In one ear and out the other— that was the sum of Felix’s efforts to explain magic to me.

By the third time, he simply said, to leave it be. The organization will teach it to you.

“What do we do now?” I asked him as the disembodied version of my consciousness looked at my physical self on the planetoid— FROM SPACE. Of course, I say ‘from space’ as if I could not make out details; when what I really meant was that I was able to look at and take in the planetoid as if I were looking at it on a large-screen television. From this perspective, I saw everything that there was to be seen: it was a simplistic little planetoid. Four distinct buildings was all that littered the surface of this planetoid, after all.

Legit, mate, said Felix, reverting again to his strange and sudden low-tongue. I have no clue. I don’t even have an idea of what happened; we confronted those people in robes and then . . . you signed a silly number of papers and that was it. And then— poof, nothingness. You woke me up. Now, I am here, and we are bonded.

Nothingness. Silence. All I knew, the sound of Felix’s purring— which also, at times, sounded like fluttering— was the only sound I could know. It was the only thing I could notice, at any rate. I was at a loss. What was I to do?

“I guess,” I said. “we go back to my apartment?”

Lovely. Lead the way, bonder!

“Bonder, is that the official term? The word for people who make pacts?”

Oh, heavens no . . . well, maybe. I dunno. The last pact-forged pair who survived the bonding process lived some thousand or more years ago. All I know, the ‘official’ term could be ‘buddies,’ or something. I am going to try out different words and see how those feel.

Fine. That was fine of Felix to do, I guessed. I wouldn’t know the term for ‘friendship’ that was in practice even a few hundred years ago, so that is fine. Very fine. Except for my internal screaming at not knowing fucking anything. I bonded with a creature from another plane of reality and I don’t even know the phrase for what I have become. That was fine. Too fine, in fact; I needed MORE indeterminacy. That would fix things . . .

Calm, bruh. Calm. Everything will be better in the morning.

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But it feels hopeless. Better. How could it be better? A few tears raced down my cheek; from my cosmic vantage point, the tears appeared as silver bullets which shed from my face and raced into the dirt, their resting place.

But that did give me an idea. Resting place. Grave. Bed!

I needed to go to freaking bed. I needed sleep. And badly.

And if I needed sleep, that also meant that I needed to get back to my apartment. But how?

Literally.

From up on high, I could only see four buildings. And none of them were my apartment. And secondly, even if I knew the way, how would I get my body there? Tricky questions.

Go there, well . . .

Wait. Go.

Wait.

Why is nothing happening?

Once more, I was confused. Why wasn’t I . . . motioning. Moving? Why wasn’t my body doing what I told it to do?

Wait. Wait. Wait . . . where is my perspective?

Am I not in space? AM I NOT IN SPACE?! I was screaming at myself now. But the realization came and when it did, I fell flat. Not literally, though.

I am NOT in space. Congrats on figuring out your bodily autonomy, Felix said.

I said it again, but more slowly: I am not in space; my consciousness is in space looking at the world; But my body is still on the ground; a classic mind-matter situation.

Figuring it out, finally, I understood why my body did not move— because “I”— meaning my consciousness— was trying to walk forward while my body was pointed away. I was telling my body to perform an impossible act; my body, after all, cannot walk in a direction that physically, does not exist. Not in its strange part-dimensional world where the third-dimension is non-existent. Or wait . . . the third dimension does exist to the other real people who live there . . . it is just that my body, my avatar, I guess, can not access it. In which case, same rules apply— whether or not the dimension exists, if my physical body cannot access it, then it does not exist to them, my avatar. So meaning, back to square one: I was telling my body to perform an impossible action: I cannot move forward AND move to the side.

My head hurt. But where was my head? In that body on the planet, but if that was the case, why did I feel the pain of a headache in my upper-temple lobes while in my cosmic perspective? Simple transference? Ghost nerves? But consciousness doesn’t mean bodily displacement; just because my consciousness is in this perspective and can see myself, it does not mean I could still not BE inside my body. Hence, I can feel the pain because—

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL GODS WHO EXIST AND EVER WILL EXIST— SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP! Felix shouted, clearly something on his mind.

I shut myself up right away.

“Shit, sorry, I guess I went overboard with the bodily ruminations,” I replied.

We both went overboard. Sorry for screaming. It’s just, like, damn dude . . . you went on and on and it was driving me crazy.

“Yeah, no, I get you. I just am. Freaking, I guess.”

I feel ya, bruh.. I feel yeah. Try moving to the side.

Accepting his apology, I moved my astral body to the side. I was not sure why he wanted me to move myself— my consciousness— to the side, like I was sidestepping, but I was willing to give it a go.

And lo and behold, it worked.

My physical body was now walking.