ENTRY 014: A LITERAL DISASTER
Dear Diary,
When someone’s a regular, you start to lower your guard. That’s what happened today when my favorite peddler of peculiarities, Madame Grist, shuffled in with her usual sack of “rare magical items.”
She’s been pawning things here for years—mildly cursed rings, enchanted teapots, the occasional questionable potion. Normally, her items are reliable (if a bit odd), so I didn’t think twice when she offered me her latest haul.
“Very special goods today,” she said, laying out her wares. (She says this every time.) First, she presented a pair of black leather boots. They looked sturdy, well-crafted, and faintly magical, with a hum of enchantment that promised utility. These were Boots of Spiderclimbing, she explained.
Next came a polished brass lamp. “Lamp of Endless Oil,” she declared, stroking the spout. It seemed like a practical item, especially for a merchant or wandering mage.
Lastly, she produced a scroll labeled “Summon Mount.” Simple enough. Every hero needs a steed, and summoning spells sell well. I barely glanced at it before adding it to the pile.
Madame Grist left with a pocketful of gold and silver pieces, cackling softly to herself (to be perfectly honest, that was her usual reaction). I barely noticed her leaving, I was already calculating how much I’d make reselling her items.
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That optimism didn’t last.
The first red flag came when I decided to test the boots. I slipped them on and tried to climb the wall to clear out some cobwebs. I made one step and a half before falling squarely on my butt.
I think even the spider laughed at the sight, though not for long. My new boots must have sensed an arachnid nearby, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to climb—but not walls, not cliffs. No, the enchantment was very specific: spiders.
The shop’s resident spider—a tiny thing that lives behind the counter—skittered into view. My legs moved on their own, launching me toward it. I managed to yank the boots off before I traumatized the spider, but the damage to my dignity was already done.
I suppose the boots might come in handy if I ever have the need to climb a very large spider, but until then, the boots will find their rightful place in the bargain bin.
The Lamp of Endless Oil? Well, Madame Grist wasn’t lying about the “endless” part. The moment I tipped it over, oil started pouring out—and it hasn’t stopped since. The backroom now looks like the floor of a greasy tavern.
I suppose I should’ve been more furious about that, but at least my enchanted broom is kept busy.
As for the Summon Mount spell... let’s just say I’m glad I decided to test it outside. I now have quite a picturesque mountain right next to my pawn shop.
Summon Mount, indeed.
Next time Madame Grist comes in, I’ll be reading the fine print on everything. Or maybe make Korgath test the items first.
Yours in profit,
Garren