Secluded in one of the rooms at Lecite, I started one rather serious conversation with him. Due to the recent battle, Camelia's body was tense, and the girl's mind seemed to be convulsing. I held back this tension, but it could not last long. You can call this “pain of the mind,” a phenomenon in which a real person cannot stay outside the rhythm of his thinking for a long time, which is why nerve cells begin to go crazy and even die. Because of this, Camelia’s body had to be given back, and lately this had to be done more and more often. There is only one way to solve this problem.
This is exactly what I decided to talk to Lecite about. No one should hear us here, and if someone is watching us, then the magic will drown out all sounds, which is what I actually took advantage of. He was probably thinking about why we were here. We had just recently had sex and neither he nor I felt the need for it, and therefore his face was quite serious. Perhaps he guessed that I called him here for a very important conversation.
Having thought everything over carefully, I sat down on the edge of the bed to his right and looking into his eyes said:
"Lecite, today is the last time I communicate with you in this body."
Lecite, hearing my words, frowned, but continued to listen carefully, clenching his palms into fists. He knew I would never joke. He knows that everything I say is absolutely serious and of course he was very worried about what I just said.
In the light of the torch and the noise outside the window, I continued:
“I will be forced to “sleep” in this body. The human brain is not capable of accommodating two minds at once, you can see that very well.”
Lecite's gaze was understanding. He remembers and saw how much I ate and how often I grabbed my forehead with my palm. “Pain of the mind” was accompanied by physical pain, and if I were in my true form, I would have endured this pain, but in the human body this pain distorted the mind, making me weak and vulnerable. Whatever my will may be, over time, due to the growing pain, I will soon go crazy along with Camelia.
"What should I do?"
Lecite asked.
I’m glad that he understood everything quickly, and therefore I immediately began to explain to him:
"You need to find a ship, a pantorian super-cruiser. I will show you the coordinates. All you have to do is touch the hull and say the password. Once you are inside, find the beam teleporter and materialize any body from the clipboard."
Lecite nodded, and then I handed him the stone on which the password and coordinates were scratched.
"Keep it as the most important thing in the universe. If I do not return the body, then I will soon die in the depths of Camelia's consciousness. My mind will dissolve and disappear forever, like all memories."
"What should we do with her?"
“You will take her with you. Take care of her life, make her fall in love with you and lead her into the buffer. As soon as you create the shell, set up the neuroatomic code of the mind so that my personality leaves her body. You will need mekhanites, you will find them on the ship. Separate us, and then wait for my further instructions. And if you do not cope with your task, then decide for yourself how you will live out your days here.”
Lecite nodded, accepting my orders. As a person who welcomes the pantorian idea, he will certainly still be close to human nature; even now he is closer to humanity than to the great order. If he seduces her and makes her fall in love with him, then he will probably fall in love with Camelia himself. This can create problems: he may not make up his mind and give up halfway.
I can't let this happen.
Grabbing the palm of Lecite, I whispered one spell on my lips. I felt an invisible tremor pass through the space, and my body and Lecite’s body synchronized in a kind of magical flow. Just for a moment, a magical whirlwind connected our bodies and at the same moment separated us. He didn't understand what I had just done, but he guessed that it could be magic.
Blinking his eyes, he asked:
"What was that?"
"Oath."
I lied, knowing that the truth would make him succumb to unnecessary emotions.
"With the help of magic, I connected your soul with fate. Now if you do not do what I told, this body will die."
It's not true. It wasn't an oath, it was a curse.
If Lecite does not fulfill the given condition, then both he and Camelia will die. I felt a little disgusted that I was forced to lie, to go against my nature, succumbing to humanity. By depriving Lecite of choice, I increase the chances of success, for me this is much more important than the feelings of one person. Leaving everything to him would be the height of madness and irrationalism.
Lecite, meanwhile, was sincerely perplexed. He didn’t understand why the oath was needed:
"But why?"
The question hung in the air. I didn’t answer him, giving him time for my own thoughts. I knew that he would quickly find the answer to his own question, and he soon found it.
"I get it, it's because I'm human. You think I'll give in to feelings. Is that true?"
I nodded.
“You yourself understand perfectly how self-willed people are. You understand the nature of the human species better than me, and I know why the pantorians abandoned everything human. Reason and logic should be above all. Little things like sympathy are just an outlet for the mind, a drug for the shell, a way to escape from reality. If you love her, you should know that you will lose her in any case.”
Lecite looked at me, not knowing what to answer or what to feel. For him, obviously, all this was quite sudden, and yet he understood that the feelings that he had for me would become a bitter burden that he would have to bear. He knew everything, but he didn’t want to believe it all. His eyes, his gaze and facial expression clearly spoke of everything he was feeling right now.
"I know you will surely love her, but in the end you will have to choose between her and the great order. You swore allegiance to me, which means you dedicated yourself to the great order. Pantora allows everyone to make their choice either to remain in a world of chaos or to achieve order. It is up to you to decide."
For some time, Lecite was still trying to figure it all out. He understood that the great order requires sacrifices, enormous sacrifices, including that he must sacrifice his humanity in order to achieve this goal. It will be difficult to reject all the emotions that a person has, and yet, with great determination, it will be very possible to achieve this.
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I take too much risk, entrusting the fate of the great order to one person, who at any moment can betray me and the great order. However, I have no choice. If Lecite is the only way the path can be continued, then I will do everything I need to do.
"I understand."
Answered by Lecite.
“So this is the last time we communicate like this?”
"Yes."
I confirmed, making him very upset.
"Only milliseconds may pass for me, but years may pass in the world. For our purpose, you must do all this. The great order must come. The Universe must find peace. Pantora must live, and the Eternal must rule."
"Pantora alive, Pantora eternal."
The pantorian motto Lecite chanted quietly.
Even without his words, I saw that he understood everything perfectly. He may be an unworthy man who desires to become a pantorian, desiring to achieve a great order, but never underestimate the determination that the human species possesses. For this I hope that his feelings will not hide from his eyes the true path to the order of the universe.
"I'll miss you."
He said and with a smile on his face, he kissed me tenderly.
During this sweet moment, I fell into a long sleep. I did everything I could and now all I can do is wait. I have nothing to regret now: either victory or death.
***
"A?"
W-what?!
I jumped back, feeling a strange and sweet taste on my tongue.
This guy k-kissed me!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
I screamed in panic.
Lecite swallowed, looking down guiltily.
"WHERE ARE WE?!"
I looked around, realizing that I was in some modest room inside the castle.
Lecite, meanwhile, said something strange.
"I'm sorry. My feelings are with Elpata, not with you."
I didn’t understand his words, or rather, what they could mean.
"W-what are you talking about? What did she do? I mean, what were you both doing just now?"
Oh no! If they did “this” again while my consciousness was asleep, then... then I don’t even know what to think about now! It's so cheesy!
While I was blushing and waiting for an answer to my question, Lecite pursed his lips and said with sadness in his voice:
"She's gone."
"What? Who are you talking about?"
"Elpata is no more."
I couldn't believe my ears.
"She's gone? You-you're not kidding?"
Lecite nodded, and when I heard his words, I didn’t know what to feel: either joy that I was finally free or some sadness that I would now have to live without this stern and indifferent voice in my head. Of course, I felt more surprise, and only then some joy.
Lecite frowned slightly as he noticed the slight smirk on my face. He clearly did not share my joy.
I won't give her my body again?
It seemed like some kind of joke, but it didn't seem like it was a lie. I really didn't hear her voice. My head didn't hurt, and my thoughts seemed free. My soul now belonged to me and only me, how could I not feel joy after this?
But Lecite is so upset.
I noticed his sad look.
I knew that they both loved each other, although it seemed to me that Elpata was the one who would never love anyone at all. Her thoughts about the great order of things, about Pantora, about earthlings, magic and about many other complex things drove me into depression. I didn’t want all this, I just wanted to return to my family, to my dad, but now I was free.
"Are you happy?"
Lecite asked me and I was honest with him because I really felt joy and lightness in my soul.
"Yes."
I said with a smile and at the same time decided to cheer him up a little.
"I should be sorry that you lost the one you love, but you know I don't really care."
Lecite grinned.
"I see you learned a lot from her."
"And what?"
"Pantorians never cared about human feelings, neither their own nor others."
“Ah... are you talking about this.”
Really. She didn't care whether I was angry with her or not.
"Yes it is. She was so angry."
Suddenly, sadness washed over me. If Lecite speaks the truth and I never hear it again, then who will protect me? Who will give me advice and teach me life? Who will teach me how to use magic? She herself said that everything I know is just the top of the mountain and I don’t know everything about magic. So how can I now comprehend this power now?
She connected my life with magic, and I will have to use this power to live further in this world. If I could, I would bring my family and friends back to life, but I can’t. I am now alone and now I really didn’t know how to live now. This made me feel uneasy.
I looked up at Lecite with my pitiful gaze, I looked at him with hope, I thought that he would help, tell me how to live further. But I quickly realized that I was afraid, afraid to ask him about it. He sees her in me, but I'm not the one he needs. It’s strange to feel needed by someone, or rather, on the contrary, it’s nice, but it’s so stressful when you’re left completely alone.
"What should I do?"
I whispered sadly and Lecite put his palm on my fingers.
I know he wants to see her in me, but I'm not her. I am not that evil and great warrior from another world, I am just a girl in the body of an adult. From now on, I must live like an adult, which means I must not rely on anyone.
"Camellia."
Lecite whispered my name tenderly.
“I will be by your side. You can ask me as much as you want, and I will definitely help you.”
"But…"
I couldn’t find the words to let go of my hand from his hands.
His words made my heart pound so much. There were so many questions in my head, so many experiences and feelings that I simply didn’t know how to react to all this correctly. And he simply promises to help me, although I didn’t ask him to do so. And yet inside myself I really wanted this. I know he is a good person, I see kindness in his eyes, and yet it seemed to me that accepting his kindness was something dishonest and wrong.
I feel both happy and sad. I spent so much time with Elpata that it seemed that she would always be with me, that she would become a part of my life. I didn’t think that one day the moment would come when she would suddenly be gone.
What about Eternal? Weren't you going to find the deity you worshiped? Weren't you going to find your people? How could you just up and disappear?
And then I realized that I had missed something. I didn’t know how she disappeared and this became my second question that I voiced out loud.
"Lecite, tell me what happened? Why did she suddenly disappear?"
He was silent for a few moments before answering. I expected to hear from him “she died,” but I heard something completely different, which gave me some hope and filled my heart with slight joy.
"She fell asleep. She said that she could not awaken herself in this body, otherwise she risked destroying both herself and you. She sleeps inside your soul."
"Is she just sleeping? She's not dead?"
Lecite nodded, and I sighed with relief knowing that she was okay.
“Since she’s fine and she just fell asleep, then I’m glad.”
"Is it true?"
The guy frowned and I smiled.
“At first I felt bad for her, but now I understand that in my own way I loved her. She saved me, then in that cave. I almost died, and she healed me even though she stole my body and lived many years of my life. I didn’t want to forgive her, but she used me again and I had no choice. I was angry with her for this. She promised me to return me to my father, but it looks like I’ll have to do it myself.”
I was still thinking about what else I should say to Lecite and soon after a few moments I stood up from the edge of the bed and decided:
"She said that she has a body. If she is sleeping, then I will find her body and wake her up."
I turned my head to Lecite.
"Are you with me?"
The guy was somewhat surprised, but after a few moments he smiled and rose to his feet.
"I-I o-of course!"
He stuttered.
"Hurray~!"
I jumped up, clapping my hands, and then something unexpected happened.
In a moment of joy, Lecite hugged me and kissed me right on the lips. Again this sweet taste and again I looked at it in shock. I tried to escape from his embrace, but he squeezed my hands tightly. He caressed my face with one palm, and I blushed like a tomato. Only after hearing my dissatisfied moo, Lecite unhooked himself from me, stepped back and guiltily lowered his head down.
I took deep breaths and exhales, and my heart was pounding quickly from his vulgar actions. This was unexpected and for this I was angry with him. For me, a kiss was something romantic, something forbidden, and he shouldn't have done it to me! But before I reprimanded him, I remembered who he saw in my face.
"I'm not her!"
I shouted.
"S-sorry."
I understood and was still angry.
"Don't you dare do that again! Do you understand me?!"
"Yes."
Lecite whispered quietly.
"Go away! I want to be alone!"
And he, having listened to me, left the room and then went to the next room.
That's right, we live next door.
I remembered and fell back onto the bed.
This taste of a kiss on my lips awakened something wrong, forbidden and hot in my thoughts. My fingers reached between my legs, but I quickly came to my senses by grabbing my hair.
"No. No. No! You shouldn't think like that! You shouldn't! You can't do that! It's wrong!"
How did I feel now? Remembering Lecite's beautiful face, I could only feel this sweet taste for him. It seemed wrong to me, because he loves Elpata, and Elpata loves him.
Is it right to love him?