1:181 on the 3rd day of Winter

I pulled myself up onto a rock at the lake's edge in total darkness. I had managed to orient myself well enough to swim up after the blue glow had faded. From there I picked a direction at random and swam. Now I was gasping for breath trying to understand what just happened. I looked about while trying to catch my breath to see if the monsters were still around. I couldn't see anything. I tried to hold my breath to listen for any sound but had to give it up quickly. I couldn't hear anything. So I just sat there shivering in the dark.

"Hello?" I said.

My voice was quiet and even cracked a bit. That was embarrassing.

"Hello!?!" I said again, louder this time.

Nothing.

Well I suppose that's better than some monster jumping out of the dark to eat me. Slow down and think rationally. Adapt or die. Or adapt and die, whatever. It didn't look as if I was in any immediate danger. Or, if I was in danger, there wasn't anything I could do about it so it didn't cost me anything to act as if I was safe for now. So, what to do? I guess I had two options: wait here for rescue, or try and find my way out. The light mage seemed confident against the monsters. If she won then maybe she or her team would come and look for me. But then again maybe she was dead and I would only be waiting for death to come for me too.

If I was to try and make my own way out then I would have to climb thirty or forty meters up the cave wall, in the dark. Before that I would need to know if I could even climb up from here. I felt around slowly on my hands and knees. Past the rock I climbed onto the cave walls that were sloped up like the sides of a bowl. It quickly became too steep to climb so I started moving around to the right feeling for each rock as I went. While I moved my mind couldn't help but be drawn back to what had happened in the water. Was that really Cherenkov radiation? And if it was, how am I still alive?

I had never heard of a mage awakening radiation magic. But of course I wouldn't. They don't even have a word for radiation here, much less an understanding of the physics involved. What would someone from Root even think of if they saw me throwing around beams of radiation? Nothing, radiation is mostly invisible. I paused in my crawling. They would just see the effects. Death. They would see monsters, people, plants, and everything else die from some sort of invisible death energy.

"I'm a death mage." I said to myself. The sound echoed in the dark cave.

The more I thought about it the more sense it made. The book had talked about a death mage's awakening poisoning the place where it happened for years after. I put out so much ionizing radiation in the lake that it would turn small amounts of anything nearby into unstable isotopes that would continue to emit their own radiation for decades or even centuries. I'm actually really lucky I was surrounded by water at the time as it is a fantastic radiation shield. I don't think that it will be safe to swim in after this, the dissolved minerals would be irradiated, but more of an increased risk of cancer hazard than a melt you face off hazard.

Again, why am I not dead? Something about being a death mage must protect me from radiation. Otherwise every death mage in history would have died at their own awakening. I continued my slow tactile exploration of the cave. I looked around every few meters for any signs of the kith. As I thought of the monsters a new sensation started to boil up alongside the old familiar fear. It felt powerful and deadly, like it wanted to be used. Like an atrophied muscle that longs to be stretched. I shivered. If I saw those monsters again I would be severely tempted to blast them with radiation. I knew that I could. It felt instinctual. But that would irradiate this whole cave. Even the dust in the air would carry radiation sickness to whoever was unlucky enough to come down here next.

I made it over a small pile of rocks and then I could see something extremely fant. Just a dim white glow back towards the lake. I wouldn't have even noticed it if my eyes had not been so adjusted to the dark. I crawled closer and, after another five measures, dipped my hand in water again. But now I could make out the glow more clearly. My light crystal was submerged and face down In a pool on the other side of the lake from where I was. I could only see it because I had made my way directly opposite its location and could see into the narrow gorge it had fallen in.

After just a moment of hesitation I slipped back into the water and started to swim across. Now that I had a point of visual reference I could easily just move towards it. I took my time and swam slowly through the dark water. After a few measures I entered the narrow gorge and found my light crystal about two meters under water. Now that I had a light, my chances of survival were non-zero. If I did end up living through this, I would need to make sure to never use death magic and, for that matter, never let anyone find out that I'm a death mage. Death mages are worse than demons. They are like walking plagues. If it ever came out, I would be hunted and killed by all of humanity.

***

2:008 on the 3rd day of Winter

I had a problem. A dumb problem. I managed to find my way back to the cave entrance and the bag I dropped when I first ran from those monsters. It didn't look as if the bag had been disturbed. My problem was that I knew my clothing had been irradiated during my awakening. I didn't want to return to the surface only to have my radioactive underwear start killing people. I'm exaggerating a bit but it's still not a good idea to take anything I had on me in the water back to the surface. I would be walking back from here with my bag, my light crystal, and nothing else. Great, just great.

***

2:052 on the 3rd day of Winter

I managed to make it home with most of my dignity intact. I actually ran into Hroadant outside of the main work camp. The rest of the group ended up seeing the cave-in and Flood immediately ordered everyone to turn around and find another route to the surface. Hroadant decided to wait here for me to return for which he was currently my favorite person. He didn't say anything about demons so I didn't bring it up either. I offered to buy him a beer and tell him a story later for his help finding me clothes. He couldn't help but laugh at me but he helped me out in the end.

For a while I just lay on my bed in borrowed clothes looking up at the ceiling. I was trying to reevaluate my life. For years all I wanted was magic. Every aspect of my life would have been better if I had magic, from military service to my apprenticeship. Even interacting with my family was challenging at times because of the power imbalance.

Now I had magic, magic so dangerous that it would spread sickness and death wherever I used it. More than that it was a magic that would make me a pariah if anyone found out. Death mages were hunted and killed on sight in the kingdom. And it's not as if I could blame them for doing so. Someone irresponsible or selfish with death magic would be a natural disaster. Heck, even someone well intentioned and careful would probably still kill more people than monsters by using it. So I wouldn't use it.

It would be better to be mundane than to use a power that would sicken and kill everyone around me. That was my plan before all this anyway so nothing has really changed if I look at it like that. I'm just going to go about my life and leave the magic to mages with less dangerous power.

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I sat up and rubbed my face. Enough woolgathering. It was time for dinner anyway. I got up, changed, and headed downstairs. The dining room was being set by the staff and I reflexively offered to help out. They declined, saying that they were almost done and told me to come back in ten minutes. I got out of their way and ended up finding Ingo in a sitting room nearby. He was looking intently at a game board with the pieces set up in some sort of puzzle. The game was called Harcook, after a city of the same name, and I knew how to play but wasn't nearly as good as Ingo. The pieces were made of shaped metals. Brass and steel I think.

"What are you working on?" I asked. though in truth my mind was still elsewhere.

"It's the attacker's turn. The problem book says there's a way to win in five turns but I haven't been able to find it." he said.

I looked at the board and could see a few good moves, and a few really bad moves, but nothing that looked like a win. These puzzles tend to try and surprise you by setting things up just so that one of the moves that looks really bad at first glance is actually the one that wins the game. So, I looked again at the worst moves and managed to eliminate two when I found that the third opened up an interesting path. I reached out to touch the piece, looking at Ingo. After his nod I touched the attacker's fire mage.

Suddenly I was standing in a barren gray desert under a black sky. The ground was cracked and uneven but when I looked down my vision rotated to view the ground as an enormous wall stretching endlessly above and below me. I realized that I was without a body wherever this was and started to panic.

"Are you going to move the piece?" Ingo asked. The sound of his voice was clear, as if he was right next to me. I focused on that sound, on the feeling of my body, on the smells of dinner cooking in the other room, anything but this place. And then I was back in the sitting room. I was holding the attacker's fire mage just above the spot I picked it up from a moment before. I slowly put the piece back. Removing my hand from it. Okay, that was strange, a bit terrifying, but it also didn't seem dangerous. More like I had a vision of another place than actually traveling there.

"Hello? Theod? Where did you go there?" Ingo asked. "You picked up the piece and just started staring off into the distance."

Where did I go? That's a good question. What was that place? It was like a desert but not like any desert I'd ever seen. Too uniform in texture. Also, why was I suddenly pulled there but only in my head? I picked up the game piece again just holding it in my hand this time. Nothing…

"Sorry Ingo. I have no idea how to solve this one." I said.

"Ya, I got that." he said.

"Are you okay?"

Just then the dinner bell started ringing. I gave Ingo a stiff nod and turned to go.

***

2:062 on the 3rd day of Winter

"And then I pushed wind at the beast's legs!" Aostilo said. He was finally coming to the climax of his story. "It stumbled, only catching itself on the upper branches of a tree. Then a volley of rifle fire hit it, but that only made it angry. So I drew my sword and ran for it. I pulled the wind behind me and jumped off of a high boulder toward it. I plunged my sword into its chest and it toppled to the ground. It was dead of its many wounds less than a measure later."

That got a round of applause from everyone around the table. When there are no televisions or cellphones around, families tend to tell stories for entertainment. Aostilo was really good at it.

"Good story." said Fonsa. "Did you really find it by leaving out a stake?"

"No, not quite. We found it eating the body of another monster that had died some time before." said Aostilo.

"Do forest trolls really shrug off bullets like that." asked Mistila.

"Ya, they really do." he said. "Lots of fire will kill them pretty quick but barring that you really have to cut them until they fall apart."

"Don't worry Mistila." said Father. "I've fought forest trolls many times and Aostilo is right. Fire is extremely effective."

"Who's up next?" asked Welant.

"I want to hear from Theod." said Ingo. "He seems especially quiet today and I think he's got a story to tell."

I started after being brought into the conversation. I wasn't very good at storytelling so I didn't often contribute.

"Sure," said Welant. "Tell us what happened Theod."

So I did. I recounted everything that happened, leaving out awakening of course. I'm not a total idiot. The mines, the tunnel collapse, the kith. Rejoicing that rescue had come only to get knocked off the ledge to fall into the lake without a light.

"And then I crawled through the dark for a while before I saw where my light had fallen. I got it, climbed out of there, and walked back." I said, finishing my story.

Everyone was just staring at me. After a long pause Welant broke the silence.

"Dear gods of old. It sounds like you barely made it out alive, little brother." he said.

I could only nod to that.

"What about your team? Don't you go down there in groups, or at least in pairs?" asked Fonsa.

"Ya, they were nearby." I said. "They didn't see any demons and ended up taking another route to the surface."

Fonsa just shook her head at that.

"And what of the light mage?" Mistila asked.

"I don't know. I hope that she survived too." I said.

After a pause with no further questions. I could feel my eyes drooping with exhaustion.

"It's been a long day and I am tired." I said.

Then I turned to my father.

"If I may be excused then I will take my leave and retire." I asked formally.

He nodded and I turned to leave. I could hear a murmured discussion start up after I was out of the room. Let them talk about me. Maybe this will help them understand how different the world is for us mundains. Any one of them could have killed the monsters, pulled out their cores, and been home by lunchtime. But I guess I'm not mundane anymore. Well, close enough I guess.

I made it to my room and sat down on the bed. Schrodinger jumped up next to me. He had been out when I first got back but was now very demanding for my attention. I had convinced Fonsa to take a look at him and now his black fur was sleek and healthy.

"I really did barely make it out of there with my life today." I said. "I wonder if I will be pulled into another world after this one or if I will be reborn here. Maybe as a cat. More likely I would just die and that would be the end."

I stood back up and walked over to my desk. I opened the bottom drawer to find the mostly full bottle of spirits from the ball. I stared at it for several seconds trying to think if it would help or hurt my sleep. Still undecided, I reached to pick it up.

Again, I was abruptly thrown into the world of the gray desert with a black sky. This time the desert was perfectly smooth. I thought of my body and could still feel that I was standing by my desk now holding the bottle in my hand. I focused on that sensation and came right back to myself this time. I blinked and looked around the room. Then I looked down at the bottle and placed it back in the desk drawer.

"Let's try this again." I said.

I picked up the bottle. Nothing… I put the bottle back in the desk drawer. Then I stared at the bottle for a while, simply focusing on it. I picked up the bottle. Still nothing… The following twenty measures were spent trying to reenter that strange space with no success. I eventually gave up. Tomorrow was my day off and I was going to try and find out as much as I could about death mages. It occurred to me at dinner that there could be ways of identifying death mages in this world. Maybe we are constantly emitting low levels of radiation or something. The family library might have something and I was going to put in some research time to find out.