THE SHERIFF OF HNUT / CH. 22: PEACEFUL CONTEST

HALF AN HOUR AFTER YANEPOLI LEFT, RESTDAY, 10TH WINTER

Yalb said, “OK, so this is just a friendly contest of strength, no name-calling, tickling, talons or other things intended to put anyone off, agreed?”

“Agreed,” Yagah said.

“So what are you planning to do with that bucket of snow and water, Yalb?” Lanthi asked.

“Erm, Wash the carpet quickly, if there's any unfortunate accident?” Yalb lied.

“You're planning on tipping it on us if you think we're getting too enthusiastic, aren't you?” Yagah accused.

“Urm, how do I answer that one, Lanthi?”

“Honestly,”

“Your mother thought it might be a sensible precaution.” Yalb said.

“OK, fair enough.” Lanthi agreed.

“You're serious?” Yagah asked.

“Yagah, to my mind, we're doing this to convince ourselves and each other that fighting would be a bad idea, aren't we? That's to say, to sort out if I've got the talons but you've got the strength, or if both advantages are on my side? If both are on my side, then it'll maybe help you control your tongue, and if you've got the strength, then we'll both hopefully realise that getting into a plucking contest might well end up in my feathers and your blood on the floor. In that context, a bit of ice down the neck to snap us out of it seems pretty mild, don't you? It's not that I want to pick a fight, it's just our sinful bellicosity might pick one for us.”

“Yagah?” Girt pleaded.

“Girt thinks it's too dangerous, that you'll get angry if you lose.” Yalb said.

“Let's start with me against Girt then. Girt, if you let me win then I'm going to accuse you of cheating.”

“No, Lanthi, me against Girt first, let's not risk me winning just because you've tired him out.”

“Warm-up first.” Girt countered. “Couples, then winners, then cross-couples, then losers.”

“What if Lanthi beats Yalb?” Yagah asked.

“Then we accuse him of cheating,” Lanthi said, “take him outside and wash him in his bucket of ice. He beat me earlier this week.”

“One arm two arms or all four?” Girt asked.

“At once?” Lanthi asked confused.

“No, after each other.” Yagah said.

“I think Yalb needs his sub-arms fully functional for working on the plans.”

“One arm,” Yalb agreed, “Otherwise it could end up as long as the field debate.”

“One arm, wrist to wrist” Yagah said, “just in case anyone gets nasty ideas about twisting, little brother.”

“It's ages since I've tried that on you, Yagah,” Yalb protested.

Predictably, Yalb beat Lanthi, and Girt beat Yagah. Yagah, however tried to distract Girt by stroking his crest with her feathers, so it was almost a close thing.

“Yagah,” Yalb threatened, “If you try that on me and I'll borrow some scissors from mum and trim you.”

“I've no interest in your crest, Yalb. I'm just encouraging my husband to think about what happens when he beats you for me.”

“Yagah,” Girt said, in a pained voice, “Yalb isn't duelling me for you, and it doesn't work like that anyway.”

“It's OK, Girt, in the unlikely chance that I win we can tell everyone it's all Yagah's fault for making you...”

“Yalb!” Lanthi interrupted, “No cheating, or I'll find something for tickling your crest with. Now get on with it; I want to see how deceptive Yant strength does against Lanthin bulk.”

“At your command, most regal Lanthithanapoli.”

“We could just chuck him into the snow anyway, for general insolence,” Yagah suggested.

“Tempting, but no.” Lanthi said “Positions! And go!”

It was the look of surprise on Yalb's face that Lanthi treasured the most. He lost, but it was far from a foregone conclusion, and Girt had obviously been caught by surprise at the beginning, and had mainly won by technique. “Yalb,” he panted, “field-debate, or sooner; you arm-wrestle Gangar; you ought to win, and he needs to lose to someone other than me and dad, learn some respect.”

“Yagah?” Lanthi asked, “I think we ought to let the males recover, don't you?”

“Don't hurt me please,” Yagah said, in a small voice.

“Are you saying you don't want to arm-wrestle?” Lanthi asked, surprised.

“I think she took my warning the other day to think talons seriously, Lanthi, and she didn't hear what you said about deliberately acting the monster with Gangar, and you scare her.”

“Gangar was annoying. Gangar either didn't hear or didn't listen, Gangar thought 'don't think you're getting her all to yourself' is an appropriate thing to say in front of a girl, as though I'm some kind of piece of meat to be fought over by a pack of growlers. In front of my parents, too.”

“He said what?” Yagah exclaimed. “He never said that!”

“I heard him,” Girt agreed.

“What did he tell you?” Yalb asked.

“Don't!” Lanthi said, “not in my hearing. No feeding the monster with reported insult, please. I might have bellicose thoughts and reactions as an inescapable fact, but it doesn't mean I like finding my brain busily inventing ways of skinning people alive or whatever. I'm glad I've not got it as bad as mum, and as for grandma, wow... she'd plucked about ten other girls before she started growing her feathers. Breeding it out of us seems to be working.”

“How many girls have you plucked?” Girt asked.

“Plucked, none, sliced: when I was six one stupid girl challenged me to prove I had talons and then touched them, the idiot, so two bleeding fingers but I claim not my fault. Almost plucked, quite a few, almost shredded, one teacher yesterday, who thought my colour came out of a jar and called me a stupid liar. Which reminds me, I need to petition Tanepoli, Tang of the Tan needs a prize for averting bloodshed.”

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SISTERDAY EVENING, 9TH WINTER

“Thank you, Sheriff Dirak,” Tanepoli said. “I hope that Lenepoli forgives me for taking your time.”

“Of course I do, Tanepoli.” Lenepoli said “It's good to see you're able to sit up.”

“Shh, don't tell the doctor.”

“I didn't know you could just freeze someone out quite like that.”

“It's his own doing. He's always called himself Tathig of the Tan, but to sign a contract like that means he's conducting the business deal for the benefit of the clan, and under my authorisation. He certainly didn't have my authorization, so since I became an adult it's been a type of fraud. Hopefully the investigating officers will also find some evidence of a payment to Qnut, or there will be someone who remembers the crate.”

“And the request to have him arrested?” Lenepoli asked.

“That is one of the privileges I have. It used to be pretty hard for a noble to be arrested without the approval of the head of the clan. Now it's merely a signal that the police can expect the clan lawyers to be asking when he's going to get prosecuted rather than when he's going to be let out. Taresha's going to be talking to the clan lawyers once they get home.”

“Do all clans have clan lawyers?” Lenepoli asked.

“I expect so. Yanepoli's are probably in Qnut,” Tanepoli said.

“Dirak, the ex-mayor claimed to be a descendent of the princes, didn't he?” Lenepoli asked “What's his noble line?”

“Extinct, a long long time ago,” Tanepoli said. “The usurpers who called themselves princes tried to set up clans by male descent, but that just means they all smelt the same, and it was allegedly pretty easy to notice them, since they didn't wash. No other reliable characteristics at all. Where there was a prince, there was either a clan destroyed by blood-feud, or a murderer, hence the Yanepoli of the time had no qualms about inviting her friends up here, and she probably wouldn't have let any so-called prince clean out her stables.”

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“But there are nobles who aren't part of clans?”

“Minor nobles, yes. If my babies and I had died, that's what my relatives would have become, next generation. It doesn't make much difference now if you're high or low nobility, of course, except for naming. I'm sorry, I need to rest.”

“I'm sorry, for wearing you out. Shall I take Tagelah and Talinth to Chelf?”

“Yes, please. Lenepoli's going to take you to daddy now, Tagelah, Talinth.”

Four little eyes looked up at her, sadly.

“Mummy's going to stay here and get some sleep. I expect Daddy has some milk for you.”

They couldn't turn round, but they stopped looking at Tanepoli, and were obviously wondering where their father was, and the promised milk.

“Hungry aren't they?” Tanepoli said.

“I learned that the only time a fluffball is not interested in more milk is when his or her tummy is so full they're asleep. You've noticed their tickle-fluff has grown past their breathing fluff?”

“I have, not long now before we can retire your fish-gut. That'll be so nice.”

“You're welcome to try from my point of view. If they can tickle they can suck, according to the doctor.”

“Then Dirak had better get out, this dress isn't meant for feeding.”

“Certainly,” Dirak said.

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“How is she?” Keldi asked.

“Tired, but trying a first no-fish-gut feed,” Dirak said.

“That'll be good,” Keldi said, just as the youngsters came in.

“So, who won the great arm-wrestle?” she asked.

“Girt beat Yalb, just. I beat Yagah, just. And we girls are no match for the boys, surprise surprise. And we've agreed that ice down Yalb's back is cheating and laughing is much better than fighting.”

“Good plan. It's much easier to avoid getting arrested with laughter” Dirak said. “Who provided the ice?”

“Me, while he was arm-wrestling Yagah a second time.”

“And I've been told that I need to join in the arm-wrestling at the field debate,” Yalb added.

“I think I'll give that a miss,” Dirak said.

“I'm curious if I could beat you,” Lanthi said.

“Let's assume you can, since you could lift that log. But Yalb, before it gets to Restday, have you had time to look at those ideas like I asked you to?”

“Yes, Dirak. I don't claim to understand all of what I assume are different scripts you've made notes in, but what I understood made reasonable sense to me. I'm not fully sure I understand why you want the tower though.”

“Really because I've always promised myself that if I ever built a house it'd have one. Both for an observatory on top, one day, maybe, and for better views and better light. My grandparents had one and I always loved the views.”

“OK. Another thing I'm a bit confused about is that you don't have many windows.”

“Ah, well, crystal is perfectly see-through, as long as we make it properly.”

“But you have some things labelled 'window'.”

“Oh, yes, those open, for air, or for shouting out of.”

“OK. Tower, checked; windows, checked; what about doors.”

“Urm, what about them?”

“I didn't see any, on outside walls, anyway.”

“That might be embarrassing,” Dirak agreed, laughing, “We'd probably have noticed at some point.”

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RESTDAY LUNCHTIME, 10TH WINTER, YANEPOLI'S HOME

“I've got a question for you, my queen.” Yanepoli said, “If I may dare to ask it.”

“I'm sure you may,” Keldi assured her.

“Don't be so sure. In fact, I only ask it if you understand that it is intended as a thing to be pondered, and not meant as a challenge.”

“I listen, and I understand,” Keldi said.

“Hnayagelah wrote about one of your visits to Parliament, - no details of course - and said that her husband had told her no thanapoli has backed away from a challenge in well over four hundred years.”

“I've said it any number of times, myself.”

“But there must be times when accepting the challenge would be direct sin, so I hope you do not accept all challenges, and I assume you have also, at times, accepted the great challenge of forcing aside your pride and asking your husband to forgive you.”

“You are correct,” Keldi agreed, “Not easy, but worthwhile.”

“My question is, I think... actually for Lanthithanapoli: will the thanapolis of the future recognise the challenge of sidestepping a challenge and so honouring God, even if this hurts pride? Or recognising the challenge of self control so that if you really must swipe, it will be with talons withdrawn? Is that the way that the thanapolis of the future will face challenges? The challenge to bring peace rather than violence? Will there ever be a thanapoli who can back out of a challenge for the sake of the reputation of God? Or will it always be that the sins of pride and unthinking anger are victorious over you?”

“If I may reinterpret your question, your ladyship?” Lanthi asked “I think you ask if I, my daughter, or grand-daughter might be the first thanapoli to accept that she might be in a contest that should not be, one that will only lead to dishonour, shame and disaster and back out of it. To this I answer that Polithanapoli realised that very thing, regarding politics. Further, my mother frequently says 'this challenge is not one for me to take part in,' whether that be politics or convincing her unruly daughter to get on with her homework. These are a little different, I know, to what you asked but they are a sign that we can at least choose not to fight every fight. I expect that the village rumour machine has spoken of how I offered to slice up Gangar. It was crude of me, but while I was annoyed at the presumption that I had no say in who I spend time with, he was never in any immediate danger from me. In that respect I was acting the part of a monster that I hope I will never be, because I felt that briefly showing my monster would prevent any further possibility of a conflict over me. Sithini avoided conflict by professing her hatred of violence, I believe my way was equally effective, possibly even more so, I don't know; I've noticed that males do seem rather protective of their crests.”

“But if he had called you a liar,” Yalb asked, “what would you have done?”

“Well, I'll admit I'd thought of several possibilities...”

“Slice, dice or skewer?” Yalb suggested.

“Assuming he just out and said it in the middle of my speech, one option I'd planned was a little speech which would have ended with you getting a kiss. But since my parents were actually present, I was more thinking that I'd beg my outraged parents to put up a forcefield to stop the bloodshed, and give him a stern talking to about offending royal dignity.”

“Thank you, Lanthi.” Yanepoli said “I begin to see why peace-loving Yalb is falling for you. If you would publicly kiss him to avoid a fight, it seems to me you actually value peace more than dignity, don't you?”

“Jesus dying on a cross was not dignified, Yanepoli, but it bought us peace with God. I think that buying peace with a little bit of undignified behaviour which earns me a telling off from my parents is worth it. I am of course presuming that pastor Ruath wouldn't condemn such a flagrant breach of good behaviour as being sin.”

“But you still don't think you could back away from a direct challenge?”

“For me, it probably depends who from,” Lanthi said.

“Ah. I find myself relieved once more. Thank you.”

“May I ask something?” Yalb asked Keldi.

“Go ahead.”

“Your mother declared abdication to be cowardice...”

“Oh, that one,” Keldi said. “Abdication is cowardice in relation to the challenge of finding a noble and peace-loving husband. Abdication is not cowardice in relation to carrying out the constitution's goal of getting the lakiinas back in power without plunging the country back into chaos.”

“That's the constitution's goal?” Yalb asked, surprised.

“Yes. That's why parliament will be quite happy to hear that Lanthi's found you.”

“I don't understand.”

“You, Yalb, are further evidence that the era of nobles unable to control their thirst for blood is coming to an end, praise God.”

“And once that happens,” Lanthi said “then parliament won't need a taloned bloodthirsty monster to keep them in line.”

“OK, urm, now I really don't understand.” Yalb said.

“According to your aunt, Yalb,” Yanepoli said, “The threat of the queen getting back on her throne strikes abject terror into parliament. I expect Keldi can inform us why.”

“The last time that happened was when the princes were collectively called to parliament. At parliament's polite suggestion, the queen was also present, pretending to be a parliamentarian. As parliament expected, the princes demanded the abolition of parliament once and for all, and one of them sat in the throne. The queen, as you can probably imagine, was not very impressed with that, and after he was entirely shredded, along with anyone stupid enough to interfere, she suggested that the few greens in parliament might want to go, and then asked everyone who wanted to to swear absolute loyalty to their queen. A few brave souls asked if she would accept an oath of loyalty to God first, and the constitution second. She said make the oath and she would think about it. Whoever didn't want to swear at all was allowed to choose immediate execution or royal blood-feud. That was the end of the rule of princes.”

“What happened to the ones who swore the oath to God and the constitution?” Yalb asked.

“Oh, none of the princes did that. A few swore to the queen, and had to demolish their palaces. Since the queen had not decided which oath she preferred when she decided to step away from the throne, she said that when she or a descendent next sat on the throne, the decision would be made about which oath was the most acceptable. Just in case, non-green parliamentarians ever since have been given the choice of swearing an oath to the queen or to God and the constitution.”

“And the greens weren't asked to swear because they were assumed to be loyal?” Dirak asked.

“To the lakiinas, yes.”

“And is that why there are the three parties?”

“Not entirely. But there's a tendency, yes. The ones who have sworn an oath to the queen, of course, dread being asked why they've not voted in line with her wishes, and the parliamentarians dread being told their oath isn't acceptable. If they have any sense, of course, they realise the ones who've sworn to honour God and the constitution haven't been perfect, and the ones who've sworn to the queen might start to wonder if the queen would prefer an oath to God. And the queen looks on and is very glad she can pass that decision down to her daughter.”

“I'd have thought the answer is obvious,” Lanthi said. “as long as the throne is empty, the queen prefers the oath to God and the constitution, and once the throne is occupied she prefers an oath to God first and herself second, or maybe an oath to obey God and listen to the wise counsel of the green-turned-red.”

“No one's suggested that as an option, Lanthi, or your second re-phrasing.”

“Well, no, but I think it makes good sense.”

“Have you asked Sithini?” Dirak asked.

“Of course not. Did you ask me if I wanted to inherit the throne? I'm heir to the throne. Until such time as I abdicate in favour of Sithinilakiina, of course.”

“Is that a definitive plan?” Dirak asked, surprised.

“No, just roughly speaking what the law says.” Lanthi replied.

“Just I was thinking... the last time I asked Sithini if I could have some advice her immediate reply was 'make sure the gum is fresh, because no one wants to be hit on the head with a solid lump of gum and moss.' I'm not sure what the average parliamentarian would make of that.”

“Depends how well they know Sithini,” Kand said. “To those of us who know her, it sounds like very sound advice and I'm sure she applies it in her own life quite regularly.”

“Very regularly,” Lanthi agreed, “Like just after I'd come back from the feather salon after making my feathers wilt.”

“Urm... I guess I don't know Sithini well enough to understand.” Yalb said

“Sithini likes practical jokes, Yalb. Normally they include buckets of moss. Sometimes they include gum, too. If you ever hear people wondering why there's no moss growing on the college roof, then don't think it has some strange use in wizardry, think Sithini. Sometimes I wonder why there's any anywhere. Fortunately she didn't have much gum on Fatherday.”

“No, fortunately I told her where you were, so she switched buckets,” Kand said, “otherwise you'd have got an extra sticky batch.”

“So who got the extra sticky?”

“I'm not entirely sure.”