Aside from Lizanne and the dead bugs, Linwood was eerily empty. I saw no signs of life as I walked down Mallory’s block, taking my sweet ass time so that my MP would regenerate. I managed to stall long enough to get back two more points as I meandered towards the street sign. When space isn’t distorted, the intersection sits on Linwood and Marquette, but today the sign read Linwood and Bennett, two streets that run parallel to each other. On the sign for Linwood, there was a little skull, and on the Bennett sign was a treasure chest. Obviously, I turned down Bennett.
It didn’t matter if I went left or right down Bennett, I saw the same Dodge pick-up truck parked in the middle of the road on either side of me. As soon as I stepped onto Bennett Street, a glowing cyan footlocker materialized in the bed of the truck, and the car peeled out. I started running after it, but there was no way I was catching up to a car.
“Come back here, asshole.” I shouted, and shot off a Fire Bolt at one of the front tires. The spell connected, the tire popped, but the car didn’t slow down. I cursed again and shot a Fire Bolt at a tree a couple yards in front of the car.
The branch I was aiming for took a little longer than I anticipated to fall from the tree, it missed the engine but slammed into the bed of the truck. Whatever was driving the truck- I had assumed it was on auto-pilot- swerved and crashed into a second tree. I sprinted toward the car, getting close enough to watch a thin tentacle maneuver delicately out of the window and unlatch the door from outside.
“What the fuck,” I muttered under my breath, and took a step back to run if I needed. The door opened, and out floated a translucent cuttlefish with a bouquet of thin, wiry tentacles and two thick, muscular arms that ended in fingerless clubs, sort of like a mantis shrimp. I immediately recognized it as one of the emblems from the party menu, and the nameplate above its head told me it was a Buobrind. The thing took a look at my shoes, laced with buobrind tentacles, and glowed a bright red.
“I didn’t make these!” I protested as I turned and ran. The buobrind made a wet squelch and I got hit in the back by a wet glop of ink. I face-planted as my health dropped about a fifth, and a little black splatter appeared over my health bar.
Status Effect: Inked (1 Minute)
* -25% Movement Speed
* -25% Attack Speed
* +10% Damage Received
I flipped over onto my back to see the buobrind floating toward me. I could already tell that its speed was a big weakness, it had only traveled two or three yards in about ten seconds. The buobrind also looked fragile, so I was getting some major glass cannon vibes from it. I made a mental note to not get hit by its attacks and charged up a Fire Bolt.
The buobrind shot a jet of water out of its face, extinguishing my spell in mid-air. I slowly rolled out of the way of the stream and shouted in frustration. Ink sloughed off me as I crawled to my feet and shrugged off my filthy, blood-and-ink-stained shirt.
“That was my favorite shirt, asshole. I’ll never forgive you.” I said bitterly. The buobrind shot a big, light blue ball of energy at me in response. The attack was too fast to dodge, and it collided with my stomach, knocking me back down on my butt and dropping me below half health. The impact was cold, like tiny daggers of frost stabbing into my gut. My plan to not get hit was going terribly.
A light blue energy, identical to the ball that just hit me, started charging up below the buobrind’s face tentacles. I desperately threw the balled up shirt with Gon’s big stupid face on it clutched in my hand at the floating cuttlefish. It didn’t do much except get draped over the fish but apparently, that’s all I needed; it stopped charging its attack and started wildly swiping at the shirt with its tentacles.
I stood sluggishly and ran as fast as I could toward the blinded buobrind- buoblind, if you will-, feeling like I was trudging through shin-high water. The monster freed itself, but not before I was able to close the distance. I made eye contact with the buobrind as I slammed my fists down onto it with a two-handed overhead hammer punch. Even with the ink debuff, the buobrind was too slow to do anything expect take the hit and crash to the ground. I stomped on it until it was reduced to a sticky, cerulean pulp.
“You’re a shitty driver.” I said, exhausted.
A little star popped up over my health bar, and when I noticed it, a small box popped up in the same spot: Level Up!
“Fuck yes!” I exclaimed, leveling replenished my MP and SP, but not my HP. I got a point in Strength for leveling up, and Arcanist gave me a point in Wisdom too. My job gave me a level in the Alchemy skill and a new spell:
Minor Hand - Level 2 Spell
Range: 15 feet
Cost: 3 Max Mana
Summons a floating, spectral hand that can travel up to 15 feet away from the caster. The hand calculates Grip and Carrying Strength using the caster’s Intelligence. The hand will only attack by slapping an enemy.
I immediately summoned the hand. It was an identical copy of my right hand, down to the scar across my knuckles from my first and only bar fight- some guy called Shelby a slur (the wrong slur, actually) and it got a little out of control- and the scraped palm from falling down and catching myself so many times today. I gave it a high-five, it felt right.
Level 1 in Alchemy gave me the [Reagent] ability, which allowed me to innately know if something is an alchemical ingredient or not. It also allowed me to learn Beginner Recipes, which was probably game-speak for shitty potions.
[Reagent]
Alchemy Level 1 Ability
Allows you to recognize, but not identify, alchemical reagents. That part is on you.
I had a gut instinct to look back at the buobrind’s remains. Its fists, more like giant baroque pearls, were still intact, and I now knew they were a reagent. I picked them up and they disappeared into my inventory.
Buobrind Pearl - Alchemical Reagent
Harvested from the striking fists of carnivorous buobrinds.
Effects:
* ???
* ???
* ???
* ???
“Useful…” I muttered, and walked back to the crashed truck. The footlocker was still in its bed, not even jostled by the impact, but it was no longer glowing. It was made of a dull, cyan material that reminded me of oxidized copper, with intricate detailing of nautilus shells and waves. Centered on the lid was a scene of a naked, androgynous figure stabbing another naked, androgynous figure in the gut with a spear, Jesus style. Above the scene, written in gold, was text in a script that I didn’t recognize, but still, somehow, understood:
“Nautical Treasure Chest - Uncommon Rarity”
There was no latch or anything, I was just able to kick it open. The lid creaked loudly with the unpleasant sound of metal that hadn’t been moved in centuries and opened slowly on its own, coming to rest at, like, a 135 degree angle.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
Lying atop a bed of coins that were corroded beyond recognition was an immaculate spear with wings fashioned to resemble fins. The shaft was made of a pearly white material, with intermittent coffee-brown stripes, while the blade and wings were a blue metal, either cobalt or steel. On either side of the socket was a nautilus shell carved from stone, or maybe even bone or ivory, I couldn’t tell. The spear was dense, not light in my hands but not heavy enough to be unwieldy. I gave it a slash to test it out. It felt awesome.
Debobite Spear - Uncommon Magic Spear
The Debobite Spear is the result of centuries of symbiotic relationships between the elusive, tentacled Debobites and the honorable Heloid warriors. On their third birthday, every Heloid is chosen by a Debobite, whose long and tough shell will serve as the basis for their Debobite Spear. The Heloid and Debobite grow up alongside each other, culminating in the Heloid forging the spear head as the final step of their maturity ritual.
* +2 Dexterity
* +1 Strength
* +20% Water Affinity
* Weapon Ability [Reel In]
* +1 Level in Fishing Skill
“Holy lore,” I muttered to myself, and examined the spear again. “Are you, uh, in there, dude? Can you hear me?”
In response, the head of the spear rose hesitantly, revealing a bundle of spaghetti-like tentacles. The central, thickest tentacle was attached to the spearhead, it looked like the two were fused together somehow. The rest of the tentacles were mostly for grasping, those were longer than the central tentacle, with hundreds of tiny suction cups on each one. Some, though, were tipped with shiny black orbs, which I assumed were its eyes, as all of them were focused on me. I also saw two tentacles that ended in sharp beaks; this thing had to eat somehow.
“Sorry for swinging you around like that.” I said. Its left beak opened and snapped shut twice, making a tink tink sound.
“What?” I asked. Tink tink it said again, this time snapping its left and then its right, and retracted back into the spear.
“What are you saying?” Tink tink tink.
“Dude.” Tink tink.
“What’s your problem?” Tink.
“Okay, new plan. One snap for yes, two for no, got it?” Tink tink.
“Are you fucking with me?” I asked, eying the spear suspiciously. Tink tink.
“Alright, whatever, man… are you a man? Do alien… interdimensional…, uh, anemone things even have a gender?” It gargled in response.
“Okay, not important, I guess. I’m gonna call you Deebo… wait, no, fuck the Niners, I’m calling you Lambo. You like the Packers?” I asked. Lambo tinked once.
“I’m taking that as a yes.” I said, “I think we’ll get along fine.” Lambo gargled again.
I slung Lambo over my shoulder and checked out my new skill and abilities. Fishing was pretty simple, it just gave me a +25% chance to get a bite when fishing, which was fucking awesome. I loved fishing, but I hated waiting. It also gave me an ability similar to my [Reagent] passive.
[Friend? Foe? Food?]
Alchemy Level 1 Ability
Allows you to recognize, but not identify, beneficial and harmful fish. Beneficial fish may be allies or simply edible. Harmful fish may be aggressive or unsafe to eat. Accuracy and depth of insight is dependent on Water Affinity.
It kinda sucked. I was already familiar with the fish here in Appleton, it was mostly bass and long boys like pikes and muskies. I didn’t really care, though, because the ability Lambo gave me was cooler:
[Reel In]
Weapon Ability
Cost: 2 MP, 2 SP
Duration: 1 Minute
Extend the reach of the weapon granting this ability by 5 feet for the duration. The wielder may pull an enemy closer, assuming they are under a certain weight, determined by the wielder’s strength. Pulling an enemy closer ends this ability.
Lambo already had great reach. Without testing them in battle, I could probably hit someone 5 feet away, maybe even 6 feet. This ability effectively doubled my range, and gave me a Scorpion-ass attack on top of it. The biggest downside is that I didn’t have that much health, so I would rather have my enemies as far away as possible.
Lambo wasn’t even the only thing in the chest. There was also a bundle of three rolled up papers and a ring inset with a light blue gem that could have been aquamarine. I don’t know about gems, but my mom is obsessed with birthstones, and aquamarine is mine. I unrolled one of the papers, it was covered in the same script that was on the chest; the text consisted of concentric circles, the inner one thicker than the outer one. Most of the outer circles were incomplete, ranging from ¼ to, like, ⅞, always starting from the top, 12 on a clock, but there were some full circles. The inner circles were either empty, like an “o,” or filled in. I couldn’t glean any pattern or trends in their alphabet, but I could read what they said.
Aqualung - First Level Spell Scroll
Range: Touch
Duration: 30 minutes
Touch a willing creature. Their lungs may only process oxygen from water or other applicable liquids for the duration. The creature may not breathe air, and will suffocate on land.
The text written on the scroll was arbitrary, the one I inspected seemed to be a prayer, another one in the bundle was a collection of phrases related to water and air. Because of my skill in scribing, I knew innately that the scroll author imbues the ink and paper with magic, instead of, I don’t know, writing the proper magic words. I put the scrolls in my inventory, I didn’t have a use for them at the moment. They’d be a good attack, but the target needed to be willing. Chris might be able to talk an enemy into making that deal, but I knew I couldn’t.
Apatite Ring - Common Magic Item
* + 1 Wisdom
* +15% MP Regen
“Fuck yes, dude!” I shouted, which earned a tink tink tink tink from Lambo. I immediately equipped the ring. My Wisdom was now at 6, putting my MP at 12. The two points in Wisdom I had just earned- one from leveling and one from the ring- had increased my MP regeneration by 25% by themselves, and the 15% from the ring on top of that meant that it took maybe 5 minutes for me to get one point of MP back. SP regeneration was always faster, I got mine back at about a point every thirty seconds.
As I pulled the ring out, the chest dissolved into glimmery light. With nothing else to do, I continued down the road, hoping to find my friends. At the end of the block, I was at another intersection, this time between Grant and Nicholas. A real life intersection, but also, not the road I was on at all. Grant, straight ahead, had a little skull next to it, Nicholas had a question mark by it. Like last time, it didn’t matter if I went left or right down Nicholas Street, it would take me to the same place.
“Hey Lambo, which way should we go?” I asked. Lambo slowly stuck out a single eye tentacle, swinging between Nicholas and Grant. Another tentacle, one of their graspers, emerged and pointed to Grant.
“Fuck that, I’m not going down the skull path.” I said, earning a tink tink tink in response. It sounded kinda like tutting this time.
“Are you mocking me?” I asked. No response.
“Dickhead.” I said, and stepped onto Nicholas.
Immediately, the sky turned gray as dense clouds gathered overhead. The hair on my arm stood on end. I clutched Lambo and looked around rapidly. Nicholas Street looked normal, but- My train of thought was interrupted by a loud, booming crack from right behind me. Not looking back, I sprinted forward aimlessly, only stopping when I got struck by lightning. From the ground, I wanted to scream as my health plummeted, but my muscles wouldn’t move. A lightning bolt popped up on my heath bar.
Status Effect: Paralyzed (15 seconds)
* +10% lightning and electric damage taken
* - (½ Dexterity Rounded Up + 1) [3] Dexterity
With 0 Dexterity, I couldn’t move.