First, I summoned John, because I was still wary of using all my Intra on Gargles. My dumb self would probably get herself killed in that state.

I shuddered, but shook that thought away.

“Okay, John. Here’s the plan.” I nodded at the cameraman that I couldn’t see in front of me. “You take my beloved chat and try to dive into that spot over there and we’ll see if it actually leads anywhere.”

I had John wobble up and down as if he was nodding and I returned his nod.

“Off you go, then!”

I made John spin around with a hop and then fly off into the pool.

John made to dive into the pool, but just before he hit the surface, space warped around him and then he was suddenly inside the flooded tunnels again.

“...Huh. It really worked. Alright then!”

Feeling somewhat confident now, although still a little concerned, I stepped forward after John, put the map into the backpack, and brought out the towel just in case before hopping off the edge into the death water.

It felt wrong, just plunging into it after avoiding it for so long, and part of me thought the space warping wasn’t going to work for whatever reason and I would be screwed. But luckily, it did, and I soon found myself in the tunnels, splashing right next to John.

I quickly got my bearings and looked around with both my own eyes as well as John’s. The tunnels were similar to the ones that led to the boss, as in, I was at a crossroad. Although instead of four pathways, there were six now.

“Alright… What now? Can the magical map tell me? Ugh, wait, is the thing waterproof? It should be, right?”

It would have been very stupid if it wasn’t waterproof, but just in case, I swam to a nearby wall before carefully pulling the map out and holding it out of the water.

Not that that helped much since my backpack was constantly submerged anyway. Eh, the map looked fairly waterproof at least.

Jeofffff: gogglessss

“Oh, right! How did I forget about these?”

I pulled the goggles over my eyes and then suddenly I was falling.

I squeaked in surprise, but my voice was immediately muffled by the water I fell into. In about two seconds, I found myself splayed at the bottom of the flooded tunnel, blinking in surprise.

I stared at my surprisingly bright surroundings through the goggles for a few seconds before opening my mouth.

‘Uh, right. Water acts like air around me. I see,’ was what I meant to say, but it only came out as wet gurgles.

‘Oh come on!’ I gurgled some more.

GeorgeDoshington: the swamp monster got her lol

KaiEbikoOfficial: nana??!?!

JamieWasTaken3: holy shit wtf

‘I’m fine, Ebi,’ I tried to say as I stood up, expecting water physics, but failing to get them.

This was really tripping me up, and I couldn’t help but scowl at my sudden inability to communicate with chat.

On the bright side, I’d held onto the map and it seemed to be doing just fine underwater. Small mercies.

I looked up at the surface with a frown and contemplated my situation for a moment.

I couldn’t exactly swim back up, since the water behaved like air. And I wasn’t entirely sure whether removing the goggles now would instantly drown me or something.

What to do…?

I could just… continue my journey while submerged, but that would mean I couldn’t speak to chat, ugh…

…I could try using the swimsuit. It supposedly allowed me to control the water around me to swim better, right? So even if it behaved like air right now, if I could still somewhat control it…

Ugh, was I really going to change into a swimsuit right here underwater?

Hell no.

Instead of changing clothes, I put the map into my backpack – ugh, that thing was probably full of water by now – put my glove under me and began creating a bubble.

Once I judged it to be large enough, I grabbed it with both hands, stepped on it, and then briefly ignited my hands around it.

The thing popped and sent me flying upwards, although with a lot less force than it usually did – the physics were seriously weird with these goggles – but still enough for me to reach the surface.

I immediately reached up and moved the goggles to my forehead again and then suddenly, I was floating again.

I opened my mouth to speak and automatically coughed up some water that I’d been apparently breathing down there. Gross.

I cleared my throat, spat the last bits of water, and then finally spoke.

“Hey, chat. I’m back. These goggles, uh, work exactly as advertised,” I informed everyone. “So unless I learn how to fly or wanna chill at the bottom all the time, it’s probably not the greatest… And I can’t even speak when underwater! It’s a total scam!” I sniffed in annoyance.

GeorgeDoshington: use the swimsuit

Jeofffff: wait that’s awesome

Jeofffff: you should use them all the time

KaiEbikoOfficial: wait can’t you use chat yourself?

I hummed.

“I mean yeah, it will be pretty useful if I ever need to go underwater, but… Heck no, George. Maybe later. Maybe after I fuse it with my normal clothes or something… Huh, I don’t know, Ebi. I don’t think so…?”

I frowned and tried to summon a way for me to type my own messages, but the system ignored me.

“Yeah, probably not. Kind of a shame.” I huffed. “Anyway! That was enough distractions. Let’s see now…” I positioned John – who I’d just realized must have watched me suddenly sink into the water – just behind me and made him look over my shoulder at the map as I studied it. “...Wait, it changed again. I guess whenever I go to a different area, it changes? Hmm, makes sense. Classic dungeon warping nonsense.”

The map featured the red dot – me – and six arrows leading outwards. One of them was green, another one was blue, and the rest were red.

GonguuH: red is probably the wrong way

GeorgeDoshington: try red first

JamieWasTaken3: go blue cuz water is blue

I hummed and glanced over my shoulder at John with a slight frown.

“Yeah, I’m assuming red is no good. But then between green and blue… I mean, you would think that green is the correct way, right? But this dungeon keeps throwing unexpected stuff at me, so the blue arrow might be it… Hmm…”

Jeofffff: send John into blue and go green

“Oh, that’s an idea! Wait, but John has limited range. He probably won’t get very far… Well, let’s try it anyway.” I looked at John again. “Alright, John. Blue or green? Which one are you picking?”

Jeofffff: are WE john?

JamieWasTaken3: poll it!

KaiEbikoOfficial: any actual Johns in chat?

“Yes, chat. You are John.” I nodded sagely. “Eh, sure. Why not? Let’s put up a poll, I guess…”

PrestoFive55: jovial observant helpful naggers JOHN

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

GeorgeDoshington: lmao

I snorted and shook my head. “You got that naggers part right. Not sure about the ‘helpful’ bit though…”

Naturally, other people immediately came up with their own acronyms for JOHN, and I couldn’t help but come up with a few myself while the poll accumulated votes.

A few minutes later, I glanced at it again to see the results.

Poll: ‘Which path should John take?’

Blue: 53.76% (22589)

Green: 46.24% (19432)

Close poll

“Hmm, looks like John will be taking the blue–” I blinked as the numbers registered. “Wait, hold on. How many votes in just a few minutes?! What the heck?! Just how many people are watching right now?!”

PrestoFive55: 113k on snitch

GonguuH: it says 730k

GeorgeDoshington: wtf no it doesnt

JamieWasTaken3: yea its 730k

“...Why do we have two different numbers? Chat, what is going on?”

Was some space-time nonsense happening again? Or–

GonguuH: 730k on the streamer website, 113k on snitch

“...Oh. Okay, makes sense, I guess?”

Although it felt weird that more people were watching me through that mysterious website than through Snitch. Maybe it counted everyone watching from all the websites somehow? Actually, yeah. Probably. That would hardly be the craziest thing this skill had done.

“Okay! Enough getting distracted!” I pointed dramatically at John. “You, jealous obnoxious handy noobs, go that way, and I’ll go this way!” I said as I pointed at the tunnels corresponding to the blue and green arrows in the map. ”Let’s go!”

GeorgeDoshington: thefuck did you just call me

JamieWasTaken3: lol

KaiEbikoOfficial: hey I’m not obnoxious

“Well, sometimes…” I drawled.

KaiEbikoOfficial: D:<

I smirked, put the map back into my backpack, sent John one way, and swam the other way. Both of the tunnels looked identical at first, and unfortunately, it didn’t take long until I felt John getting too far away from me and couldn’t send him any further even if we both hugged the wall where we were the closest to each other.

Ten meters wasn’t much, was it?

“Ugh… Well, that’s that. What was even the point…?” I grunted and then narrowed my eyes. “Wait, can you guys still hear me? Does the stream record the sound from John’s point of view as well?”

JamieWasTaken3: yea but its all echoey and from far away

GeorgeDoshington: horror movie pow

GonguuH: we can hear you but it’s coming from behind the corner

“...Huh. Neat.” I nodded to myself before dismissing John. “So in other words, if I ever wanna get rid of you guys, I just gotta lock John inside a box. Good to know.”

GeorgeDoshington: dont you dare

GonguuH: you could do that to get some privacy sometimes

KaiEbikoOfficial: just make sure the box isn’t a mimic

I snorted.

“Of course, of course.”

I kept swimming while pulling out the map to look at it every now and then. Unlike up on the surface, the entire map was shifting while I, the red dot, remained stationary. Eventually, I came across another huge intersection and the map reflected it with more arrows.

Once again, one of the arrows was green and another one – the tunnel where I’d come from, actually – was blue.

I hummed.

“Okay, whatever the blue arrow is pointing toward, I’m probably getting further away from it… But that’s assuming there’s no space warping nonsense happening.” I glared at the map. “Whatever. Let’s keep following the green arrows for now.”

I swam through the next tunnel for a couple more minutes – belatedly realizing that there didn’t seem to be any of these plush fish anywhere – before reaching a third tunnel.

Once again, the map showed arrows. Except one of the arrows was also yellow, in addition to the green and blue ones.

“Yellow arrow… Or gold. And gold means loot, right?” I mumbled, eyeing the tunnel where the yellow arrow was pointing suspiciously. “Wasn’t the map supposed to point toward secrets as well?”

Jeofffff: but then whats the blue one?

GonguuH: you should keep following the green arrows for now

GonguuH: it could be a trap

KaiEbikoOfficial: I mean so far the green arrows just lead to more intersections

GonguuH: the blue arrow is the way back I think

JamieWasTaken3: poll!

I hummed.

“...I think I’ll just keep following the green arrows right now and see where they lead me,” I declared. “I’m not gonna poll every intersection, Jamie. I wanna finish this dungeon today.”

So with that, I picked the green one again and swam through the tunnel.

It didn’t take long for everything around me to suddenly shift and for gravity to decide that actually, forward was now down, and I found myself falling down the tunnel just like before the boss room.

I let out a startled yelp, but luckily, I was getting used to this dungeon’s shenanigans and knew to immediately start flapping my arms like a chicken and let the swimming sleeves save me from plummeting to my death.

“Dammit, chat! Why did I pick green arrows?!” I yelled as I navigated down the snaking tunnel and my heart began beating like a drummer at a concert.

Soon enough, the tunnel spat me out. But not inside a big circular room this time.

I gasped as I suddenly found myself very high up in the air, overlooking sets of skyscraper-sized lockers surrounding me from both sides.

Floor two?!

I frantically looked around to see whether something was waiting for me while I continued to flap my arms like mad to slow down my fall just a little more.

Then I noticed that there was a puddle right below me where I was going to land.

And maybe it was just a tad paranoid of me, but I couldn’t help but breath in and cover the damn thing in as much fire as I could just before I landed.

My feet finally touched the ground, but it was still a bit too fast and I ended up crumpling into a heap.

“...Ow.” I groaned as I picked myself up and quickly looked around for any ambushes.

There were none, luckily.

I took a deep breath and sighed.

KaiEbikoOfficial: you didn’t break anything did you?

“I’m fine… But seriously, who is this dungeon even designed for? I would have been a pancake if I didn’t have these!” I tugged on one of the swimming sleeves.

GeorgeDoshington: birds

GeorgeDoshington: no wait… PHOENIXES

GeorgeDoshington: dun dun duuuun

My eyebrow twitched.

“Yeah, because phoenixes are known to wear bikinis and gloves,” I drawled. “The perfect loot for them.”

GonguuH: you were probably meant to get those sleeves before this part

“I mean, maybe? But what if I didn’t get these sleeves? It was in a chest in a side path!” I grumbled to myself. “Well, whatever. I’m alive and well, and I really hope the map works for this place too. Didn’t think it would bring me back here…”

Jeofffff: maybe the loot is personalized

Jeofffff: phoenixes get different loot

I shrugged and pulled out the map again.

“Maybe. Who knows? Not like I can ask anyone…”

Before I could get depressed and anxious about the whole ‘stranded in a dead world’ thing again, I studied the map that had once again changed and was now showing several rectangular shapes surrounding a red dot. There were also several arrows.

One green, one blue, one yellow, and everything else red.

“Hmm… I guess I’ll just keep following the green arrows,” I decided.

Before setting off, I briefly glanced up at the tunnel that had spit me into this place.

It was quite far away and seemed to have come from somewhere above one of the lockers in a way that definitely didn’t match how I’d fallen through it. There was also water stuck to one of its sides as if it couldn’t care less about gravity.

Classic.

Not wanting to dwell on more physics being mutilated by this dungeon, I moved on and began following my map.

I came across a few more of these puddles of water, and although it might have seemed overly paranoid to some, I always carefully approached them, brought out my naginata, and zapped them just to check whether they were one of those living puddles.

They never were. Or at least, none of them began moving after I zapped them.

It was kind of eerie. Like I was going back through the dungeon, but without any enemies around.

A few minutes later, the green arrow disappeared and was replaced with a green X. I frowned in confusion but kept going and soon found out what the X meant.

“Noooo…” I groaned and dragged a hand down my face as I stared at the dreaded screen thing at the side of one of the lockers. “Not this again!”

GeorgeDoshington: oh shit its back

KaiEbikoOfficial: oh no

Jeofffff: loud noise warning

I let out a heavy sigh and resigned myself to my fate.

Truth be told, part of me still cringed away from these things just because of the experiences I’d associated with them. After all, each of the lockers on floor two had nearly killed me.

“Alright, fine. Here goes nothing, chat,” I muttered as I got closer to the screen, lifted up my wrist, and let it scan the bracelet.

A big ten appeared on the screen and I jumped back and grit my teeth in preparation for the noise.

Except it never came.

The countdown began ticking down and I was frantically looking around, nervously anticipating something happening. Something unexpected.

And sure enough, once the timer hit zero, instead of a single locker opening like was the case with all the others on floor two, multiple lockers suddenly opened, startling the crap out of me with how loud it was.

I immediately began looking into each of the lockers, anticipating flying clothing coming to get me.

And then I felt like a complete fool because that didn’t happen either.

I stood there dumbly for a good few minutes before I finally allowed myself to relax when nothing came rushing out at me.

“...Right. That’s different. I guess this place doesn’t have any enemies, either? I’m guessing I have to enter one of the lockers, right…?”

I looked back to my map, and sure enough, there were arrows pointing into where the opened lockers should be now. One of them was green while the rest were red.

“Simple enough, I guess…” I mumbled and walked to the locker marked with the green arrow.

I peeked inside and instantly narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

As usual, it was completely dark inside and I couldn’t see a thing. What caught my attention, though, was the pillar of light visible straight across from the entrance.

“This feels like a trap.”

GeorgeDoshington: fuck yeah horror movie night today bois

GonguuH: actually it feels like there isn’t going to be anything

I completely ignored George.

“Seriously? How can you say that, Gong? You can’t tell me that this isn’t suspicious as heck.” I gestured inside the locker.

GonguuH: I mean enemies

“Oh, hmm…”

GonguuH: so far, this path to the final boss has been without any

“I mean, that’s true, but what about traps? There was that sudden death drop…”

GonguuH: yeah this seems to be about environmental hazards rather than enemies

“Hmm, you might be onto something… Alright, enough stalling. Let’s get to it.”

I took a deep breath, told myself that it was going to be fine, and then walked inside the locker.