The trip back to Swordfall wasn’t uneventful, but I don’t remember a whole lot of it. I slept a lot. The drugs working its way through my system had exhausted me.

I do remember being in a hammock in the hold of Caleb’s ship, waking just enough to see Bernadette sleeping in a sturdy wooden chair.

“Thank you for saving me,” I said.

She opened an eye and said, “You better. Worked my ass off.”

I made a show of lifting my head up to look at her.

“Looks like there is plenty of it left.”

It was an incredibly dumb joke. But it got a laugh out of her.

“Go to sleep,” she said.

I did.

Eventually, I awoke to the sun streaming in through a porthole. Thankfully, Bernie was in a hammock now too.

I got out, stumbling a bit, probably more to do with my lack of sea legs than the drugs. I made my way to the deck. Had enough of ship's holds for one week, thank you very much.

Out on the deck were about a dozen folks in various states of leisure and work. Some working on ropes, some playing cards. Everyone in a state of action and soft conversation. Or singing. A tune would start up with one, then be taken up by another, then peter out.

I had some notion of sailor’s work songs, sung when the sails needed to be taken down or up, but this wasn’t that. It was just fun, just culture, I guess.

Caleb had his back to me, out watching the horizon and the approaching bay. He was unarmored, a thin sleeveless shirt showing his well muscled shoulders and arms. Scars ran down them, showing to all that their king had won his position through his own sweat and blood, not birth.

We were probably getting close to Swordfall by my estimation, the white cliffs of the Lionette countryside just coming into view.

“How are you doing?” I asked Caleb.

“You don’t want to know how I’m doing, kid,” he said darkly.

“Oh.”

“So, talk your shit,” he said.

“What?”

He laughed.

“You’re very white,” he said matter of factly. “Speak to me of your troubles, so that my mind may dwell on something else.”

I knew that. It was just… yeah, maybe I was very white.

Caleb was in a bad way right now. He’d just been betrayed by his eldest daughter. His only daughter. And though he hadn’t been literally stabbed, he’d maybe lost her forever. Which was probably worse.

I didn’t know if Bernie had filled him in on the important stuff, and I didn’t know if anyone knew that there was going to be a big attack at the gala, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it until we got back.

Caleb needed a distraction. So what kind of shit did I have going on?

“I think I missed my date,” I said. “How many days is it til the gala?”

“It’s tomorrow,” he said. “What date?”

“Promised Bernie a date after we caught the spies.”

“That girl’s a damn mess. But she’s cute. I'll give you that.” He turned to face me. “Why do you think you’ve missed your date?”

“Because it was supposed to be today, but by the time we get back—”

“You think that would have stopped me?”

“I’m not you, man.”

“I think you mean ‘I’m not you, your majesty.’”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I—”

Caleb laughed and slapped me on the back, then turned to take in the ocean again.

“I’m just messing with you,” he gave me a sly smile before continuing. “If you could do anything, right now, what would you do?”

“I guess throw her a dinner date on the ship?”

“Okay, do that.”

“But I can’t cook, and I’m not suave like that.”

“You think I don’t have one of the finest cooks in the country on this boat? And suave? What do you need that for? You don’t think she likes you?”

“She likes me well enough, I guess.”

“Good. Then you’re all set. Next problem.”

“I’m not like you. I’m sure you’ll just say ‘be yourself.’ But that’s easy advice for an actual freaking king. And even before that —”

“Stop,” Caleb said, turning to lean against the railing. “You’re right. This whole vibe doesn’t work. Look, kid, I’d never say ‘be yourself’ because that doesn’t tell anybody who you’re supposed to be. Right now I’m ‘Friend Caleb,’ You think I show up to court as ‘Friend Caleb?’ No, at court I’m the Fucking King, and I know it.”

I just gazed at him for a moment. Here he radiated warmth. His brown eyes drew me in. But I’d also seen ‘Cold Fury Caleb’ and ‘Regal Majesty Caleb.’ If I chose to be somebody, who would I choose to be?

“You’re starting to get it,” he said.

“Sort of. I’m supposed to be charismatic, but I don’t feel that way. I’m supposed to be charming, but I don't get it. Why does Bernadette even like me in the first place?”

“That’s all the wrong questions. People like each other for any number of reasons. Maybe you trauma bonded out here. Maybe she likes your honest, nerdy thing you got going. She likes you,” he said with certainty. I gave him a quizzical look. “Look, Rachel, Cal, they talk. And you and Bernadette seem to be the only thing you guys want to talk about outside work.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a little annoying.”

“Right.”

“But as soon as you figure this thing out, you can focus on the important stuff.”

“What’s that?”

“What your life is going to be like together. What you’ll do once you know what you’re about.”

He let that sink in for a moment, and waved at someone behind me.

“Look,” he said, “I got to go do king shit. But I’ll give you a crash course in girls.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, look. Here’s the big shocker: girls are people. Seducing a woman is exactly like making any kind of connection with somebody, you’re just flagging different intentions. And while I can’t tell you every little way to tell a girl you’re interested, really interested, I can remind you that you got the stats for this.”

“I don’t know if I believe —”

“Nah, you’ve got a force of personality. Use it. Tonight, you have to anchor yourself to the moment. Anytime you get nervous, you lose the moment. You make it about yourself. Make the moment about her. It’s not gonna take care of all the nerves but,” Caleb’s eyes darted to the people behind me. “Here’s a trick I used to use. If you feel yourself slipping, and you’re already close to her, reach out and touch her. You’re on a date. A little bit of that stuff is fine. Just a shoulder, an arm. Don’t get weird. But that touch is gonna ground you at the same time as it does her.”

“Stay in the moment. Got it. Touch her shoulder.”

“I mean it can be her hand too. Probably the hand for you.”

“Got it.”

“See, you’re doing it,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I was yanked out of my head, and suddenly it was just the king, and his steely eyes, and his warm hand.

“Woah.”

“Relax. You’re talking to me, so talk to me.”

“You think I can do this?”

“Hell yeah. And it’s not just staying in the moment, you need to project yourself. Project kindness. Project interest in her. Think about the feeling, and let it carry over into your interactions.”

“This all sounds so —”

“I can see I’m losing you,” he said, taking his hand back. “Where am I losing you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m this kind of guy. It’s like you want me to pretend to be a cooler guy than I am.”

Caleb sighed, a bit of exasperation coming through.

“Look, there ain't no such thing as fake. It’s all just what you do. Nobody sees your intentions. They just see you being better. People go through the world using ‘authenticity’ as a way to be the worst versions of themselves. That’s bullshit. If you be the guy you want to be, even if it ain't who you was before, then that’s who you are now. Don’t be authentically you. Just be better, and that will be you.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it’s a thinker. I gotta go.”

The wind picked up off the ocean, cold. I did have a lot to think about. It had been an eventful couple of days.

I could feel in my bones that this was just the calm before the storm. The real shit was headed for us. Were we going to be ready for it?

But maybe it was just the wind.

I looked around for a jacket. On my way below decks I saw Rachel.

She sat me down in Caleb's room, at the edge of his huge, plush bed. A stained glass window dominated the back of the boat. It was a beautiful elven woman in the nude. She threw a blanket around my shoulders, and we shared a mug of wine.

I filled her in on what I’d learned about Princess Mia, and about the attack on the gala. She was shocked at the idea that it could be a way to get the Princes together in one place. After a while my ADHD took me in a different direction.

“Is that the queen?” I asked, pointing to the stained glass window.

“Caleb wouldn’t…” she stopped mid sentence and tilted her head, as if looking at the window with a different perspective. “Shit, he’s got the queens’ tits out and covering the whole back of the room.”

“What’s with you and Braelyn?”

“Sorry, I’m still struck by how weird these two are with each other. She’s got him in marble, he’s got her in stained glass. And it’s not like you can’t see this window from the outside.”

I punched her lightly in the shoulder. She winced, but smiled. Apparently she’d distinguished herself in that last fight. We were all a little banged up still.

“Rachel?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I like her a lot. But, I don’t know. I don’t do serious. And you can’t fuck the queen’s sister on a lark.”

“Are you sure it’s not serious?”

She took a sip of her wine.

“Nah. It’s just a crush. On my end. She’s, well, she’s too important.”

“You’re literally one of the Promised Heroes, destined to save the fucking world. You’re plenty important.”

Rachel thought for a moment.

“Thanks.”

“I thought you stopped drinking?”

“I stopped drinking around her.”

“Baby steps?”

“Baby steps,” she said, before taking another sip from her mug. “So what’s this about a date on the boat?”

“How do you know already?”

“It’s a small boat.”

Then I launched into my plans for my date with Bernadette. She interrupted me.

“Wait, what’s this about touching her hand?”

“He said if I get nervous, I touch her hand, and it’ll ground me.”

“That’s terrible advice. Fucking Caleb,” she muttered to herself. “Hand touching is an escalation. If you try to escalate too soon, or if it doesn’t go over well, because your hand is sweaty or —”

“Jesus,” I said, “I’m gonna fuck this up.” I paced across Caleb’s fine carpet. I am not too proud to say that I was a stuttering, muttering mess. “I’m gonna ruin the friendship, and fuck up the team, and I’m gonna strand us all here, and —”

Rachel stood, walked over to me, and kicked me in the shin.

“Ouch! Why did you —” I started to say, but then I noticed that she had her arms out for a hug. I let her hug me.

“I was spiraling,” I said.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you didn’t have your belt on.”

“Yeah.”

We sat back on Caleb’s bed.

“Look, this is just an opportunity to let her know how you feel.”

“Right.”

“You know how you feel, yeah?”

I threw myself back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling of Caleb’s room. Someone had frescoed a painting of the sky with cherubs sitting on the clouds. It was good. I almost felt like I was gonna fall up into it. I’ve almost died half a dozen times at this point, and each time the biggest regret that passed my mind was not telling Bernadette how I felt.

“I think I love her,” I said.

Rachel hit me with a pillow.

“Jeez! Stop! You’re so violent!”

“The L word. Is. Too. Soon!”

“I know!”

Rachel threw the pillow on the ground, and lay on the bed next to me.

“It’s a date, Zach,” Rachel said, staring up at the ceiling with me. “You’ve been on a date.”

“I mean, I think twice?”

“Really, only twice?”

“Yeah, my first serious girlfriend, we’d just hook up in her dorm. We didn’t really date.”

“See what I am working with, naked cherub baby?” she said, gesturing to the ceiling. “The man’s uncultured.”

We lay there for a moment, neither of us really knowing what to say. Then, we were rescued. I have no idea what we’d have done if they hadn’t shown up. Probably half ass the date.

“Alright, get up!” Braelyn said. “We have exactly one hour to plan this thing, get the room set up, and get this slob dressed.”

I sat up and cursed. Rachel stood and wiped her hands on her pants, and held her hand out as if she were going to shake Braelyn’s hand. I shot her a look. Rachel folded her hands in front of her. Braelyn pulled out a cloth measuring tape.

“Woah, what gives! How did you get here?”

“I teleported here as soon as Caleb told me what you planned to do. I’m honestly disappointed I wasn’t your first call.”

I stood. She continued measuring.

“What’s all this for?”

“Just confirming my previous suspicions. I think I have your measurements right. That’ll make this go quick.”

“What do you want me to do?” Rachel asked.

“Go wake up Bernadette so we can get this party started. The queen sent her a dress in her approximate size. I brought a tailor too.”

“Wait, the queen knows about this?” I asked.

Braelyn gave me a disappointed look.

“She’s the queen. You should assume there isn’t anything she doesn’t know.”