*As the title states, this chapter is no longer canon because I cannot stand the fact that I wrote it. I'm keeping it up to remind me of my shame and what not to do*

Tap

Gabriel sat in the room that had been provided to him, one finger tapping the wooden desk while another tapped his temple. A lone candle was lit in front of him, the flickering flames reflected in his gaze as he stared into them.

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The sparring matches were over and Arioch had given Hellion a suitable punishment for insulting Alice before everyone parted ways. He’d be guarding the stables all night without his usual gear so once morning rolled around he would be well and truly chilled.

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But Gabriel’s expression wasn’t bright, or even relaxed for that matter. His brows were creased and his lips tilted downward as he looked in the fire with stern thoughtfulness, the sparring matches going through his mind one by one.

Tap

"I was stupid."

Really, he couldn’t even sugarcoat it, he had acted downright idiotic. Why had he showed off like that during some simple sparring matches? He was supposed to stay in the background and take care of things efficiently, beating down some knights in training just to vent was the exact opposite of that. He even went ahead and used magic when he could have finished things without it, he could have just beat the first man normally and then stepped back. No, it wasn’t just could have, it was should have. The way he went about it was uncharacteristic and only made things more difficult.

Knock knock

A soft knocking came from the door. Alice was currently eating dinner with Arioch, it was the first meal during their stay here so it would be more than a handful of courses so there was no way that she was already back.

"Gabe, we need to talk."

The voice that came from beyond the door was familiar, and there was only one person who used that name for him. The door was pushed open before he could say anything, Trisha entering the room.

Her arm was in a sling, it wasn’t broken but it would need some rest after taking those hits. Her complexion was already looking better, probably due to the medicines that Lawrence had been quick to apply. She dragged along one of the chairs and sat down in front of him, smothering the candle to put out the flames.

"Gabe, you were wrong. And it’s not just because you did something stupid, you were just plain wrong in what you said."

She too, didn’t sugarcoat. He could tell from her expression, he had seen it the moment she entered the room. She didn’t come to thank him for getting ‘revenge’ for her. She came to scold him. Well, he knew that he had done something stupid so he had no choice but to take it.

"The pride Hellion spoke of has nothing to do with fighting in actual combat, their skills in it not-withstanding. It was a sparring match, nothing more. It was an exchange to learn from the other party, not a fight to crush your opponent. To step up knowing that you’ll get beaten, to have the courage to stand there and rely on only a single skill until you get beaten down, only so that you can get better in that one skill, that is the pride they spoke of. To use magic just to show off a quick victory… That was nothing short of insulting, Gabe."

Trisha understood it, she sympathised with it. She was training to become a knight, that mindset was something that had already become a part of her. But Gabriel… She wasn’t sure if he could ever become a ‘Knight’. It was the mentality, it was as if Gabriel was always looking at something else, as if he saw everything from a different standpoint.

"The pride to fail… is it?"

The words felt strange on Gabriel’s lips. Taking pride in stepping up knowing that you would fail, using only a single skill even thought it would make you lose. He couldn’t understand it, that pride. When he was trained, it was to kill. Every fight was to kill. Every bout of training, someone died. Whenever he or one of the other Tuesday’s entered the sparring grounds they knew that only one of them would lea…

"Gabe?"

He snapped back to attention when Trisha’s voice reached him, her hand waving in front of his face. He blinked a few times to wake up, his head somewhat heavy all of a sudden as he lost track of his previous thoughts.

"Sorry, I spaced out there for a second. And yeah… I really did something stupid when I just started talking like a hotshot. I guess… No, I was. Yes, I was angry."

His mind slowly came back to the conversation as he spoke. Yes, Trisha was scolding him for acting stupid and spitting on the pride of the Barong knights-in-training. He knew he was in the wrong. Part of him didn’t want to admit it. If the oversee… Master knew that Gabriel had let his emotions get the best of him then he would get whipped and starved again like in the old days. But… He was angry. Trisha was beaten down violently so he got a bit angry.

"Yes, I know. I realized it when you went to pick up my sword. But Gabe, you know what?"

Of course she knew. She had trained with him for several years now so she was rather adept at reading his generally calm and placid demeanour. The quiet steps as he walked, the steadfast gaze. He had been boiling, he just wasn’t showing it. But…

"I don’t need you to get angry for me, at least not in a situation like that. Hellion beat me down, yes. He spoke down to me in some regard, yes. I won’t deny any of that. But Gabriel…"

She stretched out her hand and cupped his chin so that he had no choice but to look straight into her eyes. He was reflected in her blue eyes, but she found his eyes to be a bit too murky for some reason so she wasn’t properly reflected in them.

"I was the one who stood up again. I was the one who charged forward and asked him to keep going. It was me. It was my choice. Hellion simply respected my pride and drive and kept going. That is the pride of a knight, for both the victor and the loser. I am not angry with Hellion for what he did, I wasn’t then and I’m not now. He did exactly what he should have, I would have been angry with him if he did anything else. So that anger, that ‘revenge’ of yours… I didn’t need it."

Even when she could barely hold her sword, even when her feet practically refused to move, she got up. She knew she would lose when she stepped forward, but she still charged ahead. To get a little better, to show what Alice’s entourage had, to lay bare her own determination. That was her pride, and that was why she stood up again. She stood up for pride, and she was beaten down again for pride. Such was the life of a knight.

"Let me change it a little for you. Lady Alice. Would you be able to face a losing battle for Lady Alice? Would you be willing to face a charging lion with your bare fists for Lady Alice? Would you be able to rise again and keep getting beaten down if it was for Lady Alice? What Lady Alice is to you, to us knights… That is our pride."

She asked the questions, but she didn’t wait for an answer. It was pointless, they were questions with obvious answers. She saw the way he looked at their Lady, the way he trained. When she became too tired to keep going and went home, he kept training. When she woke up in the morning and went to train, he was already there sweating.

Gabriel would probably never become a ‘knight’ of this empire. But he would be Alice De Vritara’s royal guard. The pride he lacked as a knight, he made up for it with the pride he had in his Lady and his duty to protect her.

"…"

Tap

Gabriel’s finger hit the desk again. Trisha removed her hand from his chin and sat there in silence, simply observing him quietly.

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Tap

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"Haah."

In the end, a long sigh slipped out from his lips. He got up from his seat and walked over to his luggage, which really was only two relatively small bags. He dug around until he found what he was looking for, a small bag filled with powder and a small container filled with cream.

"I’ll be back later."

He left behind some words before he left the room, mixing the powder into the cream with a wooden stick. Trisha looked at his back as he left, a small smile on her face. Yes, it was good to admit when you were wrong.

——

The weather outside the mansion was just as he’d expected of the north, the constant drizzle of snow was getting pelted around by the wind. The sun had already dropped beyond the horizon so visibility was poor, the chill of the night already setting in everywhere.

He navigated the roads of the estate despite the darkness, he had a general idea of where he had to go. But well, a general idea wasn’t the same as concrete knowledge so he ended up having to spend an extra hour finding the right place. He tried to get Nergal to come out to help him, he would probably see a lot clearer in this darkness. But Nergal wasn’t answering him so he was probably resting, if a spirit could even do that. Still, he got to the place he needed to be in the end

"What do you want?"

The voice was rather gruff, a slight chattering to it as teeth clattered. Hellion was sitting in front of the stables wearing jackets and pants meant for the daytime, when the sun was still up to shed some warmth on the land. He had one hand tucked underneath his shoulder to heat it, but the other one was naturally kept in a splinter so he couldn’t warm it in the same way.

Gabriel stood in front of him in the cold, his clothes were provided by the Barong estate so he was rather toasty even in this weather. He fished into his pockets and pulled out the container that now contained the cream mixed with powder.

"Numbing poison. As long as you don’t overdo it then it will just act as a painkiller. It’ll help with the broken bone, trust me."

He didn’t lie about what it was, the base component of this painkiller was poison that Teresa had grown using her magic. In larger doses it would induce paralysis in whoever ingested it, starting with the limbs and eventually the heart and lungs if the dose was too large. It was a poison he had her make for this trip in particular, there was something in these frozen lands he would need it for.

"Painkiller… What exactly is it that you want?"

Hellion was still gruff as he spoke, but he accepted the container and immediately smeared some under the splinters that held his broken wrist together. The two locked eyes for a moment in the dark, Gabriel spitting out a heavy breath before he lowered his head.

"I was wrong. I should not have used magic during the spar, and I shouldn’t have spat on your pride. I was foolish and blinded by emotions, but that does not excuse my actions. I’m sorry."

Sorry… The last time he uttered those words sincerely was when he insulted Alice by trying to avert her gaze away from the people he had killed. And before that… Was the last time when he apologised to his overse… Master? But that time, the only thing it got him was a knife in the che… A beating. Really, he was such a stupid child back then, believing that it would work.

"I’m not going to forgive you just like that, you know that, yeah?"

Hellion continued to smear the paste onto his arm, his breathing smoothing out as the poison started working. He was a bit suspicious of the poison, but Gabriel would have to be a fool to kill him here. But above all… his eyes. Hellion saw it in his eyes, that was why he could accept it. He spoke negative words, but his lips turned up slightly. The other side was mature enough to admit their faults, it would be wrong of him to not return some of it. With him taking the lead, Gabriel also followed suit.

"I didn’t expect it. But that’s fine, I also won’t forgive you for insulting my Lady."

He only apologised for spitting on Hellion’s pride and using magic in a sparring match, that was it. He had no intentions of apologising for nearly taking his head off, and he wouldn’t have apologised even if he did end up killing Hellion back then. But, for maybe the first time since they met earlier today, the two were on the same page.

"Good, I would disdain you if you allowed me to get away with something like that."

Hellion was a knight-in-training of the Barong family, he was a loyal follower of Arioch. If he heard someone insult Arioch then he would react in the same way, he may not even have stopped if Arioch stepped forward like Alice did. So that anger, he was more than capable of understanding. And because of that, he too chose to lower his head slightly.

"… Me too. I’m also sorry for insulting your Lady. I should not have brought up matters of bloodline just because I was frustrated. I must train my mentality more."

———

While Gabriel was searching for Hellion and trying to call upon Nergal, Caine threw himself down onto the soft fur-coated seat in his room. This wasn’t his first day so he was luckily able to get out of most of the dinner, only Alice would have to stay there for longer.

His brows were creased as a somewhat consternated expression swam in his eyes, the snow outside the window flickering past his pupils. The actions of Gabriel, the actions of Alice, the abilities of both of them. The things he saw during the day slowly organised themselves in his mind.

"Haah."

A long sigh escaped from his lips, his fingers tracing against the mark on his neck. He tapped it a few times, both with his finger and with his mana. And finally, for the first time since he got it, there was a response.

The mark began to bleed. Streaks of ink fell from it like tears, pouring down Caine’s body and pooling on the floor. The pool grew faster than the mark bled, creeping along the floor and up the walls until it covered even the ceiling, darkness covering everything.

A horrible buzzing filled the darkness as rows of white teeth surfaced from the inky tar. It started as a circular jaw filled with multiple rows of teeth, but they just kept growing and growing until only a single tip from one of the teeth could barely be seen in the room, the rest of the teeth already stretched far beyond the room.

Caine stood in the darkness, the bubbling liquid going up to his knees as muddy tentacles rose from the muck, clinging to him for a few seconds before collapsing into a buzzing mess that rejoined the darkness. He felt a chill as he stood there, he always did, but he had learned to somewhat deal with it. He especially had to bear it now, this bastard had ignored him up until now so he had no idea when he had another chance to get some answers.

"Azuras, this was never part of our deal. What the hell did you put into your body?"