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Chapter 22: "Glass Handful."
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Once her room was bought and her pack was settled in it, she reappeared outside the inn's front door. She looked past the sect members, smiled at the monks, and approached the military.
Walking up to them, she got a good view of their group. A half squad of ragged or bored looking men and a couple women. Their uniforms were fitted and clean, but it was the people themselves that were ragged. Two showed visible injuries and another two grated at Shae's senses, like something was broken within their cultivation, they both looked despondent. The last two simply looked bored, including the leader. They were outnumbered 3 to 1 by their recruits, some of whom looked equally worse for wear just from their exhaustion.
She considered teasing one or two of the better looking members, but uniforms were not really her thing.
She skipped the whole squad, steering clear of the two broken ones and approaching the leader. He didn't watch her approach. "Sergeant? or is it Captain, maybe?"
"Staff Sergeant. I hope you're not here to bully my soldiers into fool's bets, Miss Shae."
"Hah, well I'm glad someone caught on. I was worried it was me."
"It is if you expect them to swing first when you picked the fight. Honorable cultivators don't usually throw in for luck. They also don't see fit to punish those below them. Unlike me. So if you try any of that shit with my soldiers I will lay you out, and not with qi pressure. Understand?"
Shae stopped her witty retort and worked her jaw closed. Then swallowed and nodded. "Understood, Sir."
"Will you go over to the monks next, maybe to tease them about their beliefs?"
"No. I can't begrudge other cultures. I think I do have a question or two for them, as I do with you. But, I've no need to test your groups as I did the sect."
"You expect me to believe that was all just a test? You recovered well at the end, but it sounded more like a child's tantrum."
Shae frowned at him. "Now who's picking fights?"
"Heh, at least I know I can win."
"Depends on the battlefield. But-"
"It does not." He kept watching the training recruits.
"...but really, my question for you is about tempering. I've heard your lot does it? My curiosity makes me ask what I should expect, or how I measure up."
"I thought I said do not wind us up for bets."
"I'm not. I've simply no measuring stick to test myself against, and I'd rather not duck in and out of fights with core cultivators to see which one knocked me out."
"Hmf. The specifics are restricted information. But yes, you should be able to handle lower core pressures. Don't rely on it. Is that all?"
Shae considered if it was. "Hm. Bit of business maybe. Not sure what's under your purview. Would you handle bandits?"
"Me specifically? Heh. Report it to the magistrate, if it is severe enough they might ask us or other cultivators to step in."
"Is near core severe enough?"
He glanced at Shae again. "How near to core?"
She shrugged, "I can only guess, but he had a shard of Dao."
The Staff Sergeant's glance turned into a hard stare.
"Could have been a sliver of Dao, hard to tell with those things."
"Why the specific language, and how can you tell at all?"
The girl hesitated. "The language is a guess, it feels like a shard. Recent events let me get a feel for those things. Though, unreliably, I expect."
"What do you feel from me?"
"Hmmm." Shae squinted, then looked around the square. "Not a lot, you all have good control, keep it simmering under the surface. Except the two broken ones." She nodded her head towards the two soldiers.
"Broken? The injured ones?"
"Not them, the two on the side that look like their favorite puppies were kicked. How did that happen?"
"Those two... risk of the standard training regime; some push too hard."
"Training? You train your men so hard they shatter their Dao?"
"Weren't my men then. Why do you think that?"
"I can hear it."
He inhaled sharply. "And what does a broken core sound like?"
"Like someone carrying shards of glass, and trying to piece them back together by sheer force of will, but as loud as crickets on a warm summer's night."
"That's... oddly specific."
"I took creative liberties."
"Heh."
"But the bandits, if you are heading south out of town in the next day or two you might find them. The cultivator might still be meditating by the side of the road."
"Meditating by the road." He shook his head. "We're staying in town all winter, for training. They must have stolen something important if you are so stuck on them."
"Hmm, not really. A pack full of annoying walnuts and a ring tael."
"Annoying walnuts?"
"Hard to crack. Ah, I have some." She fished through her robes and pulled out one of the nuts. She had meant to ask the inn's chef about it, but they were busy with the dinner rush.
The staff sergeant took the large nut. Sniffed it and shook it. It made an apparently distinct rattle as he paused at the noise and called out, "Corporal!" The other soldier walked over, saluted, and received a thrown nut. They did the same investigation then smiled and cracked it open with almost no effort and laughed. "Yep, Never-Full Walnut." He looked to Shae, "From on the mountain I'd guess?" she nodded, "Heh, hope you didn't eat too many. Hahaha!" He threw the nut back and walked away, after saluting again.
The staff sergeant was smiling broadly now.
"Care to fill me in?"
"Heh, and you said the bandits took a whole bag of them?" She nodded, and he was clearly holding back laughter. Several of the other soldiers were also cracking up now, as the corporal spread the story. "There's lore to it, as with most things." He showed her the inside of the walnut, one of the four chambers was empty, and the nut spread through the others was slightly shriveled, letting it rattle. "But the name does most of the work: Never Full. You eat too many and it works as a laxative, so you're never full."
Shae's eyes went wide and her face went red as she tried to hold her own laughter in. She had a more conflicted time of it than the others, but did finally let herself laugh.
Once most of them recovered, the Staff Sergeant had her report a more detailed description of the bandits to the corporal. "I could see us going out for an early morning run. Maybe even up the mountain for a nutty snack." He cackled.
When talking to the Corporal, Shae made sure to point out how the beggar was simple and the archer might not be there anymore. She also gave a decent description of how to find the walnut tree. It was fairly simple as long as they found the correct stream to follow.
During her interactions with the other soldiers, she became able to tune out the grinding glass noise from the broken two. With that gone she started to notice something else: a slight hum between the soldiers. Especially when they interacted with each other with salutes or military jargon.
She walked back to the staff sergeant. "You asked if I noticed anything earlier, I think I have now. Might have earlier, if not for the ripples those two are creating."
"Ripples? Using a different metaphor now? What did you find?"
"Just a slight hum or tone between you all."
"Hmm. Good or bad?"
Shae considered the question. "Fairly neutral I think. Just like a bunch of wind chimes all ringing to the same wind."
"And back to sound, not reeds in a pond all catching the same ripples?"
"That would work too. But it made me wonder, you all train together. Do you practice the same cultivation manual."
"Again the specifics are restricted information. But you could talk to an old retired soldier and get some information, so I'll save you the extra steps. Heh." He took a breath. "One solution does not work for everyone. A long time ago we tried that and most couldn't get their core. So there are variations, can't say how many. But far fewer than you'll find at any sect."
"Right. Hmm. That makes sense, so when they progress... Well, you did say this was restricted. So, call this the rambling guesses of a foolish child. It would also fit for a large group that has to work together to think the same way, to be taught the same... path, the same truths of the world, if you will."
"Be careful where you step. You are not nearly so subtle as you wish." He warned, a stricter tone to his words.
"I don't mean this as a criticism. Do stop me if I overstep. Yet, wouldn't that be difficult for most?" With the older man watching her, she looked back at the two broken soldiers. "To replace something so personal with something so... general?"
"It works." He only said.
Shae hummed in thought. Frustrated that she might not be making her point. What is my point? she doubted she had one. "They're trying so hard to hold it all together." One of the broken soldiers glanced up at her, the older one. She only had pity in her eyes for him. He looked away with a restrained huff.
"Do you think your criticism of our ways is helpful? How can that fix what they've lost?" The man had some fire in his voice now, not a threat, just passion.
"I said I didn't mean it that way." Shae snapped back. A frustrated tension filled the air.
She broke first, exhaling her frustration, hers was petty, his was earned and she knew it. "It must be so hard. To-" she cut herself off, and took a deep breath instead. "Have you ever seen an argument between two stubborn people? We all have. I've even seen two people argue about the same thing from the same side, they just couldn't slow down enough to see it."
He held his tongue with a frown, gaze towards his soldiers.
She paused again, as her thoughts settled. A more direct metaphor, then, but I still need something more, after that. "A man cannot simply accept another man's reality. They must first understand their own." She paused to let the words impact. "I think that's a quote-"
His arm snapped out to her shoulder, to stop her from speaking. He drew her attention to the broken soldiers.
She didn't notice at first, they looked the same. Only that the older one's eyes had gone wide, then he shifted his pose, a more relaxed position and closed his eyes. The younger one looked at him, then his expression grew panicked.
The younger man approached the nearby corporal, mouthing the words 'What happened?' or something similar. The corporal, who was also staring at the older soldier, pointed behind, to Shae and the Sergeant. Then mouthed words and used hand signs, remaining silent.
Shae noticed the light then. With the late hour she was surprised she hadn't noticed earlier. The light that started light blue, then became a heavenly gold pouring out of the sky onto the mediating soldier.
A tap on her shoulder broke her stare. "Wise Shae?" Whispered a new voice. Old and calm, "It would honor us for you to join."
Shae turned to the old monk, and noticed a second heavenly light from their group. "Ah-." She stopped halfway through a gasp. "How?" She whispered back.
"When the wise talk, the wiser listen." The monk smiled.
"Go." The Staff Sergeant's word stopped all sound in the area.
No, he did something with qi. The square had been very quiet already.
"It is their tradition, they will ensure you act safely."
The monk nodded. "Join the circle. Circulate the loose qi around it, and contemplate your own words."
She was speechless and nodded. Half a circle had formed around the enlightened monk. It was most of their group, save for the new inductees.
Boots on gravel brought her attention around again. The Corporal and the younger broken. His face so desperate and pleading, Shae could feel her heart trip over its beats. Her face suddenly grotesque pity. The soldier frowned like he had seen it before and hated it.
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"Quickly." The monk pulled.
The staff sergeant turned her towards the monks and nodded again. "I've got him, he's my soldier."
But I have to say something. "Ah- context! Context is important." He pushed her away.
Leaving the sergeant's bubble of silence, Shae felt a small ripple pass over her and a slight pop in her ears. She expected a lot of noise outside, but it was just as quiet. Only the rustling of clothing and occasional gasp as new people caught sight of the scene.
Several sect cultivators and a couple soldiers were managing the few stray villagers that were now gawking, and any new arrivals. One enlightenment was a sight to see in a town or village, two in the same area at the same time was nearly unheard of. Unless you believed the stories of sects where wise old mentors would give profound lectures to scores of students and have dozens of enlightenments throughout.
As they crossed the distance, the monk whispered one last tip. "We are not here to leech, but to support, watch the others if you get lost." They gave Shae a wry smile and a wink.
She was about to complain, but caught herself. I'm young, it was a valid warning, and I shouldn't talk.
Three meditating monks were already surrounding the enlightened monk. Shae and her escort took the empty spots opposite one another. They sat in lotus pose, but with hands out to the sides, close to touching their neighbors.
Shae took deep breaths, trying to get into her usual meditation. She was nervous, I haven't been nervous since the first time under Elder Ghon's watch.
Her heart pounded in her ears. Why is this difficult? She forced herself to focus. Her breathing hitched. She wasn't comfortable with how she was sitting. Why is this hard, now? She squirmed in place, struggling to get comfortable. Because it's important. She forced a breath out.
A hand reached from her left and grabbed hers, squeezing in comfort.
She forced her breathing again, slow, steady. This was important, but it wasn't for her. She was here to support another, with others to help. She reached for the calm of the divine clouds in her Dantian and stopped. That's a crutch. She breathed again, slow, steady. The hand squeezed again. She let her thoughts come and go.
It probably took too long, but that is fine. She wasn't contributing, but that's okay. People could process their enlightenments without help, without my help. This was just a ceremony. It was important, but also not. She breathed.
The world fell away as she found her mental space. Then she almost fell out again. It was so different. There was so much more.
She could sense beyond herself, the whole circle. Not in detail, she couldn't see the center, it was an overwhelming, swirling light. The others were slow vortexes of qi, their centers dark, slowly spinning opposite to the twist of the center. I know what to do now.
Her vortex started tiny. She only had scraps of demigod qi and neutral qi left from a few days ago. She pushed the demigod to convert the neutral and it was quickly all under her control. It wanted to move on its own, she only had to guide it to match the pace of the others. The pace was easy, but charting a path through her channels was harder. She couldn't see what the others were doing, only the result.
She struggled, of course. The time she had spent studying her own channels was not enough for a perfect route. Yet, with her unique qi moving on its own, she only had to subtly direct it. She drew in a little more neutral qi, until it stopped being converted and just suggested it swirled in vortex within her. It pushed through her, exploring and finding a path.
She couldn't push it outside either. The others were stages ahead, able to affect external qi. But I don't need to do much. The heavenly enlightenment qi responded to nearby qi, moving with it without being told. The wisps of qi near her followed her internal vortex.
She wanted to pull on the golden qi, to draw it in and keep it, but it was not hers to take. She had to resist. She wanted to draw in even more neutral qi, to convert that so she could swell her vortex. Yet, she had to resist the weak reflex, that would also draw in the heavenly qi, she had already felt some trickle in. Just thinking about it caused the qi to twitch, as though it was waiting for the slightest idea to follow.
She drew a deep breath, relaxing again. So little to do, she realized. Her qi was doing all that was needed, almost completely on its own. When it strayed slightly she nudged it back onto the circular track of channels it had found. She could simply watch, and 'contemplate her own words.'
She tried that, but only briefly. The rhythm of meditation, letting thoughts come and go, made it difficult to ponder specific ideas. Also, the vortexes around her were quite distracting.
They each had small unique properties to them, a slightly different texture or color. Shae knew she was projecting these differences, this was her mindscape, and it was all a false projection of the metaphysical. There and not there, real but not exactly as she saw it. Elder Ghon's book on meridians was very clear about that. Even if Shae found it hard to follow the logic, she could appreciate that it was some kind of lucid dream state. A state where her thoughts had more impact on what she saw than what was actually there.
She saw the part of the monk's instructions then, 'circulate the loose qi around it,' small wisps of qi traveled around the circle. Passing around the monks, it followed the opposite flow to the center, and stayed on the outside of the circle. The monks acted to keep it separate from the center as it passed by her. She saw more tiny wisps of heavenly qi escape the center, caught in one vortex or slipping between them. Most were corralled back to the center, the others joined the outside flow.
The ones that escaped were all near her, I'm making mistakes, failing the group. She tensed and the hand on her left squeezed hers again, and she breathed. No, there was no failure, their work was additive, only improving, not taking away. She released her recent tension with an exhale.
With her extra focus from not needing to guide her own qi constantly, she began to guide the lost wisps back around. After a few breaths, she noticed her neighbor plucking a few away, moving them to the outer stream. She grew curious, focusing on those, they were ones she had guided back. Not all of them, maybe one in three.
Ah! She realized that something was changing in the wisps. Am I marking them, maybe? Turned around by her neighbor, they passed by her right away and she swirled them around herself, inspecting them.
Yes, they respond more readily than the others, she had made them her own, left a fingerprint on them? I'll have to be more delicate. She focused on a new one, she needed to see them clearly, see the change to them within her mindscape. Then release them to the outer circle again, to pass around to the others. They would sort out any that were untouched.
It took her quite some time, but she did it. She found a way to identify the marked wisps of enlightenment qi. Slight changes in flavor when they were close, or like a smell. She didn't want it to be either of those things exactly, it needs to stay metaphysical... or... hmm, she just had a hunch it shouldn't be a literal physical change.
There were other flavors in the outer circle as well. Marks from the others. She started puzzling them out, figuring which was who. The two to her sides were easiest, the flavor the clearest by proximity. Leaving the far two... she had spent a short minute with one of them. They were calm, soft spoken, she shrugged and just guessed. After a dozen breaths she decided the guess fit well enough, the vortexes around the two sort of matched the marked qi, but she couldn't pinpoint exactly how. Does it matter...no, but it's good practice.
The others were releasing more of their own qi into the outer circle as well. Slowly pushing out small bits of their internal qi, something Shae couldn't do. She shifted uncomfortably, and the hand squeezed her left again. She breathed out and relaxed.
I can't push it out, but maybe they can pull? She moved a bit of demigod qi to her right hand, letting it flow slowly like when she did her cleansing. Then she reached to her side just barely, touching fingertips with her neighbor on the right. They caught on quickly, a flash of surprise leaking through their qi. They pulled ever so lightly, letting the qi rise up like smoke from where their fingers touched.
It drifted towards Shae again, pulled by the vortex and trying to return. She led it around herself, pushing it out slowly until it escaped behind her. She did it a second time, but her neighbor didn't help with a third, pushing back lightly. Forcing her to draw that piece back in.
She breathed and tried contemplation again. My words were about accepting myself, understanding myself. In her past she had had so much time to think. These weren't new concepts to her. She was different back then, not as different as much longer ago, in her past life. She kept a disappointed sigh inside, there wasn't any new contemplation for her yet.
She watched the outer ring of qi instead. If the center was a roaring sun, the vortexes were small worlds near the sun: solar flares that had spun into their own beings, catching and disrupting new flares. So then the outside was a large gassy nebula: colorful, vibrant, and ever shifting.
It took her so long to see all of it. Yet, time here felt meaningless, she wasn't sure how long it had been, she meant to eat earlier, but she didn't feel hungry. She had been fed by Auntie Mei, but a meal came with her room at the inn, and she didn't want to waste the meal. Breakfast instead, she decided.
Then she saw something new in the nebula. How long has it been doing that?
The qi on the outside, the flowing nebula of color and flavor. Blobs of marked heavenly qi throughout were growing, changing. The monks peeled parts off, taking larger chunks of their own qi back into themselves.
Shae had seen what was happening. The marked wisps of divine qi were merging with the matching monk's qi, sorting themselves out and expanding the swarm of their own kind, like schools of fish. Shae thought more qi was even being added, neutral qi being combined and converted, maybe?
Her own swarm had grown and changed just slightly. Maybe not enough for everyone to notice, but Shae noticed. It's close to angry demigod qi, the result of that destructive corrupting lightning that ate into other qi. No, she shook the fear off, it wasn't that bad. But it is slightly more dangerous.
When it came around she pulled at it and too much rushed at her. It wanted to move, wanted to flow into her, so she had to struggle to guide it around her vortex, instead. A hand reached for her on her right side and one squeezed on her left, too. All three of them pushed the qi apart. Stretched the hyperactive qi into thin shreds that she could manage. She pulled some into herself and felt as other small wisps were brought in, as well. They hurt in a way she hadn't felt before, scratching their way into her. She knew immediately it was wrong to take it in, it wasn't hers, but she had so little control the demigod qi just flowing in and dragging more with it.
Even inside her the demigod qi felt different. There was more to it, it was almost heavy, maybe thicker or denser? And just a bit too rebellious. She knew what to do right away. Pulling a small wisp of calm divine qi out of her Dantian and mixing it in. It settled down, maybe a bit thinner but it is calm.
She looked outside again, her mess had been cleaned up. The rebellious qi moved back to the outer circle, where it continued to grow. Shae shuddered and was braced by two hand squeezes, this time. She appreciated their support, and she could fix it. I know what to do, but it has to be outside myself, there's too much.
She drew much more calm divine qi from her Dantian, probably more than I need. Then she corralled the painful qi from the others into her right arm, pushing it to her hand. The monk on her right knew it was coming and teased it out, slowly withdrawing the foreign qi in a less painful fashion.
Then she presented the divine qi and the monk flinched and might have gasped. Squeezing her hand in response and only withdrawing a small puff. Matching an unseen rhythm they followed, and small enough for Shae to handle easily.
Shae guided the puff around herself, carefully keeping a mental hold on it. Then pushed it into her demigod qi as it passed behind her.
The monk must have seen, must have noticed more change than Shae had, the near angry qi looked the same as it had to her. They slowly withdrew more divine qi, a hint of disbelief and careful apprehension in the act. Amazing what emotion comes through qi, are they doing that on purpose?
The three of them had split up the large deposit of her demigod qi, so she was able to feed the divine qi into the different parts with a fair bit of regularity. Shae could sense the monk on her right growing more agitated as she pushed more divine qi at him. She squeezed his hand this time.
With the addition of the denser demigod qi, her vortex had grown. It plugged some of the gaps she had left in the ring, and gave her more time to focus on her new task: managing her unruly qi storm.
Time passed in the most unknowable way. Like dreaming, she couldn't tell if it was faster or slower. It felt like many hours had passed, but if she woke and it had been days she would believe that too.
All her focus was on calming her external qi. Peeling it away when it was calm enough to absorb, and generally following the pace the others kept.
She guessed they had passed the peak of the enlightenment and were winding down now. Heavenly qi had stopped leaking out into the outer ring. Somehow, their qi was still swelling, gathering and letting them peel it off when a clump was dense enough. Shae could notice the density change now, how much more there was. That's how the others were choosing what to take back. When there was a dense eye at the center of a nebulous cloud, they pulled it out.
She relaxed knowing the monk's traditional ritual was coming to an end. Then felt herself unbalance, tipping to the side. The monk she was falling away from pulled her arm, and she used them to right herself. I almost passed out! The mental strain was finally catching up.
The end of the session was a struggle to stay awake. Her internal vortex was on autopilot, but she still had to retake her external qi. Just pull it in, she chanted and refocused repeatedly. It had been calm enough for a while. She matched pace with the others as they all slowed the swirling qi to a crawl. The monk in the center was finally visible through the dwindling spotlight of qi overhead.
Finally, it had stopped, the light from the sky went out. Shae felt her whole body sigh. Tension built up within her mindscape eased. She nearly collapsed again, a hand steadying her shoulder from behind. Only then did she notice the other blobs of darkness in her mindscape. People that had approached to check on her and the meditating monks.
Almost simultaneously the seated monks started picking and sorting through the built up qi in the outer ring. Quickly filtering out their own and pushing the rest on.
Shae was slow to catch on, but caught up quickly. Her qi only needed the faintest suggestion to come back to her. All her effort was in straining the foreign qi that tagged along. One of the others finished first, but they let her catch up. Keeping the circle of vortexes going just enough so that it didn't collapse and release the qi. She couldn't see the whole circle anymore, just the edge behind her.
She barely remembered the last steps. Waking from her meditation she was surprised to find it was still dark out. The moon overhead lit up the square as much as the lanterns.
"Careful." Someone said.
She didn't try to stand, just unfolded and stretched her legs across the ground. The monks on either side still held her hands. The one on her left getting her attention first.
"Apologies if you do not like them, my ink likes to wander." Her voice was soft and feminine, like the others she was bald, but Shae caught the softer feminine features in her face. The monk lifted their clasped hands to show a lot of intricate tattoos across their skin. Like layered henna patterns, they were mostly dark tones but in different base colors.
It took Shae a few breaths to notice the ones on the monk's hand were moving slightly. Then another breath to realize they were on her hand too. Only a single unmoving pattern. Yet, somehow they had spread up her arm from the woman's touch. Shae didn't have the energy for much emotion, only mumbling, "They're beautiful."
"They cleanse away easily if you change your mind. Thank you for your help." She said.
The monk on her right squeezed her hand. "Yes, thank you so much. You gave much more than you needed to." His voice was masculine, but the age in his eyes was what stood out the most to Shae.
"Hmmm?" She could only ask.
"Your qi, that was not just any qi. You have blessed us all, Heavenly one."
She opened her mouth to object, but couldn't find the energy.
"You should sleep, that was tiring, even for us elders." Shae started to drift off. "Not here. You have a room, yes?"
As they hauled her off to her inn, she looked across the square. The broken soldier was still processing his enlightenment and the second broken was at his back, also mediating. It was unclear to her if he had also had an enlightenment. A few of the others were standing guard around the two. The whole pack of new recruits, the Staff Sergeant, and Corporal were at attention facing her.
As she made eye contact, the Sergeant and Corporal saluted her, followed by everyone else. The square was still silent, so the impact of their hands was distinct. She smirked in appreciation, and tried to salute back, but only managed half the gesture and half a wave. She thought she saw the Sergeant smirk back.
She didn't remember getting upstairs to her room.
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