Celeste decided that she couldn't prolong things any further.
The goddess stepped forward before the little goblin she had been hunting could interrupt the two leaders down in the pit.
Using some of her divine might, she cleared her throat, and all around her, the amphitheatre of greenskins quieted down.
Celeste was suddenly very aware of how many orks and goblins were along the pit's edge. Not only that, but she could also see some monstrous forms with thick grey skin and deformed bodies. She assumed that those were trolls, which didn't bode well for any combat she might end up in.
The architect of creation smiled to her audience as she slowly made her way down towards Spif and Spaf. Had it not been for her new and enhanced dexterity, she felt like she would have stumbled at least once, thanks to all the clutter around the pit's edge.
Celeste smiled and started to speak as she walked. "Honoured wartribe and glorious leaders." She addressed both the crowd and the squabbling goblins. "I am sorry to disturb your important debate. However, I find myself in a dire situation where I must seek the counsel of the noble leaders of your people." She said, hoping that buttering up Spif and Spaf would help her chances of winning their favour.
As she passed a particularly muscular ork down to the pit, she heard it grumble. Instantly, Celeste knew that if she continued to walk, she would get slapped across the small stadium, as her precognition warned her about the danger.
"Hummie not worth words!" The ork bellowed, and its long arm hammered towards where her face would have been.
She had stopped in her stride, letting the ork hit nothing but air, and she watched as its momentum carried it out of its seat. There must have been quite the power behind the blow as the ork continued stumbling down a couple of steps before landing as a groaning heap.
Celeste used this to her advantage, stepping on the massive green beast as she continued her way down.
As the goddess approached, she spotted what the goblins had been fighting over. She felt a tug on her heart as she recognized the headwear. The small crumbled piece of metal between them was, without a doubt, the crown of King Marcus.
When she saw the thing during the first iteration, Celeste wasn't impressed by the small crown, and time had not done it any favours. It was bent and dirty, though from what she could see, there was no rust or erosion on it.
She finally reached the pair of goblins, smiled widely, and gave them a slight bow.
"Spif and Spaf... I am pleased that you are willing to hear me out. I am the first god, Armandos. I am the bringer of life and death." She said, but realised that as soon as she had started to introduce herself, the goblins' eyes had begun to glaze over, and they started to focus on other things.
She cleared her throat again, realizing that if she weren't jingling some proverbial keys in front of them, they would lose any and all interest in the conversation.
She decided to use some of her powers to entertain the goblins, and with a swift motion, she created two crowns, which, to the untrained eye, would look much like the crown of King Marcus. Though more importantly, they were brand new and shiny. Celeste had sacrificed the metal from one of her hammers to create the pair, but she had no use for the hammer right now, so it was, without a doubt, worth the sacrifice.
As soon as she manifested the pair of crowns, both goblins' full attention was on the shiny metal.
"OOOOOOOh! Me get best crown!" One of the goblins said, and it reached out to grab both crowns in a single swift movement.
However, its counterpart quickly snatched one of the crowns before both of the crowns could go to one goblin.
While Spif and Spaf argued over who should get both crowns, Celeste moved over and picked up the old one. It seemed like she had found the thing the town could fight over.
Turning back to the two goblins fighting, Celeste saw they had stopped. One of them was wearing both crowns, clearly very pleased with itself that it had managed to get both crowns, while the other was wearing the first goblin, or rather carrying giving it a shoulder ride, clearly pretending that the first goblin was a hat with two more hats on it.
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Celeste tried to keep a straight face, and for a moment, she considered slowing down time to ensure that she didn't laugh. She managed just barely to keep her composure, and through deep breaths, she calmed herself.
"You have given", "us some great treasure", "Stranger", the goblins said, switching sentences between each other.
Instantly, Celeste's mirth vanished. She couldn't help but narrow her eyes. The kind of synchronization they were showing off was almost scary. And they weren't speaking in choppy sentences anymore. She decided to tread with caution.
"Thank you, your goblinship. However, I actually came with a request." Celeste said, painfully aware that the orks around the sunken stadium were looking at her with disgust, as if she was the mandatory ad-break in a soap opera.
"We will kill anyone!" "Just point us in the right direction." "And we will fix your problem, " they said, and Celeste could see how their intelligence had increased from being in sync. It was like watching a weapon coming together.
Celeste paused, suddenly feeling like she might be out of her depth. She could probably kill the two goblins in front of her if she needed to, but the rest of the horde would presumably end up trampling her.
"I need you to..." She paused, thinking for a moment.
If Celeste had learned anything from the classroom management course she had taken, it was that having students stop doing things was hard. Having them do something else instead of the thing they weren't supposed to do was much easier.
"I need you to... protect the tree of life." She said with some hesitance.
A quiet fell over the stadium filled with orks, goblins and trolls for the first time. Celeste could hear a pin drop as they all looked at her. The crowd erupted as the goblin leaders tumbled over, both of them standing up rapidly.
"Life tree be in Elf land!" One of the goblins said, though thanks to the fall, both of the crowns had fallen onto the ground.
Celeste noted that they were already losing their cohesion and their speech was already becoming choppy again. However, she was surprised that they knew about the First Tree, also known as the World Tree, which was in the elven kingdoms. The goddess had seen it the first time she had swooped over the world. That wasn't what she was interested in, though, so she tried to fix the misunderstanding.
"No, no. The Tree of Life is here in A'kastin, and the World Tree is in Mek. I can show you the place, " she said, a smile spreading on her lips.
While she talked, the goblins scrambled for the crowns, and each of them was wearing one of the ornaments at this point. She slowly turned around and walked out of the amphitheatre, only to realize the goblins weren't following her, though that wasn't for a lack of interest.
"ME BE LEADER SO ME GO FIRST!" One of the goblins screamed as it pushed against its presumed sibling.
"NO ME BE SPIF! SPIF BE LEADER! SPIF WALK FIRST!" The other screamed at the top of its lounges.
Celeste groaned, knowing that she would have to do some conflict resolution if she ever wanted to progress.
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It had taken almost two hours for the goblins to agree that they could walk side by side. They were actively trying to ignore each other. Celeste preferred it this way. Though, halfway through the conflict resolution, the goblins had forgotten who was who again, and in an effort to fix this, they had both scrawled their initials into their respective crowns. It meant that both goblins were currently sporting a big "S" in the middle of their crowns. They claimed this would undoubtedly let them know which was Spif and which was Spaf. Celeste knew for a fact that it wasn't the case, as they had already changed names five times since they got the idea of having their initials carved into their headwear.
The walk to the 'Tree of Life' was very short—less than fifty meters.
Celeste had decided that she would simply point at a random tree, claim that it was the tree of life, and have the orks defend it. That plan hadn't considered the sheer amount of chaos and stupidity that the pair of goblins could generate from just being near each other.
Ignoring the goblins as they started to argue over who had stepped on the "more giant" leaf, Celeste pointed at a tree just barely outside the Amphitheater.
"That is the tree of life!" She said in her best divine tone of voice.
The goblins almost instantly started to gasp and walk closer. The oak was pretty ordinary, though it did have a hollow in the trunk, allowing someone to climb through the entire tree. The hollow had probably formed when the tree was hit with lightning, splitting the trunk down the middle. However, it had reformed, creating a surprisingly smooth, oval hole.
Celeste knew for a fact that the tree was not magical. On the other hand, the goblins would see the hollow and probably think of it as some portal or gateway.
The Architect of Creation smiled. "Are you, Spaf and Spif, willing to protect the tree of life with all your might? Are you willing to be my protectors?" She said, smiling, as this would at least constrain the orks to one area.
Before Spif or Spaf could answer, the world seemed to rumble, and a thick tear appeared in mid-air. Lightning crackled from the world-rendering gap in the very fabric of reality. A massive axe appeared from the rip, followed by a pair of enormous green hands, ripping the world apart even further. A voice seemed to boom from the torn part of reality. "WHO DARES STEAL MY CHOSEN?!" the voice echoed with divine energy.
Celeste swallowed hard. It seemed like she had stepped on Orlek's toes.