Andrew

"So in summary, we can make a lot of money doing something we like."

I pressed the button on the remote to move it to the last slide which only showed the words "End Of Presentation" followed by "Plz clap" on the next line.

Nobody in the room moved for over a minute, and I was worried that my presentation wasn't good enough to explain my idea, but someone raised an appendage.

"Mister Champion?!"

I pointed at them. "You can call me Andrew, what's your question?"

"What's a 'clap'?"

I facepalmed. "It's a joke from my homeworld, I keep forgetting you guys are aliens."

Lviyr leaned over to me and whispered. "I told you this would happen."

"Shut up, you're not helping." I whisper-retorted.

I readdressed the table full of potential Gamemasters for my newest project. "Other than the question about clapping, do you guys have anything else to ask?"

Everyone looked at each other and then shook their heads.

One of the Gamemasters errant spoke. "No, it was pretty easy to understand... I'm just pretty sure it won't work."

Another chimed in. "Yeah, I mean who would want to watch someone else play the Deathworld Game instead of just doing it themselves?"

If I had glasses, I would have pushed them up. "The answer is simple... competence. People like to see someone who knows what they're doing, crushing whatever they're good at. Everyone who's not any good will love to see someone they've been rooting for win after all of their struggles and triumphs... I mean it's basically how Deathworld Game plays in the first place." I paused, having another thought. "Plus, in any case where it would take long periods of time, they can always skip through those parts and get to the good stuff."

The first did a gesture which Lviyr informed me was like a shrug. "We'll have to see how it goes, either way I wish you luck."

All of the Gamemasters then disappeared as if they were never there.

I rubbed my eyes. "So, how did you guys think it went?"

Lviyr licked his lips, which he does a lot when talking to me for some reason. "I figure that at most, two of them will agree to your idea."

I spun on my heels to face him. "Wait really?!"

Yuluulth nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty common in our omniculture to wait and see if something fails before actually trying it yourself."

I slumped against the back wall of this strange meeting room and pressed the button to turn off the projector. "This is so much harder than it seemed like when I pitched it."

Lviyr placed a tentacle on my shoulder. "It'll work out Andrew, even if the [Playing Field] has to be a bit smaller than usual."

I smiled sadly. "I hope you're right." I then smacked my cheeks, stood up, and walked toward the exit. "Alrighty, time to blow off some steam!"

Yuluulth call after me. "Wait, where are you going?"

I stopped and turned for a moment. "I'm going to bang my girlfriend of course!"

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

There was only stunned silence and the sound of Lviyr laughing in the room as I left it.

----------------------------------------

Clarissa

I looked it over again in case I misread it.

[Your Champion "Clarissa The Curious" is asphyxiating and will die in nineteen seconds! Begin life support or you will lose!]

I didn't misread it... was it talking about me?!

That wasn't important!

How do I 'begin life support'?!

A new line of text popped up.

[Would you like to view the Life Support Tutorial?]

YES!

[The most important part of keeping your Champion healthy is "Life Support", which allows you to ensure that they can survive conditions they normally wouldn't be able to, in this tutorial we will...]

I looked at the other message which now read "sixteen seconds" and skipped ahead.

[In order to begin Life Support, first !̷͎̻͙̼͂̿ͅ^̵̡̨͎͔̗̙̖̍̍̄̏́ͅ#̵̯̻̭͖̦̖̫̏̓̉̊̽̄͘͠ͅ!̷̞͉͂͗̾̓̇$̴̡̞̺̲̳̳̯̜͝^̸̦̺͈̰̐̈́̒̈́%̸̤̤͉̖̹̂͛͂̕^̶̛̖̮̺͈͚̳͈͐̀̋̋̕%̸͇͂͛̊͜ͅ$̷̞̣̉^̷̫͕̤̪̣̩̈́̇̉́&̷̦͔̱̹̥͑̾͗̄̾̈͝ the &̴̨̠͕̠̩̱͂͐̉#̴͇͙̽́̃̅͊͠$̸̨̳̄%̶̳̀̀^̸̙̗̳͉̏̈̄̽̚͘͜#̸̪̱͛^̸̤̉͆&̴̡̘͈̬͆̓͠&̴͕̹̣̳͕͕̅͛ and #̶̧̲͓̠̩͓̻͕̰̹̭̻͚̦͕̻̪̪́̉̂̓̔͛̽̔̄͆͘͘͜ͅ%̴̡̧̯͔̤͉̲̟̼̘̱̞̻̞̟̣͓̮̫̲̠̒̓̉̎̀̉̋̏̽́̉̌̃̊̂͋̏̎̂͂̌͋̽̕̚ͅ%̶̣̲͓̞͍̣̗͈̰͉̪̳̦̘̫̳̙͇̤͒̇̑̑̽́̄̈́̽̃̐̿̋̀̾͘͝ͅ^̴̘͉̖̘̜̪̭̭͊̌͗͐̏̈̅͑̐͜͠ͅ&̴̧̡̮͍̪͙̪̦̰̯̯̱̬͕̘͔͈̝̭̪̦̺̻̜͕͔̃̐̈́̈́̔̆̌̆̓̀̆̐͘͘͝&̶̢̡̡̡̜̱͔͕͙̞̞̜͎͚̬̥͈̔̋̽͘ͅ. This will open the Life Support options, each one activated will cost...]

I stopped reading and just tried to think past the pounding headache.

The readouts are clearly bugged, so the first thing to try is to reset the controls.

I focused on the idea of an options menu only to be bombarded by bunch more incomprehensible pseudo-text.

I could pick out the word "recalibrate" from the ocean of nonsense and focused on it.

[Choose #̸̢̧̛͓̱̝̬̲̹͎̗̰͍̟̤̜̇̈́̓̓̎͂̀͊̽̓̏̑̃͗̕͘̕ͅ!̸̧̧̛͇͍͉̪͎̰̹͖̤͈̘͕̳͐́̐̄̎̅̐͋́̄̚͜͜͝͠ͅ$̸̡̨̗̼̩̺̱͙̟̹̞̗̪̣͚̫̮̟́̽@̶̢̹̭͔̰͙̠͕͍̺̱̜͛̀̓͌̃͂̄̓̕͝ͅ$̶̮̖͇̌͆͆͂͒̍̐̌͌̾̌͐̋̊́̂͘͝͝@̸̡̧̡̢̰̖̠̱̭̞̯͔̟̘̺̥͈̻̲̩̘̤͗̌̏̈́̅͊͒̀̾̅̿̒̌̕̚͝#̵̧̮͚̻̻̘͈̼͈̠̂̃͜ͅ%̷̡̡͇͎̩̰͕̱̝́̒̐̊̾̈́̋̀̒̉͗̅͘͠@̸̢̤̳̪̜͍̙̬̈́̈̎̈̓̎̀̿́͆̈́͋͘͝^̴̛̬̬̤̲̰̮̣͚̣͕͌̃̔̓̊͋̉̋́̑̐̉͂́̊̚̕̚̕͜&̴̢͇͕͖̬͙̼͍͖̞̠̰̙͖͔̱͍̦̃̆̌͑̿͊̃͠^̸̧͍̲̲̗͕̲̖̠͕͓͖̩͓̹̫̉̓̈́͋͒͂̔͑͝*̸̢̨̛̹̠̗̠̬̰̟͍̲͂͂́̀̀̑̿̈̑͘͘%̸͎̦̩̣̘̟̘̘̽͊̿̽̽̐͛͗̃̂̌̋͒͘^̵̡̟̮̹̻̜̭͚̮̲̫̪̝̖̿̒̿̀̄͗͋̋̆̀͠ͅ*̴͚͔̠̺͕̱̗͆̂̆͋̋̈͝͝%̵̢̻̫͈̲̼̗̟̜͉̪̥̥̞̱͑͆͜ͅ#̶̢̙̜̲̙̥͇̘̥̹́̋͌̌̏̽̓͆͜$̷͍͔͉͈̱̳̲͖͔̩̽͑̒̌̚%̵̺̬̼̙͙̲̫͚̫̞͔͚̑̆̃͊̔̓͠#̴̨̢̛͍͍̯̬͓͕͙̬̦̲͈̞̖̩̱̭̞͒̓@̵͉͕͈̙̱̙̙̺̖̼͈̬͕̘̙̬͎̦̳̽͂͒͂̉͂͛$̶̨̨̛̠̬̟̼͖̪̹̦̗̼͔͔͉̰͎͉̖͚̆̋̊̉̋̈́̈́̌͊͌̀́̍̒̀̀̅͘͜͜@̴̡̬̟̻͔̩͎̒̓̄͌̏̆̎̅̋̀̑̆͗͊̚͘#̴̛͙̭̝͖̙͕̦̮̒̾̾̾̀̏͘$̴̧̛̛̹̫̩̻͎͚̟̘̽̉͑̐̿̍̂̓̈́̂̊͂̓̈́̒͘̕̕͝͝!̶̥͋̃̍̌͊̋̂̎͂̑͛͆͒̇̅̓̄͂̚̕͝͠@̴̢̨̢̢͓̺̳̭̗͕̫̣̀͛́̈̔͛̌́͊̈̀̅̏͋̾̎͒̕͝͝~̴̡̛̱̯̝͍̟͇͙͖̯̩̲̾̾̈́͌͒̃͘͠@̸̡̨̡̬̭̰̗̹͓̤͊̋̋̒̒̌́̈̉͝#̵̢̢̖̮̼̱̙͓͖̠̺̓̓̌̈́̈̅͒̓̓̏̿͒̾̓͘̚͜͠͠@̴̘̘͉̹͌̆̏̏#̵̟̻̖̫̻̻̪͕͓̙̣͇͍̼̮͙̫̜̃͜$̸̨̡̢͍̻͖̬̭̠̞͇͚̏͐͊͛̌̈̕̕͜͠$̷̼̙͇̮̜͓̱̾͜%̶̧̡̛̫̟̥͓͇̥̣̋͊̀́͒͂̊̈̈́̅̎̓̌̀͠ͅ%̶͖̟̾͋͐%̵̢̖̬͙̩͖̤͖̠͔̬̺̟̭̟͎̈́̾͝^̴̳̥̘͔͕̫̱̣̣̻̫̼̯̲̯̜̻̳̯̣̗͊̎̃̊̅͝ͅ&̵̤͓̐͛̓͗̀͒̌̓̐̐͛̌̌͌͂̔̆̽̚͝͝&̴̨̨̫͚̬̄̋̂͌̍͋̃̍̐̔͛̕͝͝͠*̷̢̢̣̩̲͎̺̱̃͝*̸̡̮͓̈̔̆̀͋͂̓̇̾̔̈̐̆̾͘̕͠͠͠(̸̛͉̦̼̲̼̲̯̝̥̦̮̦̅̍̆́͋͆(̶̡̧̧̧͉͖̪̳̟̰̲̠̥̣͎̕͠ scheme:]

Under it was a bunch of pictures of different unfamiliar pieces of equipment that looked almost like keyboards and mice, except in strange shapes and sizes.

I picked the one that looked at least somewhat possible for me to use.

[No input found, use virtual input?]

I looked at the timer, only to see eight seconds were left.

YES! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD DO IT ALREADY!

A holographic version of the mouse and keyboard-like things that I chose appeared in front of me.

I immediately moused to the top of the screen and clicked on an icon that sort of looked like an eyeball with a lens in front of it.

It opened a search box like I hoped it would, I then typed in 'life support options'.

The page opened to show me a list of options, which I skimmed as fast as possible.

My eyes started to go dark around the text as I clicked the 'Homeostasis Assistance' button.

At the very top was 'Breathable Gas Mixture Adjustment'.

It was automatically set to 'none'.

I changed it to 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen and pressed 'save'.

Air filled my lungs and I drunk it in greedily.

[Congratulations, your Champion had three seconds remaining!]

I laid on my back and just breathed, trying to calm myself from almost drowning in air.

While I did so, I looked around the beach I found myself on.

It looked a lot like the time my family and I went to Hawaii for the summer of 2001... except the palm trees looked very strange.

Their leaves looked weirdly... furry?

I sat up and tried using my interface to figure out where I was.

Unfortunately, typing in 'where am i' didn't yield any results.

The next best thing would be to figure out how this game is supposed to be played.

I pulled the tutorials back open and started to read through them a bit more carefully.

There was a lot of information about all sorts of things, about half of which was still corrupted.

At least it told me keybinds and shortcuts now that I had my virtual keyboard and mouse.

From what I gathered, I had a number of "Adjustment Points" with which I could modify the experience of my champion... which happened to also be me as well in this case.

I had about two thousand out of a total of seven thousand being used for the Breathable Gas Mixture Adjustment at the moment.

I went through the other options and picked a few other things to adjust.

I spent an additional two thousand to reduce the apparent temperature for myself by twenty percent, making it like a cool breeze was wafting toward me at all times.

I spent five hundred to reduce the radiation intensity a little so I didn't get a sunburn so easily.

I then took a look at stuff like 'Natural Healing Boost' and 'Nutrient Need Reduction' and decided they wouldn't be necessary.

For even a five percent boost to natural healing, it cost over a thousand points, it was way too expensive! Nutrient Need Reduction was even worse!

What could I possibly need those for anyway right?

It wouldn't be very long until I found out.

[Ghrush The Berserker]

Danger Level: Certain Death