Cleansing Chaos
Chp 50
Steve was working through a pile of potential candidates for various positions in his office. Or at least he probably looked like he was. But, really, he was just shuffling papers and waiting on a timer. He'd set up a microbrewery in what was supposed to be a file closet.
As a recruiter, his job was pretty simple. He went through his allotment of candidates and picked out potential placement worlds for them, then tried to talk them into it. If needed, he had a variety of incentives he was authorized to offer as well as starter packs.
Working for Chaos ment actually doing his job was largely optional so long as Steve greased a few palms here and there. The fact that he dipped into the glitch invites more often than his assigned candidates was also overlooked, if not outright unnoticed.
"Seriously, you're not okay, just-" a voice filtered into the void. Steve broke out of the existential limbo that descended as he waited for the timer and looked toward the sound. A door that would connect to a hallway appearing in the void.
More eyes than three physical forms should have supported greeted Steven as he stood in the open doorway. An evil was curled defensively on the ground, one leg extended to fend off a fretting neutrality. Behind them, chaos was watching the scene with interest.
"What?" Steve asked Chaos. He could have closed the door to his office, probably should have. But, instead, he found himself looking harder at the collection of alignments. Fuzzy runes swam for a moment but finally cleared into basic information. They were all system admins.
"Thrilling, isn't it?" Chaos responded in singsong.
"Go kill each other somewhere else," Steve said flatly. Of course, it wasn't supposed to happen, but that didn't mean it didn't. It was definitely weird that three alignments were involved, but it was basically none of his business.
"Is it that bad!?" Neutrality asked in wide-eyed surprise. Evil's foot connected with his stomach and sent him back a pace. Bizarrely he didn't retreat and instead tried again, hands up in a display of non-aggression. Like he was trying to coax an injured cat rather than an agent of evil.
The neutrality looked a bit roughed up, blood running from a split lip, but the evil was in bad shape. Smoke was leaking from several orifices, and it gave off a pleasant scent which wasn't a good sign.
"What are you even trying to do?" Steve asked, confused. Evil swatted at Neutrality again. Why Neutrality was taking a beating when time would do the job soon enough was a mystery.
"To help her, but she thinks it's my fault-" Neutrality broke off and hissed in pain. Evil had clawed him pretty good when his attention wavered. Despite that, he seemed set on trying again. Chaos just watched, not that they could have done much else under the circumstances.
Steve was only supposed to be able to see primary alignments. The side one was recruited by which was relevant to the job. He could see whole alignments, though, and Neutrality was neutral good.
Not that Steven needed his ability to figure that out. Neutrality was literally bleeding and going back for more in an attempt to help his coworker. Instead of stepping back in his office like he should have, Steve strode forward. His void-like form drawing in light and expanding to fill the space.
Evil tried to fight back but only managed a weak failing. Steve was technically middle management, a system admin never stood a chance.
"Hey, what are you-" Neutrality started in worry. Steve ignored him, picking Evil up and carrying her into his office.
"Come on, not much time," Steve said plainly. Neutrality came running after him. Chaos sort of oozed, abandoning the office chair, but they just closed the door, taking up a guard stance in the hallway instead of entering.
Steve swept his desk clear and laid Evil on top of it. There were a couple possible options for what was wrong, and he needed to narrow them down. He was reasonably sure it was poison, but some magic had the same effect, and they required very different treatments.
"Did they eat or drink anything strange?" Steve asked.
"No?" Neutrality said, confused. He looked to Evil, and despite how they curled and hissed, he still managed to get close and take her hand. This time she didn't fight back, tired or possibly too far gone to bother.
"Better hope I fucking die of this… if it was you," Evil growled.
"I didn't. Come on, did you eat or drink anything strange?" Neutrality asked urgently.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
"No? Just canned chaos and like half an apple?" Evil said, words ending in a groan. Steve stiffened at the mention of the fruit. He'd seen them around the office, and if it was that kind, Evil was in real trouble.
"If you actually want her to live, you need to access an evil-aligned world, fast," Steve said sharply.
"I can, but-" Neutrality hesitated. Steve waited. Neutrality shouldn't have access to evil systems. If he was going to backpedal and give up on Evil, this would be his last chance.
"I can. Let me borrow your interface," Neutrality said, shoulders squaring up as he stood straighter. Steve handed it over. A perk of his job was that he had a fully portable version that looked like a steampunk laptop if one ignored the organic elements that occasionally winked.
Neutrality sat down on the floor, hunching over the laptop. He signed into Evil's interface as quickly as possible and felt glad he was already familiar with its layout. The red and black had been a bit jarring the first few times he'd used it, and this wasn't a moment for awkward flailing with the unfamiliar.
"Find a world with the highest alignment rating possible," Steven instructed. He was busy getting a keg out of his file closet brewery.
"Flushing it won't fix the problem, but you need to puke up what's in you. So it doesn't get worse," Steve explained, offering Evil a hose connected to the tap rather than a cup. She looked at it dubiously, then pushed up on an elbow with help and started drinking.
Evil's complete alignment was neutral evil, so chaos didn't have much effect. At least not until it mixed up with the stuff already in her. It hit that mess and made throwing up easier, if nothing else. Better than trying to dry heave, at least. A sizzling black mash of what had been apple came up after a few rounds.
Steve stood over Neutrality's shoulder and gave him general instructions on what to look for. It wasn't as straightforward as looking for something equally evil to counterbalance what had been consumed. They needed a healing item, and those weren't common for heavily evil-aligned factions or worlds.
Neutrality felt himself sweat as he started sorting search results after constraining locations. It would have been much simpler if they could have just used an equally evil item or poison to counteract what had happened. Those showed up in alarming numbers.
Finally, after narrowing the search a third time, he turned something up and used the system to pull a copy. It was against the rules to take something from the system for personal use, but he didn't even hesitate. The item materialized on Steve's desk, and the bathrobe-clad void of a recruiter snatched it up and quickly gave it to Evil.
Neutrality felt his body go boneless in relief. He'd been in a panic since he'd first caught up to Evil and realized that something was wrong. More so than simply having offended her.
"Is she going to be okay?" Neutrality asked Steve. He'd done as he was told, and he supposed it would take time to know, but he wanted the reassurance.
"Well, she'll survive this if not the scramble to take her place," Steve said, sounding perplexed by Neutrality's choice of wording.
"What?" Neutrality asked.
"Evil positions are considered spoils. They get claimed when the current holder dies. Given how weakened she is, I doubt she'll be able to fend off anyone career-minded," Steve explained. Neutrality felt like someone had turned off the local gravity. He'd thought that as long as she survived what was happening that she'd be fine eventually.
By the time his mind cleared the blue screen haze, Evil was laying calmly on the desk. Steve excused himself, stepping out into the hall where Chaos waited still. Neutrality got up and went over to take Evil's hand again. It wasn't a gesture he'd grown up with, but he'd seen it and had always felt like it would be nice if someone did that when he felt like shit. Evil definitely looked like that was how she felt.
"Don't. We knew each other at school but helping me this much is already more than you should have done," Evil said flatly. It was the right kind of answer given their alignments, even if the delivery was a little soft for Evil. Probably an after effect of whatever had been killing her.
Neutrality felt like he should have noticed earlier when she started being nice. Only it wasn't entirely out of place, just a little too much all at once. A name swam up from his memory, and the last of the hazy surrounding her disappeared. He knew exactly who he was looking at.
"Përbindësh. You look like shit, and you probably feel worse, so just shut up," Neutrality said with a grin. You weren't supposed to have friends or enemies at a neutral school, just alliances and acquaintances. It was an unofficial part of the curriculum that he'd failed at pretty miserably. What Evil had been at the time was still questionable, but it didn't matter terribly at the moment. Not to him, at least.
Outside the office, Steve stood next to the door but wasn't eavesdropping or guarding it. Chaos was doing both. His old acquaintance shifted form several times, emitting odd little pleased sounds as they did.
"Pet project of yours?" Steve asked. He used his ability on Chaos, curious what he'd see. Like every time before, they came up as just CHAOS. They swiveled something like jewels in eye sockets toward Steve.
"Still can't let go of what was, I see," Chaos said with a giggle like a chorus of voices choking. They looked Steve's disheveled form up and down, noting that he hadn't even bothered tying the bathrobe shut. Not that his form had any anatomy in need of hiding. He was only essentially shaped like a bipedal humanoid.
"Would I be half as entertaining if I could?" Steve asked.
"Probably not," Chaos acknowledged.
"Just keep in mind that while I care not for the game, I mind if my fun is spoiled," Chaos said. Seemingly finished, they remounted their office chair, which began to roll away of its own accord. Steve watched them go, wondering if there were any actual Chaos employees or if they were all just puppet embodiments of the force itself. He didn't dwell on it long.
Taking a can of chaos out of his robe, Steve popped the top and started drinking. He sipped meditatively as he considered Chao's rather clear threat. He chuckled after a moment.
He'd gotten an evil admin login and password he hadn't expected from the matter. He'd likely get a neutral one too. If the pair hung around long enough.
Whether or not Chaos could handle a bit of their own medicine wasn't his problem. As the bathrobe would attest, he was long past giving a fuck.