharing this small story, the atmosphere instantly lifted. Teo laughed for half a day, his earlier embarrassment long forgotten. Seeing Saering’s easy smile, the corners of Deil’s eyes involuntarily crinkled.

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They chatted about films, anecdotes of old friends, or things they read online.

“A cousin of mine works part-time in the city cinema,” Teo said between bites, hardly chewing his food. They had started eating – steaming plates of noodles glistened on the table. Sae had starch noodles with pork, and he listened as he ate.

“You know how most doors have the bar kind of mechanism that you have to push down with strength to open, right?” Teo asked. “My cousin told me kids usually get confused about how to operate these exit doors. One kid, at the time, had to go really bad but couldn’t open the door. In the end, he peed on the carpet in the corner next to the exit. My cousin was the inspector for that afternoon and found the kid who, out of embarrassment, started crying. My cousin said that’s one of the reasons they send employees to the rooms so often during a screening.”

Shum Deil finished his second plate, switching to the third while listening attentively. “Aren’t there cameras for that?”

Teo shrugged. “But it’s all dark during a screening.”

“Infrared ones then,” Shum Deil countered.

“Do they actually do that?” Sae asked, “Using infrared cameras?”

Teo started cussing them out. How could they stress the one entertaining them? “Fuck. Next time I’m not telling any stories. You two can go investigate before listening to anything I say.”

The three burst into laughter, the atmosphere becoming rather lively.

The girls at the tables had been chatting for a long time, but the boys were still eating. Adolescents, in general, ate a lot. But adolescent boys could eat a person out of their wallet. At first, Pan Rita invited everyone, but the kids were adamant about not letting her pay single-handedly for the whole club’s meal. They agreed that everyone could eat as much as they wanted and respectively pay for themselves.

Shum Deil chuckled while stirring the noodles before him. He said, “And here I thought it was to bust people doing something inappropriate.”

Teo choked on the bite in his mouth. Sae patted his back and gave him a cup of water to drink. It was funny how enthusiastic Teo could be on the topic of love, yet how flustered he got by the mere implication of certain things, bashful even.

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Shum Deil asked, surprised, “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. A nerve probably snapped in his brain.” Sae replied, unbothered. “Don’t mention it again. He’ll be fine in a minute.”

Teo took a sip of water, waving his hand in a gesture of I’m good.

“Deil, Saering,” Pan Rita called out to them from the other table. “Come here if you’re done eating.”

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At their table, Shum Deil diligently worked to make all the food on his plate disappear. Sae had already finished, scanning the menu in vain for something sweet, when he heard the teacher call out to them. He glanced over but did not move to stand.

Although they got addressed in the same sentence, they didn’t have to wait for each other. Shum Deil had ears functioning just as well as Sae’s.

If Sae decided to go, he could leave and wait with the teacher for Shum Deil. Instead, he took out his phone and told the boy, “Take your time.”

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Teo went out to play with the others in the inner courtyard sprinkled with lights. Sae remained at their table and played until Shum Deil ate, glancing up every few minutes to see whether the other had finished.

Shum Deil looked at Sae as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Are you pissed by something?”

Sae shook his head, brows pinching together a smidgen. He spared a look at Deil, taking it into consideration. Was he angry?

He felt surprised that Deil could tell something was off about him in the first place. Did it show so much on his face? Or was the way he acted what gave him away? The easy air around their table just now, the words he had been unable to ask, sparkled by his earlier recognition. Those all churned into a complicated feeling… But what he mostly felt was frustration, a bit cagey and odd.

“I mean,” Deil dragged the words out, “You seem like you want to say something, but then you don’t. Is it because I looked at your hands again? It’s not my fault they’re full of ink. You don’t have to be so defensive. I promise I’m not going to start asking questions.”

“I’m not––” Sae murmured.

Deil cut in, leaning back with a sigh, “I’m too full to be curious right now. And too full to argue with you.”

You’ll be less full after I beat you up, Sae thought, ...not so full of arrogance. He stood up, pushing his chair back with a screech. “Let’s go if you’re done.”

Shum Deil left the table, ambling beside Sae as they made their way to Pan Rita’s table. A bunch of kids came in from outside, making a ruckus right in front of them, obstructing their way. Sae paused and felt something brush up on his sleeve. He turned to the side.

Deil passed a tiny cube into Sae’s hand, which he currently kept in his pocket. Deil retracted his arm immediately, even taking a step to the side. Sae pulled his hand out of his pocket and looked down at it, a little lost. A piece of chocolate lay in his palm.

What was that? A peace offering?

“So you’ll be less grumpy,” said Deil.

So now he got handled like a child, great.

Sae looked up at the ceiling, letting out a breath. The muscle in his jaw ticked with pressure. He was so close to throwing Deil down.

With a face that said rather loudly, Do you fucking want to get punched? he thrust the piece of chocolate back at Deil. “I’m not throwing a tantrum.”

Deil let out a ha! tucking the piece into Sae’s pocket again. “Whoever said you were? Don’t give that back! I already gave it to you. You don’t like sweets? Here,” he pulled a handful of sweets from the pocket of his jacket, their colourful wrappings glistening in the lamplight. He pointed at one and said, “This mint is so strong your lungs will freeze over.”

That fierce look on Sae’s face vanished. Seeing the assortment of candies, mints, and even soft caramels, he hurried to take out the chocolate from his pocket, showing it to Deil. “I take this.”

He was a bit horrified, to be honest. Was the academic paper peddler a part-time little scout, or were these also part of the advances of getting someone to sign with him? Did he hide cookies in his backpack too?

Sae unwrapped the chocolate and threw it into his mouth, “Thanks.”

The piece tasted sweet but not cloying with a tinge of oranges. It melted on the tongue, soft and creamy. Sae looked over the wrapping but didn’t find any indication of a brand name on it.

“My grandparents live outside of the city in an agricultural town. One of their neighbours is a retired confectioner,” said Deil. He fished out another piece of chocolate, dropping it onto Sae’s palm. “It’s okay. I have a lot of them in whichever coat I take when visiting.”

Sae stood there with his palm still stretched out. He asked, “Do you visit often?”

“Hm? Not really. Mostly for bigger occasions, New Year and such,” Deil replied, but after a glance at Sae’s unsure expression, he burst out laughing. “Calm down. I got these on the weekend we celebrated National Day. They haven’t expired yet.”

“...Don’t you eat them?”

“Not after a meal,” Deil said, “But I need a smoke. Do you think it’d be too flashy to go out before reporting to Teach?”

“She’ll notice if only one of us gets to her table.” Sae curled his fingers inward, retreating his hand and the chocolate into his pocket. Before the crowd could disperse from in front of them, he turned around, making his way to the side where the entrance was. “I’ll give you five minutes.”

Shum Deil froze, looking a little silly before he went to follow Sae. “Are you joining––” Before he could finish that sentence, Sae made a sharp turn beside the entrance.

He passed the entrance and walked along the hallway. At the end of it, two doors lead to the washrooms. Sae headed to the door with MEN written in black sharpie on a plastic board. When he looked back into the hallway, no one waited at the entrance.

In the washroom, he washed his hands. Two of his fingers had a speck of melted chocolate on them. Sae concentrated on the way the water drenched his skin, then flexed back his hand. It was true that several of his fingers were splotched dark with ink. He did not know when they got that way. He wasn’t even aware and never noticed until Shum Deil mentioned it.

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The side building of the restaurant had a wall that only consisted of floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the inner courtyard. Since it was already winter, the sky cast deep colours. Night-time had fallen early. Stepping out to the hallway, Sae could see a few twinkling stars through the windows.

He did not wait for long when Shum Deil finally slipped back in, bringing with him the biting cold and the distinct smell of smoke. Before he could say a thing, Sae asked him straightforwardly, “Where were you before coming today?”

Surprise flickered in Shum Deil’s eyes. After a minute, he said, “At the library. Why?”

“You go to libraries.” Sae squinted his eyes. “What for?”

They turned to walk over to Pan Rita’s table, which was only half occupied by this time. Shum Deil didn’t miss a beat as he shot back, “Why? Is it an exclusive place for the elitists? Only honour students like yourself are allowed?”

“Didn’t mean it that way.” Sae frowned. “Actually, that would make it just about home for you.”

“I’m not an honour student, though.”

“And I don’t even go to libraries. Can’t stand the noise.”

“The noise...in a library?” Shum Deil raised an eyebrow.

“Well, isn’t it too distracting?” asked Sae.

“You mean the white noise.” Shum Deil kept his brow up high. “It helps a lot, actually.”

Sae looked at Shum Deil in a new light. “Oh, so you’re one of them.”

They arrived at the table, and Pan Rita motioned for them to sit opposite her.

“One of whom?” Shum Deil asked, not minding their teacher. His voice was so indignant it gave Sae the urge to chuckle.

Sae put his index finger in front of his mouth, indicating for Shum Deil to shush. He inclined his head at Pan Rita, then sat down without ceremony. Shum Deil stayed sputtering for a while before giving up and plopping down as well. He prodded Sae’s knee under the table, whispering, “One of whom?”

Sae shook his head, his face barely able to contain his smile.

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The restaurant was full of life on a regular day with patrons chatting, music floating from the speakers and the clatter of dining. A bunch of rowdy teenagers added to the mix made things considerably noisy.

Pan Rita was a young woman herself. She didn’t want to seem overbearing, so sometimes she became a bit lax in handling her students. Since this was a club outing, a semi-official one to say, she was happy as long as everyone enjoyed themselves. However, as a teacher, she could not throw all things to the wind. She made time to smuggle a little business into the otherwise not-so-meaningful chatting.

“Saering, Deil,” she said, “I know the end-of-term examinations just finished, but I’ve already marked the written tests. You two got the highest points out of all the first year classes I teach.” As she told them the news, she clapped her hands. The two before her nodded without much enthusiasm. That was all the reaction they gave.

Pan Rita cleared her throat. “As I was saying, you two got full scores. That’s excellent, considering you aren’t part of the language classes.

“In the new year, there’ll be an English competition, part of it carried out in school. During the first round the written test will be taken at M High. Everyone who qualifies for the second round will travel to the capital for the listening and oral test. I’d like the two of you to prepare for it...” Pan Rita glanced at Shum Deil. “Or at least think about it.”

Sae and Shum Deil listened without disruption. Others busied around them, chatting. Sae had to scoot inward to let someone pass.

“As I teach both of you, I tell you now. I’m planning to assign you. Every teacher can send up to five students from one class. I’ve already talked to the others from this table, but you sat too far away, so I called you over.” Pan Rita asked, “Are you two interested?”

Sae shrugged noncommittally. It did not matter to him. He had been going to these competitions since elementary school. If he did not feel much opposition in his heart, he went. Sometimes he won, sometimes he didn’t. The only thing that could make him mad was the feeling that his teachers were coercing him to do it. He was a stubborn boy. No one could make him do things he did not want to do.

That time in junior high, when his head teacher suggested entering that literature competition, Sae didn’t feel much about it at first. His head teacher’s behaviour, however, soured his attitude so much that he left the competition without submitting his work. That decision wasn’t a stance against his teacher but a proclamation of his disinterest.

Instead of giving a clear answer, Shum Deil asked, “What if we don’t want to go?”

“Well, it’s not like I can force you,” Pan Rita turned to Shum Deil with an open expression. “I don’t want to force anyone, and I won’t. That’s why I wanted to tell you now, so everyone can think it over throughout the winter break.”

Shum Deil nodded. He leaned back, tension dissolving from his shoulders.

“You’re both first years.” Pan Rita put one hand flat on the table. “From this coming semester, certain things will have more importance. You have settled in by now and got to know your teachers, requirements and whatnot. I think it’s nice to try and see what you can achieve, collect merit along the way, so in one-two years from now, if needed, you’ll have broader prospects to choose from.”

What Pan Rita said made complete sense. And she did it in an honest and kind way. Anyone could hear that this teacher didn’t have any self-interest when thinking about these things. What she wanted was for her students to thrive on their own accord in the least pressuring way, without the burden of external concern or gain.

This young teacher might have been still inexperienced, but what she looked after most were her students. Sae felt his chest rise with the realisation, and smiled at Pan Rita.

Pan Rita smiled back. “Oh, and Deil. I forgot to tell you at school. If you won’t cut any more of my classes in the future, you’re free to come to the club only when you want to and have time. You have worked hard these past months.”

“That’s… thanks.” Shum Deil scratched behind his ear, scrunching up his nose. “I’ll try to… yea.”

“I really hope you’ll continue on this path. Otherwise, we both know I have no choice but to make you attend the missed classes.” Pan Rita said and winked. “Okay, you can go now. Everyone had already finished eating. I won’t hold up the young ones. I’m sure you kids have places to go to.”

She stood up and said a few words about getting the bill sorted out. The members of the English club chatted while waiting, excited to go and play somewhere else.

Not long later, everyone paid their share, and the club moved outside to the front of the restaurant. Pan Rita wished them a good break with lots of fun and rest. She warned them to keep warm against the cold and to avoid getting too unrestrained just because school was off.

Some of the girls gave a little bag to her as their token of appreciation for the afternoon. Most of the boys gave out well-wishes like practised sellers in the business of charm and vigour, their cheekiness making a cameo every now and then.

“Merry Christmas to everyone!” Pan Rita said before saying goodbye.

The little crowd dispersed soon after. Students left in threes and fours to go home or to play some more. Minke had her parents pick her up, and give a lift to another girl.

Some called for a taxi, while Sae and Teo opted to walk after eating. Coincidentally, Shum Deil headed the same way as them, so they all walked together for a while, sharing part of the way home.