After the whole debacle of the Russian invasion, I laid back where I was rooted and stared up at the drywalled ceiling. Still, half-dressed, I was in my t-shirt and blue and white striped boxers.

“A week, huh”

I mumbled to myself.

My eyes then shot a glance towards the ESPN swimsuit calendar, hanging on the wall near my bed.

Hey, it was on sale, and it had Ms. Thicktober.

The date circled was October 20. That meant I had until the 27th to gather all the rent I would need together. which was $750.

Weeks ago, I had more than enough. Until that damn mother of mine or was it Greg’s idea; well regardless they cut me off, and no modern responses, just Bible quotes from my good ole Christian mother.

My biweekly paying job at the coffee shop was barely giving me any spending money at all. I couldn’t wrap my head around any ideas. I wailed and flailed like a child before finally getting up and going to my bed to do what I had been doing on the ground.

The thought of maybe borrowing from a friend crossed my mind, but soon was a fleeting memory. You’d have to have friends for that.

Maybe I could rob a bank. I shot up in bed and thought for a good second. Maybe I could pull it off. All I would need is a gun, an accomplice, and a mask, right?

As it came, the idea faded away just as fast. I could never hold a gun, let alone shoot or kill anybody. It was not in my nature, Also, again, I’d need friends. My face turned sour at that thought. Plus, ski masks are expensive, fuck that honestly. As if these were the reasons, I couldn’t rob a bank. I chuckled to myself thinking how if I got caught, I would definitely become Charlotte in prison. That thought sent shivers down my spine.

I resorted to the last resort plan, stored away for this exact moment.

I grabbed my phone and typed the message to my dearest saint of a mother

[Can I borrow just a couple hundred dollars, you know C-Dawgs good for it?]

yes, I know what you’re all thinking who texts their own mother like that? That wouldn’t work at all. Well, you’d be wrong, my mother and I have a special relationship.

She loves me and I’m an asshole. That’s it, that's our relationship, but no, honestly before me and her got strained, we could always joke around like that. I know I could be worthless, but I love my mother.

Since ‘Greg’ had come into her life things have been hell, well for me anyway.

So, things hadn’t been so great between my sainthood mother and her worthless son. Greg’s great to my mother though, which is why I don’t kick his ass, also he coaches high school football.

I deleted the message and put my phone to my chest. A loud sigh escaped my lips. Really were times like these that got me going.

I grabbed my phone and looked up a very studious website, and typed in the following

[Russian women going wild]

My eyes gleamed at the page, then I grabbed the nearest sock.

  Fully dressed and full of energy, well the latter was almost correct. I had taken my first steps outside. I had been off work and figured I would go for a walk and head down to the café. They like to give free things to people on their birthdays, so I thought why not try my luck. I walked out towards the front of the building, where smoke and laughter filled the air. Maybach and her henchmen were hanging around. So, I snuck around narrowly avoiding them, while the mission impossible theme song played on in my head. Tom Cruise must have felt like this jumping out of that plane in that one movie.

I know it was just walking past a group of people, but I seriously felt great about it, not getting targeted after the debacle earlier. I felt like I could take on the world…cul-de-sac? Ok, and 23 fifth graders for sure, as long as most of them had asthma.

I walked down the New York ‘paved’ streets to my own beat, well my iPod shuffle's beat.

Hey, let’s not act like you didn’t have one. I just happened to still have one.

I continued my walking to the bee gees. I know how cliché, but damn it's good walking music. I wasn’t dressed in my best outfit, but I felt sporty in my vertical blue and red hoodie, along with my grey and black sweatpants, the ones that were cuffed because I did have class.

Perfect walking weather honestly, but I grew tired of walking. The weather was just a little chilly, but I don’t think the weather had anything to do with it. More like years of processed shit to eat and drink.

I was now outside of Café La Cin, the magical place where I worked.

I walked inside, trying to walk to the booth at the extremely far end when I heard.

“Sir umm we can have you seated”

I turned to face the voice and gave an awkward smile.

“Oh, Charlie it’s you, you had me going there. I was actually polite to you. Thought you were a regular guy”

I thought, he wasn’t wrong, I was just a regular guy.

“yeah, was out and thought I’d stop by and see what’s free you guys can give me”

We both slightly chuckled, and then he led me to my back corner booth.

That guy went to the back of the house to see what he could scrap together for me.

That guy was Matthew Andre Closter, but we just called him Mac. Even though I didn’t have any friends. He was like my work best friend. You know the ones you talk to at work all the time, but you actually never spend time together with. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was chill. Tall guy with not the best build, but still impressive. Pecs were nice. The bluest eyes along with a shaggy head of blonde wavy straight hair. He had very masculine hands. Not that I would check them out or anything. I just noticed.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Hey, I can judge a guy all I want. It really isn’t weird these days.

Just then the thought of robbing a bank popped into my mind again. I shook it off

“yeah, right where would we even get a gun,” I said, laughing to myself.

Just then a handsome, blonde prince came from the back carrying sweets galore, you name it cookies, muffins, cookies, and even more cookies, also half a biscuit. I tilted my head, looking at this sweet prince with a smile.

He so gallantly puffed his chest out, “Milord your feast awaits”

and in the same old-timey tone.

I responded

“Thank ye for thy feast, sweet prince”

To top it all off, I got up and bowed. A little over the top, but hey, free food made Charlie do stupid things.

The man sat down next to me and ate with me.

I shared.

I’m not a complete asshole, I gave him the biscuit. THE BISCUIT. Ok! maybe I am a tad bit of an asshole. Mac sighed and kept looking over his shoulder, almost expecting something to happen.

I gave in.

“what’s up Mac, What’s got you all hot and bothered”

He laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“oh, nothing man, just another tiring day.”

I’m no expert on people, nor do I know everything, but I watched people enough to know when they have a tale and this idiot was as clear as day. He always scratched the back of his head and looked frantic when lying. He is what you would call an open book.

“Oh, ok that sucks man, but at least you’re not closing tonight.”

I said, trying not to hint at anything. If he didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to talk about it.

Just then Mac got up and stood right in front of me. The gesture took me aback. I tried looking around him and when I finally got a glimpse, my eyes widened.

“asshole,” I said smiling, asking. “how’d you know”

“A little birdy told me”

I wouldn’t say my eyes lit up at the comment, but they definitely did.

“It was Birdette wasn’t it?” I asked, laughing aloud, giving his arm a small punch-like gesture.

What had caught me by surprise was the group of baristas, heading down our way with a makeshift cake with a big sign that said ‘it's a boy I’m sure it was from the heart.

When I say surprised, I shouldn’t have been that surprised, I mean I expected this. She was working today. The knockout coming our way. Tall, long legs with brownish, golden hair, curves for days that just made you want to suffocate between those thick thighs, and an ass that didn’t quit either. Her bust jiggled just walking down with the cake partially blocking the view, but I knew my goddess shape by memory. she had a face straight off the movie screen. This beauty was Birdette. Well, her first name was.

Wait for it… honey…(https://us.honeybirdette.com/)

TCH, there’s no class in this bunch of readers. Regardless, such a unique name.

If she knew I was here, she would say something about my birthday. She knew everybody’s birthday. She was just that kind of person.

Mac looked at me and said, “Honestly, I would expect that from her, but it wasn’t her who told me.”

I was genuinely shocked, half not believing the tall prince, because who didn’t want a shot at that?

“Oh, then who?”

I asked ambiguously. Mac just put his finger to his lips and whispered

“That's a secret man”

Taken back, I didn’t really have time to pester him for meaning. The entire group was now in front of me. Placing the makeshift cake in front of me, singing happy birthday.

I felt a chill run down my spine and couldn't remember why.

I smiled as hard as I could, but honestly, I was dead inside. This was embarrassing. I got up and thanked everybody, all four of them. The goofy asshole mac, the sexy sweet goddess who remembered my birthday, gorgeous Birdette, the chivalrous Ryan who worked more in the back than he did with us, but he probably put the cake together. And last, but least, the superficial lady cop, who we called the hellhound Miranda. She had surprised me by showing up to this makeshift celebration.

I could have sworn she hated me. She always glared at me. Never spoke unless to say bye and was always in here for some odd reason. It seemed like she was watching me. I always felt on edge around her. My fear of police officers stemmed from a younger age, so I could never shake her or the eerie feeling she carried around.

She was here all the less though, so I would not let it bring me down. Although looking at the small group in front of me this really was a crackpot group. How did she even find out about my birthday? Birdette, I thought, rolling my eyes. She was a prominent person. The best of the best. I’m sure if I asked her for a small loan. She would lend it to me. Not that I'm slimy enough to do that.

Though, Miranda wasn't bad to look at. She wore a short, bobbed haircut. Her black bangs hung almost perfectly above her eyes. Her chest was rather modest, but, it fit with her strong shoulders that stared you down like a punk little bitch. Her legs stood like two tree trunks holding up a finely tuned Anvil. Honestly, they looked like they could kick me into next week. I thought Miranda was nice, but it was that uniform, the one that stressed her ass, which made me flinch. Maybe she could arrest me and immediately let me go, but that’s it

After the celebration, we chatted for a bit, and then 2/4 left us.

Ryan headed back to work with Birdette, leaving me with Mac and Miranda.

Mac then suddenly proclaimed he would get us free drinks. My mind and body hit a wall. Why did Birdette have to go?

Her aurora always just exuded friendliness. It was nice to keep her around, especially in awkward situations. I know it’s good to watch her leave, but she could have stayed for cake.

I got stuck with the flirt and the cop, on my birthday of all days.

“umm, Charlie?”

I looked awkwardly at the table, tapping my fingers against the grain of it.

I noticed a pair of black shoes almost telling me to look up.

I looked up.

“Charlie?”

“Oh, Miranda, you didn’t leave?” I said, smiling up at the short, bobbed hair woman.

She averted her gaze, looking almost everywhere else besides my eyes. It was cute in a cop averting her eyes from a criminal way

“umm no, I just wanted to say something...”

I tried looking into her eyes but got scared and just looked into her badge.

“oh ok, what’s up?”

This can’t be good; she’ll probably say something about the free stuff. Or how I am sloppily dressed. Maybe she'll find drugs I don't do on me.

She just stood there in silence when I noticed Mac watching from the sidelines. He just loves to torture me. I called him over with a look, and he shook his head disappointingly, but whatever.

“hey earth to Miranda you ok, you still need to say something,”

I didn't think she was this shy, it didn’t suit her.

She looked down, then handed me a folded paper towel.

Mac finally came back, holding no drinks. I knew he was doing this to haze me. He just likes to put me into awkward situations with Miranda. This wasn’t the first one either.

Miranda scurried off saying. “See ya Charlie, Happy birthday.”

As Mac sat across from me, I placed the paper towel into my front pocket.

“Well, thanks for that asshole you stuck me with ‘New York's Finest.,” I said in my most demeaning voice.

Mac gave a disappointed look my way.

“Well, you know me man, just love to bust your chops” we both chuckled, and Mac continued. “So, what was it she gave you?”

Remembering the gesture, I took out the towel from my pocket and unfolded the paper towel, and it revealed the saying Happy 21st Charlie.

It also had a little drawing of what seemed to be me and towards the bottom, there was a small kiss mark from a pair of small lips.

Lips that could only be Birdettes, I thought.

“Oh, they must have told her to hand me this as a gift. Since they were busy.”

I bet these are Birdette lips, I thought to myself.

I folded the napkin back up and placed it in my front pocket. I was in a swooning mood.

Mac said nothing, just facepalmed.

“what’s up?”

I asked.

He looked at me, feigned a smile, and spoke.

“You know you’re a real dumbass sometimes.”

In a fake fury. I responded.

“hey what ever happened to no judgement zone”

Honestly, part of me already knew what a dumbass asshole I could be.

I mean, look at the situation I am in right now.

As if changing the subject, Mac mentioned my 21st birthday and how we needed to go out and have fun.

“Honestly, I’m down to just chill, but Birthdays Smirthdays, they didn’t really interest me”

Mac looked on in shock like I was the last one he wanted to hear that from. Mac insisted he take me out and pay for me. I really have a friend. Again, my mind jumped to bank robbing. I whiffed the thought

“well, if you’re so insistent, let’s do it, I need to reset my life and take a break from reality so LET’S GET FUCKED TONIGHT”