“Okay, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
“…”
“Good news first. I’ve managed to stop the bleeding to my left leg. It should hold for now.”
“…”
“Bad news is, the stab wound on my chest is more severe than I thought. My organs are starting to shutdown from the vile venom coated on Master Haithur’s dagger. You were right, Ser Rayze. The blade is covered with some really nasty stuff.”
“…”
“Good news is, Master Haithur has on him the unique antidote which can neutralize this particular mixture of potent poison.”
“…”
“Bad news is, he’s in the wind now. Which means we won’t be getting our hands on that cure anytime soon. Oh, and I’ve just lost the function of one of my kidneys.”
“…”
“Good news is, I’ve got a spare one tucked away somewhere in my body. And my increased healing factor and what little of the valuable purple antidote Mistress Ricon gave me this morning that managed to seeped into my body through the wound on my left hip should be enough to keep me from knocking on Death’s doors.”
“…”
“Bad news is, I’m still gonna be greatly weakened for the next couple of hours. If I was inclined to visit a physician after this, he would recommend that I get some bed rest and advice me from doing any heavy lifting for the rest of the week.”
“…”
“Good news is, if we leave now, we can still make it to the commemorative sale celebrating the opening of the new bakery shop on 23rd Caine Street.”
“…”
********************
Just as the boy is about to leave the Sunnyvale Town Hall while being supported by his pigtails maid, a voice call outs to him.
“Please wait a moment.”
“Yes, Ser Faerwald?” smiles the boy as he turns (with the help of Synnove of course) to face the elderly noble.
“Is what you said true just now?”
Before the boy could answer, another voice cuts him off.
“And no, Ser Faerwald is not referring to the new bakery’s commemorative sale.” says Ser Razye as he appears besides Master Haithur’s father-in-law.
“Aw, he was about to walk right into that one, and you went ahead and ruined it for me, Ser Rayze. But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you. In fact, I’m happy. It just proves how much faster you are at catching onto things when compared to the others.” grins the boy as his gaze wanders over to Headmaster Joss who is standing a few feet away.
It looks like the conversation between the headmaster and his old friend Ser Penworth is about to wrap up soon.
“…”
“Anyway, which statement are you referring to? I’ve said so many things today, some truthfully, some in jest, it’s really hard to keep track of them all.”
“…It’s about Jev… and uh… the snakes…”
“Oh that? The comment about Master Haithur fucking snakes in his spare time? I was just messing with him. Guy can’t take a joke.”
“…”
“Wait. Did you actually think that’s what Master Haithur been doing secretly behind your back?”
“…”
“Okay. First of all: Ewww! Secondly: Setting aside the various moral and philosophical issues that would drive a man to bump uglies with a snake, how exactly does one set out to do so? Do you search for a big-sized snake so you won't encounter any problem sliding into its snake vagina? Do you defang it or risk your balls getting punctured? Do you have several vials of snake antivenom on standby beside your bed? Or do you get freaky and use the snake as a dildo? These are questions that are going to bring in more questions.”
“…”
The boy continues his rambling, all the while not noticing that Ser Faerwald who is standing in front of him is making a face like he has just swallowed a bug.
“Does a man who’s been sleeping with snakes for years ever suffer from ereptile dysfunction? Does he-“
“What my close colleague is trying to say is…” Ser Rayze steps in and interrupts the boy, and in the process saves Ser Faerwald from the shame of being seen throwing up in public “…he wants to know what is the secret you’ve been holding over his son-in-law’s head. The one Master Haithur was begging you not to tell us about.”
“Oh, that silly thing? It’s a small matter, a private one in fact. It’s perhaps better for you to ask Master Haithur about it instead of me, once you’ve caught up with him of course. Give the man an opportunity to explain himself.”
“I think Master Haithur lost his chance to speak the moment he bolted out of this town hall. And the man’s right to privacy is thrown out the window along with him.”
“…”
The boy studies the faces of the two noblemen standing in front of him.
“You know, sometimes you’re better off not knowing certain things. There are secrets in this world, that once you know them, you’ll be unable to view the world the same way again. You yourself will never be the same again.”
“We’re prepared for it.” says Ser Rayze coldly.
“Please… tell us.” pleads Ser Faerwald with a hint of desperation in his eyes.
“Very well…” the boy shrugs his shoulder “…just remember that you guys were the ones who wanted to know.”
The boy turns his face towards the chairman of the Disciplinary Committee. “Ser Rayze, your daughter Mistress Kana is pregnant. In seven months time, you’re gonna be the proud grandfather of a healthy bouncing baby girl.”
*stunned silence “…”
“Right now, Mistress Kana is on a leave of absence from the academy. She is currently holed up in a mansion near a seaside town located in a neighboring kingdom, waiting to give birth in secret. I can give you the address, but I think you can find the place on your own once you know you needed to search for it.”
“…”
The boy turns towards Master Haithur’s father-in-law “Ser Faerwald, do I really need to spell it out to you who the baby’s father is? I’ll give you three guesses, but since you’re clever you’ll only going to need one.”
“…”
“Okay. So we’re not playing the guessing game today. No cigars for you then.” says the boy as he shrugs his shoulder. He then turns to the person still standing in stunned silence next to Ser Faerwald.
“Oh, and Ser Rayze…”
“…”
“Congratulations.”
“…”
********************
“So Master Haithur’s been bumping uglies with Mistress Kana. And now she’s pregnant. This day just keeps getting better and better…”
“I see you’ve managed to eavesdrop on our conversation, Headmaster Joss.”
“Well, it was hard not to. I was walking over to you guys, wondering what you were saying to those two noblemen to turn them into statues, and I heard bits and pieces of it.”
“Enough for you to figure it out.”
“Now I know why Master Haithur threw himself back so hard, he nearly broke the chair he was sitting on.”
“Yes, when I mentioned his wife and asked him whether she knows about her husband’s ‘other curricular activity.
The headmaster reminisces about that night in the dining hall when the boy announced his presence for the first time to the world. It seems like an eternity has passed since then when in fact the event only happened three nights ago.
“Looking back, Master Haithur had jumped into the fray when you began insinuating that Mistress Kana might be pregnant. At that time, I thought he had grown weary of your interruption, or that he was stepping in to protect his friend.”
“Make no mistake, Headmaster Joss, the only person Master Haithur cares about is himself.”
“But still, Mistress Kana and Master Haithur… who would have thought they were bumping uglies?”
“Okay, can we not use those words to describe Master Haithur’s sex life?”
“What? Bumping uglies?”
“Yes!”
“Then what is the term do you suggest we use?”
“…”
“See?”
“Fine! Anyway, to be fair to Master Haithur, it was Mistress Kana who aggressively pushed for the relationship to happen. They’ve been friends since they were teenagers, but Ser Rayze had other plans for his daughter, and he warned Master Haithur not to get too close to her.”
“That slimy bastard must be kicking himself for not paying heed to a father’s warning.”
“They were careful too. Never showing their affection in public. Always meeting in secret. Making sure if they were sleeping fucking having sex bumping uglies that it happened during Mistress Kana’s safe days, or that they were using various contraceptive methods.”
“I guess the birth control pills weren’t as effective as they thought.”
“Not unless they were created by an ageless entity possessing a huge amount of power and knowledge in his workshop.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“Did you say something weird just now?”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did. You said… ah fuck it. Never mind.”
Headmaster Joss watches as Synnove finishes stitching up the boy’s chest wound. The pigtails maid is now in the process of wrapping some bandages around the boy’s upper torso.
They are currently in a room in a nearby inn located close to the Sunnyvale Town Hall. Earlier the boy had declared that he was fit enough to make the journey back to the academy, but Headmaster Joss didn’t want to take any chances. He brought the boy to the nearest inn so he could rest, the headmaster even splurged a bit and got them the best room that was available.
Headmaster Joss looks at the boy who is currently resting on the warm and comfortable bed. Even though the boy had told him several times that he was fine and could resume travelling, the headmaster could see that the boy is sweating heavily and that his skin is deathly pale.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“Should I fetch you a doctor?”
“How many times must I tell you, Headmaster Joss? I’m absolutely fine. We should have gone to that bakery instead of wasting our time here. We could have been on our way back to the school, arms full of blueberry muffins right about now.”
“Like I’ve said before, you need to rest. And besides, we’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Kiren says it will be another two hours before the broken wheel can be completely fixed.”
“One of the side effects of parking your carriage in the town’s fountain. And who’s Kiren?”
“The guy who drove us here.”
“His name is Kulyk.”
“Is it? Are you sure?”
“Headmaster Joss, you really should take care what you put in your body. I think all those years of drinking have finally taken its toll on you. The cheap swills you mistakenly thought were high quality alcohol must have killed off more brain cells than they should have.”
“The only drinking problem I have is the absence of a glass of wine in my hand right now.”
“More worryingly, you didn’t even realize that Ser Firenzo Razye was Mistress Kana’s father until I pointed it out to you.”
“Who’s Ser Firenzo Rayze?”
“Are you serious? You met the man barely half an hour ago-“
*smiles “…”
“Oh dear Gods. You’ve finally learned how to mess with me…”
“It’s no fun when you’re at the receiving end, am I right?”
*grumbles “Tou•ché , motherfucker.”
“I’ve finished tending to your chest wound, Master.” declares Synnove. The pigtails maid has been pretty quiet while she was treating the boy’s stab injury.
“Thank you Synnove. Great work stitching and bandaging my chest wound. The ribbon is a nice touch as well.”
“I live to serve Master.”
“Are you really going to be fine? You don’t need a doctor to take a second look at that chest?”
“Stop your fussing Headmaster Joss. I swear, you could rival my late mother in the worrying department.”
“Are you sure? Because, you know, you took a freaking knife attack to the chest.”
“'Tis but a scratch.”
“With a poisonous blade.”
“Fine! I’ll just sleep it off if it makes you happy.”
“The area around your chest has turned black.”
“It has always been this color since the day I was born.”
“Godsdamn, I don’t even know why I bother being worried about you.”
“It’s because you’re an educator, and you can’t help but be concerned for the wellbeing of the students under your care.”
“No. It’s because it will be a pain to deal with the scandal of a student ending up dead while under my watch.”
“You can drop the tsundere act, Headmaster Joss. It doesn’t really suit someone of your character.”
“Tsundere?”
“Just something Rolfe taught me.”
“…”
“Anyway, don’t you have a lunch appointment with your old friend, Ser Penworth? I know you turned him down out of concerned for us but I can assure you Headmaster Joss, nothing inconsequential will happen to Synnove and me for the next few hours if you leave us to our own devices.”
“…”
“Why don’t you take Ser Penworth up on his offer? I know for a fact that he hasn’t order yet. Ser Penworth is still hoping that you will show up.”
“…”
“Go. It’s not nice to keep an old friend waiting.”
“You know, a year ago, I would have questioned the wisdom of leaving two young teenagers alone in a room without adult supervision. A room, I might add, that has a real comfy bed and some thick walls.”
“Look at my body, Headmaster Joss. Observe the state I’m in. Do you really think I’m in any condition to do what you think I’m most likely to do?”
“You don’t have to actually move, you know. You can always lie there and let her do all the exertion for you. I’m sure you will think of some way to make it work.”
“Oh my, Headmaster Joss. Are you actually insinuating a princess, a member of royalty from the Jazwin Kingdom, could be forced to do something that is beneath her station? Are you imagining her doing something grossly inappropriate considering her status?”
“Well, she’s currently wearing a maid uniform…”
“Ah, I see your point. But that doesn’t mean she’s willing to do whatever it is you’re picturing her doing in your mind.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t read minds?”
“I’m not a mind reader, if that is what you’re thinking. But I won’t let something inconvenient like that stop me from knowing what goes on in that head.”
“…”
“Oooh, now that’s a difficult position. She needs a limber body if she’s going to pull it off.”
“…”
“Now who’s the one with the dirty mind?”
“…”
The headmaster sighs before finally throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation.
“Screw it. Whatever. I don’t care anymore. I’m heading out and getting myself a drink.”
“Have one on me, Headmaster Joss. You deserve it. Today’s a win and we should all celebrate it in our own way.”
“I’ll get someone to send some food to your room in a bit.”
“We are forever in your debt.”
“Just don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do while I’m gone.”
“I promise you, we’ll be on our best behavior.”
“I mean it. And make sure this door is locked until the food arrives and until I've returned.”
“If you’re worried about Master Haithur reappearing again, don’t. He’s putting as much distance as he can between the town and him right now. I don’t think you’ll be seeing our serpent acquaintance anytime soon.”
“That’s not who I’m most concerned right now.” says the headmaster as he eyes the occupants of the room one last time before leaving, closing the door behind him.
********************
"Joss, over here."
"Sorry, I couldn't see you over the crowd."
"Pull up a chair. Come, sit with me. Let’s eat, drink and trade stories like old times.”
“Yes, old times.”
“Did you have trouble finding this place?”
“No, I’ve been to this restaurant a few times in the past.”
“I’m so glad you decided to accept my invitation. For a minute there, I thought you weren’t going to show up.”
“I had to take care of some business first.”
“So, have you decided what you’re going to order? I think I’m hankering for some-“
As Ser Harbel Penworth continues to prattle on, a waiter approaches their table carrying a bottle of red wine. The waiter takes the empty glass goblet which was placed earlier and begins pouring a generous amount into it. He then serves the goblet to the headmaster before moving on to the next table.
Even though the restaurant is quite noisy during that particular hour, with nearby patrons chatting loudly, the sound of cutlery clashing against plates, customers ordering their food etc, Headmaster Joss has pretty much blocked out most of the sounds.
All of the headmaster’s attention is focused on the goblet in front of him. For the first time in a long time, Headmaster Joss notices some small details that he has forgotten before. The deep color of the drink served to him. The sweet fragrance gently wafting from the rims. How the glass goblet seems to sparkle when bathed in the light from the afternoon sun. The long shadow the goblet cast over their table.
“Joss… Joss…”
“Huh? What?”
‘You’ve been looking at that goblet for a while now. I thought you wanted to ask for its hand in marriage.”
“No… it’s just…”
“What is it?”
“A week ago, I’d loved nothing more than to take this cup and put it to my lips, pour its content into my mouth, feel the liquid sloshing across my tongue, and swallow it all in just one gulp. I might even smash the empty container against a nearby wall before I demand for another.”
“…”
‘But now… but now…”
“Joss, what’s the matter?”
“I… I honestly don’t know...” answers a bewildered Master Joss, much to the confusion of his old friend who is sitting across from him.
********************************************************************************************
Yay! We’ve jumped 4 places to number #41. No banner, because those are reserved for very special occasion. But we did manage to break the hundredth tier vote. So free blueberry muffins all around. Wohoo!
I have to work this weekend, so I’m releasing a chapter early (had to sneak write this chapter during my work break so I hope you guys enjoy it). And to further celebrate this ff’s recent achievements, I’ll be releasing another chapter as early as tomorrow. Because that’s how I roll.
Chapter 70 is still being written, so if you're fast and leave a review today, maybe you'll get to see your name mentioned if I notice it in time.
This chapter is dedicated to readers christopherf, GunD666, Gizmo550, Nyx as well as the countless others who are kind enough to leave a review. I thank you again for taking the time to write what you like and hope to see in my ff.
So will Headmaster Joss take that drink? Is the boy planning some sexy time with Synnove? Or is the author setting up the readers for a fall? Is this ff back to being updated daily? Find out next week tomorrow on Demon Hero Reaper Saviour The Saga of The Blueberry Muffins Emperor...
Leave a review if you wanna help me me reach the 40th place in the Best Rated category or a comment if you see any plot-holes, glaring grammar mistakes or just wanted to show your appreciation.