Violet eyes. Silvery-white hair. Sharp features. Skin tanned from prolonged exposure to the sun. Gabriel, knight of Alice De Vritara. He was sitting in the room, still Alice’s room because she had forced him to stay there while he recuperated. In front of him, a mirror taller than he was, his own figure staring back at him as he sat there.

A placid expression, yet slightly furrowed brows. His eyes were clear, reflecting only him. His mind was equally clear, it was as if he had taken a breath of fresh morning air and allowed the chill to sweep away unnecessary things. A week had passed since Francis’ visit so with all the medicine Alice prepared for him his wounds were practically all gone. That was probably why his mind felt clearer, he’d recuperated from the slight concussions he suffered after getting hit so much.

His mind was clear, his gaze was clear, his thoughts were clear.

Alice De Vritara, the witch who set fire to the empire out of jealousy, the woman from who all the poison in the world flowed from, the pitiful villain. The woman he offered his hand to after coming here. She was dead, and he had killed her. What lived now was Alice De Vritara, the unparallelled, the future duchess.

That was the goal he set for himself after he came to terms with the fact that he had to live here now. Save this poor villainess, give her a better ending. She didn’t fall in love with the male lead of the story, she learned of her magic much earlier than she was supposed to, she learned how to take care of and protect herself, she established a position where she could avoid being harassed as she was in the past. By all accounts, the future of Alice was so much brighter that it wasn’t even worth comparing to the ‘supposed’ future.

But then… what now? His goal, his mission. By all accounts, it was complete now. No, perhaps it had been completed a while ago, it was only recently that he got to realise it. But, in the end, he realised it. And thus, he had to ask the question, what now?

His legs stretched and he stood up, quiet steps bringing him to the large window that adorned the room. The sun was just barely peeking over the horizon in the distance, a colourful hue dyeing the sky as dawn arrived. The cold ground was beneath them, a layer of snow covering it. The snow was the same as that last memory of his, a thick layer of white that silenced the world.

How were the colours back then? Was it dawn? Dusk? Midday? He couldn’t quite remember, all he recalled was the ashen grey of the buildings that mixed with the white from below, a dull colour that painted the end of a dull life.

This time… It seemed a lot more colourful. A touch of blue from the sky, a flash of green from the forests in the distance, a bit of blue from the buildings, tinges of orange and red from the rising dawn. It was colourful, vibrant, memorable. If he jumped again, he was confident that he would be able to remember these colours in his next life.

"Mhm…"

A soft sound from behind. It was early so Alice was still sleeping, arms wrapped around a pillow. She always hugged something when she slept, she’d toss and turn uncomfortably otherwise. Violet hair cascaded down like an unruly waterfall, a few strands trapped between her lips as she unconsciously chewed on them. Come morning he would have to spend a bit of time combing her hair to fix it all again. Looking at its current state, it would probably take an hour or so, a bit more than usual.

His head tilted. The mission was done. All he had left after a mission was a somewhat hollow sensation, as if there was nothing inside. So he just walked about, existing meaninglessly until he got his next mission and moved out again. Kill, come back, exist, go out, kill again, come back, exist. Only when he had a mission, a purpose, could he escape that emptiness for a moment.

And then… Then they stopped giving him missions. Too many injuries, they reduced his efficiency. So they gave him freedom, and consigned him to emptiness. And thus, on a whim, he jumped. Just because he saw the stairwell, just because the thought happened to strike him at that moment. A bleak world. An empty person. A dull jump.

And now, now his mission was over again.

He looked out the window again. He could see some of the knights-in-training scurry about beneath him, training started early so they were hurrying to their positions. They didn’t quite look like ants, but the room was still fairly high up. Push open the window, take a step, angle the head down. It would be easy, it would be quick, it would be dull.

"Mhm."

Another sound from behind him. Alice was starting to toss a little, a small frown forming between her eyes. An unpleasant dream? Or was it just the light of dawn that was starting to annoy her?

How strange.

Really. How strange.

Looking at her, she was colourful. The world beyond the window was vibrant, but she was alive with colours. If he was confident that he would remember the sight outside in his next life after he jumped then he was confident that he would actively think about her colours after he jumped.

How strange.

Really. How very strange.

The mission was over. The goal he set for himself, the reason he had to live here, it was over. And yet… And yet he couldn’t feel that emptiness.

Thump

He could still feel his heart in his chest. Steady and quiet thumps. The machine that laid dormant between every mission, it was still beating. His eyes, they still saw colour. The ashen world, the dull world that reflected him, it was still colourful and vibrant.

His eyes were drawn to the outside again. Down there, at the steps of the estate, Francis had humiliated Alice.

Thump

Thump

Thump

The machine beat harder as he thought about it. Anger. Yes, anger. What a strange sensation it was. In his past life, did he ever even feel something like it? No, he couldn’t even say that he felt it when he was decommissioned after his last mission. It was always just emptiness.

"Mhm…Gabriel…"

Alice just wouldn’t stop making sound, drawing his eyes every time. She was chewing on more of her hair now, clutching the pillow tightly. With all that hair in her mouth she easily added at least another twenty minutes to the time he would need to fix it once she woke up.

Strange.

Really, how utterly strange.

He wanted her to live happily. He wanted her to live a life where those ignorant fools all around wouldn’t be able to humiliate or laugh at her. That wasn’t a mission, it wasn’t a goal. No, it was far too vague, too murky to ever be called something like a mission.

No, it was something else entirely. It was… Desire.

Desire… Tools didn’t have desire, they didn’t need them. A weapon just needed to be sharp, desires and emotions would just dull their edge. It was one of the first things they were supposed to discard.

Thump

Thump

And yet, the machine kept on beating. Desire, ambition. Things he discarded long ago. What was he even supposed to do with them? How was he supposed to use them? He… Didn’t know.

"Mhm… It’s too bright…"

A bleary mutter as she tossed to escape the light. She kept drawing his gaze. Even when he tried to look away, she just had to toss a little and he would find himself drawn to her colours again. This was why a tool had to discard something like desires, if something like this happened during a mission then it would be detrimental to his efficiency.

And yet… And yet he couldn’t bring himself to discard it. Or perhaps it was no longer something he could discard. This colour, this vibrancy… The thumping in his chest, the beating of the machine… He wasn’t sure he wanted to live without it anymore, he couldn’t go back to the emptiness. He had taught Alice what he knew, taught her as much as he could, and in doing so parts of him had rubbed off on her. But the reverse was also true. Alice taught him, he learned from her. And as a result, parts of her had rubbed off on him.

She was a villainess, and he had killed her. He was a tool, and she had killed him. Thus, all that remained was the unparallelled Alice and her knight, Gabriel.

His body turned slightly. He grabbed the curtains and gave them a tug, blocking out the light and erasing the colours beyond the window. But when he turned again, the colours in the room were still there. Vibrant. Living. Breathing. Unparallelled.

His feet moved again, his body stopping at the side of the bed as he looked down at the colours. His arm reached out, a hand plucking the straws of hair out from her mouth so that it would be easier to brush her hair later.

"You were only supposed to let me find a reason not to die in you. What am I supposed to do if you go above and beyond like that, Alice?"

A breath escaped him, or was it a sigh? Hard to tell. Alice smiled softly. The light was gone now so she should be able to sleep a bit more soundly, at least for a few more hours.

Gabriel stepped away from the bed and headed for the door, picking up a bag that gave off a few quiet clanks as he walked, closing the door behind him. He made his way through the quiet hallways with quick steps, gaze as calm as always.

Quick steps, determined steps. He didn’t have a mission, he didn’t have a purpose. But he had a desire, and now he would act on it.

———

"You? It seems like your wounds have healed?"

A question met Gabriel as soon as he arrived at the training rounds of the Barong family. The knights and knights-in-training were all there already, training and preparing for the day. An expedition would take place next week so they were working on deciding the members.

Gabriel looked at the knight who questioned him. Chiselled features, strong yellow eyes, dark green hair that hung down to his shoulders, skin rough from prolonged exposure to cold winds. He couldn’t remember his face, but his voice tugged at his memories. Hella…Hell… Hellion. Yes, Hellion Ravel, he was the last knight to enter the arena during the sparring matches. And looking at them now, his mind clear and sober, he could guess that Hellion was probably the strongest among them. Him going up second to last rather than last back then was probably them trying to end it quickly so that he didn’t keep injuring himself. They were Honourable.

"Forgive me. During the sparring matches, I went overboard and showed you something shameful."

His bag clanked as he dropped it to the ground, bending his waist as he lowered his head. He was wrong. During the sparring matches, what he should have done was fight two or three of them and then surrender, it would have been the best outcome for both sides. Instead, he fought like a wild and mindless beast until his thoughts became so muddled that he could barely remember it.

It was shameful. It made him look bad, but it made Alice look worse. They would laugh at her for having such a pathetic knight, such mindless beast. They would be justified in doing so, and he would be the reason for it. So he had to lower his head.

"It’s easy to ask for forgiveness, and its even easier to utter some half-hearted words of blame and shame."

Gabriel could feel Hellion’s eyes on him. And he could also feel them slide sideways and land on the bag he brought, on the pieces of metal armour that poked out from its opening.

Thud

Something hard hit the back of Gabriel’s lowered head, but it was a soft hit, barely a touch. A sheath, probably the tip of a sword’s sheath, probably Hellion’s. His gaze rose, Hellion pointing the tip of his scabbard towards the metal stage next to them.

"If you want forgiveness then show it. Jump on, and do things properly this time."

Hellion put down the blade after he spoke, the other knights-in-training that were part of his group already putting on their armour. This time, they put on everything right away, even the chainmail they should wear beneath.

"Once again. Hellion Ravel. Knight-in-training of the Barong Estate. Please give me the honour."

A hand already covered by a gauntlet was presented to Gabriel as he looked at the others suiting up. Hellion introduced himself last time as well, but he didn’t think that Gabriel was cognisant enough to even register it. Gabriel shook the hand, properly introducing himself this time around.

"Gabriel, no last name. Knight of Alice De Vritara. Please take care of me."

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