While we continue our way through the poison cave, I blow up most monsters we encounter with [Blood Burst] and use the resulting blood bullets to heal our two patients. It isn't good healing but it gives us some more time nonetheless.

At some point, a system message tries to distract me.

FATAL: decontamination process encountered an error and had to be aborted.

Restarting... (try 2/3)

Yeah, yeah, shut up and finally do your job!

And immediately after I think that...

FATAL: decontamination process encountered an error and had to be aborted.

Restarting... (try 3/3)

Goddamnit, even a system that has been optimized for millennia is still prone to dumb errors, just perfect... Did you run out of duct tape and prayers?

This time it keeps quiet.

After a long while of running, we finally find a small room that is free from the poison gas.

I look around and see nothing out of the ordinary, [Appraise] and [Trap Lore] spot no dangers either.

"I guess this is as good a spot as any..."

Ephran asks, "Are you sure? This room looks too suspicious to be safe."

"Sure? No, but none of my skills detected anything and judging by their remaining HP, we don't really have the luxury to search for another location."

"Alright, got it", he puts down the soldier he carried all the way.

I search through my inventory for the rope and First Aid Kits I bought way back when.

"I guess we better tie them up first. Just because they are not monsters doesn't necessarily mean they are on our side."

One rope for two won't do, so I extend my claws and cut the rope in half, then hand one of the pieces to my newest familiar, "Here."

He protests, "Do you really think that is necessary?"

I state bluntly while tying Ren's arms, "I do. You should know just as well as I do that they logically can't be here, yet they are. I've already seen monsters that looked indistinguishable from real people, only [Appraise] and their behavior could tell me the difference. Who can say that the monsters haven't advanced even further and can now even fool [Appraise]? At least this 'Ren' has stats that make no sense, so if someone can fake that hiding a monster class should be just as easy. So we have to take precautions. And really, if they are in fact real people they should just be happy they are still alive at all."

Ephran finally agrees, "I, I understand."

There, the knot is done. Admittedly, I'm no expert in restraining people, but this should at least buy us time if worst comes to worst.

I should probably leave out this part when I tell Lucia about my adventure. Otherwise, she'll get even more strange ideas...

We could only confiscate the dwarf's Great Axe but Ren's sword will just teleport back into Ren's sword scabbard. With no other option, we left it there. Weird thing.

Judgment Blade

Requires attunement, attuned to Ren Jagen.

+300 STR, +50 DEX, always inflicts critical damage against evil creatures

While attuned to this weapon you can't inflict undue harm to non-evil, sentient beings.

By all rights, this weapon should work against me. In what world are vampires not inherently evil... Ideally, we'll never have to find out.

But that effect is probably just as fake as his stats. Yeah, that's more likely.

I hand Ephran one of the First Aid Kits, "Make it count, those weren't cheap."

He replies, "Don't worry, you'll get reimbursement for that when we're back. Feel free to remind me, in case I forget."

"Looking forward to it."

I try to inspect the remaining kit, but how do you even use this? The contents don't match anything I know about medicine or treatments. A few iron pellets, empty vials, strands? Ah, there's a bandage, at least something that makes sense.

Then I see Ephran just smashing the kit on Kael's face.

To my surprise, the status effect disappears from his status.

"What the hell? Is that how you use that thing?"

Ephran just shrugs, "Uh, yes? How else would you use it?"

"I dunno, maybe administer some pills, wrap some bandages around a wound, something?"

"Eh, who would do something stupid like that?", he looks at me full of doubt.

"Nevermind then..."

I, uh, 'apply' the med kit to Ren in a similar fashion and the status disappears as well.

But neither of the patients wakes up, what now?

...

Oh, right, they're probably massively exhausted and they don't wake up because no form of rest provides any benefit here... Fall asleep once and you never wake up again, dungeons are even nastier places than I thought.

"I think we'll start with Kael. He is properly disarmed so he's a lesser risk. Here", I hand him a Food Pill, "force-feed him that, maybe he'll wake up then."

Ephran does as ordered, "Got it", and forces the pill into Kael's mouth who reflexively swallows it down and starts coughing, soon after waking up.

Our captive opens his eyes and looks around, "Where am I? Who are you people?"

"I'd like to ask the same of you. We're in the dungeon here, it should not be possible to meet other people here since time outside is stopped. So until I'm sure you and your friend over there are not some cleverly disguised monsters, you're staying put."

Kael looks over to the still unconscious Ren, "...who? I'm sorry but I don't know this person either. I've no idea what I could tell you to prove I'm not a monster so... if you think it necessary... do your worst."

I glare at him, "You could start by telling us where you're from. Your uniform design at least doesn't match the ones I know."

Ephran adds, "Yeah, it is certainly not one of ours."

Kael explains, "I've no idea how that could be. Anyway, I'm Kael, just a grunt serving in a nameless fortress at the coast near the mountains."

"Nameless... so you've no lord ruling your little abode?"

He nods, "Precisely."

Might be worth having a contact there. Just maybe.

I take out my map, "Where on this map would that be?"

He answers, "Lemme see... uh, the map is upside down?"

"Good, you pass, that was of course a test", and I totally didn't do that by accident, yep.

I turn the map around, "Now?"

"It should be the eastmost one, a bit below your thumb."

I draw a note on the map.

If the info from Karen is correct, there's just a minor dungeon and no major one on that quarter of the continent. Hmm... not sure. I'm not in the business of saving everyone but it might still be worth it to establish relations with them. Maybe the location as a port could prove useful. At a minimum, we could earn brownie points for Anna on her way to becoming declared a proper hero.

I point to our fortress on the map, "We're from over here. I've no clue how this should be possible. I would've accepted if you were from one of our companies but that far away...", I sigh, "Anyway, I'm Jared Delacroix, the ruler of said fortress."

He's shocked, "A lord in this dungeon? I thought nobles... pardon my rudeness. I didn't mean any offense, sir."

"Fine, fine, I forgive you. And don't force yourself to speak politely, no one does."

Ephran asks him, "Can you tell us anything about where the rest of your group is? I doubt you've come alone."

Kael replies, "Honestly, I've no clue. When I entered the dungeon, I was already separated from the others. Haven't seen a single person in days..."

"Given the circumstances, this will have to suffice. Hold still", I cut the rope binding his arms.

Kael is surprised, "Does that mean you trust me?"

"Not fully. But for now, what you've said sounds real enough. I doubt a random monster would've known about the map orientation or just happen to have a plausible enough description of a real location. So... in the name of getting the heck out of here, I'm willing to trust you that far."

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

He sighs and looks down, "Understandable. Now if only I would still have my weapon, I could help you more."

"Yeah, about that, fetch", I throw his axe back next to him on the ground.

After grabbing his weapon, he stands up and bows, "Thank you."

"Although, there's one thing I want to ask of you. Would you consider swearing your fealty to me? If you do and truly mean it... well, I have a skill that grants my sworn servants a few skills that seem necessary to get out of here. And truth be told, I'm considering visiting your fortress sometime in the future, and having a trusted contact person on sight should be helpful. Might take a few years though."

His eyes go wide, "Where did you get such a skill?"

"Sorry, trade secret. I'm still a noble after all, I don't tolerate competition."

Kael seems a bit worried, "Fair enough. Can I at least assume you plan on claiming our fortress when you come to visit us? It would... improve our situation tremendously."

"Precisely that is the plan. To my knowledge, the situation is mostly the same everywhere, especially for fortresses without a lord. Way too many monsters knocking on the front gate, diminished food production, you know the drill. Mind you, I'm not doing that out of pure selflessness. I'm doing that for my own gain."

He "I understand. If it helps to save my people, I wouldn't mind swearing fealty to the devil."

"Hey, I'm not that bad-"

You have taken Kael as your familiar.

You currently have 7̵̘̍/̸͎̂8̷̮̔ familiar(s).

"-or maybe I am", I sigh, "That skill is too trigger-happy as always..."

At least that proves that Kael is a real person. Previously when I tried, I couldn't apply this bond to a monster.

Kael is surprised, "What was... Was that it?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Though I'd prefer it if you kept my skill a secret. I can only have so many servants and if the benefits became public knowledge there would probably be way too many applicants."

He looks over his two new skills, "I... can imagine."

"Oh, before I forget, you can now also add a few classes up to a certain limit without needing Class Cores. Uh, Ephran, can you explain the details to him? I'll take care of the other guy in the meantime. I think it would be better if he talked to someone who knows the contract from the same side as him."

Ephran responds, "Are you sure? I don't really know how much I'm allowed to tell."

"Keep it to the stuff the public knows."

He nods, "Alright, boss."

I leave the two to their private conversation and drag Ren a bit to the side.

I force a Food Pill into his mouth. What do I have servants for if I have to do that myself...

After a while, Ren wakes up, coughing.

"Good morning, sunshine, did you sleep well?"

He responds groggily, struggling to free his arms, "Do your worst... monster."

That voice was a bit more high-pitched than expected, did someone miss puberty?

And monster...?

Ren's status now shows 1840/2140 MP... so he used [Appraise] on me. Strange, if the stats are fake and off by a factor of ten or more, then why does his MP function normally? This doesn't add up at all.

I sneer, "From my view, you're the monster. Your stats would put many of the bosses I've seen in my life to shame. Now speak, who are you and how did you get here?"

He replies, "I've no idea what you're talking about. I'm just a normal knight, nobody strange."

I yell at him, "Cut the crap! When I tried to wake you up, the system message said I had dealt like 230 damage to you but in your status over 5000 HP were missing compared to before. So something is clearly fake here."

He gets angry, "Why does everyone always call me a fake!? I'm as much of a real person as anyone else!!"

Seems like I hit a nerve.

"I wonder. If you're not fake, if your stats are real, then how does this measly rope bind you? You should be more than strong enough to just rip it apart."

Tears fill Ren's eyes, "I... I dunno. Nothing in this world makes sense. I'm supposed to be the strongest, supposed to be max level and yet... yet I can't even dent the weakest monster... I... I just want to get out of this hell..."

'Max level'? Supposed to be...? Is he another outsider like Anna or me?

"Did you reincarnate?"

He stammers, "Huh, oh... uhm, shit..."

This is getting out of hand, "So there're now at least three. And here I was told there'd be only one."

Ren starts sweating, "Could you please forget what you just learned?"

How about no?

I grab his chin and force him to look me in the eye, "Hey, Ren-"

You've successfully charmed Ren Jagen.

Great, so [Charm Eye] is useful for once.

"-how about you tell me, your new 'best friend', what is really going on with you? Maybe after that, we can work together to safely escape from this trap. What do you say?"

His status clearly shows that he is charmed but maybe that is fake as well. Got to be careful for another fake out.

Ren starts smiling but his eyes have an empty look in them, "Of course, my friend. Mind if I start at the end of my old life?"

"Well, I'd like the Cliff Notes version but if it is relevant, go on."

He explains, "Let's see... I've been working as a COBOL programmer ever since leaving high school, only a mere 13 hours per day on average, 6 days a week, nothing special. Doesn't really matter if you don't know that job name. Anyway, one day my boss approaches me, you know, I had been trying for years to get a promotion, so I thought this would finally be it, and... he fired me. Told me I was too expensive for the 'little' work I got done. Too little... I was always delivering on time, taking on tasks from my slacking coworkers, and he says I do too little... Can you believe his nerve!?"

I facepalm, "To me, it sounds like he just didn't want to see you suffer Karōshi, at least not on his watch. So he wanted to kick you out before your breakdown causes an investigation into your workplace."

Ren continues, "Maybe. Anyway, on my way home then I was severely depressed as you can imagine. I didn't know how to pay rent, I had no clue how to afford medicine for my mother, I just... didn't know what to do. The company I worked for was the last one in the whole world that still used that unique programming language in the last 600 or so years, all my experience was now worthless... Then suddenly, a truck driver lost control and was on the verge of running a little girl on the sidewalk over."

Now, where's my isekai bingo card...

I sigh, "Could you be any more cliche if you tried, mister? Let me guess, you pushed the girl aside but were run over yourself and in the afterlife you were told that the girl you saved was destined to invent some impossible tech to allow hyper-lightspeed travel?"

Ren's smile fades, "No such thing. I pulled her to me and the truck missed us both. Narrowly. What happened was that the mother of the girl thought I wanted to kidnap her and called the police on me. Well, before the cops could take me in, a black hole appeared and swallowed me, and that was it. Next thing I know, I'm in what you'd call the afterlife, a boring room of pure white."

I scoff, "Are you sure you weren't just drunk or high off your ass and actually run over by Truck-kun yourself? That sounds way more plausible to me."

He shakes his head, "No, I never drink. I'm a good girl like that, I swear!"

"Wait, girl? I thought you were a guy. You look like one to me."

Ren stammers, "Yeah, well, uh, I was about to get to that. Can I continue?"

I facepalm, "Please do."

(S)he(?) explains, "So in the afterlife, I was greeted by several shiny golden fuzzballs. They communicated telepathically with me in very broken Japanese. I only learned that language in school and was never very good at it, so communication was quite problematic. From what I understood, they either promised to take care of my mother in my stead or blow my old world up, not sure. When I asked for clarification, they just encouraged me, everything would be fine. Honestly speaking, I wasn't in a state of mind where I should've made such a decision but I agreed to help them with their problem in this world. They... transformed my body, they said it was necessary, I didn't really understand the reason and I hate how this feels... Once the explanations were over, they dragged me through a power-level course until I hit max level and then dumped me on this shitty world. They said I was ready, that... having two classes instead of one like everyone else would be more than enough but... despite all that power, I can barely harm the weakest monster I come across, I've no clue how I should ever achieve my goal here..."

I feel she got scammed, the same as I was.

Not sorry, "Sorry to burst your bubble, but you were tricked. Having two classes doesn't make you special. Most people have around three. The cap is supposedly ten or fifteen."

She looks up, her eyes filled with tears, "W-what?! But... why?"

"That's just the way this world is. But I've no clue why you are so 'weak'. According to your stats you should be very strong, this just makes no sense. But I have some good news for you. When we're reunited with the rest of my group you can ask Elly for advice, she should be able to tell you a way to learn the [Disguise] skill, and with that you can fix your body. Despite the skill's name, its effect is very real, just ask my wife, we've had... some fun with it."

She sounds disturbed, "That... sounds very helpful. I'd really like to take you up on that offer."

"What even is your mission here? You didn't mention that."

Ren stammers, "Uh, well... supposedly, here on, Jethicton, there's a wicked demon lord terrorizing the populace and they even managed to kill the rightful hero, so they asked me to sub for him. Not that I could even get started on that, I just arrived and the first thing that happens is that I stumble into this strange cave."

I sigh, "Congratulations, you are on the wrong planet, this is Deteoh. But don't worry, we've some demon lords here as well. Which flavor do you prefer? Death knight, lich, vampire, dinosaur, abstract concept?"

She thinks for a moment, "Uh, yes, in that order? As long as they don't join forces and we can take them one by one, I don't have a strong preference. Unless that vampire sparkles, then we need to find a flamethrower first."

"What, does that mean, you'd be willing to help us with our doomsday problem?"

She nods, "Yes, sure, why not. I don't have a clue where that other world is anyway, nor how to get there. And maybe you'll help me with my problem world should we ever find it?"

You have taken Ren Jagen as your familiar.

You currently have 8/̸͎̂8̷̮̔ familiar(s).

ERROR: familiar Ren Jagen is part of a different system

Converting familiar...

Done.

I guess I should've seen that coming. I did offer to take her along. But what the hell does it mean by different system?

Before I can arrive at any meaningful conclusion, Ren easily rips the rope apart which bound her arms, "Much better, I was about to get hand cramps."

"Ah, sorry, forgot about that bind. How do you feel? Anything strange?"

She shakes her head, "It is weird. Nothing about my status has changed but I still feel so much stronger. Strong enough... TO END YOU GODDAMN-"

Ding

You've taken 0 damage from Ren Jagen's attack.

Ren swung her sword at me faster than I could follow but it just bounced off of me.

She uninterrupts herself, "-FREAK! ...what? Why didn't that work?"

And here I was playing nice...

"You stupid bitch! What do you think you're doing?", I rush forward and ram my claws into her gut.

You've inflicted 120 damage to Ren Jagen.

"Argh!", she grunts in recoil.

I check her status, and this time my attack did take off only the advertised 120 HP. Guess becoming my familiar has dispelled the strangeness with her stats.

The charm status is gone as well, she probably broke free from it when she became a familiar and was 'converted'. Damn, I should've paid more attention, this negligence almost cost me.

Ren looks at me with eyes filled with disgust, "You'd hit a girl?!"

"Sure, when she asks for it. I don't discriminate."

I'm about to start another swing at Ren when Ephran and Kael storm forward and separate us, "That's enough you two."

"Hey, whose side are you on, you two?"

Ephran evades the question, "That doesn't matter. What matters is that all four of us want to get out of here alive, killing each other doesn't help any of us."

Ren defends herself, "What the hell are you doing? Why wouldn't I defend myself against someone that tries to mind control me!?"

Eh, there's not much to control, "And what else did you expect me to do? We're trapped in this dungeon, we shouldn't even be able to meet under these circumstances. It is much more likely that you're just a cleverly disguised monster."

She pouts, "But, but...!"

"Nothing but", I sigh, "We should both be adult enough to leave this mishap behind us, right?"

But once this is all over, Ren, your life is forfeit. I do not forgive attempts at my life, but you're too useful - for now. Maybe if you're lucky I'll forget about this grudge. Maybe.

Ren struggles with herself, "I... urgh, fine."

After a bit more bickering, we start moving and I tell our two new meatshields comrades a few more details about what I know that is going on. Well, except for the part where I'm a former Lost One or current vampire.

Hmm... current vampire... How would that work? Would that drink electric power instead of blood?