HELLBENT AND THE CHRONICLES OF JASON’S QUEST

By The Arcane Order

Hiya folks! So, why am I free-falling from the Empire State Building in my underwear during a blizzard? I honestly have no clue. Just a few months ago, I was in Canada! Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself to the new folks. I’m Jayden Jude Naaz Zephyr, and I just turned 21 on December 7th.

It’s been a rough few months since I lost my house, but now I’m dating May! Yup, she’s my girlfriend! And I’ve definitely learned not to trust gods—especially the God of Medicine.

Alright, let’s keep going!

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I was chilling at Wake Up Call Café with May in Manhattan. She came all the way from Wesleyville to stay with me and Luke. She was munching on a strawberry-filled croissant and sipping hot choco milk because it was freezing. I was reading my book, The Seal of Null, which was in ancient Mesopotamian, chatting about our days until a blinding light burned through the snow, making it evaporate.

Then, a stereotypical cherub choir played and someone descended with brown, I-JUST-AUDITIONED-FOR-A-BOY-BAND type hair. He wore a baseball varsity jacket with skinny jeans and a vest. He strutted into the café, and I blurted out, "Is that Boy Band god?" He came over and said, "Hello there, Jayden Zephyr, I’m Jaso–"

I cut him off. "Are you God?"

The guy smirked, "No, fool! I am the god of music and medicine, Jacob! (He was a minor god, but he inspired the Greeks to create Apollo.) I glanced at May, then back at Jacob—yeah right, like Jason—who ignored that and said, "Well, I need you to do something for me."

I sighed, "Uh, I’m kinda in the middl–"

He cut me off. "Perfect! I need you to find my bow, you know, the one I killed Achilles and murdered many children with?"

May chimed in, "Uh, yeah, with an arrow." (He was with Raiden during the Trojan War.)

Then Jacob said, "So Jayden, thanks for helping! I’ll open a door to Arcadia since I’m not allowed to go to the god realm 'cause I talk too much, so I’m stuck in heaven. Deadline’s at 5, so you got 4 hours! Chop chop!"

He snapped his fingers, and May and I fell straight into the empty streets of Harlem. May, with her now snow-covered hot chocolate and croissant, and me, blinking at the scene.

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I said, "Uh, how are we gonna find the," I did air quotes, "divine golden bow of Jason in four hours?"

Then Jacob’s voice boomed, "Actually, you got 3 hours, 47 minutes, and 3 seconds!"

We got up, May gulped down the hot chocolate and croissant, and we asked a couple of people walking dogs if they’d seen a golden bow. They all said no. Then Jacob’s voice chimed in again. "Well, I have an idea. My sister likes to play pranks on me. The Big R is kinda mad at me. She might be with Noah, the Wendigo she loved—the one I killed. He reformed a few years ago since he isn’t human. Look for a 7-6 foot tall guy, alright?"

We ran until I stopped dead in my tracks. "My book…"

May stopped too. "It’s fine, my love. Maybe Jacob might give it back."

I grumbled, "Maybe that’s right, but if he doesn’t, I’ll throw him off the Empire State Building."

We kept running and saw a 5-foot flat girl with a 7-foot dude next to her. She had Brown white-highlighted mid-length hair, wore a green puffer and rugged camo cargo pants. The dude had dark hair undercut and swept into spikes on top, a classic full beard, a blue-and-white anorak, and white snow pants. They were laughing.

I walked up to her and said, "Hello, Lord Jaye, I am—you know what, Jacob asked me to ask you for the—"

The dude, Noah, hissed and his hand transformed into a black-furred clawed hand. He slapped me in the face, knocking me into the snow, seeing stars. How Ironic

May rushed to my side, trying to wake me. Noah and Jaye laughed manically, barely making out words like "SLAP!" and "FALL!"

May stood up and confronted Jaye. "YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU HURT HIM?"

Jaye and Noah stopped laughing and looked at each other, then back at May. Jaye spoke up, "I’m really sorry for my lover’s behavior. I hope I can compensate somehow, like grant you a wish or something?"

May and I smirked, even though I was half-conscious. Then May said, "Maybe a golden bow of a god, like your brother’s or something?"

Jaye sighed and said, "Well, here." She snapped her fingers, and a golden bow fell straight into my, uh, huevos. I sat up with a groan. "T-thanks, L-lady Jaye…"

She laughed and said, "No problem, Jayden of Clan Zephyr, and May Cassidy." She snapped her fingers, and me, the bow, and May fell face-flat on an inch of snow, still feeling the asphalt beneath. We got up, limping. I grabbed the bow, and we were right in front of the Empire State Building. We walked inside, and there he was—Jacob.

We walked up to him, and he stood next to an ashen white door. "WOW, YOU GOT IT!" He snatched it from me, kissed it, and said, "Daddy won’t let baby leave me again!" He looked up at me and said, "Thanks! Here’s your gift!"

In a flash of golden light, we teleported to the top of the Empire State Building. Then he… pushed me. I WANT TO END HIM SO BADLY!!

In another flash of light, I was in my undies. Not anything embarrassing, like with hearts or something—just purple wool undies. Then the forecasted blizzard hit me. An idea struck me: I have wings… but why not make an ice slide? I have ice powers, so why not? So that’s exactly what I did. I can imagine The Blue Danube playing as I slid down in wool undies. May was right outside, and the slide stopped halfway down, so she caught me.

She asked, "What happened?"

I pouted, "THE ASSHOLE PUSHED ME DOWN!"

She laughed, called a taxi, and we got inside. The driver gave me looks and asked, "Uh, so where to, boss?"

I said, "7566 Sierra Dr. New York, NY 10034."

It was a funny drive back home to Luke’s place. When we arrived, the security guard looked at me and said, "Uh, hey Jay, how’s it goin’?"

I said, "Not much. Uh, 7th floor, please."

He pressed a button, and the elevator opened. We went inside and stepped out on the 7th floor. I knocked on the door rhythmically, and Luke said, "COME IN, JAYDEN!"

We walked inside. He was having his signature gambling games, with lots of people around. They stared at me for a few seconds in silence.

Then Luke asked, "Uh, what happened?"