I search for signs of Elly within my soul but nothing, she's gone. Forever.

The last interaction I had with my friend was a senseless battle to the death.

I mourn for a moment before getting dragged back to reality by an unwanted guest.

Clap Clap

"Bravo, this was a marvelous fight", haunts me a glitchy voice from behind.

What is it this time?

Name ̷̥̕ ̵̻̎̏͜ ̸̲̣̀ ̵̪͂͗ ̷̨͓̿̊ ̶͕̳̀ ̸͓̠̂̌ ̷̩̿̉ ̸̯̖̕ ̷̧̚ Status Age Classes Race Extra HP MP SP STR DEX VIT MAG FTH WIL CHA Equipment Skills Weakness

Nothing? Ah, wait, I know this one. The glitched creature from the Glitch Area below the military's cellar, the monster I mistook for Cliff. Whoever that is.

It seems the self-proclaimed collective of glitches just came and volunteered to be my stress-relieving punching bag.

"What are you doing here, who let you out? I'm really not in the mood for this right now."

The person-like blob of glitches shrugs it off, "I just felt like it."

Oh, hey, progress. It speaks in words I can understand.

"I see someone's finally learned the human language. Good going, keep it up."

"Hmm? No, I'm still speaking our language. What are you on about?"

"That makes no sense. Why can I understand you then?"

It scratches its head, "Uh, because you're just like us. Why else would you?"

Ah, fuck. It is the Hybrid thing, isn't it?

Wait, is that what the third language was?

World Resident

You have settled down in the new world.

Aside from this title, there are no longer any hints that you aren't a native of this world.

Not even divine skills can identify you anymore as an outsider.

20% penalty to HP, MP and SP.

50% penalty to combat exp gain.

Spell ranks are limited to 1.

Automatically acquire the ability to fluently speak the three most popular languages on Deteoh.

Also includes the ability to read and write these languages if the title owner could read and write at least one language before.

Acquired languages: humanoid common, m̶̙̩͝ȃ̶͖̠̅͝n̸̹̈͗̈́̀̊̅ǫ̷̝͖̬̐̋̓r̸̝̖͉̀̇͒̇̔͜ ̴̺͉̻̪̈ĉ̵̦̼̰͓̲̑͘͜͠ä̶͙̭̞́̓̏n̵͈̣̜̗͈̅̊̄t̴̖͇͇̓̆̈́, 4̷̝̆0̷̥͑4̸͓͛:̷̖̽n̷̡̕o̵̔ͅt̵̻͝f̶̻͒o̴͍̓ù̵̡n̶̛̙d̷̘̀

The human language, house speak and theirs? Is that what it always has been?

Then why didn't I understand it before? Just because I didn't want to? Ah, whatever.

"Yeah, no, I'm not a glitch. I'm a regular person, well, a vampire elf to be specific."

"Ah, we're roleplaying. Gotcha. Yeah, I can play along with that. And don't worry, I'm also having trouble with this new individuality thing, but we'll get used to it, I think. Anyway, count me in."

What the hell? 'New individuality', are they growing? That's deeply concerning.

It takes a moment to, uh, think, "Could you... could you give me a name? Don't have one yet."

"A name, uh, sure. Give me a second. Uh, how about Cliff?"

If I'm already confusing it for that other guy, why not make the confusion widespread?

It waves its hands around, "No, that name's already taken. Try another one."

What are you, a fricking name input prompt? Why does it matter if there's another Cliff out there?

Ha, I got an even better idea, "Then what about Para?"

"Hmm... I kinda like it. Why did you choose that for me?"

Paradise is when Para dies.

"No special reason. It just came to mind."

As the glitch creature nods in acceptance, I feel a tingling sensation. But it is gone as abruptly as it arrived. I didn't even have time to narrow down where it was.

I quickly check if anything is off with me but I find nothing. Status is unchanged, and no obvious deformations.

And anything on his side?

Name P̸̨̾a̴̺͝r̷̳̓a̴̪͋ Status Age Classes Race Extra HP MP SP STR DEX VIT MAG FTH WIL CHA Equipment Skills Weakness

Not sure why I expected anything else. Elly already said that the System can't grant classes to glitches and that in reality, this inability is one of the causes of many issues. So no risk of them gaining a Hybrid class by naming shenanigans and consequentially strengthening either. Rather, I have the feeling that it made him weaker somehow. Weird.

Before I can finish my thoughts, Para seems to smile, "Eh, I can work with that. If you might permit some OOC first, I'd like to thank you for providing us Features with an inhabitable town. The old atmosphere was downright disgusting. Being restricted to my room, spacious as it may be and the nearer vicinity, was, well, boring."

Great, another consequence of my action. Shit, why didn't I expect that before? Now-Para wasn't hindered by the barrier, he clearly could leave whenever he wanted. He has shown us as much when we first met. No. He only restricted himself to the Glitch Zone because he had trouble breathing non-infected air. And now he's free.

"You're... welcome?"

"Now to get this show on the road", Para begins spasming around and rolling up into a ball, turning beige-white and then turning into another weird mimicry of a human. Unnaturally long, lanky arms, seven and eight fingers on each hand, a forced smile on a featureless, eye-less face.

There was... an attempt, we'll generously call it that, "Whatever that is supposed to be, it needs more work."

He waves his arms around as if to inspect them, "Huh, I thought if you can do that I could, too. Now I feel embarrassed."

"Yeah, no, keep practicing - in private. Now turn back, you'll scare everyone."

He sounds dejected, "Yeah, well, that other form was easier... can you teach me how to imitate a person properly? You seem to effortlessly do that."

"No, don't have time for that. You'll just have to keep practicing on your own", not that I have the faintest clue how your bodies work. Couldn't help you with that if I wanted, and I don't.

"Pity", he explodes into a million slimy pieces scattered around the area.

Urgh, I'm not cleaning that up!

After a moment, the white-purple sludge gathers again in his previous position forming the green-black glitch blob once again. I guess this confirms that white plus white equals green for glitches. The artists will have a field day with that one.

Para seems proud of himself, "How did you like that show? Cool, huh?"

"It was unnecessary and stupid. Unnecessarily stupid even."

He performs a small, disgustingly chuuni bow, "Thanks, I worked very hard on it."

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

More like hardly.

He imitates a person clearing their throat, "Now, if you'd indulge me, my lord, there's something I'd like to show you. Could you follow me for a bit?"

What, is he now back to his roleplaying?

Well, I guess I have a few minutes before the meeting starts, "As long as it doesn't take too long."

"Excellent!", he grabs my hand and drags me along.

We pass along some soldiers who were seemingly observing us from a safe distance. They are visibly shocked to see the glitch creature move like that.

Where were these slow asses when I was attacked by Elly!? I should report them to Therese for some remedial training.

Through some nonsensical pathing, we eventually end up in front of the Glitch Zone's barrier. How... how did we get here?

We went down the stairs leading downstairs from the fortress wall. Instead of arriving at the bottom as usual, we ended up in the dead end of an alleyway. From there we took a left into the wall which brought us behind the barracks, then to the far end of the slums and finally down into the military's secret cellar.

By all accounts, it makes no sense.

"How...?"

"Yeah, tell me about it. The geometry in your little kingdom is just plain weird. You walk in a straight line and get completely lost. It took me quite a while to find my way around here, but that's not what's important right now."

How the hell can you get lost walking in a straight line!? What form of nothingness is going on in your head!!

"Glitches really have no sense of orientation, do they."

He pleads with me, "We prefer the name Feature. If you'd be so kind."

"Fine, Mr. Feature", I can't contain my sarcasm while saying that.

A broad grin seems to creep across his glitchy face, "Thank you."

Another warm shiver runs down my spine. And just as before it doesn't last long.

Did I... just do something I shouldn't have? Again? Urgh!

Name P̸̨̾a̴̺͝r̷̳̓a̴̪͋F̴̧̈́ȩ̶͊a̸͕͗t̶̥͌ŭ̴̗r̸̯͑e̴̖̿ Status Age Classes Race Extra HP MP SP STR DEX VIT MAG FTH WIL CHA Equipment Skills Weakness

Probably. I really need to find out how names interact with those glitches. He was very insistent on getting one specifically from me, and it made him seem extra happy when he just got a family name. There must be more to it. I really need to watch my words around them, huh?

"Why did that make you happy?"

"Why shouldn't I be happy if my lord acknowledges me? Though I secretly wished to become your first servant, it seems I'm only number four. Or hundredth? Is it second? Something is weird. Did you sign up with some young ones? They seem... quite unstable..."

Did he just imply I've already empowered dozens more of those Features without even being aware of it? Yikes.

"I've no clue how you arrived at those numbers, but why does it matter?"

"Just a personal wish, it has no deeper meaning. All that matters is that we get enough Features to swear fealty to you so we can crown you Customer."

Why would I want that? Or does that mean we can tame glitches and keep them from ruining the universe? That might be worthwhile.

"What does that achieve?"

Para cocks his head to the side, "I don't understand the question."

"What is this 'Customer', why would I want to achieve that rank?"

"You don't know? But everybody knows!"

"Well, then I'm not everybody. So?"

"The Customer is the Customer. We need to find someone suitable to claim that title."

That tells me nothing at all!!

"So you don't even know what this person is for?"

"What a strange question. The Customer leads us to salvation. It is self-evident."

Why do I even bother talking with a glitch? What a waste of time.

"Too vague for my taste. If you can't tell me what it is for, I won't accept it."

Now he slumps down, "Uh, that's a problem..."

So the glitches, err, 'Features' are looking for their chosen one, don't even know what he does, and Para believes that I'm that one? And anyone who believes that is anything but bad news should reconsider their life choices.

Great, just what the doctor ordered. Another looming doomsday scenario. How many do we even have by now? The demon artifact, unending hordes of respawning monsters, moody gods, energy leaks in the system, the glitch area this continent is drowning in, I'm probably forgetting a dozen give or take.

Suddenly, another glitchy voice calls out to us, "Hey, what are you doing with that Solid? Got nothing better to do? Uh, wait, he is not a Solid, he's one of us? How, how does that work?"

Behind us stands another Feature. One with more feminine features, she(?) kinda reminds me of Eclaire for some reason. Just badly beaten up and scorched. And a glitch, obviously.

"Oh, hey, sis. What's up? You look awful. Not to mention battered. Ran into pops again?"

"Twice even. Beat me up as usual."

Para gets audibly angry, "When will you finally give up? Nothing good will ever come out of interacting with that bastard."

Since when do glitches have a family? I thought they'd just randomly come to 'life' when the System breaks down again. Well, so much for that assumption. Unless that is more a family by association than birth.

Name ̷̥̕ ̵̻̎̏͜ ̸̲̣̀ ̵̪͂͗ ̷̨͓̿̊ ̶͕̳̀ ̸͓̠̂̌ ̷̩̿̉ ̸̯̖̕ ̷̧̚ Status Age Classes Race Extra HP MP SP STR DEX VIT MAG FTH WIL CHA Equipment Skills Weakness

Also nothing.

"If you're hurt, should I heal you?"

The glitch girl tries to decline at first, "Huh? Uh, don't bother. The skills of Solids don't affect us Fea- wait, you're not one of them. Then, yes, please. I'd like that."

I guess 'Solid' is their word for a normal person. Just like we call them 'Glitch' when they want to be called 'Feature'.

It may hurt her a bit but nevertheless, I lay my hand on her and cast [V̴̛̥ȋ̴̜l̸̳̋e̸͇̍ ̷͔̎R̸̥͗e̴̠̍c̶̠̋ò̷̪n̸̻̍s̸͖̆t̶̛͕i̵̟̒t̸̨̀ȕ̴̮ṱ̴͠i̵̤͘o̴̦͒n̸͜͝].

Y̵͙͛o̸̤̽u̵͋ͅ've healed F̵̪̓e̴̩͂a̴͎͋t̶̳͆ů̷͎r̷̪͛e̶̱̚ ̴̝̏H̴͉̒r̸̨̈́ỵ̷̐f̵̢̂ for 1860.

As far as I can see from the ever-changing characters, the name in the System message doesn't match the [appraised] status screen. The System really has no idea how to handle Glitch creatures, does it? At least it is still running at all. Don't even want to imagine a reality where the first [appraisal] of a Feature causes the System to come crashing down and then kill everyone by malfunctioning skills.

A creepy grin seems to form on the nameless girl's face and some liquid glitches drop down from her as if she was drooling, "Ah, more! More!"

That sounds so wrong, "What?"

"What? Hey, don't stop!", she desperately tries to catch me when I retract my hand.

I ask Para while pointing at our new companion, "Is she always this weird?"

He just shrugs, "What do you think why she always sticks to our old man?"

Oh, great, a Tina who's lala. Why do I always attract the weirdos?

Or is it that she's so starved of social interaction that she even relishes in the physical abuse their father doles out?

I can't even decide which of these options is sadder.

"I'd guess because of loneliness. Also, what's this about a father?"

"You're better off avoiding him. He wants to wipe us out but so far he's had no success."

"Is that related to that Customer business?"

The girl butts in, "You've found the Customer!?"

"No. I'm only asking about it. Your bro Para couldn't really explain to me what it was all about."

She sounds disappointed, "Oh, uh, did that dummy not pay attention again? The Customer will lead us to Mom. You know, the Mother of all Glitches can only be found by the Customer. Otherwise, she is unreachable. And what's this 'Para'-business?", she turns toward the other glitch creature, "Did you idiot let him name you!? You know as well as I do that only a candidate for Customer should do that! A complicit Solid!"

Para just shrugs, "Hey, as long as it works. You should ask for a name, too, while we're at it. We might be closer to our goal than you think."

She thinks for a moment before responding, "I think I'll pass for now. D0n't feel like trusting a man after having been... 'killed' by several. Several times."

"Is that why you took a more girly form this time?"

So it wasn't just my imagination.

She sneers, "Maybe."

I ask the glitch girl, "So what should I call you then?"

Para answers slyly, "Well, if she's my sibling and you named me Mr. Feature, wouldn't that make her...?"

Don't fall for it, Jared. Do! Not! Fall! For! It!!

I ignore that trap and try to change the topic, "Anyway, what exactly will happen to you once you find your mother, what then?"

She scratches her head, "What do you do with a family? Uh, that stuff, I think. What more do you need?"

Another non-answer.

What should I make of this? In the end, the Customer doesn't matter, their mother does.

I can't believe you make me feel bad for having chosen that name for glitch-bro. They are just like abandoned children. Eldritch abominations they may be, they are still weird kids longing for their family.

I sigh, "So to summarize, your father is an asshole and your mom is missing, so you want me to play adoptive uncle until we find your mom. Great, do you have any more family problems you want to lay on me?"

Para grabs my shoulder, "That's why I brought you here, boss. You see, until now we were forced to live in this damn bubble, the outside couldn't sustain us for long. But now, with the changes you've brought about recently, we're able to survive outside as well. So I wanted to humbly request to be officially allowed to live among your subjects, outside this cramped room."

So in the end, the barrier around the Glitch Zone was a failure. It tied up all the casters the people here had, drained the life force from several leaders through underhanded means, and all it did was keep the infection inside, and not even that was guaranteed to be indefinite. The Glitches themselves could leave whenever they wanted and possibly infect things outside of the sphere. Give them enough time, and all would've turned out exactly like it did anyway.

I'm convinced I did nothing but accelerate the inevitable there.

Against my better judgment, I feel I should comply with his request. As far as I can see, there's no known way to get rid of them permanently anyway. The girl even said she was killed multiple times, yet she stands before me.

So the next best thing is trying to tame them, what could possibly go wrong? Given recent events, not much more than has already.

"Alright, you may do so. But, there are a few conditions. First, you are to follow my orders and laws exactly. Second, you're not allowed to harm any of my subjects. And third, try to develop a more presentable form, you're scaring the people. If you violate the intent behind these rules, your living license gets revoked. Have I made myself clear?"

Para happily bows, "I thank you for your generosity", he forcefully grabs the girl, "Come on, you too, sis!"

She hesitates for a moment, "Fine. I also vow to follow the outlined rules - strange as they may be - and pledge my allegiance to you, my lord. But I'll withhold from getting named for now."

Works for me.