"I am Grigory Petrov, the second coming of the immortal Rasputin! My death mask is the key to my legitimacy!" I shouted, struggling against the heathen's grasp.

"It doesn't exist, you saw that in a movie." He replied.

In the next moment, I was tossed into the parking lot in front of the Yusupov Palace Museum.

"When I reestablish my following and rise again to power, you will be among the ones who are punished!"

The guard shook his head. "See a therapist."

I slumped against the wall.

I had even saved up a decade's worth of wages in order to try and match its theoretical asking price... but they didn't even give me a figure to work with.

It must be some sort of government secret, that's really the only conclusion.

I can feel the mask calling to me here, somewhere deep inside of this place, so it must exist!

But how to get to it...?

A question for another day.

I picked myself off the ground and checked the time on my watch.

It was barely past noon.

I had taken the day off to do this, so I had nothing else to do until tomorrow.

I decided that some time in my meditation room might do me good, so I got back into my car and started on my way back home.

When I arrived at my home I tossed my keys onto my kitchen table, and nearly hit my head on the piping next to the entrance... again.

I stooped to dodge it as I always did, and continued into the first of the three rooms of my domicile.

In it was my stove, counters, bed, computer, and kitchen table.

I didn't feel the need to use the bathroom at that moment, so I went to the last of the three rooms, my meditation room.

There was nothing in it except four incense stands, a poster of the visage of my previous life, and a cushion in the middle.

I sat cross-legged on the cushion and cleared all of the day's woes from my mind.

As I sat, suddenly a blinding light appeared above me, accompanied by a booming voice, like that of thunder.

"Hello there little one, do you wish you could escape your circumstances and become something greater?" It asked.

I raised a hand to cover my eyes. "Who are you? What is happening?"

"I am Pyrriaptu, one of many who call upon the outcasts and downtrodden and offer them a choice. It would be dangerous beyond any danger you've likely ever experienced, but the reward is well worth the effort."

I narrowed my brows. "What reward would that be?"

"The power to gain a whole new life of your choosing." The voice paused. "So little one, will you accept my challenge and become an Inhabitant?"

I thought for a moment, before coming to a conclusion. "Fine Pyrriaptu, I will accept this challenge of yours."

"In that case, I welcome you to the ultimate test of prowess, the Deathworld Game!"

The light finally faded, showing me a mountainous landscape full mostly of shrubs and bushes.

The humidity was immense and the heat was oppressive.

I immediately took off my suit jacket and unbuttoned my dress shirt.

Before I did anything else, I would need to find shelter... otherwise this challenge would not last very long.

Before I could go anywhere at all, a voice called out from behind me. "Hey beard-guy! There's some shade over here!"

I turned to see a group of between twenty-five and thirty people sitting under a rock outcropping.

They looked to be from just about every walk of life, from big men, to dainty women, to some I simply could not easily place.

"You coming beard guy?" A tanned-skinned woman with blonde hair and small eyes repeated.

"My name is Grigory and I am the second coming of the immortal Rasputin!" I corrected as I approached.

The woman furrowed her eyebrows and nodded slowly. "Uh-huh... can I call the Queen of England then?"

I rolled my eyes.

Those who've only lived a single life can be quite annoying.

"If you insist on mocking me, just call me Grigory."

"Well then Grigory, you can call me Ami." She smiled widely. "Nice to meet'cha."

Another woman interjected into the conversation, she looked to be in her mid-forties, heavyset with brown hair and eyes. "Both of you are far too energetic right now."

As I looked her up and down, Ami pointed at her. "She's Ursula."

"And don't you forget it." Ursula replied with a chuckle.

"Being snide is an undesirable trait." A clean-shaven man with glasses commented.

Ami pointed at him. "He's Atticus."

I held up both of my hands. "I'm sure each of you have very interesting personalities, but we have more pressing matters than what everyone's names are right now."

Ami stretched. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "We need to figure out the best way to divide the labor between us before it cools down enough to actually act upon a plan."

Ami pantomimed waving around a pair of pom-poms. "I'm cute and energetic, so I think I'd be best suited as a cheerleader."

I glared at her. "I can't eat your 'cute energy', so I think I'll pass on that. Besides, anyone who has to say they're cute probably has a terrible personality."

Her face twisted in rage. "Excuse me mister 'I'm the second coming'?! You're the one with the terrible personality!" She then strode up to me and tried to grab me by the collar.

I smacked her hands out of the way. "Get mad at me as much as you like, but you'll only be proving my point."

Ami reeled back for a punch, but found her arm caught by Atticus. He then looked at both of us disapprovingly. "Stop it both of you, if we're going to survive we're going to need everyone's help."

Ami pulled her arm back. "Fine." She then turned back to me. "I've given my answer, what are you good at Grigory?"

I looked through my suit's chest pocket, and furrowed my eyebrows when I didn't find what I was looking for. "I suppose my business cards are gone, but I'm an accountant with a business degree."

Both of them looked at me in shock.

Neither said anything, so I continued. "My followers cannot survive on faith alone, so I decided that having logistical skills would make sure that they'd never have to go hungry during my rise to power and beyond."

"So you're a pragmatic lunatic then?" Ursula mocked.

I rolled my eyes again. "Oh please, at least be more creative with your insults."

Ursula was about to say something else when two flashes of light appeared behind me.

I turned to see a young man of about eighteen with his hair dyed red, and an old man with the insignia of the American marines on his hat.

The old man took a deep breath and flexed his muscles. "That's different."

A moment later, the same voice that invited me here, boomed across the landscape. "All of the humans are gathered together, good luck Inhabitants!"

The young man looked up at the sky. "Yo! Voice guy! What's up with all of the riff-raff?!"

The old man then smacked the red haired man upside the head. "Don't piss off sky-voices dumbass."

The red-haired man wheeled about and took an aggressive stance. "Do you want to die gramps?!"

"I served in the Vietnam war son, and now that I don't need my oxygen tank I'm curious what else changed with my body." The old man cracked his knuckles. "Besides, I haven't had a cigarette in about a month, so working off some steam doesn't sound so bad right now."

The red-haired man's eyes widened and then he started laughing. "I like your style gramps! You'll survive for now!" He then reached into his pocket and reacted with alarm. "Where the hell are my smokes?!"

"I'm missing my business cards too, they were probably confiscated by the voice." I answered.

He grit his teeth together. "They took my lighter too."

I checked my back pocket for the matches I had used to light my incense. "...And my matches it seems. Those would have been useful."

"I suppose that brings us back to the question of what we have to work with." Atticus added.

"As much as I hate to admit it, yeah." Ami agreed.

We took the next hour to learn who had which skills, and if anyone had anything useful on their persons.

The answer to the latter question was a resounding 'no'; it seemed like Pyrriaptu was careful not to give us any sort of head-start.

As to the former, we had a lot of different answers.

There were a couple plumbers, a few more accountants, plenty of inmates who wanted to escape prison... even a self-proclaimed princess of some land I'd never heard of.

As the sun set over the horizon, I was going to start the process of splitting up labor, but the sound of a bellow to the right of our group stopped that before it even began.

As I looked to see what had made the noise, I was surprised by lines of text overlapping my field of vision.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

[Polre The Taster]

Danger Level: High Threat

I focused my eyes past the text and it disappeared, allowing me to see the monstrous creature behind them.

It walked on all fours, even though its forelimbs had thumbs and its hindlimbs did not.

Its limbs were gangly and wrinkled, each one looked like they should have snapped under the weight of the massive torso they were all connected to.

Its torso was twice the size of my entire height and about half as thick at the thinnest parts, it also shifted like a sack full of potatoes as the creature moved.

Finally, my eyes followed the creature's neck, which was about the length of my entire spinal cord, as it snaked up to the monster's most notable feature... its head.

Its head was nigh spherical, with a mouth that lulled open just far enough to see its guillotine-shaped teeth as they shone red in the pre-dusk sunlight.

Many of the people behind me were already shaking in terror, but that was before the monster spoke.

Its tone was matter-of-fact, almost as quiet as a whisper. "I'm hungry."

A stampede of humans ran as fast as they could past me, but I stepped forward.

I silently attempted to measure its limbs with my eyes, and started to formulate a plan to get inside its massive reach.

"If you're hungry, I'll gladly feed you the dirt off of my boots." A young voice taunted to my left.

I hadn't even noticed that two figures stood with me to fight this beast, the old man and the red-haired delinquent.

The red-haired man specifically had his boot raised, as if on offer.

"You moron, what if that thing's faster than it looks and charges at you?" The old man admonished.

"If that thing moves faster than a brick with square wheels, I'll eat the dirt from my boots." The red haired man retorted.

The creature surged forward, its horribly misshapen body swaying back and forth as its limbs moved as if the beast was possessed.

Before any of us could react, the beast grabbed the proffered leg and lifted the red haired man over a widening maw.

"You moron, I told you so!" The old man chastised.

The old man then picked up a rock and threw it at the monstrosity, causing the beast to stagger as it impacted with a meaty 'thwack'.

The beast then looked at the old man as if he was an annoying fly interrupting its picnic.

The beast sent a hindleg soaring toward the old man, who tried to block it, but found himself tumbling end over end regardless of how well he braced himself.

It was during this distraction that the red haired man managed to lift himself by his grasped leg and then use the entirety of his weight to force the creature's arm to do a full revolution in its shoulder's socket.

The creature screamed in pain as it dropped the red haired man.

"Don't count me out yet you asshole!" The red haired man exclaimed.

The beast reared up on its hindlegs, grabbed its twisted arm, and rotated it back into place, making a popping noise that all of us could hear, even from our current distance, before finally falling back to all fours.

The aimless expression in its eyes turned to one of focused intent as its stomach bellowed again.

"I'm hungry." It said, its words dripping in fury.

It charged again, using all of its limbs as it was never injured at all.

"It doesn't seem like we're getting anywhere." The old man bemoaned, dodging a grab from the beast.

"Sure we are, that move I pulled a minute ago definitely hurt it!" The red haired man retorted, ducking under an errant limb.

The old man glanced over to the red haired man as he caught his breath outside of the beast's reach. "Sure, but can you tell if it stuck?"

"The old man has a point, cockroaches can survive for up to a month without a head, who's to say that this thing doesn't have a similar ability?" I added, inspecting our surroundings.

The red haired man looked at us incredulously. "Are you two saying we should run away like the rest of those cowards?"

I shook my head. "No, but we should be careful and use the advantages we have."

The red haired man squinted at me. "Advantages? What are you talking about."

I bent over, placed my jacket on the ground, and then scooped a heap of dust into the middle of it, before picking it up like a bundle and throwing it at the beast's head.

"Advantages like intelligence." I replied.

The jacket impacted the beast in the neck, unfurling and throwing dust in every direction.

The beast screeched and began shaking its head furiously, before blinking rapidly.

The three of us used this moment to rush forward at the creature.

It tried to bat us away, but the poorly aimed attacks were dodged easily.

The old man picked up another rock, and smashed it into one of the creature's forelimbs, causing a resounding shattering sound.

The red haired man then climbed up its body and cinched down on its neck with both arms.

The monster wrenched the red haired man off its neck, and attempted to throw him away. However, the red haired man grabbed the monster's hand and started bending its fingers backward.

The beast was now laying on its stomach and frantically trying to right itself, but due to the old man and red haired man, all of its attempts were failing one after the other.

I grabbed a rock of my own and charged at the creature's head.

I brought the rock down on it... once, twice, thrice.

One of those guillotine-shaped teeth fell out.

The beast stopped trying to stand up, and instead sent all of its limbs at me at once.

I picked up the tooth before leaping over the creature and ending up behind it.

Its head turned to blearily look at me as it watched its tooth sail toward it.

The tooth sunk into the beast's forehead.

The beast looked at the tooth, and all of us prepared to strike again... but it was unnecessary.

The entire creature became greyish dust and blew away in a wind I couldn't feel.

A moment later, a new line of text appeared in my vision:

[New Acquired Title: Hazard]

While I was distracted trying to figure out what that meant, the red haired man called out to me with a mocking tone.

"Hey beard guy, I guess that means its head was its weakness after all."

I shrugged. "I suppose so."

He narrowed his eyes, the smile dropping from his face. "You're supposed to be more annoyed by that."

I rolled my eyes. "Annoyance can wait for later, we need to start to forage for supplies and set up a base camp."

The red haired man turned on his heels and started walking. "Ha! I'm not following orders from you! Screw that!"

A dozen and a half of those who ran away chased him to catch up.

Among their number was Ami, who pulled down her eyelid and stuck out her tongue as she did.

Then, he turned for a moment to look at me. "Name's Drake by the way, I look forward to kicking your ass later beard guy."

"It's not 'beard guy', my name is Grigory Petrov, and I'm the second coming of the immortal Rasputin!" I called after him.

"Yeah whatever!" He said, turning to leave once again.

I then turned to the old man, who shook his head. "Yeah not a chance, I can't stand either of your personalities, I'm doing my own thing."

He turned and left in a different direction, a small group following him on his way out, including Ursula.

I looked at who was left, which numbered no more than ten, and sighed. "Any others want to leave? This is your last chance."

They looked at each other, unsure, before Atticus stepped forward.

"I'd rather follow someone halfway reasonable, those other two feel like they could fly off the handle at any second." He declared.

That elicited a chuckle from the crowd, which also helped to cement the group's decision to stay.

I pushed the hair back out of my face. "With that out of the way, I think it's about time we secured some resources and set up a watch schedule." I looked over the crowd. "Any disagreement?"

No one spoke up.

"Then that is how it shall be."

----------------------------------------

I stared up at the ceiling aimlessly.

I couldn't muster the motivation to even get out of bed.

"What's even the point? There's nothing left for me." I told the empty room around me.

I had already achieved my dream after all.

My name is Clarissa.

I'd always been good at puzzles, probably at least in part due to my eidetic memory.

The catharsis of solving a difficult puzzle is better than any other sensation in this world.

That moment when suddenly everything makes sense... I wouldn't trade it for anything.

In the end though, all of those things only made me feel worse...

I digress.

After years and years of solving every puzzle I could find, I eventually came across a tiny internet forum talking about some picture thought to be a puzzle, but nobody could even begin to figure it out.

It had been around for decades, and yet nobody had even scratched the first clue.

I was more excited than I had ever been.

I asked for the first clue, and what I got back was an image and a message that read "figure it out yourself."

I wouldn't have it any other way.

The image itself was a mess of colors with a collage of bugs behind two words.

"SolvE mE."

The next twelve years was spent trying off and on to crack this puzzle.

I would try to figure out where the 'E's were pointing during class my freshman year, then try comparing hexadecimal values during lunch my sophomore year.

It turned out that comparing hexadecimal values was the first step... of the first step.

The colors corresponded to bytes of data, which when converted, turned into a messy encrypted clutter of code.

I spent more than a dozen afternoons trying to learn C++, Python, and LUA, because the designer of this puzzle apparently had the attention span of a gnat and put all three into it!

I mean who does something like that?!

Even then, I remember the day I finally got past the first part of the puzzle!

It turned out that if you decrypted the code using some ciphers that you have to figure out, it will generate a new image!

This time it was a butterfly with the word 'purple' on it!

That whirlwind of emotions feels so distant now that it's over.

It was July 4th, 2010.

I knew I was close to the end with this puzzle, I could feel it in every fiber of my being.

Because of that, I skipped out on the fireworks show, there'd be another one next year after all.

It was 11:34 when it happened.

I put the last piece together, and what I had left over was a URL.

I plugged it into my browser and found myself at a chat website that looked like it was from the 80s.

"Hello?" I posted.

"Hello there, who is this?" A message replied.

"I just solved a puzzle on the internet and was brought here."

It was quiet for a while, but after a few minutes, the following appeared:

"I honestly didn't think I'd see the day when it would be solved. Is there a time you could meet at the following coordinates? I'd like to give you a prize in person."

"Can I bring my parents with me? I don't feel comfortable going alone."

"Surely, the more the merrier! I'd like to meet them as well anyway."

After a bit of back and forth with my parents and friends about whether it was safe or not, we decided that I could go if they and Francis, my cousin who'd been in the military for a year, were there.

We arrived at the time and place, only to meet five old men.

They went on to explain that they were a group of fellow puzzle enthusiasts who wanted to make the hardest one possible.

We had a nice chat for a while, and then they gave me a trophy which said "Master Cryptologist" on it.

That day, I couldn't stop smiling.

And now, I can only smile when I think back to it.

After that day, I haven't been able to find a single other puzzle that was hard.

It's been three years now, and I was going to be late for work if I didn't get out of bed, but I just couldn't find the motivation to care.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared, and with it a voice as still and calm as the ocean.

"Hello little one, are you tired of this life as it is?" It asked.

"Oh you have no idea." I replied.

"How would you like to change the path of that life?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, readying myself for something stupid. "Like how so?"

"I'd like to invite you to a test of skill unlike any other, you'll be taken to a new world full of danger and life the likes you've never seen before."

I gave up holding my hand in front of my face and just put a nearby blanket over my face. "What does that even mean? What do you mean by 'dangers' and which skills are you talking about?"

"Though I appreciate your desire to properly assess the risks, I cannot answer those questions."

I finally sat up, eyes adjusting poorly to the brightness again. "Why not?"

The voice's perfectly even voice gained a playful tone. "What fun would it be to ruin the mystery before you even started?"

Mystery?

I suppose you could call this situation rather mysterious now that I thought about it...

After a minute or so, I broke the silence again. "Well, what do I get out of it exactly?"

"If you successfully defeat all of the other champions, you will receive a wish. The wish itself cannot be for things like infinite power or to bring the dead back to life, but it can be used for most things you could desire."

I was quiet again, just thinking.

It had been a while since the last time I just sat and pondered a question like this... it was kind of nice.

It didn't seem like there was much of a downside, other than the danger...

But it's not like I'm doing anything with my life the way things are going right now, I'm just wasting away at a boring nine to five with no goals or plans for the future.

"When does this all start exactly?" I asked.

"It will start as soon as you give your answer."

I shrugged. "I suppose I'll give it a shot."

The voice chuckled. "Your overwhelming enthusiasm is noted."

"What?! Did you want me to just say 'Wow that sounds peachy-keen, I should go without hearing you out!'?" I mocked.

"Certainly not, that would be foolish." The voice then cleared its throat. "Either way, I welcome you to the ultimate test of prowess, the Deathworld Game!"

_________________________________________________________________

I smiled inwardly.

I had recruiting champions down to a science at this point.

I counted on my fingers.

Clarissa The Curious made twenty thousand I think.

I ruminated in my utter superiority for a little longer... until Baroph entered through the elevator and ruined it.

"Hey there party people!" He yelled, barely on his feet.

With how much he imbibed on a regular basis, I am eternally surprised he was even conscious.

What was worse was that there was a lot of Gamemasters that enjoyed his stupidity.

"Hey Baroph!"

"Yo Baroph, how's it goin'?!"

Mercifully, the Worldbinder was all business, truly a man after my own heart.

No, not like that! Shut up you!

"Settle down everyone, it's time to choose your champions and get everything set up! Have a seat at your viewers and we'll get started!"

We all sat down, or some facsimile thereof at least, and got to choosing.

I chose one of my recruits like I always do, decent stats, decent attitude for the game, everything you could hope for from a champion.

That is unless you're Baroph apparently...

"Yo guys! Look at the badongers on this chick! She's hella my type bros~!"

I glanced over to see what foul beast it must have been to attract such a hideous person as Baroph, and saw the one I had just recruited before he entered, Clarissa The Curious.

It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but I supposed it didn't matter much... her stats and attitude were just about the worst case scenario, which is to say pitiful and lackluster, in that order.

The rest of the choosing process proceeded without incident, as well as all of the other preparations.

As the [Playing Field] generated, Baroph apparently decided he was bored.

He lifted a massive can of some abhorrent liquid and declared: "Hey guys! Imma chug this!"

He then proceeded to open the can, however, unbeknownst to him, one of his fellows in annoying behavior had shaken it.

What's worse, Baroph had chosen this particular can to stab with a knife in some idiotic attempt to impress the crowd around him.

So instead of a controllable but quick flow of whatever vile liquid his drink of choice was, it simply exploded in his hand.

His neighbors were quick-witted enough to get up and block the liquid from touching their viewers using their bodies... however Baroph is not one that can be called 'quick' in any sense of the word.

His viewer suddenly sparked, and then went completely dark as it was drenched inside and out.

Baroph didn't seem to understand what happened at first, but it didn't take long for the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

"Satasha no!" He ran up to his viewer and wrapped his arms around it. "It'll be okay! Daddy will fix this! Stay with me!"

The Worldbinder, in a bout of pity for the moron known as Baroph, condescended over to his location. "Sorry Baroph, my diagnosis is the death of your sweet darling."

Baroph slumped the the floor. "I just payed her off too..."

The Worldbinder, in his infinite wisdom then pondered. "I wonder what's going to happen to your champion...?"

_________________________________________________________________

Moments after I had agreed to the voice's offer to enter whatever a "Deathworld Game" was, the light I had been blinded by suddenly vanished.

My entire line of sight was suddenly flooded with layers upon layers of overlapping text in a language I'd never seen before.

My head pounded with more pain than I had ever felt in my life.

And then the light came back and I found myself on a beach.

However, I couldn't breathe.

I gasped for air, but no matter how much I put into my lungs, nothing worked.

I lost the strength to stand and fell to my knees.

That's when a new line of text appeared in the center of my vision:

[Your Champion "Clarissa The Curious" is asphyxiating and will die in twenty seconds! Begin life support or you will lose!]