The waves rolled into shore, calm and soft against the sand. Angel closed his eyes to feel the world turn. The earth ignited in a new way. The air hummed with a vibration that even his sensitive hearing had not been able to detect previously. It was warm against his skin like the sun in midsummer.

Even the driftwood log he sat on teemed with life. The wood itself had long since faded, but the bugs currently using it for shelter were like tiny embers scuttling about.

It was because of this very beach and a similar log that he had been given the nickname 'Grub.' He had come here frequently as a kid to skip stones or play games with the triplets. Once a particularly gnarly and rotted log had washed up. They were nine years old at the time. It was fresh on its driftwood journey, not yet made hard and smooth by the waves. Instead, it was still rotten and soft. Nyx kicked it, cracking the wood open to expose a haven of roly-polies. The little gray creatures scattered, escaping the light.

Alistair plucked one up. The roly-poly curled into a ball in his palm.

"I dare you to eat it," he teased Angel.

Angel poked the pill-bug with a finger. It curled up tighter. His stomach churned.

"Ok, I'll do it."

"Aw man, not seriously," said Alistair. "That's gross dude. Let's put it back. Maybe we can build a sandcastle to fill up with crabs instead."

Nyx stopped kicking the log and joined them. "You're seriously gonna eat that dirty ol' bug?"

He shrugged. "Sure, why not?" It was a genuine question. He couldn't think of a reason not to, and the expressions of disgust and horror as well as intrigued excitement on his friends' faces spurned him forward. Angel plucked the roly-poly out of Alistair's hand.

"I was only kidding," said Alistair. His eyes shone, greedy with anticipation.

Angel dangled the curled-up roly-poly between his fingers, closed his eyes and popped it in his mouth. His friends squealed in disgust and delight.

"You're nuts Grub. I bet that guy had a family," said Alistair.

Alistair called him 'Grub' for the rest of the afternoon, and it caught on from there.

Angel couldn't explain why he ate the roly-poly, or the million other things he’d done over the years.

To make them laugh? To gross them out? Who knows.

When he opened his eyes and looked at his hands, a faint blue aura lined the contours of his body. He shook his hand as if to get dirt away. The light disappeared.

I should have moved in with Nyx. I shouldn't have fought Carl. Then none of this would have happened.

"Hey, Grub!"

He looked toward the familiar voice to see Nyx climbing down the rocks concealing this small patch of sand from the rest of the beach. She placed her feet with well practiced caution, holding her arms out for balance. The wind pushed her pink hair to the side. She wore his shirt again. Remnants of last night's makeup still stained rings around her eyes.

"I thought you were at work, so I went to the dock to look for you. I figured this was the next best bet." Nyx hopped off the bottom rock onto the sand.

"I can't hide from you," he said and moved over to make room.

"Then why do you try?" she asked, and sat next to him. "How are you?"

"How do you think I am?" he sighed. "I can't stop thinking about it. I wish I could dip my brain in bleach so I can forget about it. You remember when Ivy came to the island that time? When she nearly killed June and actually sucked up Bill?"

Nyx nodded.

"What if I get like that?" he asked utterly horrified to speak the words aloud.

"She does a lot of good things too," said Nyx. "This power isn't all bad."

If I have to spend the rest of my life hiding it, it won’t matter.

"How much good does someone have to do to make up for sucking people dry? Is it one for one?"

"That's Ivy, not you. That'll never be you." Nyx looked him dead in the eye and for a moment, he could almost believe her. "You think I'd let you?"

"Promise?"

"Promise," she said, intertwining her fingers through his. Nyx leaned her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her.

"I'm serious. If I become anything like her, you gotta do whatever it takes to kill me before I go too far."

"You're so dramatic," she said, swatting him. "It won't come to that."

I wouldn’t have even made it this far if not for her.

He sighed. A heavy weight sat in his chest. The ocean waves rushed to shore. Foam raced toward the beach in a stampede of white horses.

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"Isn't this where we kissed for the first time?" he asked.

"Yeah, like, when we were twelve," she giggled. Nyx tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "We both wiped our lips right after, so I'm not sure it still counts?"

"It counts," he said. "I was terrified."

"Really? It was your idea, but I'm glad you asked." She kicked at the sand, burying the toes of her canvas sneakers in the soil. "I have something to tell you."

"Can I ask you something first?"

How is this the scariest thing I’ve ever done?

"Ah, sure. Go ahead."

"Do you want to move in with me?"

She froze and scooched back. "That's sorta what I wanted to tell you. I claimed that empty red house about a block away from you."

"Yeah, well, you can un-claim it and come live with me instead," he said.

Nyx sprung off the log. "You are the most confusing man I have ever met!"

"I thought this is what you wanted? I thought you'd be happy?" Angel got up to face her.

She crossed her arms and scowled. "I would have been about twenty-four hours ago, before everything. Then you turn around and tell me it's none of my business. I know how to take a hint."

"For someone that thinks so much I can see how it's hard to believe that I don't think at all, but it's true," Angel exclaimed. "I really am that stupid, and impulsive, and reckless and whatever else you must think of me. I'm sorry I said it's none of your business, ok? You can be CEO if you fucking want to."

"Angel, stop it." Nyx shook her head in exasperation. "Look, I've made up my mind. For the record, I don't think you're stupid. You're very smart actually. That's why I always expect so much more from you."

"Well don't. You'd be a lot less disappointed."

"Angel -" she sighed. "You're so ready to throw it all away at a moments notice and I don't understand why. I think it'll be better this way. We're still close, ya know? Closer than we are now even."

His heart pounded like the floor had dropped away from him altogether.

She's slipping away and there's nothing I can do to stop her. I've gone too far this time.

Nyx uncrossed her arms and sighed. She put her hand on his cheek. Pain slithered under his ribs as it wafted off of her in waves. It was utterly nauseating.

Does she always hurt like this? Is this my doing?

His stomach churned and this time, the emotion was his own.

"I'm not leaving. I'm right here," she said.

His chest squeezed the breath in his lungs.

"We've gone back and forth since we were fourteen. I'm tired. I'm serious about you. I've said as much. It was you that wanted space. So I'm gonna meet you in the middle and stay in my own place and wait for you there."

"What are you waiting for?" Desperation clawed through his chest. "Tell me and I'll do it."

"I want you to love me, ok? There. I said it." She huffed and crossed her arms, sticking her chin out in defiance. "Well?"

Terror rooted him in place as the world spun around him.

I can fly out of here, but then what?

"I - uh -" he stammered.

"That's what I thought," she said and looked away. Her eyes cast to the sky as if she watched the seagulls instead.

Just say it. It’s not like it isn’t true. Can’t she see this is for her own good? Get too close to me, she'll see I have nothing. I am nothing. She'll come up empty handed. It’s better this way. Believe me.

Nyx came to him with all she had and he had nothing to give in return.

At least she could take his bitter heart. That had some sort of substance, something to sink her teeth into. He didn't want her to fall into the void in his chest. The shame in his stomach and the pain under his ribs was something to hang onto. So he clung to it as some type of proof he had a solid form.

Say the words idiot, just say the fucking words. That's literally all you have to do. It's not even like you don't mean it.

He couldn't will himself to do it. The sincerity was the worst part.

Can't Nyx see she has every piece of me? Isn't that enough?

The ocean wind blew her hair around her face. The energy surrounding her throbbed in waves. She stared with wide eyes. The intensity in them swallowed him whole.

"What is this?" Nyx asked. "What are we doing?"

"I dunno, you tell me," he snapped. "I asked you to move in, exactly what you wanted a day ago, and you said no. The ball really is in your court here."

She reached for his hand, twisting her fingers between his. "I love you and I know you love me too."

He opened his mouth as if to say something, then stopped.

"Are you going to deny it?"

His eyes met hers, wounded. "I could never," he muttered. The skin of his cheek pulsed. "If you already know, then what's the problem? Why do we need to talk about it?"

"Because I need commitment."

"But I said -" he began, but she interrupted.

"My worst fear came true last night, and in the blink of an eye, I realized I'd have to live the rest of my life without you. I thought maybe you'd be ready to stop, but the first thing you wanted to do was learn to use your powers to fight. I can't stand around and watch you throw your life away on drunken whims anymore."

"What do you want from me?" he exclaimed, tossing his hands in frustration. "You know who I am better than anyone. This is it. There's nothing else. There's nothing under this. So you can finally stop waiting for me to change because the person you think you love doesn't exist. I'm not going to wake up one day and decide to be someone different, so get over it."

"I don't want you to be different, I need you to be better!"

Her words struck him like a bullet to the chest, sharper than any knife, heavier than any fist.

His blue eyes hardened, sharp as flint. "I hate to tell you this, but this is as good as it gets."

In a flourish he extended his wings. She stepped back and gave him space. Angel beat his wings against the sky, crouched and jumped, catching the wind under his feathers.

Angel’s heart pounded even as he disappeared into the clouds. Tension sat like a heavy ball in his chest. The heat rose up under his skin. A faint blue glow enveloped him. He flew higher until the air thinned, straining his lungs to breathe. The weight became too much to bare. Now as far from earth as one could get, a scream ripped from him, tearing through his chest and throat.

I’ll never be what she wants. I may as well have died last night. Julian was right. She’s reached her limit. I’ve pushed her too far. She doesn’t deserve this and I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me. It was only a matter of time before she saw it.

The blue light gradually seeped back into him, even as he ruminated. Angel caught the wind and coasted toward his cabin, thoughts still spinning in his mind until he made himself sick. Dipping under the clouds, his cabin appeared below. Angel spiraled, pulling his wings in, diving toward earth. Not even the gut rush of terminal velocity could alleviate this pain. He hit the front lawn with a knee-buckling thump.

The usual pang after the impact dissipated immediately. Somehow, that served to frustrate him further. Not even his body could keep up the simplest routine. Furious, Angel marched inside the cabin and slammed the door.