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Chapter 52: "Think Happy Thoughts."
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Shae stirred from sleep. She was warm but an unexpected sensation drew her away from sleep.
Her personal qi raced around her channels, making her want to jump up, yet mental exhaustion dragged her back down, demanding more sleep.
Yet, there was something else too, an unexpected warmth beside her while unfamiliar cloth surrounded her. She cracked an eyelid to see the moon high in the sky. Brilliant star clusters and traces of galactic nebulae held back the black night sky. She gasped softly.
"Oh, you're awake. Good," spoke a woman's voice from beside her.
Immediately beside her.
Shae looked towards the voice and found shining gray-blue eyes staring back at her from within arms-length. She had seen those eyes earlier today, but now they were much brighter. As though they perfectly reflected the moonlight. Shae gasped again, and the woman smirked.
"App- err, Senior Sister." Shae mumbled. Then felt her neck and face flush as she realized that the unexpected warmth was the woman's body heat. They were lying against each other, and under the same blanket. She forced herself to swallow her nerves. "A-uhm. Why are we- um- sleeping together?"
"Technically, we're not. I'm alert and watching the camp. You were unconscious from draining your mental focus, hardly sleeping at all. How's the headache?"
She took a deep breath and forced her mind into the realm of the rational. Okay, not a dream, and I'm still fully clothed. That's... fine. Not sure why I thought that was important to notice. Her eyes went wide as she spoke, "Oh! The archery bet! Did I win? How many arrows did I get off?"
"That's your concern? Not how long the headache will last, or how long you slept?"
She worked her jaw without words to put in it. "Uhhhm." She stopped and tried to concentrate on herself and winced immediately. "Ugh." There definitely was a headache there. "It's mostly when I try to focus... or meditate." She looked up at the moon and then nearby landmarks. "Just a few hours?"
The bright moonlight let her see Apollo's raised eyebrow. "Close enough guess. You did win the bet, and I must say, that's a rather swift recovery if you're already up and not clutching your head in pain. Any specific reason for that?"
She glanced down guiltily. "Ugh, so it was suggested I be a little careful about this. Well, a little more careful than I've already been. Err, so anyway, my qi seems to help me recover mental focus." She shrugged and forced a smile.
"Hmm. That is rather noteworthy. Did they also say not to show off your mental focus too much?"
She nodded.
"And was this before or after your demonstration for Master Long?"
"Uh. After. When I was back in Flame Well."
"So someone else knows as well? And you then decided to show off to us?" She raised a clearly accusatory eyebrow, visible even in the low light.
"Ah, uh, well it wasn't- it's like- ah- that doesn't mean-"
Apollo raised a hand to stop her stammering. Then booped her on the nose. "You, girl, are absurd. What are we going to do with you if this keeps happening?"
"Uh, ah, heh-heh, yeah." Shae looked down. "Things do seem to be working out quite strangely."
"Hrmm. That wasn't rhetorical. I really mean: what do you think will happen if you demonstrate superior abilities? If you blow past all conventions and disregard the expected progress curve?" The older cultivator huffed out her exasperation and shook her head.
"Umm. I dunno. Maybe they'll shower me with praise and cultivation resources?" She tried a hopeful smile.
Apollo stabbed her in the middle of the forehead with her finger tip. "No."
"ow"
"To put it sagely: it is dangerous to be too powerful while you are so powerless."
Shae rubbed her forehead. "If I say that doesn't make sense, will you explain it to me?"
"Yes."
"Good. Then I think I get it. Any advice on how much I should hold back?"
"Hmm." Apollo tilted her head. "If you are in a fight, even a spar. Don't hold back. It is disrespectful to your opponent and tends to go badly very quickly." She paused a beat to let it sink in. "That's not to say you need to go all-out for every spar, either. Outside of combat, knowing too much, showing too much potential..." she sighed and looked into the distance ahead of them. "People may try to exploit your abilities, simply because they can."
Shae let out a large breath through tight lips that almost turned into a raspberry near the end. "One of the monks said something recently. I think the point of their comment was: stick to your stage. I might be curious about higher stages, but I technically don't need that information right now."
"Heh. Only technically? But yes, that's the right idea. Knowledge and especially competency are dangerous things when outside their expected stages. "How long have you been training your mental focus for?"
The younger woman began to think, then pulled the warm blanket up around herself and tried to snuggle closer to Apollo.
"Avoiding the question? That's a good start, I could tell if you were lying." She threw an arm around the smaller cultivator and pulled her close, and out of the night's autumn chill. "But if you don't say, I might have to assume you only started a few days ago. Which means today's archery demonstration shows incredible advancement speed. Truly ludicrous. Then I might need to torture your methods out of you." Her hand slipped down under Shae's arm and she began tickling her ribs.
The young cultivator immediately began squirming and giggling, trying to escape her torturous entrapment. "Ah- ha ha- Apollo!"
The older cultivator didn't stop, and even added in her intent, gusting cool air down the back of her neck.
Shae squirmed more and the corner of her mind that was still a cultivator pushed at the intent. This had the unfortunate effect of suddenly switching her headache on in-full. "Ahh- aahh!" she called out then hissed from the pain. Her hand went to her head and her body froze from clenched muscles.
Apollo stopped, but did nothing else. Just waited for her Junior Sister to recover.
A few hissed breaths later she had recovered from the tickling but not the headache. Her first attempt at recuperation was to pull qi from her Dantian. A simple task, yet one that threatened to only strengthen her headache.
Thinking about the problem instead of acting on impulse came next: It's from focus exhaustion, so don't strain your focus. Or intent, apparently. She appended the correction once she remembered why it started: from trying to fight Apollo's intent.
She looked up slightly, tried to look at Apollo and still rub her forehead and temples with both hands, thus blocking her view. "Hey, can you fight someone's intent?"
Apollo pulled away slightly, trying to get a better look at the young woman. "What an unexpected question. Can I," she paused, "or is it possible?"
Shae hummed at the second option.
"Of course. Though I don't recommend it against your elders, it unusually only escalates the situation. I take it you tried to push mine away just now?"
She hummed and nodded.
"That suggests your recovery was only partial. Bandaging the damage, but doing little to truly heal it. A good sign that your method isn't too powerful. Maybe showing that you need to use it more to recover properly."
Shae groaned lightly and pushed herself against the older woman.
Apollo let her instincts guide her hand to the younger woman's head, patting it gently then stroking her hair. She lowered her voice, since they were much closer now, "Like using a cast or sling on a broken arm. It reduces pain from movement, but doesn't heal the bone. It's good that you will be at least functional these last two days of the trip."
"Hmmghgh," she groaned, "two days?"
"Yes, of course. Mental exhaustion takes time to heal, how have you been training it without knowing that?"
She groaned again. "I think, I think I was doing something that was training it, but I didn't know. And never to exhaustion like this." Taking a deep breath she continued moving her qi very slowly, gradually guiding it instead of making the swift and forceful movements she usually used. It seemed that was the only way to avoid antagonizing her injury.
A wisp of divine qi, she couldn't remember which kind, traveled with her personal qi. She couldn't bear not using some to lessen the headache. As her qi reached her head Apollo's hand slowed its act of toying with her hair, then froze as the divine qi passed. It dissolved into her injury, lessening her headache, and making it just bearable. She sighed in relief and began to relax.
Apollo moved again, running her hand through Shae's hair to push it away from her face and ears. "We're going to have to have a talk about that later. Are you feeling better now?"
"Mhmm. Just a bit. The headache is tolerable now."
"I think you promised me a campfire formation yesterday."
"Oh, sure." She moved to lean away then stopped and groaned. "Ugh, that uses my focus, intent at least."
"Hmm. So you might pass out again after? You should get more sleep anyway, though pushing hard could be harmful." She began moving to get up as well. "I'll light-"
"Err wait!" Shae panicked and grabbed Apollo's arm. "I'll- I'll try a small one, weaker but it should work."
The woman's gaze assessed her sternly, the dim light perhaps making her expression more concerned, just for a moment. "Alright. You can skip the fancy parts, like the flickering light, yes?"
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
The young woman quickly nodded twice. "Mhmm." She turned and leaned out of the blankets and onto the grass.
"Maybe a little further. And I'll do the circle to save you the effort."
"Yes, thank you, Senior Sister." Getting her feet under her, she looked back and finally noticed their bedding arrangement. Apollo had propped her torso up on a large triangular cushion, like a steep doorstop wedge. Whereas Shae had been mostly lying on the ground, with only her head on the cushion. "Hah, the benefits of spatial storage." She laughed at the woman's comfortable lounging in what could have been the middle of nowhere.
She turned away with a smile and began to clear a space for the formation. Pausing to think just before starting she smiled even wider then began carving a small fire symbol into the dirt. She moved slowly and didn't force her thoughts, only putting effort into moving a lot of qi through her arm as she wrote.
Apollo was there as she finished, reaching over to close the circle.
"Mmhm! Wait," she said, then started on a second symbol next to the first. Shae had left room for three and Apollo hummed in understanding as she watched. Her headache surfaced again as she began the third; only getting a single stroke down before she grunted and nearly collapsed.
"You've done enough, Junior Sister. Rest now." Apollo guided her back to her bedroll, propping her up on the large triangular cushion.
"Gmmmgh. Thanks." She held her head and tried to get comfortable on the wedge cushion.
Apollo circled the two symbols, using a layered series of spirals instead of just one circle. "I saw this in use one time, it should prevent it from overloading or failing catastrophically. Even if I draw it poorly. The fire qi should leak back out instead of being completely contained."
Shae scrunched her forehead, trying to watch the woman's actions from a low angle and through her headache. She saw a spiral around each symbol, their exits seemed to face one another. Then at least two layered spirals surrounding those. If she trusted the direction that Apollo drew them: the outside spiral flowed in the opposite direction to the two inside it.
Once Apollo moved back to their shared bunk. She tried to visualize the pattern, and what effect it might have. She quickly stopped as her headache flared in response.
The older cultivator hugged her head. "Rest, Shae. I'll draw it out for you tomorrow. You can think about it then."
"Hmgh. Is it working? I can't feel it." She relaxed into the bedding and pulled up the blanket around her.
"It will take longer to warm up, especially with your weaker symbols. I felt the start of something as I left though." She huffed in feigned anger. "I said 'no fancy effects' you sneaky cheat."
"Hmm, sorry, Senior Sister." Shae mumbled then yawned while rubbing her temple.
"Use your qi trick again and get some sleep. I'll wake you up early to exercise."
Shae just groaned unhappily in response.
"Well, you missed qigong. I'll not let my Junior Sister slack off!"
"Heh." The young woman hummed happily then squirmed back into the nook of Apollo's arm, resting her head on her shoulder. It turned out surprisingly comfortable because of their mismatched heights. "Senior Sister?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you feel fuzzy?"
"Heh heh heh." Apollo forced her laugh to be quiet and stilled her physical response, so she didn't disturb Shae's rest. "It's part of the disguise technique, so you can't just feel the shape of my body or face."
"Oh..." She mumbled quietly, then fell asleep.
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Aside: Apollo's Watch
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Apollo didn't focus on the young woman's rest, instead turning her attention and senses to the edge on the camp and beyond, as was her duty. Not that she expected the quiet camp and mostly empty forest to require all of her attention.
Dozens of slow breaths later she began to notice the effects of Shae's formation. The differences in what intent the young cultivator had put in slowly became more obvious to her senses.
If the formation wasn't designed for it, sensing intent within the qi in a formation wasn't as easy as just sensing it. Qi types could be felt quickly, just by making contact with the qi. Intent was harder, and a qi's Dao was the hardest to understand. Apollo was no novice, of course.
She could tell within the first few breaths that Shae's intent had been broader. It revealed that without her mental focus the young woman had been forced to slow down and generalize. Instead of basic fire, she had brought the heat down to dying embers, still very hot, but a controlled heat. Also, it would be easier to imagine and control than dampening the idea of flame directly.
Then there was the comfort factor. It was different this time. A similar comforting warmth, but it was more nuanced and deeper. Generalizing the feeling had added more layers to it. Doubling up the symbol and moving slowly had clearly let the girl get more creative and complex.
The intensity of the comfort was weaker overall, but Apollo couldn't resist diving into the depths of emotion and thought trapped within. The surface felt almost the same; the comforting warmth of a campfire, but there was more underneath it. At the time, she wouldn't have said last night's formation felt lonely, yet compared to this: it must have. This was the comfort of good company, like a gathering with friends and family. Especially family, Apollo thought and nodded to herself.
She looked into the next layer and felt an idealized little scene. A large family gathered around their home's fireplace. Huddled together for warmth on a cold winter's night. She soaked in the comfort of spending time with family: a large, loving family.
"You little devil." She mumbled and gently pulled Shae closer. Resting her face in the young woman's hair she wrapped her arms around her and mumbled again, "How could you? How dare you?" But there was no heat of anger in her voice. Rather her words warbled and her next complaint caught in her throat.
Tears slowly soaked into Shae's hair, yet she remained asleep. Exhaustion is a strong sleep aid.
Apollo let the tears come. It had been so long since she cried, longer since she wanted to cry. She could have easily stopped digging through the emotion buried in the campfire. Could have pushed it away with a thought and destroyed the formation with a flick of her wrist.
It was technically harder for her to keep sensing the intent. Her tears and old bubbling emotions threatened to distract her from her senses. Yet, she was an experienced cultivator and expert scout. Sensing was one of her specialties: throughout all this she hadn't stopped watching the perimeter of the camp.
The campfire formation only had a couple more layers, and she couldn't imagine they would be more impactful than this one. They couldn't possibly tear at her heart harder than they already had. "How did you know?" She mumbled into the girl's damp hair. There was such depth to this layer. It told her that Shae must have spent the most time thinking of it. A parent comforting a child, a child in another parent's arms, siblings huddling for warmth, more combinations, all of families having an intimate moment near a fire. The subject was rarely the same age twice, and evenly mixed across familial roles and gender.
How could she craft this so easily, without intent? She inhaled suddenly. She didn't. She couldn't have. It's a generalization, and I'm projecting. Apollo sighed, some of the tension leaving her. "You really didn't know. You couldn't have. And, I think, wouldn't have done this intentionally if you had known," she mumbled at the sleeping girl.
The sleeping girl mumbled something back, unintelligible. Then rolled into Apollo's side and threw a hand across her chest; much like one grasps at that pillow in their sleep.
"Ah!" Apollo gasped, quickly lifting the awkwardly placed hand and moving it to her waist. "None of that now."
Shae snorted, then inhaled a loud snore.
"No. No. No! You were doing so well." She hissed.
A few breaths passed silently. Then another loud snore broke the calm night.
You didn't do this at all yesterday! Apollo screamed within her own mind. She considered waking her, or moving her to open her airway, which also risked waking her. The comforting warmth of the campfire asked her nicely not to. She took a slow breath, letting the conflicting emotions go to war with each other, and without forcing her to act. She was a cultivator, and above reacting to simple impulse.
The third snort forced her hand, she shifted slightly to tilt the young woman's head back, clearing her nose and throat.
Seven long breaths later a fourth snort erupted.
"One more of those and I'll have to think of a punishment!" She whispered, barely audible.
She thought she was safe after a full set of breaths, but relaxed too soon, the thirteenth was a long, low snore.
She sighed. "Very well. We will be making up for missing qigong in the morning anyway. An extra lunge or leap for each. Including the past five."
With that settled, she let herself dip through the final layers of emotion buried within the campfire qi. Pockets of simple ideas floated within, not all forming coherent layers. A common mistake from new cultivators that didn't have a full control of their thoughts.
The last layer made her gasp. It was built from a specific memory, or many very similar memories. Unlike the fireplace, which used the idea of many overlapping imagined memories. This was one of Shae's actual memories, and everything about it screamed that it wasn't from this world. The people, the clothing, the furniture, and architecture: they were all foreign and some aspects were completely alien.
Yet, the setting and scene still made sense. An adult, a teacher or librarian, stood among short shelves of books, waiting. What arrived made Apollo's heart leap. Dozens and dozens of children, swarming into the library and surrounding the adult, fawning and asking questions.
"Oh." She mumbled. To herself this time. She looked down at the sleeping woman with a new appreciation. Any seed of doubt or regret at helping her was instantly annihilated.
Then she shuddered. "The sect could ruin you," she spoke, louder than intended. She sat in stunned silence for a few breaths, unwilling to acknowledge her fears for the young woman's future.
A bit of qi use cleared the tears from her face and Shae's hair. She then pushed her qi senses into the sleeping woman, directing a qi scan with precision instead of letting a technique do it automatically. She guided the qi past the enchantment on her bound sword, which wasn't in the bed and so couldn't be fully effective anyway. The scanning qi floated right up to her Dantian, then vanished, as if eaten away. She concentrated, burning her own mental focus reserves, and watched the qi be stolen away, drawn apart just above the surface of the Dantian's broadest domain. Sometimes this area was described like the edge of a owned property, whereas the Dantian itself would be the house on the property.
Her next step was to refine her own qi slightly. Adding intent and ownership that would make the qi difficult to steal away, and painful if Shae wasn't unconscious. A common necessity for medical practice: it would be uncomfortable but not harmful. She pushed just enough to let her feel her way closer to the woman's Dantian. Past the edge of its domain and down and down to find her real Dantian.
At least, that's what should have happened. It should have felt like sifting through a cloud to find a marble, or maybe an apple. Instead, there was no cloud. Her qi pressed against a solid barrier that felt far too much like the edge of a Dantian.
"Impossible." Her voice shuddered through her concentration. Half a heartbeat of panic froze her, then she remembered the night before: the drawings of strange formation glyphs that could only be inside the young woman. She took a steadying breath. Combined with the attenuated enlightenment that same night, one which looked to be working through a shield, the pieces clicked together.
A formation to protect your Dantian. Not just it, but its entire domain. Now why would you need that?
She took another calming breath and retracted her qi from the sleeping woman. Then looked at her with pity and whispered, "Will the sect ruin you? Or will you flip the tables of fate? Turn the sect inside out on your way through it?" Her whispers were no louder than the wind, yet they resounded like thunder within her own mind.
Fortune and fate has saved you, as well. She let the memory of Shae's past life fill her. Without this, I might have... She shook her head. No. Let's not consider what-if's.
"I will be watching your path with great interest, young one." She whispered and kissed the sleeping woman's forehead. "And just maybe I'll place a pebble on the scales once or thrice. Just to make sure you can reach your full potential."
The young cultivator snorted in her sleep again.
"And I'll work you to the bone when I can: no getting out of it by being cute." Apollo gently flicked the tip of her nose.
Shae flinched and moved clumsily, rubbing at her face, and forcing Apollo to reposition her hand again. All the while shaking her head and pinching her lips together.
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