I really enjoyed the short walk to Ariana's. She only lived a few streets away, which was good for me because I hadn't had two glasses of wine and couldn't drive anyway. What car could I drive?

My God, I really needed to cut down on my alcohol consumption. I was about to drink at Ariana's for the fourth time in two days. That wasn't healthy.

I blew the air out of my lungs loudly.

Never mind, I could be healthier with my body again when university started. Then I couldn't drink during the week anyway. Lectures simply started too early for that.

The evening was fresh, but pleasant. I was only wearing a T-shirt and had slight goose bumps, I enjoyed it.

I closed my eyes and let my feet find the familiar path to Ariana. But that went wrong and I stumbled. I was still cursing when I reached her door.

“What have you done now?” Ariana asked me, putting her left hand on her hip and giving me a half-amused, half-reproachful look as she watched me limp along the small cobbled path to her front door.

I just shook my head, rolling my eyes, and walked past her into the house with a quick hug.

“I was a bit stupid.”

Ariana laughed behind me.

Valeria wasn't there yet. I dropped my things on the floor in a corner. Just then, a large, light-colored something ran up to me, jumped on me and licked my hands, wagging its tail.

I laughed and knelt down. “Hey beautiful, hi Bella,” I greeted the cute border collie with the light brown and white fur, whose head immediately pressed against my side, panting and asking for more cuddles. I really liked her, I didn't have any pets myself, so I always played with her a lot when I visited Ariana. She always made fun of the fact that I only liked her dog because our names had almost the same meaning in different languages. My Bonnie and my Bella, she always said and hugged us one after the other.

I rested my temple on Valeria's knee. On the TV, a woman with tears in her eyes was looking at the forbiddenly handsome guy and confessing her love for him.

“But she already knows he's going to reject her. Why do that to yourself?” asked Valeria, looking skeptically at the screen as she stroked my hair, lost in thought.

“She doesn't know how else to help herself. Besides, I have to say that I think it's brave of her to confess her feelings to him anyway. Don't you?” Ariana said, taking a bite of the fiery red rubber snake that was waving back and forth in her hand.

I only made half an approving sound and one dismissive one, watching the characters on the TV without really looking and enjoying the touch of Valeria's fingers in my hair as they moved slowly.

It had been a really nice evening, listening to music, talking, already on our third RomKom and eating tons of unhealthy, spicy tortilla chips and the best cheese dip to poisonous looking gummy snakes and pico ballas. I was already feeling a bit sick and took a short break from eating.

We had sworn off alcohol for the evening to take it a little easier. We saved the Lillet that Ariana had bought for the next time.

Oh my, we already sounded like a couple of alcoholics, but hey, we were students. What were we supposed to do?

I nodded off from the soporific murmurings on the TV, Valeria's touches and the cozy warm pajamas Ariana had lent me. It was actually just a big frog onesie, but it was so warm and cozy.

**My head was empty, so endlessly empty.

I only realized that something was different when I became weightless again.

I couldn't remember where I had been a moment ago.

My body no longer belonged to me, it no longer obeyed me, but I didn't even try. I was floating again. So light, without direction, without an idea.

I remembered that I'd had this feeling before, but at the time I couldn't remember when I'd felt it.

My body was once again a mass that couldn't be described in words. It was as if it was there, but also not there. I was one with him, but then again I wasn't.

The surroundings seemed strangely familiar.

I opened my eyes, my eyes that weren't eyes. But I saw the emptiness in front of me again.

Wait, again?

Yes, I had experienced this before. I couldn't make up this feeling of familiarity. It wasn't just déjà vu. It was a memory.

I was gliding along, through time and space, as they say. I had no sight and no being.

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And then, after what felt like an eternity, the emptiness cleared. I opened my eyes, which I hadn't even realized I had closed, and looked around me.

It was beautiful. The colors, green upon green, all the colors and shades you could imagine. I couldn't get enough of it.

Light green, medium lush green, dark green. Where did these colors come from? Where did I know them from?

I saw trees, grass and all the colors on the bushes.

I turned slowly.

Now I also realized that I seemed to be in a forest. The bright light refracted through the moving leaves on the branches of the trees.

And I realized something else. I felt myself again. I realized that I was no longer an indescribable me. I was more than that. My body was back.

I brushed my fingers against my cheek and felt that my skin was slightly cold, even though it seemed to be a warm day.

The sun was playing madly through the leaves like a natural strobe. I squinted against the light and then took a step. I felt the softness of the forest floor.

When I looked down, I saw that my feet were bare. The moss brushed through my toes. Where were my shoes?

I walked for a while, not realizing how long it was. It was so peaceful and no one bothered me. Was there anyone here at all? I walked on and on, felt the wind on my skin, the softness under my feet and felt as if the forest was singing songs to me with its sounds, which had no notes and no words, but still played their very own song. After walking for what felt like an eternity, I suddenly heard something from far away.

Was it a humming or a singing? It was a kind of roaring, but it didn't fit in at all with the songs that the forest had been playing to me before, but which had now fallen silent under this new disturbing noise. The humming, the roaring became louder and more present and I knew how to classify it. A car? What was the car doing here?

When the humming became almost unbearably loud, I pressed my hands over my ears and looked to my right.

I hadn't even noticed that I seemed to have been walking parallel to a road for a while. I looked at the spot where the green of the forest faded into the gray and solid of the road. No, not transitioned, it was an abrupt end. Simply packed away, regardless.

Then I saw it.

The car that seemed so much louder than I remembered, how loud cars could be. It was light blue, no rather cyan blue? It was a bigger car. It looked like a family car.

I was briefly impressed at how I could see it so quickly, as it drove past me very fast. I went to the road and looked after the car. It was going very fast and was soon barely more than a thumb's size in the distance.

I squinted against the sun, which was now glaring directly into my face from the treetops, and was about to turn around when I heard a loud bang.

It was deafening, even from this distance.

I instinctively ducked down until I quickly realized that it wasn't about me at all. I shielded my face from the sun with my hand, so I could see into the distance, and that's when I saw it.

It was the glint of the car. Even from this distance, I could see that it was no longer moving.

I heard something else. A voice? A loud scream, a heart-rending scream. It was a woman's voice, a wailing woman's voice.

After I had briefly composed myself, I started running. I ran, disregarding my still bare feet, which were now being mercilessly battered by the rough asphalt. But I didn't pay any attention, clenched my fists and tried to run even faster than I already did.

The air in my lungs stung, even though it wasn't cold. But I kept running. Meanwhile, I tried to figure out what to do in such a situation. Did I even have a cell phone? I hadn't checked and didn't want to do it at that moment because it would slow me down. How else would I call the ambulance?

I ran and ran, making sure to breathe regularly as I was prone to side stitches and it would disable me. How did I know all this?

I had just been running mindlessly through a forest without rhyme or reason and now I was running towards this car, which was still way too far, with a goal in mind.

I shook my head at my own stupidity and tried to keep up the pace and after what seemed like half a lifetime, I got closer. I saw from a distance that a person was kneeling on the ground with his hands on something and I heard the voice. It was definitely a woman's voice, complaining and shouting something incomprehensible.

I wanted to shout to her to call for help if someone was hurt. But my voice didn't come and she didn't seem to notice me.

At some point the time had come. I arrived, I saw her blonde wavy hair, I saw that she was kneeling on the floor in front of something. I saw the car with the front completely dented and I saw the blood. So much blood. It was like a red mat that slowly but surely spread across the dark gray of the street, like a snake engulfing everything in it. The blood had almost reached my toes. My toes, which looked so white, almost pale, against the dark blood.

And I felt a strong stabbing sensation in my head, it was as if someone had hit my temple, but without the dull thud.

Only the pain that took away my vision, made everything around me dark and almost immediately knocked me off my feet.

I wanted to scream “No” loudly, but my voice got stuck in my throat and all I could do was gasp, then everything around me became a devouring nothingness again **

and I jumped up with a loud gasp.

“No!” I gasped, grabbing the closest thing I could grab.

It was Valeria's arm. She visibly flinched and then yelped, “Ouch, that hurts, Bon."

She pulled her arm away from me but then looked at me worriedly. "Is everything okay with you? You’re really sweating,” she briefly put her hand on my forehead and narrowed her eyes.

I gasped for air and looked around. The TV was still on, but something else was playing now. I didn't recognize the program.

Ariana was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Ari?” I asked disoriented and pushed myself up from Valeria’s lap.

She was still rubbing the spot on her arm where I had pinched her.

“She’s already gone to bed. I would be too, but I couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you up."

Valeria stood up slowly, shaking her ankles as if she had been sitting in one position for half the day.

“What time is it?” I asked confused and pushed my sweaty hair back from my forehead.

“Around 4:30 or so? I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention.”

She didn't seem to notice how restless I was because she just picked up the bowl, which had barely any popcorn left in it, stuffed a handful into her mouth, and then padded toward Ariana's kitchen.

I looked at the watch buzzing on my wrist. It lit up brightly and showed the time. It was exactly 4 a.m.

My whole body hurt but I still stood up. As I went to wipe my nose, I noticed how wet my cheeks were. Had I cried? It was the second time in 24 hours. I blinked back the tears that now realized were still in my eyes, and then sniffled a few times.

I could still remember the dream very clearly. But I didn't want it. I didn't have nightmares that often, which was strange. I rubbed my face again with the back of my hand, then went to the terrace, opened the door and took a deep breath of fresh air.