0:055 on the 56th day of Winter

I came to awareness slowly. My thoughts were muffled from deep sleep and it took me longer than it should to realize that something was wrong. My eyes were closed but I could hear a range of sounds like wind, footsteps, and city crowds. After spending so long in darkness and silence the soft sounds hit me like a punch to the gut. I shot upright and looked around the small room. I was in a hospital bed in Cinder and there was daylight filtering in through the closed window. My heart started racing. I was back in the city. Was I putting everyone here in danger? No, I had found a method to safely use death magic. I had practiced reshaping matter within my closed hands for weeks and now it only produced harmless levels of radiation.

I started to calm and assess the situation. My chest hurt, a lot. I looked down and found a large bandage across my torso that was sensitive to touch. Not fully healed then but most of the way there. I looked around the room and saw Arin asleep in a chair opposite from the window. Schrodinger was curled up in a ball at the foot of the bed. I reached out and scratched him behind the ears.

“Glad you made it friend.” I said.

He woke and pushed into my hand with affection.

“You’re awake.” said Arin. “The life mages said you would be fine but …”

She trailed off looking like she didn’t know what to say. She had deep bags under her eyes.

“How did we get here?” I asked.

“I dragged you out of there.” she said. “I found your cart and managed to get you in it before the demon army broke through our defenses.”

“Demon army?” I asked. “More than just the two kith we fought?”

“A lot more.” she said. “They were still fighting when I left but there were at least a hundred of those and some bigger ones too”

My eyes went wide. The scale was too big for a minor raid. Were they planning to attack the city through the mine? Were we already under siege? I closed my eyes I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. Panicking wouldn't serve anyone. After calming I took another breath to gather my thoughts.

“Thank you.” I said. “You fought those monsters. You saved us.” I thought of how she had put it before and looked her in her eyes. “That was hero’s work.”

She blushed and looked away.

“More than that, you could have, no you probably should have left me down there.” I said. “Again, thank you.”

Silence hung in the air for a long moment as neither of us said anything.

“I thought you would die, you know?” she said. “There I was taunting them and you almost died.”

She still wasn’t looking at me.

“And you saved me too." she said. "At the end, when I overextended my guard, you were the one doing hero’s work.”

“I’m no hero.” I said. “The only reason I didn’t run screaming was you standing your ground to fight them.”

My hands started shaking again, even just at the memory. Schrodinger was upset that I had stopped petting him so he got up and started rubbing up against me. Arin stood up and crossed to the bed. I looked up at her with wariness. Instead of chastising me for my fear, she just sat on the edge of the bed and looked me in the eyes. Her expression was of curiosity rather than admonition, like she was looking for something.

“I can see you’re afraid.” she said. But then she shook her head. “But you’re no coward. When the time came to act, you acted. Don’t worry so much about it.”

I looked into her eyes again and could tell she was trying to help. It actually meant a lot to me that she wanted to help.

"I am a coward." I said.

My tone was matter of fact but it was my turn to look away.

"I've made peace with that for a long time now. I'd rather be a living coward than a dead hero."

She looked concerned now but at a loss for what to say. Then her face softened as she seemed to realize something.

"You are a liar, Theod." she said. "You are so smart that I forget it sometimes but you are a liar. The thing is, if you're a good liar you can sometimes lie to yourself."

She wore a conspiratorial smile as she had figured out what game I was playing and was in on it. I felt my anger rise. I wanted to tell her off. I hated lying. But then I remembered that I had asked her to help me lie about being a light mage. And before that I asked her to lie about where she got the laser spell. I guess she had figured out that I was lying about other things too.

Well what if I was a liar? It's not like I wanted to lie to people. I looked back at Arin and for the narrowest moment I thought of telling her everything. Death magic, Earth, everything. The thought was exhilarating, freeing, and completely impossible. I would be signing my own death warrant. Still, as I looked into her bright brown eyes, I wanted to roll the dice. Maybe she wouldn't try to kill me.

"Arin?" I said.

Two knocks came at the door just before it opened. Arin and I realized just how close we were and both looked away. A man in brown robes and a very familiar woman in a tan dress entered the room.

“Hello little brother.” said Fonsa.

My spine instinctively straightened at her tone. She was not happy with me. She marched straight up to my bed and fixed me with a glare.

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“Hello Fonsa.” I said.

Oh damn, I was supposed to be long gone by what I had told Mistila. I looked her over and it appeared that the persistent illness from life magic was particularly bad this morning. She was flushed, had dark bags under her eyes, and a runny nose. She must have just come off the night shift.

“Tell me.” she said. “Where by the hundred gods have you been?”

Arin was standing now and started backing toward the wall to create space.

“And who is this?” asked Fonsa gesturing toward Arin. “One of your traveling companions?”

She sounded skeptical.

“Please Healer Aegis” the man in the brown robe said. “We must first check on the patient’s condition.”

I could see Arin’s eyes bulge when she heard my family name.

“My name is Healer Fusco and I administered your healing yesterday” the man said by way of introduction. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel well. Thank you Healer.” I said.

He pulled up a chair and sat next to my bed. He seemed a bit better off than Fonsa but still was ragged from over casting. He held out his hand.

"May I examine you?" He asked.

I nodded and held out my hand. I had been healed by life mages many times in the past and it always came with a slightly uncomfortable tingling sensation. Out of curiosity, I activated the microscope to see if there was any visible indication of life magic. What I saw was horrible.

Covering his hand, now spreading onto me, was a tidal wave of viruses. I resisted the urge to dissolve them with death magic and just watched. They seemed surprisingly efficient and fast moving. Looking around I found a bacteria that was on my hand and the viruses from Fusco were absolutely covering it. Within seconds the bacteria's cell was split and out poured yet more of the virus. By now I could feel the unpleasant tingling creep up my arm. The virus army moved in synchronized waves along with the sensation.

This was a lot to take in. I knew that life mages were perpetually sick. It was commonly seen as some sort of side effect of using their own life to help others but this observation introduced a whole new hypothesis. Life mages were what, living with a symbiotic virus? They were able to somehow direct the virus, at least to some degree. But how could a virus heal? A chill ran through me. Viruses can modify DNA. On Earth, viruses have been used as delivery mechanisms for gene therapy. On top of that, our DNA dictates how quickly cells divide. Cancer is basically uncontrolled cell division. The only way I can think of that would enable viruses to heal is by giving the damaged area a short term, controlled type of cancer.

"Are you well?" Fusco asked.

I pulled myself out of the microscope and realized that I was grimacing. I forced my expression to relax.

"I'm … fine." I said, forcing a smile. I saw Arin cover a laugh with a cough out of my periphery and kicked myself for our earlier conversation.

“If you could complete your exam I would like to clear the air with my sister.” I said.

He seemed to consider it for a moment, looking between me and Fonsa. “I suppose you will be in Healer Aegis’s capable hands.” he said.

He dismissed himself and Arin made to follow.

“I’ll just ” started Arin before being cut off by Fonsa.

“Stay right there.” she said.

Arin looked uncomfortable but didn’t move. Fonsa turned back to me and if anything her glare was even colder.

“Let me explain.” I said.

I absolutely could not explain. I had no idea what to tell her. She was probably upset on multiple levels. First I left abruptly. Of course I had to leave as my magic was putting them in danger but I couldn't tell her that. Second, I got hurt. This is probably what is making her most upset but we won't get to that until she is satisfied with my reason for leaving.

“I’m waiting.” she said.

I paused to gather my thoughts and then started.

“I’m sorry I left so suddenly.” I said. “I was backed into a corder and the only way I saw out was to leave. But I should have made the time to talk to everyone first.”

I had to think through the next part. I needed to be vague and breeze past things to get to the part where I was hurt as quickly as possible.

“My group was attacked.” I said. “We ended up not going to the the city we had planned. We have been staying in a safe place near the city until we were attacked by the demon army yesterday.”

Mostly true, though admittedly misleading. Schrodinger and I did fight off a rat. I hated to do it but now was the time I had to outright lie.

“Fonsa, I … I awakened as a mage. I have a variant type of light magic.” I said.

I turned my head toward Arin and gave her a reassuring glace. Fonsa’s eyebrows climbed up at that but she still looked suspicious.

“This is Arin.” I said, gesturing to her. “She is a light mage and has been helping me learn.”

Arin gave a small wave. Fonsa looked back and forth between the two of us. She crossed her arms.

“Show me.” she said looking straight at me.

Crap. I had made dozens of little devices that would produce every sort of light but none of them were here. Oh well, this is what I practiced for. I held up my hands and cupped them into a ball in front of me. I dove into the microscope and started quickly restructuring the nitrogen, oxygen and carbon dioxide in the air into a silicon dioxide glass sphere. I made sure to suppress any formation of gamma radiation so as to keep everyone in the hospital safe. Then, as fast as I could form the mental picture, I constructed a large central battery with copper electrodes. Around that I constructed a spherical array of bright red, green, and blue diodes. In less than a measure, I held a small glass marble shining bright enough to show through my hands.

“I am able to forge light magic into objects.” I said.

I double checked everything to make sure all its atoms were stable and then I tossed it to Fonsa. She caught it and looked at it briefly before having to avert her eyes. She held it out to me.

“So you can.” she said. “Now turn it off.”

She handed it to me and I reached back into the marble to disconnect one of the battery’s terminals. I looked over at Arin and she was eyeing the marble with intense confusion and suspicion. I don’t think I had ever used magic in front of her before. “Congratulations little brother,” said Fonsa with a flat tone. She seemed to still be angry though maybe equally confused now.

“Now, back up and tell me again why you decided to leave without talking to anyone." she asked. "What was the corner you were backed into?"

I guess she wasn't going to just let that go after all.

"Did Mistila tell you what I told her?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "But I know that wasn't all of it. You plan things out ten steps ahead Theod. There is no way you would make that kind of decision on short notice."

I winced at that. What I had told Mistila was true, it just wasn't the reason I left. I glanced over to Arin thinking again about our conversation. Maybe I could just tell the truth. I could just tell both of them right here and now. No, if Fonsa knew, eventually father would know and he had dedicated a substantial part of his life to killing death mages. But maybe I didn't have to lie.

"I admit that what I told Mistila is not the whole reason why I had to leave." I said, letting out a long sigh. "But I can't tell you the whole reason. I know that this answer will not satisfy you and for that I am sorry."

If anything she seemed to get even angrier at that. But after nearly boiling over she calmed.

"If you say you can't tell me then I will choose to believe you." she said. "But know that, whatever you are going through, I am here to help you. You tend to overthink things. Come to me before you get backed into a corner next time. It's often easier for others to see the way out."

With her peace said she sighed and came close to give me a tight hug.

"I'm glad you're okay." she said.

Then she turned to Arin.

"What do you say we give Theod time to rest." she said. "I know a tea shop a block from here where you and I can have a nice chat."

Arin's face was drained of color.

"Yes … mam." said Arin with a small nod.

"Please, call me Fonsa." she said with a sweet smile.

Oh no. Now she was going to interrogate Arin. I made to get up only to realize I wasn't wearing anything under the bed sheet. I looked around for clothes but didn't see any. They left the room and once again it was just me and Schrodinger. He let out a short meow in annoyance.

"Ya, I didn't see that coming either."