The more Chippy and I crawled around in this dungeon, the more it reminded me of an actual dungeon from a video game. And, honestly, being in that first person mode exclusively for this crawl, that did not help.

As we sped to our goal— fighting monsters, finding items, whatever— it made me feel like I was in one of those old school dungeon crawlers for the PC where everything was first person and your HUD was right up on the screen while you navigated an enemy heavy space looking for the way out. It was like that, except for real.

And less traps, I guess. To this reality’s credit, and to credit Full Time as a group, I was happy to see that they did not fill their base with pointless traps. One small thing to be thankful for, I guess.

“Are we there, yet? Chippy bemoaned.

But it was actually a good question— where we in fact there yet?

I placed my hand to the wall— my hand with the Delvendive, that is— and forced some will of mine unto the building. Like a glittering trail of dust motes illuminating the way, I saw a thin thread to our destination. But a moment was all it took for the guiding thread of fate to fade. But a moment was enough.

“Yeah, we are close— one more push!” I said to Chippy but also to myself. For realz, I am TIRED.

Taking off running, Chippy and I quickly made our way to our objective. It was practically, now, a straight shot. It was only after we made our way into a large chamber anterior to where Felix and Kush were being held that I realized too late I had entered a boss room: long unopposed lead-in, big room? Yep. That was a boss battle, my friend.

But after setting myself in a fighting stance for a moment and seeing no foe appear, maybe, I thought to myself, I had had it all wrong. I was alone in here, so perhaps it was a puzzle. I didn’t know. As usual.

“Any ideas, Chippy?” I asked.

“Nada, my man. Hey, computer guy, thoughts?” Chippy asked crudely of ME.

“Answer: your objective is just beyond this passageway. You are unable to unlock the door?” ME asked.

“Uh, yeah. It is bound by some kind of magic. Spell. Super glue . . .” I replied.

“Conjecture: I highly doubt any super glue is involved,” ME said, oblivious to humor. “And a spell is unlikely. That would mean that another member of Full Time must have cast the spell, but that it impossible, as no member of Full Time would assist in their own kidnapping, obviously. And because no one else can cast incantations other than Full Time members, it is safe to conclude that the door is not magically bound.”

Although I listened to ME’s explanation about the door, I did not believe him. Not yet, anyway. There was just something about the door that did not seem natural. But maybe I was overthinking it.

This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.

Seeing my way around the room, I fiddled with a bunch of broken shit until I found something that made a something, if that makes any sense. I pulled some old wires together— wires that, I guess— were infused with magic and blam, the door blasted open. Or crumbled, rather. Chippy and I walked through unphased.

If it were a video game, it would have been a lame ass puzzle.

Walking ahead, I was only slightly let down that I did not get to fight a boss in the clearly boss-sized room. Oh, well. Next time.

Deciding to catch my breath, I slowed down just a touch; my ‘close associates,’ as ME would say, were close, and I wanted to be in top fighting state if some boss-like creature was holding them captive. Why, though, was I so intent on a boss being somewhere in here? I could barely handle a little muppet of a monster. No way that I could handle anything larger than a slapping-wild tongue man. Maybe it was just a validation thing? Like, if I fought a boss, then it would be another knot in my whole ‘my life is becoming a video game,’ delusion. But whatever. Was there even any point? Regardless of—

“Heya, hiya!” a noise from below said, interrupting me. I looked down. Chippy wanted something.

“Yes, little bag of salt?” I responded.

“You are awfully quiet.”

“Quiet?”

“Yeah.”

I didn’t know what the little bag could mean. I was plenty vocal. Sure, maybe not hugely in this moment, but what else could you do when your entire life was increasingly spiraling out of control? Talking to myself non-stop wasn’t going to solve the fact that I was initiated into some new combat-bullshit involving tongues and—

“See, there you go again! Thinking up in that noggin’ of yours! You don’t talk.” Chippy said, interrupting me again.

“Well, what is there to talk about? What could you, a walking baggie of sodium, possibly do to help me? What do you know about existentialism?” I replied.

“I know more than you know. But you wouldn’t know that because you never ask me. And mate, I do know some stuff. I spend most of my time in and around peoples’ pantries and homes, collecting their Negativity bullshit. I know about their drama. Know that when they talk about ‘getting coffee with a friend,’ they actually mean fucking. I ain’t just some empty calories who was born with a brain of chub.”

“I guess I didn’t know what you actually were, Chippy. I’m sorry,” I said. Though I said it, it felt weird to apologize to a bag of deep fried potatoes slivers. “So, that must suck, sitting there, being eaten, absorbing people’s drama and bad vibes, eh?”

“It can be rough at times. I am a bag of chips, so sometimes when I reincarnate, I am pushed into weird and outrightly abusive households; hard to focus on that family film— even with barbecue chips at your side— when your parents are throwing shit around in the apartment. But Negativity absorption is my job, so what can you do? Besides, after so long, you learn to ignore it all— the drama, that is, not the Negativity.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chippy. Negativity? Are you meaning like emotional vibes?”

“Cocky. They haven’t even taught you about Negativity, yet? What are those airheads in Full Time doing anymore? You are WAY behind, mate.”

I didn’t think that I wasn’t behind in whatever training I was supposed to be receiving. It is just that I did not care. I had very little choice in this adventure that I had been thrust upon, so whether I kept to standards was— quite frankly— beyond me. But it still nerved me some to learn that I was missing crucial components of my under-reality education. In due time, I guess.

“Okay, well. Can’t do much about that right now,” I replied to Chippy. “Let’s save my ‘close associates,’ first, and then we can worry about education standards.”

“Yeah, priorities and all . . .” Chippy squeaked.

But, at long last, we came upon the place in the Full Time building where Felix and Kush had been taken. And when I looked into the room, I saw something that stunned me to my bones.