Even after hours of scrubbing, Angel wasn’t tired in the slightest. He had to admit, without the parties contributing to a constant cycle of destruction and reparation, it was much easier to keep on top of things.

He pulled loose life-force around him along with his breath, creating an equilibrium that came as naturally and automatic as breathing itself. Over the past month, he managed to build a sufficient resistance. Sipping slowly at the energy no longer intoxicated him. Instead, it became a natural state of being, and for once in his life, he finally felt whole.

After Angel finished cleaning, he moved into the bathroom to get ready to go. They were all supposed to have supper together at Nyx’s in anticipation of tomorrow’s council meeting. His gut twisted, unsure what he was going to do if they decided to send Kismet away.

Is there anything I can do? Do we appeal? Riot? There's no reason for them to say no. She's probably the sweetest person I've ever met.

Angel carefully brushed his hair and tied it up, put jewelry back on, and prepared to leave.

A knock at the door caught his attention, but before he could go to open it, he heard someone let themselves in. The heavy footsteps were instantly recognizable, setting him on edge.

“Angel? You home?” his father called.

They hadn’t spoken since the confrontation a month ago, and Angel had hoped to keep it that way.

He sighed and stepped out of the washroom and met Julian in the hall dividing the stairs and living-room. The older man jumped as if Angel had just snuck up on him.

“I’m here, what do you want?” said Angel.

His father regarded him with bloodshot eyes. “I’ve come to talk,” he slurred.

The scent of sour wheat wafted from Julian’s breath. Angel tensed, grinding his teeth. His heartrate quickened, wracking his brain for anything he could have possibly done wrong, but for once couldn't think of anything. In fact, he'd been careful to be on his very best behavior over the past few weeks.

I haven’t given him anything to complain about, so what's he doing here?

“Ok, let’s talk, but make it quick,” said Angel. “I have somewhere to be.”

They moved over to the living-room where Angel perched in the armchair, arms crossed. He tightened the grip of his arms around his body as if to hold his temper inside. Julian plunked on the couch. The springs groaned under his weight. He slouched, propping his elbows on his knees, to cradle his chin in his hands.

“Well?” Angel asked, bouncing his leg with impatience.

“Where do I even begin…” Julian rubbed his exhausted eyes and when he looked up, a spark of sincerity caught Angel off guard. "Look Kid, I came to apologize. The last time we spoke, I was hard on you, and I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Nothing new," Angel grumbled, examining the floor. It was strange to receive an apology so distant from the incident. Normally, they'd both just pretend it had never happened. He was supposed to be grateful for the calm and move on.

"I'm sorry," Julian sighed. "I wish I could have... I wish I knew what to do with you."

Nothing. You could have just left me alone.

"I dunno, play catch? Ride bikes?" Angel quipped. "That's usually what fathers and sons do, or at least that's what TV says. How would I know?"

"Angel please, I'm trying here." Julian looked at him with desperation.

Angel sighed, gritting his teeth and shifted his weight to get comfortable. A tug-o-war battled in his chest between the tension and grudges still bottled up within, the visceral need to get his back up and stay guarded, and the inclination to lean into the apology. The watery sincerity in Julian's eyes made something shift inside him.

Maybe he means it this time.

"Ok," Angel said. "You, um, want a beer or something?"

"Sure, that'd be great." Julian sagged in relief, sinking into the threadbare cushions.

The kitchen offered a brief reprieve as he rummaged in the fridge for a couple of beers. Angel couldn't shake the feeling Julian had come here for something bigger than an apology for one slap out of the many he'd doled out over the years. There was something on the tip of his tongue, and Angel wasn't sure if he was ready to hear it.

Or maybe he's really had a change of heart? Maybe things can finally be better. He's noticed that I'm trying to change and has come to set things right.

Angel returned to the living-room and handed a can of beer to his father and kept one for himself, plunking into the armchair. They both cracked the cans open with a hiss of compressed air.

"So, um, what did you want to tell me?" Angel asked after taking a sip.

Julian seemed not to hear the question, instead his eyes lingered on Angel's red guitar. It was propped up in a stand next to the record player.

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"I'm glad to see you're still playing," said Julian. "Nyx plays bass, right?"

"Drums."

"Ah." Julian nodded, swallowing a sip of beer. "Any good?"

"She's incredible."

"Why don't you two ever make a band or something?" Julian asked.

Angel drummed his fingers against the aluminum side of the can. His silver rings tapped against the metal. It wasn't like he and Nyx had never talked about it, but when push came to shove, he couldn't see himself playing for anyone but her.

"Are you still singing?" Julian asked. "I don't think I've heard you do it in years."

Because you always told me to shut the fuck up.

Angel tightened his grip on his beer can, but said nothing.

"You had an amazing voice," Julian continued. "Just like your mother. If only you could have heard her."

That was the first time he'd ever heard anyone mention that Ember used to sing, and something stirred inside him.

"Really? Mom could sing?" Angel asked, hope twinging his voice. Finally, there was something about her that he could cling to, something about her that he could see in himself that wasn't considered selfish or reckless.

Julian nodded. "Oh yeah. Beautifully. She used to do some busking, or little shows in bars. Why haven't you tried that?"

There was no way Angel would ever sing for a crowd. Sure, he could playfully belt along with his favorite songs in the car, but actually singing was too... intimate. He'd sooner walk outside naked.

"I dunno..." He flushed, studying the stains in the carpet.

"I wish you had spent more time on your music than gambling and goofing off," Julian grumbled.

Heat flared in the center of Angel’s chest.

“Hmm, that’s funny. If I recall correctly, you broke the first guitar I ever bought," said Angel, suddenly struggling to breath. He could still hear the sound of the wood splintering against the wall.

“No, that’s -” Julian shook his head, then sighed. “You’re such a willful boy. It's so hard to get through to you. I had no choice but to take drastic measures so you’d just listen for once.”

“Cut to the chase Julian," Angel snapped. "What did you come to tell me?”

“You know I love you,” Julian said, the echo of a sob catching in his throat. “No matter what happens, please remember that.”

“I’ll be sure to write it down,” Angel grumbled.

‘I love you’ meant nothing, not when it rang so hollow. He heard the excuses a thousand times, and it only served to confuse him further. Everywhere he looked, this was not what 'love' was for other people. Jay and Molly loved the triplets without throwing things at them, or screaming or setting conditions; If you could only be good, if you could only be quiet, be still... And he knew he loved Nyx as certainly as he knew the sky was blue and he swore to never make her feel afraid....

But I do.

A sudden rage burned within him, building a heat under his skin. He fought to keep himself from glowing, taking in slow steady breaths, absorbing life-force energy as he created it, but made sure to release on the exhale to avoid building too much.

“Do you have to be so difficult?” Julian asked, but his voice had no edge.

“How should I be?” Angel snapped.

Julian groaned in frustration. “Why do I even bother with you?”

“I dunno, why do you? I didn’t invite you here.”

“Angel, I’m trying to talk to you. For once in your life can you try -”

“All I’ve ever done is try!” The heat rose under Angel’s flesh, prickling across his skin despite his best efforts and he struggled to pull it in.

Not now.

“It’s never been good enough,” he continued.

Now I’m trying in spite of you, not because of you.

Julian frowned. “Angel -”

“Why should I give a shit when nothing I do is ever enough? I might as well do whatever the fuck I want. You keep trying to drag me into your pit of misery, while you wallow over Mom for all eternity. Well, I have a life to live and I’m not going to spend it moping around no matter how bad you want me in the gutter with you.”

“You’re doing a fine job of putting yourself there. I don’t have to do much of anything but let you spin.” Julian glared at him. “I’ve tried to protect you from yourself, and the memory of her most of all. She wasn’t so great, you know. We practically broke up the night -” Julian caught himself. He buried his face in his hands. “God I loved her.” He looked up again. “You’re so much alike.”

“What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?” Angel exclaimed.

He could not contain himself much longer and got up to pace. Julian flinched at the sudden movement, but didn’t move otherwise.

“I don’t know a damn thing about her, so how am I supposed to take that?” Angel continued. “One minute she was the light of your life and the next, you hated her guts. You can’t make up your mind.”

“Both things can be true,” Julian said softly. “I tried my best. Everything was a big mess. Then you came along… You were so difficult…” he hung his head, shaking it slowly. “What a mistake.”

Angel stopped mid-pace, his heart thudding at the base of his throat. The pendulum of rage swung into cold logic.

“I think you should go.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Julian tried to explain, but Angel just shook his head.

“I don’t care anymore. I don’t.” Angel turned to look out at the window instead, unable to face his father any longer.

If I turn around, I don’t know if I’d cry or scream.

He heard Julian shift and get up. Angel tensed, looking out at his lawn and the street beyond. All the lights on in the little cabins beyond - happy families sitting down to meals.

“Angel, I didn’t tell you -”

“Just go,” Angel said. “I have to get to Nyx’s. She’ll be wondering where I am.”

“You’ll understand someday,” Julian sighed.

Angel still refused to look back. He trembled with undefinable emotion. A storm of chaos reigned in his mind. Every ounce of his concentration focused on gently releasing the energy inside like slipping the lid off a boiling pot.

He heard the front door open and shut again, then let his body sag. He made his way back to the armchair and plunked down, no longer attempting to reign in his abilities. A blue haze surrounded the contours of his body as rage and grief mounted within him.

I need to get it together before I see Nyx.

The usual sounds of his cabin comforted him. The zing of electricity in the walls, the tick of the clock and water sifting through pipes brought him into his body.

I wonder what he wanted to tell me? It couldn't have been that important.

After a moment more to collect himself, Angel got up to leave. Ensuring his glow had fully dissipated, he stepped out onto his deck, stripping off his shirt to unfurl his wings. The evening fog dampened his skin. He waded through the tall grass in the lawn and took off into the air.