This beer is queer, it becomes most dear when one drinks and takes their time, but to drink in haste is such a waste it must surely be a crime. Huh, a story? I want to hear a story. Me? Was I telling a story? Ok, which story was I telling? Barkeep! Why were you letting me tell that story this sober? Three more pitchers and keep the damned things coming!
***
Carlisle
***
“No. It’s because you’re an asshole!” Gale said. Carlisle looked at Gale to reply” And? What’s your point? There has to be something there other than me being an asshole.”
***
Pan
***
“Hi, do I have to come into work today?” Pan asked his manager on the vid-phone.” Pan! I’m so glad that you called!” replied his manager Mama Sue. Now I know that most women called Mama Sue would be rather large people, but that is not the case in this point. In fact the Mama Sue here is a small pixyish woman of around 5 feet tall that is really mothering. “I need you to do something before you come into work today Pan.” Muttering under his breath Pan said “So much for that idea.” Then to Mama Sue “What’s up? Is this something that has to be done by me? More importantly will this get me some one-on-one time with you?” Not very used to being treated like this from Pan whom is normally a rather cooperative subordinate she blinked owlishly at him and said “Um? What exactly do you mean by that? One-on-one? Don’t we normally work rather close together?” (Sounds rather Thunderstruck doesn’t she?)
“Normally I wouldn’t be this forward, or maybe I should say demanding but if there’s the chance that this will get me killed then I want to know that if I survive that I will get Laid.” He said knowing full well that saying something like this would get him fired. Unfortunately for him this is not a normal situation “Ok. Seriously you’re the only guy that has even agreed to come into work today. I’ve tried the rest of the male staff and had to fire them for refusal to work. All the Ladies that I’ve called all said one thing that they wanted some kind of escort for just in case this isn’t a hoax of some kind.” Pan’s jaw of course drops to the ground while she continues “I will warn you that if I’m not satisfied afterwards then you will be surrounded by women and I’m sure that I can convince a few of them to help me teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.”
Pan picked up his jaw, gulped, and said “Sorry I won’t be able to come into work today.” Chicken? Nope, only a guy with more balls than brains wouldn’t be afraid of her at this point; unfortunately for him he’d already set his conditions for coming into work. “You won’t get out of it that easily Pan. HWC already has your agreement so tough titties Pan”
HWC or Health and Work Compulsory is a government program that is responsible for the general fitness of the population and the economy. Unfortunately this also includes population control. Men and women are required to have at least 4 children with different partners to maintain diversity in the genetic pool. Why bring this up, well Pan is really close to being in violation of the time period for having his first child. In fact if it weren’t for work all he’d have ever done is to maintain his body, read, and play video games. For those of you that haven’t figured it out he’s a virgin. Before Pan could say anything else Mama Sue hung up. “Damn she must have had HWC on the line while I was talking to her.” Immediately after saying that a window popped up. “Damn they actually accepted that as a contract.” Closing out that window another popped up “What the hell is this?”
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Stolen story; please report.
Mandatory Quest
Indecent Proposal
Usually propositioning a coworker is a bad bad thing. (Especially when she’s your boss!) Good thing for you she likes you. Collect 20 co-workers on your way to work, and deliver them safely.
Rewards: 100 exp. 30 units (units being currency)
Mama Sue becomes your companion
Warning: better makes Mama Sue happy or face the consequences. You will make her pregnant and may make other coworkers pregnant either way you get to watch her swell with your child. Enjoy.
Eyes popping out he gaped at the window. “Holy shit! Maybe some of that window this morning wasn’t fake after all.” Looking around for weapons that he could use Pan grabs his kitchen knives and a frying pan. Knowing that he had nothing that he could use for armor Pan left the apartment. “Where were these ladies that Mama Sue said that I had to get?” Realizing that he had no way of knowing he tried to use his contacts to call Mama Sue. “Bloody Hell! Stupid things aren’t working.” I went to the entrance of the apartment building with a knife and frying pan in hand.
***Rosch
***
“Ok first thing that I need to do is get the ever loving hell off of this roof. Would have been nice if they’d let me watch the planet for a few days and get the lay of the land. Instead the just dropped me here without a clue. Damn them.” Let’s just make something clear here. Ever since Rosch had suggested the Game world the other gods pretty much stripped her powers. Even now they made sure that now that she isn’t under their thumbs that she can’t use even the most basic of her powers. Searching around the roof she finally finds the door after a couple of hours. “Thanks guys, could have at least let me use some of my powers. But no you had to be jerks. Oh well at least they let me have some equipment and max level for this starter zone instead of making me fight it out.” Checking her map she sees that Pan is starting to move. “Bloody hell, he wasn’t supposed to go to work until well after I got there. Carlisle! Gale! What’s going on here!? I know that the two of you can hear me!” She starts to run towards where Pan’s apartment is located. Luckily for her she’s close by and rather easy to get to, unfortunately for her when she gets to his location he’s already managed to get into a fight. “Ah well, I might as well watch the show and see how he does.”
***
Pan
***
While I continue to try and call Mama Sue I got to the bottom floor of the apartment. Walking out I managed to get around 20 feet into the street before I was ambushed. The attack managed to make me spin in a complete circle doing 30 points of damage to me, however I felt a thud while I was spun around. Looking around I see whatever it is behind me so quickly I spin around to face it. The size of a medium dog in height it looked like a squirrel and was slowly was getting back to its feet knowing that it could probably really hurt me I rush towards it pulling out a knife as I ran. Getting close I swing the frying pan at it and missed it but also managed to slip and fall on top of the squirrel. Feeling the knife actually go into whatever it is I stay on top of it hoping that doing so would do enough damage to kill it. Squealing and bucking I feel it eventually stop moving.
Getting up I kicked the squirrel to make sure that it was dead. Reaching down for my knife when I touch the handle a window popped up telling me that I had gained 20 points of exp. from killing the (Knight Squirrel). Not really sure what was happening still I try to take out the contacts that I had put in this morning. Not finding them I can’t help but going “What the hell… I know that I put the stupid things in this morning.” Even more confused than I already was I think back to the window that popped up this morning that was talking about not needing our contacts anymore. That’s when a strange girl walked up to me.
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