THE SHERIFF OF HNUT / CH. 15: TOCK

WATCHMAKER'S SHOP, EARLY-AFTERNOON, MOTHERDAY, 6TH OF WINTER

“They're beautiful, so polished!” Lanthi said, looking at the mechanisms behind the unpainted glass faces. “Why cover them up in paint?”

“Fashion. No one wants unpainted faces these days.”

“I do,” Lanthi said. “Mostly, anyway. Do you, like, make to order? So, just the numbers painted on, nothing else?”

“Certainly,” Quif said, “If you've got something specific in mind, you could sketch it, and I could work from that, or if you feel artistic....”

“You'd let me paint my own watch-face?” Lanthi asked excitedly.

“It's a delicate process,” Quif's mother warned, “Too much paint and it can jam the mechanism. You might have to re-do it several times, and then of course the paint needs to dry properly. Most people prefer pre-made, it's faster.”

“And other people don't really know what they want until they've seen it,”

Lanthi said, “But I always wanted a watch like grandma's.”

“Which probably ought to prompt me to ask some questions I should have asked before,” Keldi said. “Firstly, Lanthi, would you like grandma's watch, rather than one like it, and secondly is replacing the mechanism economical? Someone told me that it wasn't worth getting it repaired.”

“Whoever said that, were they actually a watchmaker, and what's happened to it?” Quif asked.

“I can't remember who said it, sorry,” Keldi said, “but yes, they were a watchmaker, and what happened to it was that she had it when her thlunk stumbled and fell into the river, which led to an infection, which she eventually died of. I'm afraid there was still some water in it after the funeral.”

“But the case is still good?”

“Yes.”

“I'd be very happy to have a look at it,” Quif said, “And I'm sure that fitting a mechanism into an old case wouldn't be beyond us, would it, Dad?”

“Well, it depends on the case how much it'd cost, but no.”

----------------------------------------

OUTSIDE A WATCH DEALER'S SHOP

“Is this the place, miss?” the policeman asked.

“Yes, officer.” Lanthi said.

“I thought it might be. I'm glad you're here, journeyman. Let's see what he says first of all though. Oh, no you don't Knarf!” He shouted, as the shopkeeper tried to shut-up his shop. “I'm on official business with a serious complaint being levelled against you.”

“You sold me a watch, saying it had proper journeyman workmanship and a genuine guild stamp on it, and would last a lifetime.” Lanthi said, fuming.

“Did I? Well, you'll need to talk to the guild if there's a problem, then. They'll charge you an arm and a leg, but it's Guild regulations, I can't touch it.”

“How many of your watches have guild stamps, Knarf?” the policeman asked.

“'bout a quarter,” Knarf said.

“Right, well, let's see them first, then we'll see your records for the watch the young lady bought from you.”

“I can't open the backs of guild watches, officer. I can sell, but I can't repair, I'm not guild.”

“That's all right, Knarf, this being a guild-backed complaint, I've got the young journeyman here with me to check stamps and open the backs and other such things.”

Knarf the watch-seller, looked at the burly policeman, the patient looking journeyman, the angry teen, and the two deep red females each holding a staff.

He decided he had no hope of escaping.

“I'm an honest businessman, I am,” he said, handing over the first box.

“You're a seller of over-priced rubbish, normally, Knarf. This time you've gone too far.”

“Bought in good faith.”

“With all the proper documentation, I'm sure.” the policeman said.

“Appalling workmanship,” Quif said, “and the stamp's the same, it's a forgery. So's this. Oh, now this is a genuine stamp, and a genuine apprentice mark. Shoddy workmanship, it's not going to keep time very well. Oh, look, and someone's polished the apprentice mark off the back of the case, so that's a sort of fraud too, officer. Shall I keep looking?”

“It's a pleasure to see an expert at work.” the policeman said, “please do keep going.”

“Hmm, OK, this is another apprentice piece, but while the apprentice mark is there on the inside there's no guild stamp inside. And the outside has no stamp at all, but the box has a guild stamp on it. Hmm, and the box doesn't actually go with the watch, the seating is all wrong. So this one is a rejected apprentice work that has been taken from a waste bin, probably means it wouldn't run for a day at all, and put in a recycled box. This is a fake, and so's this, this is an apprentice piece, hmm, yes, I know the guy that made this, lovely kind man, but he's never quite managed to get his holes in the right place for his gears to mesh properly, so it probably won't keep time well at all. But it has all the stamps correct, let's put that one aside, because it's not a fraud. Another fake, another fake, oh, same guy again, he's persistent, at least. Just compare the finish on his gears to this fake, officer. See? This guy is trying his best, just he really ought to get someone else to drill his holes. Whereas the faker, he's probably got some kind of pantograph-machine to make the holes for him with minimum creative thought. Oh no! I was wrong, this one's holes came out wrong so the scoundrel has put the wrong gear in! Well I never! And its got a second hand too! I've never heard of the like! If you get the second hand doing a turn per minute, the minute hand is never going to be right. And a false guild stamp on it too. And the last one... oh, my hard-trying friend again. I've told him, he ought to admit defeat, spend some money and get a pantograph machine. I think it's the only realistic way he's going to make journeyman.”

“Why doesn't he?” Sithini asked.

“Guild rules. If he can't make his journeyman piece without a pantograph, then he's barred from ever applying to be a master. It's his eyes, I think.”

“And he's not allowed to use unmounted gears as a drill-guide?” Sithini asked. “That's my normal trick, you know, push them together, do it by feel...”

Quif cringed. “If my dad herd you suggest that... What about the proper clearance gap?”

“Thin tissue, or if that's too thick then pick the right foil. Unless he wants to cut involute gears of course.”

Quif's eyes went wide open. “You're a genius. He's probably going to ask you to marry him.”

“Let's not waste the officer's time with my response to that, Quif. Officer, is there any hope that this purveyor of shoddy and fraudulent merchandise might give my friend her money back? Before the guild bankrupts him, I mean.”

“I'm an honest businessman! It's not me, it's my suppliers.”

“The contract was with you,” Sithini said. “If you described something as guild workmanship and it's plainly not...”

“Then you're misusing the name and authority of the guild,” the officer said.

“Unless of course you've documents that prove you've been misled, in which case the guild destroys your illegal stock, you get to continue trading your tat, and the young lady needs to take you to court, in which case, she's likely to claim the value of what you should have sold her. Journeyman quality, last a lifetime, and so on. Then you can add it to the claim against your supplier.”

“Technically, officer, 'last a lifetime' is masterpiece quality from a

master watchmaker, or almost-master, guaranteed,” Quif said. “That's to say that as long as the watch hasn't been abused then the master of the craft who made it will repair it free of charge for the lifetime of the client, or the guild will if he or she is dead. Since this ...shopkeeper has stated that watch was of such quality, but that the guild would not stand by such a quality assurance.... then I expect the guild will be pressing charges of wholesale defamation against Knarf, just as soon as I make my report to the guild-masters.”

“That's a very good point, young master journeyman. A most excellent point. Looks like you're going out of the watch business quite soon, Knarf. So, do you want to buy the young lady a master watchmaker's best workmanship, or just give her back her money and a little bit extra, just to show what a fine and upstanding member of the trading community you are?”

“There is also the issue of my reputation.” Lanthi said. “I foolishly recommended this shop to a number of my friends, and they received similar assurances from him.”

“How many?” the policeman asked.

“Six I know of.”

“Tell you what, Knarf. You pay the young lady back now, and put aside money for every single so-called guild watch you've sold, and we'll assume they can come round to get their money back in the next day or two, shall we?”

“'Ere, what are you trying to do? Put me out of business?”

“Oh no, Knarf, you've done that to yourself. What would a 'last a lifetime' watch cost, young journeyman?”

“A lot, officer. I don't remember, maybe double a master's normal work? It's a couple of years since my father last sold one. It's a lot of work; five or ten parts go in the spares rack to get one that's flawless. Normally people are entirely happy with a master-craftsman's work, and don't demand every piece to be flawless.”

“And journeyman quality?”

“It depends, officer. Maybe they're capable of producing flawless pinions but they've not managed a flawless face yet. If they've managed everything flawless two or three times, they'd be aiming towards their masterpiece, but that's got to have something about it that impresses the guild-masters, not just be flawless. A journeyman can offer 'last a lifetime' if they're working on their masterpiece, and their master says it's good enough. It just means it's not special enough to be their masterpiece.”

“Right, Knarf, so, you offered something that's real, what are you paying the young lady so she doesn't take you to court for double a master's normal rate?” the officer asked.

“Urm. Five percent on top of purchase price?”

“Pardon, Knarf? You're talking reputational damage to this young lady who can probably trace her lineage back to the time of the princes.”

“Oh, long before them,” Keldi said, scathingly.

“Did I say five? I meant twenty-five.”

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

“Not fifty?” Sithini asked, in a curious tone.

“Yes, sorry, fifty.” And he quickly counted out the money and handed it to Lanthi.

“And I assume that goes for everyone else, well done, Knarf, we'll make a reputable businessman out of you yet. Now... while these good people leave, you'll show me documents, won't you?”

----------------------------------------

“I can't believe you did that, Sithini,” Lanthi said.

“What, got him to pay you that much?” Keldi asked, “He told you you were getting something with a lifetime guarantee. You accepted the cash because you sensibly don't think he's going to have enough money in a week's time to give you what you thought you were buying. He's paying you because he thinks he might have something left in a week's time, and doesn't want to face the prospect of losing that too.”

“Not to mention because I was stupid to think I was getting such a good watch so cheaply. But it did cost more than his other watches.”

“And it was worse quality, too,” Quif said. “Some of the other ones might even pass as journeyman quality if only they'd been made out of the right metal. But urm, I need to talk to the guild-masters,” Quif said, sounding a little nervous.

“Is that scary?” Sithini asked, “Want me to hold your hand?”

“I was going to ask if you wouldn't mind being a witness.”

“I am entirely free until about five, when I'm due to be eating in Hnut and then trying to hunt down some more grieving relatives, which is pretty traumatic and I don't want to think about it. By all means distract me any way you can think of.”

“You haven't answered my question on careers advice.”

“No. I'm going to pass it onto someone who's more neutral than I am. Keldi, help please. This is my good friend Quif who I think ought to have been an apprentice a couple of years ago, but who was at our little lecture last night, and is trying to decide if he should try for his masterpiece in spring, which is a bit early, according to his dad, and then join us in the happy state of apprenticeship, or if he ought to do the evening classes, which if I was right about the home-study load, doesn't really let him work on his masterpiece for another two years. If he stops working on watchmaking before being a master, then he's out of the guild.”

“And you're biased?” Keldi asked.

“Yes.”

“What happens if your masterpiece isn't good enough?” Keldi asked.

“I get to try again a year and a day later.”

“So, if you try it before spring, and fail, you wouldn't be joining us this spring, but you probably could the next, but if you take the two-year course then you'd get your ASC at the same time, but without submitting your masterpiece?”

“Urm, yes. Except if I fail this year I'd need to try to impress them with something else next year.”

“But you've actually got a third option of not submitting it in forty days, but working on it longer, so that you're more certain that it'll impress.”

“Yes. That one seems quite a good one, actually.” Quif said, then asked, “Sithini, how did you know what my dad said?”

“I heard him, of course. It was great fun staying just out of your eyesight while you were drawing all those feathers and kept looking round for me.”

“You were spying on me!” He accused.

“I was accepting your offer.”

“What offer?”

“'Come and stare at the clocks and stuff if you want to but don't touch, and I don't want to see more than this much of you, and no more practical jokes.' It took me a while to work out how do to it, but I got there in the end. I do love looking at the clocks.”

“I did say that, didn't I?”

“Yes. Just before Dirak was banished. I urm, went through a bit of a bad patch then, and buried myself in study.”

“I'm sorry. I don't think I meant it literally though.”

“Is that a blanket retraction of the whole lot, or just partially?”

“No practical jokes that ruin my work.”

“That was a big accident, Quif, I'm sorry.”

“What did you mean about you being biased?”

“You'll work it out eventually. Are we here?”

“Yes.”

“Shall I come too?” Lanthi asked, “I'm happy to testify.”

“Urm, the thing I was a bit nervous of...”

“Guild secrets?” Keldi guessed.

“Yes.”

“Then it's time for Lanthithanapoli to get used to her full name and genealogy opening doors to her. And Sithinilakiina, equally. Present your royal complements to the guild, girls. You are here to uphold guild honour, not to pry into things that do not concern you. I've got a lecture to prepare for.”

“Bye mum.”

“Shall I do most of the talking, Quif?” Sithini asked.

“I think I ought to, but if you could introduce yourselves?”

“Certainly. Lanthi, Quif will introduce himself first, giving name and rank, then you, then me.”

“And my rank?”

“Only daughter of your mother, of course. I assume the guild was set up by Polithanapoli?”

“Parliament. But under the system Polithanapoli signed into law and Zalakiina came up with.”

“OK, so we both mention our ancient forebears, and I get to mention my father, too, which is nice.”

“Your father?” Quif asked.

“Master Quan of this guild. In guild eyes it might mean I outrank you, Lanthi, but we'll assume not for the moment.”

“Did I ever know that?” Quif asked.

“I don't know. I loved watching him work. Seeing his creations come to life. Let's go in before I start crying.”

Quif nodded, and led them up to the gates.

“Journeyman Quif of this guild, reporting on two vile slurs on our guild's honour, I have with me two witnesses, and the police are aware.”

“Let the witnesses name themselves.” the elderly watchman said.

“I am Lanthithanapoli, only daughter of Keldithanapoli heiress to the empty throne, descendent of Polithanapoli.”

“I am Wizardess Sithinilakiina, daughter of Master Quan of this guild and of Ranthilakiina of the peaceloving house of Zalakiina, As my mother was, and her mother before her I am the green-turned-red.”

“Quan was a good person, and a good watchmaker. To what do you bear witness, noble green-turned-red?”

“I bear witness that Knarf, seller of low quality watches, did not deny he sold to Lanthithanapoli a watch bearing what seemed to be the stamp of this guild, and nor did he deny that he'd claimed it was journeyman work, and it would 'last a lifetime', and I witness that it was rusty, and that he said that he was not able to even look inside, because it was guild-stamped, and that the guild would charge high prices to repair this 'last a lifetime' watch.”

“The stamp on the rusty poorly made watch was made with a round punch.”

Quif said. “Knarf had about ten more such frauds, one with the wrong gearing between minute and second hand, he also had unsigned apprentice pieces with the apprentice mark ground off the case, some apprentice work which had not even had the guild stamp applied and yet were in guild-marked boxes, and some honestly stamped and signed watches of apprentice Kinnet. His watches were without doubt the best materials and workmanship in the shop.”

“Kinnet's gears are wonderful. Shame about his drilling. Knarf has trampled our toes before, but this? This earns the guild's rage. You were with a police officer?”

“Yes, honourable master gatekeeper, from that district.” Quif answered, “I have a question, master gatekeeper, would Kinnet be judged badly if he ground involute gears?”

“Ah? Ah! Now that is an idea. Well done, young Quif. It would do Kinnet no harm at all to use them, no harm and a lot of good. An excellent idea for gaining some extra tolerance. Or was it you, Sithinilakiina? Your father liked them for their beauty, he said.”

“He taught me the beauty of a well functioning device also,” Sithini said, smiling.

“Ha! I taught him that, a good person. And Lanthithanapoli, who honours this guild with her presence, and who honours my age by not pointing out that I've not asked for your testimony. Thank you, do you have anything to add?”

“He did not deny he had sold me my watch as one that would 'last a lifetime', and offered me half again what I paid to accept it back. The policeman expects the guild to demand the destruction of his false merchandise and that Knarf will not be selling watches after the guild has taken him to court. He claimed that his stock was bought in good faith and sold to me honestly, but also that he was not allowed to open the back of a guild-made watch. I offer these things, but do not understand how he is unable to open the watch, how he cannot tell the difference between metals or workmanship, or how he will no longer be able to sell cheap rubbish to deceive the young and gullible, but I will gladly do what I can to put him out of business or make his business entirely honest.”

Sithini said, “Perhaps a prominent sign saying 'Guild watches are apprentice-made, probably flawed, and available cheaper direct from the guild? And that other watches are made of lesser materials and will likely rust or corrode from damp, unless oiled which will likely gum up the works and require professionally cleaning.'”

“If only...” Quif said.

“The guild has received professional insult,” the gatekeeper said. “And if we put him out of business, another just as bad will spring up. I like your idea, Sithinilakiina.”

“Perhaps also put up a list of guild prices,” Lanthi said, “and add that at least some guild members are willing to decorate to order.”

“Lanthithanapoli, are you suggesting that the guild advertise?” the gatekeeper asked in shocked tones.

“Have I made a rude suggestion, guild-master? I apologise.”

“I've suggested it a few times. Would you be willing to write down for me what led you to that disreputable shop, how you made your choice, and so on?”

“Willingly, guild-master. Would you like me to write it now?”

“That would be excellent! Quif, I am sure that Wizardess Sithinilakiina will not steal any guild secrets. Show her all the museum and help her find her father's masterpiece. It is, after all, hers by right, to see here in honour or to take home to cherish. It would do you no harm to see what has impressed in the past, either, and what has not.”

“I ... I thought that part of the museum was off limits to journeymen, master gatekeeper.”

“Well you can hardly guide her if you can't go in yourself, can you? There is a tradition that a journeyman has one chance to look. Go on, lad, and learn!”

“I obey, guild-master.”

“Master gatekeeper,” Sithini said, “I must be in Hnut at five, and I would be very rushed to see the whole museum in that time, I'm sure. Would it be permissible for Quif to guide me to see the masterpieces another day when I can appreciate them properly?”

“Certainly, certainly. Though how you hope to be anywhere outside the city at five, I cannot comprehend.”

“By careful design and attention to detail and the secrets of my guild, I can pinch off for myself a little bubble of the universe, and that bubble can travel faster even than light, if I'm that silly. But if I'm forgetful and am carrying even an extra five kilos of weight, then the bubble will fail and my folly would destroy both me and the city. Watches are much less prone to kill, and so very beautiful.”

“May I ask how old you are to command such power?” the gatekeeper asked.

“I am twenty, guild-master, I was so very bored at school and became an apprentice wizard at twelve, attained my ASC at fourteen, and was a journeyman when I was fifteen, which is roughly when I met Quif and his parents. So when I saw Lanthi's watch, I knew where to get some good advice.”

“Ah,” the old man said. Sounding a little disappointed, “Well, don't let me detain you.”

“Thank you, master gatekeeper,” Sithini said, adding when they'd shut the museum door behind them, “why did he sound disappointed?”

“Master gatekeeper likes to gossip, Sithini. Old friend asking for advice isn't nearly as interesting as he might have hoped.” He trailed off, seeing her engrossed in the museum.

“You won't disturb my train of thought if you keep on talking, Quif. You know that, don't you?”

“Your ability to concentrate on several things at once, you mean?”

“Well, store bits of information and flit my attention between them like a butterfly, anyway.”

“Most people can't do that.”

“I'd noticed.”

“Some of us have a very single-track mind.” Quif admitted.

“I recommend that you decide what you would most like to talk about, when would you like to talk about it, and where would you like to talk about it. Then if this isn't the place, we can go somewhere else. If this isn't the time, sorry I don't do time travel, we'll just have to wait.”

“I don't think this is the time or the place.”

“What I said about destroying the city; it's true, but if I know how much you weigh complete with your clothes then I can adjust things and take you too. Just so you know. Weighing you takes maybe thirty seconds of hovering in air, adjustments are maybe another minute, with you double-checking my maths.”

“You're offering to take me... anywhere?”

“Yes. But if it's near-by then flying is faster than doing maths.”

“Why? Why have you been hovering around me, why are you biased, why are you offering to fly me to Ethe for us to have a chat?”

“Oooh, Ethe? That'd need a bit more planning, since there's no air there, but OK.”

“Why?”

“You make beautiful watches, haven't I said that?”

“I don't understand. Are you saying you're interested in me, Sithini?”

“I'm quite sure that I'm never going to find someone who out-brains me, Quif. I'm quite sure I'm never going to be interested in someone who thinks with his muscles, and if I were, Keldi has told me that the fertility rate between greens and other colours is bad, and if I was brain-dead enough to marry the son of a red, there's a reasonable chance that would be the end of green-turns-red, even if I did have a daughter. I'm not really sure what I feel about you, but if or when you decide you might be interested in me, then let's have that talk.”

“Will you be able to talk tonight? Because I am interested in getting to get to know you better. It's been a long time since we last really talked about anything.”

“I don't know how long things are going to take tonight. Yesterday it was only an hour or so, but I'm pretty sure it's going to get harder.”

“Can you tell me what you're doing? What do you mean about hunting down grieving relatives?”

“Ongoing police investigation.”

“Oh.”

“There will be arrests, there will be deaths unless there have been already. But innocent fluffballs will be returned to their parents. That's the plan, anyway.”

“Kidnapping?” Quif asked.

“Worse. Attempted infanticide, hopefully not by the parents, but....”

“You don't know?”

“Exactly.”

“Why do it in the evenings?”

“Because of all the legal proceedings that are taking the time of the sheriff in charge of the case, and I'd rather that it was evenings than not at all.”

“And you're flying him around?”

“No. It's Dirak, he can fly himself, fortunately. Please pray. We're going to tell people who've not said anything about their fluffball being taken away for fear it would result in death to the whole family that their fluffball lives, which is wonderful. But the guilty party — last night it was a grandmother — will almost certainly die in flames, and that's terrible. And my machine doesn't know names. It might not even be fully accurate. And last night we found out that the records might not be very accurate either. It was the grandfather's name, but his wife had tricked him into it.”

“Why, why would someone try to kill a fluffball?”

“Fear of the different.” Sithini said, “Most older nobles fear that yellows hatched in winter are an outrage, almost a curse, bringers of trouble everywhere they go. Old laws said the marriage was illegal, and they should die. Noble traditions say they'll end up causing so many deaths that it's better to let them starve in their sleep before they grow legs than to let them live.”

“That's horrible!”

“Yes. Watches are much nicer to think about. That's why I've been visiting the past few days. To fill my mind with the peaceful safe tick tick of watches. It helps me calm down enough to pray.”

“Can I pray for you now?”

“Please.”