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<>, I interrupt him.

I can see that hopeful face of his from miles away. Sadly, this story won’t have a proper happy ending.

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I don’t need to be able to read the spirits to know what the old man is feeling. It would be a lie to say, that I don’t feel anything when seeing him down like that. Preferably I would have liked to give him a big hug and to tell him, that all this has been a big joke of mine, but the reality won’t be changed by some empty words.

He is looking down onto the ground and I can even see his mouth contorting as if he was holding back a cry of himself.

It feels surreal to treat him like this after everything we went through, even just now.

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I turn around, away from him and turn my head to the brown ceiling. My eyes focus on a cobweb in one of its corners, that is especially densely woven.

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I don’t hear an answer and simply continue my monologue, knowing that he is listening to me.

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I lean back more until my entire back is on the cold ground and my words echo inside this empty chamber like air blowing through an empty desert.

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A bit of dust has gotten into my eyes from above, so I halt for a moment to wipe away from my left eyelid until the dust is gone.

Closing my eyes I resume talking.

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<

‘Become a great man, Pasch Ashenwald. Become a great man, Imogyeran Ashenwald.’>>

My buddy shudders from recalling those deeply buried memories from my young mind.

My body shudders from recalling those deeply buried memories from my young mind.

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Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

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I don’t give the old man an opportunity to speak. This is as much for him as it is for me, if not less.

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I let those words linger in the air for a while before continuing.

<

Of course, my spiritual friends did their best to cheer me up, but during that time, it had admittedly been very straining to even be close to them and honestly, I was probably closer to dying than I now realize. >>

I partially turn around until I can barely see the old man sitting there in the corner of my right eye.

<

with my Baby-Brain.

You see, this person, who took in the child of a war-slave, once was a military figure, so I had hoped, that he would be a little considerate at my situation. At the very least I did hope, that he wouldn’t mention the military too much in front of this traumatized kid or anything like that.>>

I now turn around fully to see the sad eyes of an old man staring directly into mine. Tears are streaming down his face and he looks like the Gramps aged 100 years in a single instance.

<

He teaches the child, that lost its everything to the Estican military about how great the Estican military is!

I mean, at this point I am almost more impressed about the sheer human apathy of this individual than the deed itself!>>

I point at my neck with my finger before moving on.

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I point at my own bed now while talking

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I disregard his shivering and continue shouting out the things I had buried inside my mind for ages.

<

IF THIS ISN’T THE DEFINITION OF IRONY, WHAT IS?!?>>

*Inhale*

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*Stagger*

*Steady*

*Inhale*

*Exhale*

*Deep Inhale*

<

If I could simply HATE you, then this wouldn’t be the end of the world for me. I could simply leave when I regain my freedom and never turn back to look at you.>>

I am able to calm myself to a reasonable degree for a moment.

<

I grew close to you. To all of you. And now I am left feeling conflicted between LOVING OR HATING YOU! AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO!!!>>

I break out into a sob again, this time not leaning onto any other shoulder. Simply taking my time to come to terms with my emotions. After a while, I give my last words to the husk of a man sitting before me.

<<5 years. In 5 years of time I will come back to this place. I will take those 5 years to get my things together and at the end of those 5 years, I will have a definite answer for you. Whether that may be war against the Blueseva-family, or making peace with the past or whatever else, I don’t care.

If I don’t come back at the end of this time period, you can assume that either I died or I decided to cut all ties with your family. If it is either of those outcomes, please don’t look for me and please leave me alone.>>

I stood up and walked past the pile of ashes that is Esteban Blueseva.

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While walking into this door, that was shimmering in a bright light, I could hear a silent whispering from behind.

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And an even less audible one after that

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And with those words I jolt awake from my sleep, disoriented as to where I am.

It takes my wildly beating heart a bit to realize the current situation:

I am currently laying on an improvised bed in Uncle Hyoran’s shed, my body is drenched in sweat and I seem to have dreamed about the last time, that Gramps and I talked to each other.

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It’s obvious what’s going on.

I must be having this dream, because it will soon be time for me to leave this shed.

But regardless of that, the time of reunion with the Bluesevas is still years to away into the future.