“Are you sure we should have left him like that? Will the village people buy it?”

Pri shot me a venomous look, “Oh what, should we have just stabbed him then? Would you have preferred that.”

I spluttered, genuinely offended. What the hell did she take me for?

“N-no… Jesus Pri its not that I just, what if-?”

I thought back to what we had done. It had been a stroke of genius really. We had found a liquor bottle in the man’s overalls and drenched him in it. Next we stripped the man of his clothes. Then I had taken the special “fertilizer” from our friend in his cart and smeared it over the man. A rather unpleasant task that nearly had the two of us throwing up.

We had agreed never to speak of the naked man nor what I’d done to him again.

Perhaps stabbing him would have been kinder.

I looked over at Pri and she shook her head, as if reading my thoughts.

“We did the best we could, and we saved his life.

There is no way he gets his fellow villagers to believe an outworlder and an Elf broke into his homestead just to steal his clothes and leave him naked.

Far more likely that he got piss drunk in the forest and imagined it all. In-fact, he may even come to believe the truth of this version of events himself.”

I nodded, not wholly convinced.

But I was convinced of one thing. Pri was ruthless, and not to be messed with. Sure, she had spared the man my sword, but the efficiency of both her spellcasting and quick thinking on her feet made her a force to be reckoned with.

I was glad she was on my side. Even if she wasn't in my “party” yet, according to Help.For now, I would just have to live with the mystery of not knowing her level or abilities. In-fact, I kind of liked it that way. Even if she was a simulation, she felt real to me this way… human.

Well, not human, since she was an elf. But.. whatever.

My thoughts were interrupted as Pri put a hand across my chest, forcing my gait to a halt. I soon realized why she was stopping me. We had reached the outskirts of the Keep. Even though the large wall was far away, a long line ran up the main road full of wagons and horses. It looked as though some of the villagers had taken their whole homesteads with them to make the pilgrimage to the market of the inner Keep.

I looked at Pri, wondering if her disguise would work.

I wore his shirt, pants and gloves.

Pri wore the farmer's large overalls on top of her underclothes. They were so large that they more than adequately covered her up, although they were loose fitting. She also sported his large straw hat which did its job to hide her ears. As for her royal dress, it was still a sore subject.

She had been forced to discard it. We had hastily buried it in a mudbank behind the farmers hut.

I wondered then, what that dress meant to her. Perhaps it belonged to her family. Perhaps it was one of her final links to her past life in the palace, before everything had gone so horribly wrong for her and her people.

I knew a little bit about that, what it was like to be a stranger, marooned in a strange land. I had put my hand on the soft skin of her back, exposed as it was in the poorly fitting overalls. She, to my surprise, didn’t move away.

We walked together in silence towards the throng, both lost in our own thoughts.

As we edged closer to the caravan I noticed more and more guards. They were intermittently stopping villagers, asking them questions, emptying out bags, baskets, carriages, trunks.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

We approached the line and slid into the side of it. No-one seemed to take any notice of us. The people around me, I noticed immediately, had a zoned out look in their eyes. They were disheveled, dirty, unkempt, and were all hauling giant loads of goods.

I hissed atPri to get closer so I could whisper in her ear and she acquiesced. “What?” she growled under her breath. “We are supposed to be blending in… remember?”

“That’s exactly it! We are missing one crucial detail… we don’t have any goods! Do you see a single other peasant who is empty handed?”

Pri looked around and shrugged.

“You have a point. I guess we’ll just have to risk it.”

Yea? What were the odds they’d stop us specifically?

***

“Halt!” the guard cried as he stopped us at the gates.

He was chubby, that was the first thing I noticed. His metal breastplate, though fully extended with straps, still couldn’t contain his belly. The pudgy skin poked out of the bottom.

That had to be a liability in combat, to have your gut exposed.

He was breathing heavily as he looked us up and down.

“So you two say you are farmers.”

Pri nodded.

“But you didn’t bring any produce or livestock.”

I looked over at my companion in disbelief.

If eyes could say I told you so, mine would be screaming it.

Pri was all smiles. This was exactly what I warned her about! Yet despite being caught she was acting like this was the most natural thing in the world, like everything was going to be fine.

Was she crazy?

We were going to the gallows! We were going to face medieval justice!

This was going to make Judge Judy look like a walk in the park!

I considered running but I noticed that as we had approached the entrance to the Keep the number of guards had raised dramatically. They stood, stoically, in full chainmail with white tabards. Each had a red fist embroidered on the front

“What about money, can you prove that you have funds to come and stay and sell? That you aren’t here to beg?”

Money. Shit, money!

I searched the pockets of the farmer’s pants and to my surprise I found coins!

You have 3 copper pieces.

Great, thanks for that HELP. What would I ever do without you? Count them myself?

The guard took the pieces, inspected them and then let out a great big laugh, raising his visor to show his small glittering eyes. They reminded me of a pig's.

“Thats it eh? You come to Rathgar’s keep with a measly 3 copper pieces? And you say you aren’t beggars.. That’s it… I’m-”

But he didn’t finish his sentence, Pri leaned in close, her demeanor changed. She raised a thin delicate finger and put it to the man’s lips.

“Listen, a brave sexy knight like you… you wouldn’t want to call the guards on us, would you?”

She took a step back and I noticed she had pulled down the already ill fitting overalls to give him a glimpse of her ample cleavage.

I stared, he stared, there was silence in the air.

Pri blushed but didn’t attempt to cover up.

It was a hail mary.

I guess that the hot girl getting-out-of-a-speeding-ticket was, in-fact, a universal routine. Applicable even in a fantasy world. Who would have thought.

The guard coughed, realizing he had stared too long, flipped down his visor and pocketed the coin.

“Move along then you two!”

I could hardly believe our luck. I passed him but he stuck out a hand to stop Pri and leaned in close.

“The name’s Jackson.”

“Pri,” she said softly.

He nodded.

And then we passed. The watchman did not turn. Pri covered herself up.

“Good thinking!”

She snorted. “He was a pig, I could see it from the start. Show a human male some attention and you have him wrapped around your finger.”

“Surely you don’t think of me the same way?”

She stared at me and raised her eyebrows.

“Didn’t you look too, Joseph?”

Shit. Busted.