After getting over the initial excitement of finally being transported to another world, I remembered that the nice lady had told me that it was dangerous here... or had attempted to say so anyway.

Either way, first thing's first, what do I have?

Shirt, pajama pants, socks, and my sneakers... my phone is missing even though I made sure to bring it with me.

That's disappointing, I had downloaded several survival manuals on it.

"Well, I'll just have to do without I guess..." I said to nobody in particular.

I shrugged and then folded my arms behind my head.

Nothing to do here, so let's go exploring instead.

After about ten minutes of looking around, I decided that I should probably try an experiment to pass the time. "Status... Properties... um... Attributes... not that one either." I ran my fingers through my beard, I probably should get it trimmed soon, it'd be annoying if it got snagged on something. "How about 'Open Status'? 'Open Properties'? 'Open Attributes'?"

Then I started listing everything I could think of that might open an interface... actually 'interface' is worth a shot.

"'Interface'... 'Open Interface'... 'Expand Interface'. Nope, maybe I need a skill for that? Well whatever, it's not like there's someone to answer my questions here right now."

Then I saw it.

"An effing waterfall! Hell yeah!"

I need to make a waterwheel stat!

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Yuluulth

"Lviyr, what the quizblech is your champion doing?"

Lviyr leaned forward a bit more. "I'm not sure actually... it seems like he's listing random words for some reason... now he's looking at a bunch of rocks, probably trying to make some sort of tool."

"He's making tools this early on? Does he even understand what he's supposed to be doing?" I asked him.

Lviyr licked his lips, which was his way of expressing confusion or contemplation. "Who was the one who recruited Andrew The Unorthodox?"

Seliel raised a forward appendage. "Me! I did!"

"Did you explain the rules to him?"

"He didn't let me, he kept interrupting."

I stood and skittered over to her, pulling on her ear in frustration. "Seliel! How is he supposed to play if he has no idea what the objective is?!"

Her eyes started to water in pain. "Ow! Owowow! I'm sorry okay! I didn't think anyone would pick him! I just thought he looked funny!"

I released her, after of which she collapsed. "Each time you gather a champion candidate, you have to explain the rules, do you understand?!"

"Okay, okay! Just don't pull on my ears anymore! Those pincers of yours hurt a lot Yuluulth!"

"They'd better!" I replied. "Maybe then you'll learn to take responsibility and finish what you start."

Seliel grumbled, knowing I was right as I sat back down in my chair.

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Lviyr looked at me. "Don't bully her too much alright? I still want her to play."

I took a deep breath in. "Yeah, but she won't change unless I do these things, sometimes she won't even then."

"True, I'm just telling you to be careful is all."

I just nodded in response, turning my attention back to the game. "What's he doing now?"

"Oh, he just tired himself out after breaking an axe against a tree."

"What an idio- wait he already made an axe and broke it while I wasn't paying attention?" I asked incredulously.

Lviyr just made an affirmative motion. "Take a look."

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Andrew

I was panting on the ground with a broken axe near to me.

"It seems... that I underestimated... how hard that is." I said between breaths.

It was right now that I was really wishing that I had spent some time on my weight training, or pushups, or something.

Note to self, do pushups... sometime later.

I got back up off the ground and examined the tree.

It was barely harmed at all by my attacks, likely to do with the fact that my first axe was not exactly a masterwork.

"I think I tried to make the stone too thin... and this stupid useless grass didn't work very well as a binding... are there any thorn-bushes nearby?"

There was indeed, so I took my shattered axeblade and started cutting lengths of it for use, making sure to pick off the thorns first of course.

This time, I made sure my axe blade was made thick enough to smack against the stupidly hard tree and used a now stripped thorn-bush as rope.

That was way better, not any easier, but definitely more effective.

After over an hour of chopping this stupid thing, I was only half way through and I was starving.

Priorities though, I decided to wash my hands of all of the stone chips, plucking out any slivers while I was at it.

What I wouldn't do for some gloves and eye protection right now.

Suddenly, a fish bit my hand.

"Ow! You jackass!"

I tried to shake the dumb thing off my hand, but then I had an idea.

I found a large rock and bashed the fish's head against it until it stopped moving.

"You wanted lunch, and now I'll have lunch instead." I told the dead fish as I pulled it off of my hand.

My hand only had red marks.

I was confused, so I checked the fish's mouth and found it had teeth clearly meant for crushing.

"Maybe the dumbass usually eats clams? Or like... land clams? I dunno, that's weird though."

Whatever, a discovery for another time.

I used my axe to chop off some tree branches in order to start a fire... but how do I do that?

I've heard that the stick method is actually really hard, so I'll definitely leave that as a last resort.

I dunno, is there any steel for my flint around here?

As I was deep in thought, I suddenly heard a noise that sounded kinda like a horse in sabatons.

I looked up to see a metal unicorn with an dagger for a horn charging at me.

I jumped to the side just as the metalcorn whizzed past me, barely missing by inches.

It skidded to a stop as it turned to face me.

I picked up my axe and stood in a defensive position, it wasn't exactly like the HEMA I took up for a couple months, but it would have to do.

I started inching toward the water, trying to act nonchalant as I did so.

The metalcorn didn't give the time to get far as it charged a second time, this time grazing my chest with the pointy thing on its head.

Alright, you want to play that game?!

"COME AND GET ME YOU COCKSUCKER!"

It charged again.

I brought my axe to a ready position and waited for it.

As soon as it got within ten feet, I swung the axe to adjust for its speed, nailing it in the side of the neck and sending it tumbling... into me.

We both went end over end into the water, immediately being accosted by those stupid fish.

I was in immense pain, but I managed to stifle the screams; which is more than could be said of the metalcorn, which looked like it was screaming its head off.

It tried to shake me off of it, but I won't let it.

I was going to drown that asshole!

As the metalcorn flailed about in pain, I grabbed it by the head and started to use the same tactic as on the fish from earlier... I was going to smash its head into the ground until it stopped moving.

However, it had other plans.

It finally figured itself out and threw me off, attempting to stand despite its agony.

I took a quick breath and swam at it, tackling it back underwater.

It thrashed to and fro, doing its damnedest to repeat its last action, but this time I was ready for it, grabbing onto its midsection to deny it leverage.

Suddenly, it started to slow, and then stopped moving.

I stepped on its head and pushed myself out of the water for another breath.

"Suck it! I beat you, you stupid unicorn!"

The next hour was spent dragging it out of the water before it was nibbled into oblivion, and then pulling off the stupid fish.

On the bright side, I now had both a flint and a steel, plus dinner for a day or two, assuming the fish didn't rot or something.

I lit up my fire, which was good, because I was freezing at this point.

It seemed like I didn't have much left in the way of daylight hours, so I cooked my fish and set up the best lean-to I figured I could make.

It was after I tried to debone the fish that I found out it still had metal in its stomach, as well as a little bit in its scales, and a lot in their teeth.

"What a weird world this is." I said, chewing quietly.