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How to Survive Your Own Death
Chapter 27: Worn Wolves

Chapter 27: Worn Wolves

The further Maxwell traveled in the wagon, the thicker the trees grew on either side of him. The woodland scene could be mistaken for a country road back home were it not for the white sky, but even that was turning to a musky grey as nighttime grew close. There were two lanes, one coming and one going, but Maxwell couldn’t help noticing that the road itself was deteriorating.

Beyond the edges of the road, alien objects suspended in the greyscale sunset dispelled the comforting familiarity of the road itself. Maxwell watched a towering yellow jumble of tubes pass overhead. It twisted around itself in thick knots and multi-colored balls flowed through its looping surface. He remembered Marigold had said these had something to do with the running of the universe, but he had a hard time getting his head around what practical function the swirling liquid could have. Further off, he could see a dark green object with vast cerulean oceans. It looked like a miniature earth, and he felt a pang of homesickness, wondering if he would ever find his way out of this back half of the universe again.

He watched the scene for several minutes until panic shook him back to reality. What was he doing? What were his next steps? He wanted to put as much distance as possible between himself and Av’enna, but he couldn’t ride in this cart forever. He needed to figure out who was driving it and where it was going.

He turned around to look at the inside of the wagon. Against one wall was a vanity mirror, and beside it was a hook with a very well-used comb covered in white hair. Several pictures of smiling monsters lined the walls, ranging from ancient to completely washed out. There was a chair in one corner and next to it, a bookshelf lined with a motley collection of paperbacks. An oil lantern hung from the top of the cart, though it had not yet been lit. Cardboard boxes took up the rest of the cart, presumably filled with whatever the merchant had been selling back in the Hollows. It was cozy, but the Scholar had possessed a cozy room, too. Coziness, Maxwell now knew, should not be mistaken for safety.

He noticed the terrier last. Brown and black, it was sitting on a bed of rags, fast asleep. At least, Maxwell hoped it was asleep. It was so still he couldn’t tell if the small creature was breathing. He drew closer to check, but as he did, the wall behind the small dog slid aside and a large wolf-man hopped into the room.

He was old, far older than the dog. His hair was completely white and thinning in spots, except in his ears, where it grew in dense thickets. His yellow eyes had the blue glaze of cataracts. He was missing one of the two fangs that hung from the top of his mouth, and the absence created a perpetual trickle of frothy drool. With considerable effort, the old wolf turned his creaky body to face Maxwell.

“How much were you going to pay for a ride?” the wolf-man said.

“Sorry?” Maxwell said. It was all he could manage.

The wolf-man let out a laugh that turned into a cough. “That’s alright. Just between me and you, it’s not much of a ride.”

“Sorry for stowing away like this.”

“No worries at all. We saw what you were escaping.”

“We?”

“Morris and I.”

He motioned to the dog still unmoving on its bed.

“Right, well, thank you.”

“Costs nothing to help, and we could use a bit of company. I suppose a human like you is going to need all the help it can get to survive.”

“I’m not human,” Maxwell said. He brought his hands to the bandana and made sure it was still in place.

The wolf-man laughed again and pointed to his nose, leaving Maxwell to wonder if any creatures in the Backend couldn’t smell through his disguise.

“Don’t worry, I ain’t going to eat you. Never cared much for human meat. I saw you were in a bit of a pinch back there and thought you could use a hand. I’m Mihai.”

“Maxwell.”

“M’s all down the line.”

“What?” Maxwell asked.

“Maxwell, Mihai, and Morris.”

“Oh, right.” Maxwell faked a laugh as he removed the bandana and hat. Maybe the friendliness was a trick, but Maxwell was tired of worrying about tricks and traps. He sat down.

“You can sit there for the time being, but that’s my wife’s spot. You’ll have to move when she gets back.”

Maxwell looked around the cart. There didn’t appear to be anyone there. He looked up to the driving seat and saw nothing but two furry, brown, four-legged beasts pulling the cart forward. From behind, they looked like shaggy hippos.

“Is she nearby?”

“Who’s that?”

“Your wife. Where is she returning from?”

Mihai looked irritated at this. “What nonsense are you talking?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Of course, you didn’t. Nobody ever means anything. They just act. Everyone is always doing and never thinking, just like my wife.”

“And she’s?”

“Gone. Lost faith in where we were going.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Where is that by the way?”

“Where’s what?” Mihai scanned the wagon, not wanting to be taken unawares.

“I meant, where are we headed?”

“You sound like my wife.”

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Maxwell decided to give up.

“You’re welcome to stay aboard, young Maxwell. You’d make a fine addition here. We go where the wind takes us. Isn’t that right, Morris?” The dog did not give any sign it had heard. “Twenty years now, we’ve been on the Old Road. We know every inch of this place and one day it’ll bring us home.”

“Twenty years travelling the same road?” Maxwell asked.

“What other road is there? This is the last one after they started building those damned trains, but that’s OK. One road is enough for Morris and me. It visits every station worth visiting.”

“Stations are the big things that make the universe run, right?” Maxwell asked.

Mihai wrinkled his brow. “We got a real clueless one on our hands, Morris,” he said to the unmoving dog. “Any town, village, or city counts as a station, but yeah, some of them do fancy stuff. Can’t say I’ve ever understood why or how.”

Mihai stared off into the distance, lost in thought. He ran his furry fingers through the remains of the fur on top of his head. Then, like something had stung him on his back, he gave a slight jump.

“Ah, yes, I wanted to ask what a human is doing here. Quite strange, you know.”

“I’ve been told, but I’m afraid I don’t have an answer. I just woke up here.”

“Not dead?”

“Not yet.”

“By yourself?”

“No, I’ve been traveling with a janitor and an office clerk.”

“That’s good. It would be difficult to go it alone. What does a human make of all this, by the way?” Mihai said, gesturing wildly.

“Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out how everything works,” Maxwell said. “It’s all so strange.”

Mihai nodded sagely. “You’re not very bright, are you?”

“What?”

“I don’t mean that as an insult. Smarts are overrated, you see. Tenacity and patience, that’s what’s essential. When I look at you, that’s what I see. You’re the waiting type, same as me. It’s a rare gift.”

“It is?”

“It is. Few people dare to sit around in an emergency, but you do. Morris and I saw with our own eyes back at the checkpoint. Anyone else would’ve kept running, maybe even fought, but not you. You just hid there and waited for somebody to come along and save you.”

“Actually, for me, that was kind of a lot.”

“Exactly what I mean. I said to Morris, ‘There’s a creature that knows how to hesitate. I bet he’d be in it for the long haul.’ Morris thought so, too.”

“Right,” Maxwell said. He smiled politely. “But, um, I wasn’t planning on staying. I have to go find that janitor and clerk I mentioned.”

“Hush, hush. Don’t start getting lively now. You play your cards right, and you can enjoy a life of ease here with us. We’ll see how the next five years go. That should give us some sense of whether you’re able to stick it out.”

“Five years?”

“To start. We’ll call it probation and reevaluate from there. Not everyone can hack it. Take my wife, for example . . .” He trailed off again.

Mihai stared glassy-eyed at Maxwell, and for a while, nobody spoke. The only sound was the rhythmic clacking of the wagon wheels on stone.

“Where does this road go?” Maxwell asked at last.

“Around. Out to the Terminus, back to the Core. It’s all one big loop.”

“I thought you said you were heading home.”

“We are.”

“By traveling in a loop, over and over?”

“Exactly.”

“How many times have you made the trip?”

“Ah, I see what you’re getting at, but you’re wrong. Every time we find something new: alternate routes, new landmarks. See, the problem is we don’t remember how to get back. We forgot a few hundred years back, but home’s still out there somewhere, and we aim to find it. It’s just a matter of time. You’ll see.”

“I don’t know if I can help you with that. I have to get back to my friends.’

“Oh, you do, do you?” Mihai said. “How were you planning on doing that?”

“I . . . uh, I don’t know. I don’t suppose you’d take me back to the Hollows?”

Mihai laughed. “You’re lucky you didn’t end up as dinner on your first visit. I wouldn’t head back there if I were you. Besides, it looked like that stone woman back there had it in for you.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but I can’t stay here. It’s important. There are things I have to do.”

“That’s quitter talk. Nobody has to do anything.”

“I’m not staying. I need to get back. If you can’t take me, you’ll have to let me off.”

“Maybe we were wrong, Morris.” Mihai clucked his tongue and nodded. “OK, I hear what you’re saying, but at least take a rest. The creature that was chasing you is probably still waiting, and you look like you could use a bit of sleep.”

Maxwell coundn’t deny it. He had barely closed his eyes back in the Hollows before Av’enna showed up. He was having trouble holding his head up. “I am a little tired,” he conceded.

“Of course, you are—a fragile little human like you. We’ll be coming up to a rest area soon and you can catch a ride back to the Hollows from there. Who knows, maybe your friends will even find you. Better than jumping off now and getting lost. That’s what happened to my wife.”

“She got lost?”

“I assume so.”

Maxwell weighed his options but couldn’t think of anything when he was this tired. Mihai wasn’t running on all cylinders, but he didn’t seem dangerous, and the dim lighting coupled with the gentle rocking motion of the caravan was telling him it was OK to rest his eyes for at least a minute.

“The rest area’s coming up soon?”

“Very soon, and in the meantime, you can always reconsider my offer.”

Maxwell nodded. “Maybe I could rest my eyes.”

“Use my bed,” Mihai said, pointing to a bunch of clothes piled up next to the dog.

“Just for a moment.”

“Of course.”

Mihai returned to the driver’s seat and slid the wood partition back in place.

Maxwell laid on the bunched-up pile of clothes. It was covered in strands of white fur, but he rested his head on his elbow and did his best to ignore it. He stared at Morris for a long while, and just as he was about to conclude definitively that the dog was not breathing, it stretched its limbs, turned over, and let out a sigh. Maxwell petted the dog and turned his attention to the patch of sky visible through the back of the wagon. He watched it turn from grey to black as he lost consciousness.

He would only take a brief nap.

Five minutes, tops.

*

When Maxwell opened his eyes, he felt as if he had been asleep for decades. A few inches from his face, Mihai and Morris were curled up against the row of boxes, with the dog resting in the wolf-man's arms.

“Mihai,” Maxwell called out.

Mihai turned over and half opened his eyes.

“What is it?”

“What time is it?”

“How should I know? Morning soon, I’d bet.”

“You said we were making a stop.”

“That’s right, two more days, and we’ll be there. Go back to sleep.”

“Two days?” Maxwell was yelling now.

“Two or three days. Give or take.”

This was bad, very bad. How long had he been asleep? How far had he traveled from his friends?

“I have to go now,” Maxwell said.

“Can’t. No more stops between here and there.”

Maxwell stood up in a nervous panic and tried to figure out where he was.

The scattered trees had turned into an impenetrable forest. A little way back, Maxwell could see the Core looming up in the distance. It was far, but maybe if he left now, he could still get back on foot. Maybe he would run into his friends searching for him. Even if something ate him, he had to give it a chance. Anything was more promising than remaining with the two geriatric dogs.

Maxwell looked through the open partition that led to the front of the wagon. He could see the two hippo creatures. Their eyes were closed now, but they continued to move, albeit at a much slower pace. Slower was good. Maybe he could jump. He put his disguise on and walked to the back of the wagon. They were moving slowly, but there was still momentum, not tuck-roll-and-hope-not-to-die momentum, but enough momentum to roll an ankle if Maxwell wasn’t careful.

He turned back to Mihai.

“Thanks again. I’m sorry, and I hope you find your wife and home.”

Mihai sighed. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t cut it. Just like all the others, no spine for the wait. Don’t blame me when all your running around gets you in trouble.”

“I won’t. I just need to find my friends before it’s too late.”

“One day you’ll learn that it's safest to stay put and let your problems handle themselves.”

Maxwell nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

“Remember what?”

Maxwell didn’t answer. He jumped over the edge of the wagon and surprised himself by not falling flat on his face. It would be a long walk to the Core, but he had to try. He looked back one last time at Mihai and Morris on their endless journey home. Slowly, very slowly, the wagon pulled out of view.