I felt something strange and this was after the night when Elpata regained control of my body. Having asked her how I felt, for some reason she remained silent, as if she had never been in my head. She didn't want to tell me what happened to me that night, and I, in turn, continued to feel a little uncomfortable because of how I felt.

When I look at men I feel a little uneasy, I constantly want to look away from them as if I’m shy about something. What is this anyway? I can’t explain it correctly, and Elpata, in turn, constantly reminds me to control myself.

It will be difficult for you if you continue like this.

What do you mean?

You really can't stand it?

Elpata sighed mentally.

Then think about something else, take your mind off your pressing thoughts.

So what should I think about then?

About magic...

Indeed, everyone around me considers me a sorceress. Even that slightly strange Incartia, a student of the old man Granida, looks at me as if I were some kind of unprecedented fairy-tale creature for her. And although I have magic, I have no idea how to use it. I generally have a hard time understanding what it is. I just remember how one day my father invited a magician home to heal me from a cold. I remember that pleasant warmth that spread throughout my whole body and that’s it. This is the only memory of magic from my childhood.

Magic is a strange power of nature that few people possess. For some it is a gift, but for others it is a curse. This is what my father told me when he once told me about magic before bed. I wasn’t very interested in her, I was small, stupid, I was more worried about games and sweets, but now I only care about one thing - this is returning home to my father.

I think while we were all riding on the carts to the city of Ran, I could learn to use magic. This power could be useful to me in order to survive in this inhospitable, dangerous world. From Elpata’s available memories, I saw some fragments of how she cast magic and I must admit I was surprised. Magic gives a person so many opportunities that it is not difficult to even confuse such people with real villains. But if I use this power correctly, then I won’t become a monster, right?

So where do I start?

Start with concentration.

Elpata advised me, but I did not understand her words.

I didn’t know what I needed to do to at least start using magic, and Elpata told me about some kind of concentration. What does this even mean?

Your whole body is an instrument, all your feelings that you feel are projected onto you and in your consciousness in the form of sensations. The five standard human senses - sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste - are the basic senses that every person has, but you can feel more. Concentrate within yourself, feel every atom of your body and tell me what you feel in addition to these five senses.

What do I feel? Well, I feel the cart on which I sit swaying; I hear leaves rustling and birds singing, in the distance someone is talking and laughing; I smell the resin, apparently from the cones lying under the trees; I feel how the breeze gently blows my white hair, and how the sun bakes my skin causing beads of sweat to appear on it. Well, I also feel someone’s touch on me.

Looking to the left, I saw the sleeping head of Lecite, who fell face down on my knees. The fact that he slept on me like that made me feel a little awkward. I didn't dare remove his head; it would have been rude of me.

Don't get distracted. You did everything right, focus on your feelings, feel something else in yourself that is inside you and outside at the same time.

What is inside me and outside at the same time? I really tried to understand her words, but I had little understanding of what exactly I needed to feel. Perhaps that “heat,” if you can call it that, is also a kind of feeling, but I have no idea how to interact with it. It brings me neither pain nor joy, neither comfort nor discomfort. Is this him?

Continue, you have not yet achieved what you need.

Isn't what I feel magic?

It's not magic.

Then what is it?

Don't get distracted. You need to keep looking for the thread, grab it and pull it in any direction. It's hard to explain, you have to try to understand it yourself.

I followed her advice and continued to focus on myself and I admit it was very boring. It seemed like I was wasting my time trying to understand something that didn’t exist. All sorts of thoughts constantly came into my head, which is why Elpata always scolded me.

Throw your thoughts aside. The thinking functions of your brain will be useful elsewhere, but make room for them now.

I closed my eyes, frowned out all sounds in my head, I ignored the wind, the smell and the “heat”. I took deep breaths and exhales trying to find something, something that I should understand. However, I still didn’t understand what I needed to look for. It seems that I was missing something, or rather, I couldn’t feel something, or I felt it, but couldn’t realize it.

You don't understand.

I growled and angrily threw Lecite’s head to the side, causing him to lightly hit the edge of the cart and wake up. He jumped up, looking at me strangely, seeing the anger on my face.

"Huh? What's the matter?"

He asked me worriedly.

"Don't sleep on me!"

I shouted out to him and turned my head away from him, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

"As you say."

Lecite said, sitting a little further away.

"I won't sleep on you anymore."

It can be difficult sometimes with you. So you will never learn to use magic.

I pursed my lips offensively, not wanting to listen to her reproaches. I really wanted to learn this magic, but I didn't know it would be so difficult. I should feel something, but it was so difficult. This made it difficult for me, and difficulties always make me angry.

And how do you think I should do this?! How to feel it?!

I will show you.

What will you show?

"Who is this?"

Asked the old coachman who was driving the cart.

Looking ahead, I saw a turn, behind which I could see a village standing in a field. On the way to her, a wall of soldiers stood with swords, spears, axes and wooden shields, dressed in leather and steel armor. There were many of them and they all looked at us with extreme hostility. At this moment, the coachman pulled the reins and stopped the cart, forcing Boris to rise from his lying position and ask a question:

"What's the matter?"

"I-I think they're robbers."

The old man stammered, looking at the uninvited travelers ahead.

"This is where my life ends."

Granid rose from his place and, noticing the robbers, silently stepped on the ground with Incartia, heading towards the standing group of robbers.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

It's a holiday.

What?

Soon you will be fighting.

I? Wait what are you talking about?

With a high degree of probability we see a criminal element in front of us in the form of robbers. You have no idea how many of these I have already killed before you woke up. If it makes it easier for you, just assume that they are no longer human and then taking their life will not be so difficult for you.

I swallowed, not believing what she was saying in my head.

"Camellia."

Granid called me.

"Come with us."

Why me?

How stupid you are.

Elpata sighed wearily in my head.

You are a sorceress, and they are earthlings who killed many of your relatives. They don't want to attract much attention, so they want the mages to deal with them, that is, you, Granid and Incartia. So don’t sit, don’t ask unnecessary questions, and when the moment comes, give me control of your body, and I’ll show you how to use magic and then you’ll finally understand how you need to feel.

Do I have to do this?

Necessarily.

She warned me.

I had to listen to Elpata and do everything as she told me, even if I didn’t like where everything was going. I went with Granida, Incartia and Boris. An Earthman in a spotted green-brown jacket, holding his small fancy weapon on his belt, walked behind us, giving the initiative to Granid.

When we approached these robbers, a man dressed in steel armor came out of their group, whose face was hidden behind a steel helmet. His height was impressive, and the huge sword that hung behind his back seemed to be able to cut even a bear in half. His appearance was frightening; he himself seemed to me like some kind of monster that it was better not to mess with.

We stood opposite each other at a distance of a person and were silent for some time until a man in steel armor spoke in his menacing low voice:

"Your caravan is surrounded. Give us everything you have and then we will let you go."

The old wizard did not believe his words and, scratching his gray beard, asked:

“There are three magicians standing in front of you, do you think you can defeat us all and take everything from us?”

The robbers, hearing Granid’s words, tensed, squeezing their weapons tighter in their hands. I heard the rustling of leaves around and out of the corner of my eye I noticed how more robbers emerged from behind the trees on both sides of the road, this time with bows. They had already pulled their arrows onto the string and were aiming at the caravan.

The man in steel armor seemed confident in his abilities and only grinned at the old wizard’s words:

“Hah~! There are five dozen of us here. It doesn’t matter what kind of magicians you all are, since you are already standing in front of us. We will get what we deserve anyway, but you can still avoid death if you just give up. We are good people and don’t want unnecessary deaths, so let’s decide everything is peaceful. All the good you have in exchange for your lives, I think it’s a great deal.”

"Will."

Boris said into his jacket.

"You heard everything."

Meanwhile, tension hung in the air, Granid was silent for a while, not daring to do anything, and then Elpata mentally commanded me:

Now.

After a slight delay, I relaxed my body and wished to give it to her, after which I stopped feeling anything, or rather felt almost nothing except... magic.

I hope you understand now.

She, using my body, raised her staff and recreated a dozen fireballs above her head, which appeared out of nowhere, after which they instantly flew forward towards the robbers who barely had time to be surprised, and one of these fireballs instantly burned a formidable man in steel armor, when the fire splashed all over him body.

He didn’t even have time to scream before his red-hot armor had already vaporized his skin. Only his charred remains of flesh and deformed steel fell to the ground, and the fire from his remains spread to the robbers standing next to him, so they screamed, trying to knock down the spreading flame with their hands.

Dozens of robbers roared loudly and instantly rushed forward, that is, right at us. Loud sounds of popping were heard behind them, followed by screams, and at the same moment Boris took out his small weapon and fired a deadly short beam from it, which tore off the head of one of the nearby robbers.

At this time, I felt unprecedented flows passing through my body, through every corner of my body and consciousness. Elpata seemed to be mentally molding clay from some unknown substance, silently reproducing one spell after another. Magic for her was like water closed in a jug, which she splashed onto the ground, that is, into the real world. This is how the fireballs were formed, first in her consciousness, acquiring a clear form, and then in the real world, when the flows went beyond the limits of her own feelings.

Granid and Incartia, meanwhile, were pronouncing spells out loud, that is, words that for some reason influenced these unprecedented flows around them. The old wizard swept the horde of robbers off their feet with an air flow, and Incartia bound them with roots that instantly grew out of the ground. However, the roots of the little dark-haired sorceress were weak, and the robbers easily got out of them. Incartia had to repeat the spell over and over again to hold them off as long as possible while the fireballs burned them alive and Boris's beams blew their heads off.

Their spells are pre-prepared commands with a specific meaning and characteristics. If you need to use magic without going into its essence, then spells are the easiest way to comprehend magic.

Then why don't you use spells?

Because I don’t want to know only the surface of all magic, I want to go down to the very bottom and know the magic in its entirety, and for this you need to know the laws of nature and all magic. This is quite a difficult task, but I can cope with it.

Elpata continued to cast dozens of spells simultaneously every moment. She burned everyone she saw and did not see with her fireballs. I felt how she sent flows in different directions and they all returned either intact or damaged, as if someone or something had disturbed these flows. Knowing the direction, she launched a fireball in one direction and burned the archer who was going to shoot her, managing to pull an arrow on the bowstring. Despite all this, she didn’t even see him, but she was still able to feel the movements of this man.

I could only watch and envy how high her knowledge of magic was. I felt how various streams flowed through my body, which went beyond the boundaries of my body, becoming a kind of continuation of my own essence. It was a real delight for me to watch how she used all this and at the same time I was disgusted to watch how the charred pieces of human flesh burned.

It was all over; dozens of dead and undead human bodies lay in front of us. Boris continually shot those who were still moving, captured by the roots of Incartia, and Granid collected magical streams, which he released. It seems that he weakened after the first spell, however, this was not surprising. He had not yet fully recovered from that incident in the city, or he was too old to use strong magic. His air shock wave was truly amazing, as if these robbers were demolished by the invisible hand of a giant, this spell was clearly a strong one.

Then I felt that my body was now under control and looking back I saw how the earthlings sitting in the carts shot the archers on both sides of the road. Remembering how she directed the magical flow, I did the same and felt them wrap around leaves, branches, grass and small insects, and then return back. It was as if I had stretched out many invisible hands and smoothed out everything I could, and at the same time I was convinced that there were no longer any living people in the forest.

Now it became much clearer to me what it means to feel something both inside and outside of me. Magic gives me the ability to feel the same as any other person, but from the outside. It was really hard to explain, but that's how it is.

"Weren't there too many of them?"

Boris asked, returning his weapon to his belt.

"So many robbers don't gather like that."

Granid said hoarsely, while Boris noted something out loud.

“They acted in a very organized manner. They did not attack ahead of time, they stood in formation and waited for orders. It was as if they were not robbers, but some kind of deserters.”

"Perhaps it is."

Granid said and began to return to the carts.

“Well, it’s not so important now, these fools got in our way and paid for it with their lives. We brought a little peace to this world with our little evil.”

"We had to scare them away."

Incartia said with fear on her face.

“And then they would again continue to rob travelers.”

Granid answered her instructively.

“What do you say, Camellia?”

"I?"

I suddenly felt embarrassed that they were paying attention to me.

"What should I say?"

"Do you have any thoughts?"

Granid asked, and I shook my head in response.

"No, none."

"Too bad."

The old wizard sighed.

“Well then answer another question, why did you attack first?”

"Mum..."

What should I answer?

They would have attacked anyway.

"They would have attacked anyway."

I repeated Elpata’s words.

These three looked at me with understanding, although Incartia even had some doubts.

“Maybe they weren’t planning to attack us at all? It just looks like we killed these people in cold blood.”

“There will be no peace in this world as long as there are such people in it.”

Granid said sadly.

He made a mistake in his choice of words. Not “such people”, but “people” in general. All.

And she, as always.

"Your magic is perfect, Camellia."

Granid suddenly praised me, or rather Elpata, as if I was embarrassed to admit it.

“I myself lived for many years in search of the essence of fire, tried to understand how to direct it correctly, but you comprehended the essence of this, understood the nature of fire in complete perfection, especially at such a young age, which can no longer be said about it.”

Granid looked at Incartia with some disdain and sternness, which is why she guiltily lowered her head down as if she had made some mistake.

The path of a free magician is difficult, Camellia. They, feeling the magic, can only know it in one way, through self-improvement, and this requires patience, diligence, understanding and talent. You have none of this.

Well, thank you damn it for cheering me up so much.

My pleasure.

I was a little angry at her choice of words and at the same time, in a way, she really cheered me up. I don't need to be talented to learn magic when I have such a good teacher as Elpata, who showed me by her example how to feel and how to use magic. I have already begun to understand the essence of magic, I realized what I need to feel and I hope that my path as a sorceress will go much better. These were just my first steps in magic and there will be many more before I reach the top and return home.

We walked back to the carts and continued on our way. The coachmen, however, still spent a lot of time calming down the frightened horses, but soon we continued our movement and finally reached the village, or rather what was left of it.

"Everyone was killed."

Boris said in a gloomy voice, looking at the bodies of people scattered on the ground, among which were old people, women and children.”

We need to search everything here and then continue on our way.