"AAAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!" We all flinch as Karen screams at the top of her lungs. But, to be honest, none of us blame her, even as she reflexively reaches for some tableware, and Jennifer interposes herself expertly.

And the reason for her rage is lying right there, in the middle of the table between me, Lynn, Jennifer, and Liz.

A dress.

Oh, such a simple thing. Plain, even. And that's... Part of the problem. The other part being that it's a season out of fashion. Ugggghhh, having to dress chic... I hate it. We all quietly agree we hate it. But it's the third part that's making her rage.

It's a present. From Jane. And it has a note that's all sweetness and light.

"Dearest Karen,

Having seen your favourite dress stained by your hard work, I couldn't help but applaud your dedication, and have sent you an invitation to my birthday party next week, and a dress to go with it. I hope you're doing well, and I would be very happy if you wore it!"

"Of course she would. And she'd be very happy if we all accepted her invitation and just watched as Karen's humiliated." Liz clenches her fist. "I can already see that poisonous little smile, just a hint of smirk..."

You're one to talk about smirks, Liz. But I can't say you're wrong. It's precisely why we're gathered here. And it's also why Jennifer is holding Lynn's sword. A perfectly reasonable decision, considering her hand reaching for it when it's not there.

Essentially, this is as open a declaration of war you can get without actually declaring dire vengeance. If she goes in that dress, people will talk. And not even the fact it was a deliberately thoughtless gift will protect Karen from the malicious gossip.

"Letty, please, can I just... Slip at the party? I promise I'll make it look as accidental as possible!"

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I smile ruefully. Lynn is speaking calmly, but when we got the letter from Karen asking us for help, the "slip" she's mentioning is a headbutt. Sorry, Lynn, it would be hard for a swordmistress to be to accidentally slip, or be tripped, much less in such a way as to give that vile child a Glasgow Kiss.

"I'm sorry, Lynn, but this is a different kind of battlefield than you're used to. We need to do this without any sort of violence, even as little as a spilled drink." Liz nods, and Karen, Lynn, and... Jennifer frown?

Wow, that's a side of Jennifer I didn't know existed. Well, table that for later. What's important is this dress.

"So we can't just turn this down?" Liz shakes her head.

"Sorry, Lynn, we can't. It's a gift from a higher ranked noble to a lower one, and an invitation of the same kind. I have to appreciate how bitchy this is."

"DON'T APPRECIATE IT, HELP ME GET RID OF IT!" Another move toward crockery, another interposition by Jennifer. Thumbs up, Jennifer!

Right... Thinking, thinking, thinking... Ah... HA!

"Jennifer? This dress is rather plain, but... It's a good base for a dress, wouldn't you agree?"

Jennifer starts a little, but I can see the wheels turning in her head... A little creakily, but... Thoughtful look... Thoughtful noises... She picks it up. Turns it around a few times... And smiles. It's a nasty smile, and I quietly resolve myself not to get on her bad side.

"Why yes, Miss Letty, I can see a lot of things we can do to make this dress shine!"

I grin, but Liz is frowning, and Karen and Lynn are confused. Meanwhile, I sip my tea for a moment before continuing.

"Liz... There's no actual rule in party etiquette that you can't improve a gift to flatter the gift giver, is there?"

Liz nods, cautiously, but she's still not convinced. Okay, let's work on that.

"After all, Karen was so inspired by the gift that she wanted to do the dress, and Jane justice, because she didn't want to make Jane look bad by coming to the party plainly despite the fact the dress was wonderful, wasn't she?"

"NO! I'M NOT SAYING THAT, I'M GOING TO KICK HER IN THE-"

"You will. Letty's got a point." Liz's voice is quiet, but it stops Karen in her tracks. For all that Karen and Liz have real trouble getting along, Karen's learned to listen to what Liz says.

"But..." Oh, Karen, don't give us those sad puppy eyes, we want to kick her in the- too. But we can't.

"It's okay, Karen. If it were sent to me, I'd murder her reputation in a heartbeat, because she's exactly the kind of girl I hate. I might even punch her. But if you were to try that, Jane would throw her weight around, and you'd suffer." Her face goes red, but she nods, fists clenched.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but Karen knows. She knows the power of rank as much as we do, and, sad to say, she's done that a few times in the past, mostly to brag. But I smile at her, and she loosens up a little.

"That doesn't mean, however, that we can't play her game better than she can." I laugh sinisterly, and everyone looks at me strangely.

Whaaaaat? I hate this kind of girl, and I'm enjoying rubbing her face in what's going to happen!

Is that so wrong?!?