As we headed northwards towards the edge of the forest the trees began to thin out and more and more light filtered in. It was a bright morning in Valinor, and were it not for our predicament I think I would have enjoyed the walk through the forest with my pretty companion.

Unfortunately however, I had urine soaked pants, a sweat soaked shirt and the lingering fear that an any moment I might be jumped by an orc, a hellboar or some other unknown entity. I was on edge and embarrassed, a deadly anxiety producing combination.

And though Pri did not speak, it seemed she too was nervous.

I looked over at her and saw her combing her hair, trying to hide her ears.

Of course… the second we leave the forest she becomes vulnerable. She is going back into danger. For me.

The thought was a solemn one. I thought back to the tales she had told me by the fireside, of what humans had done to elves in recent years.

What would it be like to watch my people taken from me? Scattered across the world? To be hunted for my very blood? Blamed for the sins of the world?

I shook my head at the thought of it. It was too heavy a burden for anyone to bear. Here I was worried about if I could get some good food, a cold beer and get back to my videogame. These were the things I cared about.

I just want to get back to my comfortable life.

But Pri? What can she go back to?

“The road, we made it out!” Pri’s voice rang out excitedly, interrupting my reverie.

I turned to see her sprinting for the edge of the treeline. I chuckled and followed.

Even with such a heavy past, she still finds joy. She’s… amazing.

***

Our excitement at having found the road did not last long, for the next phase of our journey had begun.

Walking. Lots and lots and lots of walking.

We knew we were headed on the right path towards the village for the sight of the brown hunts loomed in the distance. They had seemed deceptively close at first, but as the road wound down the grasslands in front of us I realized it was an illusion. It would take us nearly all day to get from the forest to the village… and then we would miss our chance to sneak it via the market.

“Pri I think we have a prob-”

“Shh!” She whispered aggressively. “Someone is coming!”

I whirled as Pri crouched down by the side of the road. She was right. A large wagon led by two horses was making its way down the road towards us, heading in the same direction.

“We must hide!” She hissed.

I turned to her and shook my head.

“They must have already spotted us Pri, and look…”

I gestured to the grasslands all around us. There was little to no vegetation. Hiding was pointless.

The wagon was fast approaching and I chewed my lip, trying to come up with a plan.

“Ok, lets see if we can hitch a ride with these folks, just stand behind me… and let me do the talking.”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Pri looked for a moment as if she would argue, then simply nodded. She tore a strip of cloth off the sleeve of her dress and wrapped it from her chin to the top of her head, hiding her ears.

“Ok, I am ready Joseph. But this is your plan…” her eyes flashed dangerously, “You better know what you are doing.”

God, I hope I do.

***

We had little trouble getting a ride from the wagon-owner despite Pri’s worry.

He was old and half blind, his eyes milky and unseeing.

He ushered us to sit up front with him. In the back he had a number of foul-smelling clay pots he later claimed contained “miracle fertilizer”.

It stunk, but I knew better than to complain. We were lucky enough that the man had stopped and that he had been too blind or too kind too recognize us for what we were: outlaws, stowaways… generally dangerous company to keep.

Pri said little, perhaps fearing something would give her away, so the man and I fell into a one-sided conversation… him telling me his various aches and ailments and woes.

“What business do ye have in the village young man?”

I froze. I had been lulled into a false sense of security earlier and now realized I had no cover story for the two of us at all.

“I uh… I…”

The old man looked at me then squinted over at Pri. His gaze rested on her for a long time before he turned back to me.

“I see lad, you and your… lady friend…” he winked, “Went out for a little time alone eh? Sneaking back before ye are noticed gone?”

He laughed. A raucous braying sound.

I quickly joined in, faking my own laughter.

“Ah you are wise sir, that is… that is one hundred percent true.”

The man clapped a hand on my shoulder, keeping the other on the reins. He leaned in close and I could smell his rancid breath.

I winced but did not back away, not wanting to offend our savior. Not when we were nearly to the village.

“Be careful lad,” he whispered into my ear. “It is all fun and well and good, but if ye tarry long in the grass with a maiden, be prepared for the consequences. Today she is fresh and full of smiles, and tomorrow she is big with child and just as full of complaints!”

He laughed once more, spraying my ear with his spittle.

I cringed uncomfortably, trying to slide away on the seat. I could feel the tension in the air and looked over at Pri, who was angrily gripping the edge of her own seat, trying to bite her tongue.

“Uh.. yes, yes I’ll keep that in mind.”

The old man nodded, apparently happy that his sage advice had landed.

“Good, good. Well travelers, we have arrived at Saarbrucken! Go on then, help yourself to a pot of the good stuff before ye leave!”

The man reached below his seat and handed Pri a small pot of the foul-smelling mixture. She smiled and bowed lightly, careful not to tilt her head too far forward lest her headband fall.

And with that we bid our goodbyes to the old man.

Pri handed me the mixture, holding her nose with disgust.

“Blech, you take this vile thing Joseph”

I did so. Usually I would have thrown the thing away, I was not one for holding onto any extraneous items. I hated clutter and hoarding. But in this universe you never knew what you might need. I would keep anything that I could for now

I brought up my inventory and dropped it in. It disappeared out of my hands and I heard Pri breath out sharply. But she didn’t bring up black magic or question me again, she merely accepted this strange power of mine.

I brought up the inventory in my mind, scrolling through it and hovering mentally over the new addition. A description popped up:

1x Homemade Fertilizer

Description: A foul smelling mixture. It’s exact contents are unknown yet you suspect the worst. Is this… could it be… human manure?

“Oh god!” I cried out.

“What is it? Have we been spotted by the villager?” Pri exclaimed, raising her fists in a fighting stance.

“Oh nothing like that, I just think I found out the old man’s trade secret. And… well… you don’t want to know.

Pri rolled her eyes.

“I really don’t. Now would you stop staring off into space or doing whatever it is you do? We are losing time.. lets go get our disguise”

I looked before me at the village of Saarbrucken. It was an unfriendly place of adobe mud huts, all of which were dark with their doors shut.

“Alright then Pri, let’s do this.”