Chapter 40 - Return of the Army

Lilly found her way to where the army was returning with a worried heart. She had faith in her friends, but she knew nothing was certain in war.

Her first sight as she arrived, looking from between the citizens cheering for their return, was of a tired Dahn leading the battered soldiers with Eolande safely at his side. After a bit more searching, she could also see Eldrin walking alongside other mages, all looking unharmed.

It seemed like the day’s battle had been won, or at the very least not lost. Lilly felt relieved, at least knowing those she cared for were safe. But as the unharmed soldiers walked past, it was time for the wounded, carried by carts and horses, to enter. The atmosphere dropped in an instant, silencing the shouts of triumph the citizens had shared just a few seconds earlier.

It wasn’t only wounded that were being brought back. There were also those that would never rise again, fallen in battle and now covered in white sheets with red stains.

Lilly felt her heart sink. She felt she could have done something to help, regardless of the plan Roald had made. Seeing the casualties of war for the first time, it was a splash of cold water. She had always feared losing those she cared for, but it had never felt real before now.

Imagining Eolande or Eldrin under one of those white sheets, it made her sick.

‘I… I could have done something…’ she quietly told herself, feeling the guilt spread through her.

‘Lilly, you know that thing you’ve told me a thousand times by now?’ Myndia asked, not expecting an answer. ‘I think you could use the same advice. Don’t blame yourself.’

Lilly disliked having her own words used against her, but she could hardly argue. ‘The flame is heavier than I thought… Knowing I have the power to save people, knowing it will stay with me for so long… Can I ever rest with a clear conscience? Can I ever just spend my days enchanting and live my life again?’

A sigh sounded from the amulet. ‘Your kind heart will be the death of you if you let it, Lilly. Take it from me; keeping the people you care for safe should be your only priority. If that extends to all of Thundrel, so be it. That’s what I did after some very failed attempts at taking everything on my shoulders.’

Myndia’s voice was stiff as she alluded to her failed past. It was easy to imagine a young demigod trying to protect more than she could handle, and with Myndia’s personality, it hardly came as a surprise.

‘There will be a voice in your heart saying you’re not doing enough, and I know that because I know you, Lilly. But choke it out. Spend the time you want to with those you love. That’s not being selfish; that’s being human. And they deserve having you around as well, don’t they?

Also, listening to people with more experience and knowledge will serve you well in the long run. If Roald says his plan will save the most people, it probably will. You’ve already helped tons of people today.’

Lilly was surprised by the sudden flood of wisdom coming from Myndia. She understood her words, and it alleviated some of the guilt she felt. The words of not trying to save everyone were something she already knew would be impossible for her, but it was nice to hear it reasoned so well.

‘Thank you, Myndia. You’re right… But this means you’ll listen to me next time I say the same things, right?’

‘No, no. I was just using your own words to make it easier for you to understand. I’m still in the right normally.’

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Lilly smiled and looked up at the final bit of the army walking past. She had hoped to talk to them but understood it would be easier in the city barracks where they were headed. So she turned and found her way back there instead.

The atmosphere was tempered as she entered. Some soldiers had lost friends, and others were silent so as to not be disrespectful. The thoughts from earlier started bothering Lilly again, but she convinced herself that Myndia was right. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Lilly walked past the soldiers and eventually found herself in Roald's office, expecting at least Dahn and Eolande to be there as well. The guards didn’t seem to mind her at all as she knocked on the door, just like her last time here.

‘Are they even alive? They’re acting so lifeless…’ Lilly wondered, glancing at the guards as she waited for the response. they did seem to breathe, at least.

Steps could be heard approaching the door from the other side before it opened to reveal Eolande. Her expression brightened in an instant as she saw Lilly. “Hey, you! Come on in!”

Lilly smiled back and followed through the door, feeling better after seeing Eolande’s bright mood. Clearly, nothing too bad had happened.

Dahn and Roald both stood next to the map but turned to look at Lilly as she entered.

“Hey, Lady Lilly! I hear you’ve been making yourself useful at the infirmary. You have my thanks!” Roald exclaimed and bowed before her in gratitude. “I hope you don’t exhaust yourself before the night, though.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It doesn’t take much out of me to heal wounds; the staff takes most of the burden. How did the fighting go?”

Roald looked at Dahn, who nodded and started explaining, “We managed to push them back with minimal casualties today, making good use of our new speed demon to attack their mages. They had no way to counter Ande, so they had no choice but to run back to their temporary base.”

He looked proud as he gestured to Eolande, who curtsied elegantly in response. “Their army lost six of their best mages today. After that, they started setting up constant barriers, which forced them to retreat so they wouldn’t run out of mana. They will probably have fewer mages powering their barrier now, so I hope you can make a decisive move tonight, Lilly. I’ll gladly join you if you want.”

Lilly felt the care in her words, as well as the worry about what she would have to do. This time it would be Lilly herself wiping lives out with her flame, unlike with the fleet. And if she was honest, she was quite worried about it.

She had made her mind up about attackers and defenders, and who could be counted as innocents. But there was still plenty of hesitation in her heart. Was it fine to attack someone during the night? Did her power make it unfair for her to even join the war? And how many Dortfellian lives would she ruin, besides the ones she would extinguish?

“... I would appreciate it if you join me, Elly. Thanks.”

Eolande put a hand on Lilly’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Of course, Lilly. Just let me know the time, and I’ll be there.”

Lilly put her own hand on top of Eolande’s and smiled at her before turning to Roald. “When should I do the attack, do you think? In the middle of the night, or earlier so they get less rest?”

“I would say in the early half of the night. Even if the fight today didn’t last very long, they should still be tired from the march. They travel further than us, normally.” Roald walked over to his desk and sat down, checking a note for some relevant information.

“Their camp is about seven kilometers to the northwest. They use magical lights to keep watch of their surroundings, so you should be able to find it rather easily. Eolande, they use traps to alert them of intruders, so stay vigilant.”

“That won’t be a problem; I barely step on the ground anymore when I run. And even if they do notice me, I’ll only act as a distraction so Lilly can do her job.”

Lilly was about to respond when a knock could be heard from the door. Roald shouted out for them to come in, causing a serious-looking soldier to enter. “General, there’s an elf here with urgent news! He brought a wounded member of the Royal Guard, saying something about an explosion!”

Lilly immediately felt her nerves tighten as she guessed what elf had brought a member of the Royal Guard here. She looked at Eolande, who was looking back at her with wide eyes. “Rantas?” Lilly asked quietly.

Eolande turned to the soldier and shouted, “Let him in here right away!”

Before the soldier even registered the command, an elf appeared on the floor of the room, kneeling in front of them. “Please, please save Selene! I couldn’t protect her! A giant explosion, it– it ruined us!”