I woke up to the sounds of men and women talking, alongside the sound of moving carriages. Another night without Regis. Another night with Mother.
My eyes stung and felt heavy. But I knew that if I would let them close, the screams would resume. I knew that I wasn’t ready for them yet. I needed time to think.
Rising up from Charlotte’s lap, I looked around the carriage. She smiled at me warmly as she slowly brought her hand to my cheek. “How are you feeling deary?”
I stayed silent, but leaned heavily into her hand, which turned into a gentle embrace. her closeness and warmth made my heart ache. My breath quickened and I pushed down the tears and the sadness.
Enough… I’m too much of a burden to them… Too much…
My arms started to itch. Long lines that weren’t really there, that never existed. Deep, thin, and narrow started to ache. They weren’t on my arms, no matter how much I itched. But I felt them. They were there.
It was as if they were always there. And I had simply forgotten them.
I took deep breaths, remembering my lessons with Amara. Which only made the thin unseeable lines itch more. Her memories seared into my mind as if they were touched by molten lava, pulsing and burning.
“Everything will be alright. Mommy's here.” Charlotte rocked me back and forth in her arms. Her voice was gentle, like clouds flowing through the skies. “You don’t need to worry about anything. Just sleep.”
Before panic could take me, My eyelids turned into mountains, and closed on their own.
And I was back.
Darkness overtook me.
Eyes surrounded me.
They blamed me. Screamed. Some begged for mercy, some cursed. But they all told the truth.
Murdurer!
Your fault!
Why couldn’t you save us?!
Wait! I have a fam-
Your fault!
Where were you?!
We needed you!
All I ask is for you to be happy, brother.
I woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks.
It was night. And I was breathing quite heavily. But it didn’t seem to wake up James, Charlotte, or Koll who were all in deep sleep.
Seeing them all sleep soundly, I held my breath, even though I felt as if I needed every single intake that I denied of myself. I would not deny them sleep, not after all that I have done.
With the skills of an assassin who killed men and women that had their own loved ones. And with the quietness of a sewer rat, I got out of the carriage soundlessly. I even made sure that I didn’t make any sound as I passed my feet through the grass, Knowing very well how good of a hearing Eleanor and her parents had.
Only after I was far away, I allowed myself to breathe normally.
There was a hole in my chest. A hole that couldn’t be seen. A hole that only sucked in more and more. I looked up to the skies. The wide and open skies that were full of stars, finding small comfort in them. Remembering the complexity of Regis’ sewer home.
Someone walked behind me and I inwardly cursed myself for waking whoever it was.
“Can’t sleep?” Eleanor asked and came to stand by me. She didn’t look at me, instead she looked upward towards the star lit sky.
No.
I looked down to the ground. Her presence made me remember the nonexistent thin lines on my arms. I tried to push their presence as much as I could. But I ended up putting my hands on my arms, making the thin deep lines only more prominent.
She silently turned to look at me, her mouth opened and closed.
Wordlessly she wrapped her hands around me and drew me into a hug which I returned thoughtlessly. Momentarily forgetting about my arms.
I didn’t know for how long we hugged, but I knew that I was the first to let go. “Thanks. El. I needed that.”
She nodded silently. “You want to walk around?”
“I… Yeah. Wait, don’t you need to sleep?”
“Don’t you?” She retorted immediately with a smile. “I couldn’t sleep anyways.”
I weakly smiled back at her. “Why?”
She stared at me directly, her smile replaced with a serious expression, laced with uncertainty. “...I was worried for you.”
Her words were like a sword to the heart. Again I was a burden. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the ground. “I’m sorry.”
She reached out to touch my arm. “You don’t need to.” She said gently. “This is why we have each other, so that we could worry about each other.”
I stared at her reached out hand.
All I ask is for you to be happy, brother.
“Thank you.” I said absentmindedly. Shaking my head, I tried to remember where I heard that sentence.
Eleanor playfully nudged my shoulder, with a strained smile on her face.
Damnit.
I gave her a weak smile and started to walk with her. “...How is your maid? Does she still have a fever?” I asked, trying to fill up the silence between us.
Eleanor flinched and grew stiff. “Yes.” She answered shortly.
Fuck.
I ran my hand through my neck. “Sorry.”
She clenched her hands and I saw her bite her bottom lip as she always did. “If she hadn’t decided to run away at the first moment that day. I… I don’t know what would have happened.” She said, becoming short on breath towards the end. “... I don’t want her to die.”
I stopped walking and grabbed her arm, holding her in place. “She Isn’t going to die.” I looked into her moist silver eyes. And when she quickly opened her mouth I spoke. “She. Isn’t. Going. To. Die.”
I had no idea whatsoever if she was going to die or not. But seeing Eleanor calm a bit, reassured, made me smile a genuine smile.
She smiled in return and nodded. We hugged again and she sniffed.
She always was somewhat of a cry baby.
I probably cried more than she did in her entire life these past two weeks. I realized the irony in my thoughts.
Feeling somewhat lighter, I looked around us and saw that we were far enough from her carriage. “What about your parents?” I quietly asked.
Her face turned into a deep frown. “Don’t even get me started on them.”
Unknowingly, I opened the floodgates.
Apparently her parents didn’t want me to hang out with her anymore.
It would be better for her. I’m nothing less of a burden.
And her Mother didn’t even cry in or after the nice funeral we held for Amara. Probably because her mother didn’t really think that Amara, a human that would live less than her, was her friend.
That’s cruel of her.
To top it all off. Not two days after what happened to Pinefort, they insisted on resuming their studies on a small scale.
“Can you believe them? I sometimes wish that-” She stopped rambling and drew closer. “I wish that I was born as your sister, to Charlotte and James.” She whispered into my ear and drew back with a juvenile smile.
I couldn’t help but smile back and chuckle a bit. “C’mon don’t say that.”
“It’s true!”
“They care about you. Aubree almost died protecting you y’know?” I said firmly but gently. Pushing down the memories from the day of the bandit raid.
Eleanor, bit down her bottom lip and looked downcast. “...I know.”
“I know that you know. It's just that some kids don’t have parents at a-”
Mother started to whisper in my ears and I hardened into a statue.
Your. Fault.
“Dante?”
Don’t be a burden. I told myself. But the single thought was overshadowed by the constant whispering inside my skull. “...Sorry. I just… Remembered something.” I closed my eyes tightly, but it only helped the voices.
“Remembered something?” She echoed my words.
“...Yes. I think that I will get back to sleep, El.” I opened my eyes and looked at her, giving a small smile. “Thanks. For everything. I needed that.”
She returned my smile, and even though she was pressing her lips a bit too tightly, probably because she wanted to press me, She held back. “Let’s go back to the carriages?”
I nodded and we both walked back quietly.
When we returned. Aubree was standing outside of his carriage with his arms crossed. He eyed me and Eleanor with his cold and imperial stare. She stopped for a moment and gave me half a glance. Giving me her brightest smile she walked forward, her shoulders straight and her walk regal.
She’s grown. I smiled to myself, noting that since they started, the voices were reduced to faint whispers.
“El.” I called out before she fully reached her father.
She turned around quickly, maybe a bit too quickly, it was almost as if she wanted to run away. Her natural face however said nothing of the sort. “Yes?”
“Let’s talk tomorrow too?”
I saw her cut elven ears twitch. “Yeah, of course.” She gave me a toothy grin. Her father behind her visibility tensed, but said nothing.
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“Thanks.” I gave her a small smile.
The whispers were still there when I turned to my carriage, but instead of dread, instead of thinking on what they might entail or they plan on blaming me. I could only think about tomorrow.
At the entrance to my carriage. James, Charlotte and Koll looked at me.
Koll was grinning at me heavily, “So, yer at that age?”
I frowned. “What age?”
James lightly kicked his legs. “The age in which you get out of our sight without permission? We were-”
Charlotte kicked James’ foot lightly. “We were confused for a second, we didn’t know where you went.” She said gently.
I furrowed my eyebrows. They were worried. Because of me. Ag-
“Did ya enjoy yer walk?” Koll interrupted my thoughts and I blinked.
“Yeah? Yes. We’ll meet tomorrow too.” I announced.
Pleasant silence surrounded the inside of the carriage. But the small smiles everyone had made my ears burn a bit. It felt as if I was outside of an inside joke.
“Nail maker, what did you mean by ‘that age’?”
“Whad’ya mean?” Koll played oblivious.
We were only talking? Yeah it was in the middle of the night, but she was worried that’s all.
Yeah, nothing strange, two adolescents that like each other. Go into a stroll in the middle of the night without telling their parents. What could it already mean?
Warmth flooded my face. “It wasn’t like that.”
Charlotte scrunched her face at me and at James who was raising an eyebrow at me. “Wasn’t like what deary?” She inquired, arms slightly crossed.
“We aren’t in a relationship like that.” I crossed my arms and frowned at the grinning Koll.
“And who exactly told you about such relationships?” Charlotte continued catching me off ground.
“Sorry?”
“Who taught you about such relationships deary?” She continued softly, but beneath her tone was a beast waiting to strike. She looked at James who was pointing at himself and shaking his head. And at Koll who was simply grinning but also shaking his head.
“It was one of you two wasn’t it?”
“Ah, mom, n-no it-”
Charlotte shushed me. “I will get to the bottom of this, tomorrow.” She said with the face of an angel. It was too perfect to show the obvious anger beneath her mask. “Now, it's quite late, you should be sleeping now deary.” There was no room for debate in her soft tone.
She commanded me and I quietly obliged. Ignoring the pleas in James’ eyes, and the growing hesitation in Koll diminishing grin.
I leaned on the carriage seat and closed my eyes, finding sleep ,much faster than usual. Only to be met with the usual sight. There was no escaping the eyes or Mother’s screams. And even worse was not seeing Regis. Ever since the attack It was as if the visions never existed. They just…
Stopped.
Something made them stop.
Something or someone.
Waking up I felt my heart in my throat, and had trouble breathing. The constant whispering didn’t help me calm down either. But the gentle hand that wiped the sweat from my forehead. Charlotte’s hand. Helped me get a grip of the current reality.
The nightmare ended.
And another nightmare begins. I thought to myself as the whispers between my ears grew closer.
“Morning deary.”
I gave her a small smile, but didn’t move away from her touch. It was day, and the caravan carriages were moving. At the far end I could see a giant mountain surrounded by thousands of buildings. on the mountain and at the top of it, the buildings and castles were grand and pristine. Some even had floating parts filled with crystals. Mana crystals.
Even from afar. The mountain surrounded by giant floating rocky platforms with buildings on them, and with the pristine castles and structures. Dreokpis looked beautiful.
On the outer edges of the mountain the buildings seemed to degrade, but not to the same point of Regis’ slums.
Do you enjoy having a new Mother? Mother whispered with her dark and thin voice between my ears and I closed my eyes tight. Of course you do. While everyone else lies dead, you comfort yourself. How long until she dies for you?
How long will you keep your secrets child? Until we are all dead? Amara’s voice ran in my head.
What? I rose from my stupider. gently pushing Charlotte’s hand away. I shook my head and started to massage it.
All I ask is-
Your. Fault.
My head started to throb and I gritted my teeth. The whispers didn’t fade. They never faded. Not even once since Amara’s death. White noise flooded my ears and yet the whispers persisted. “I’m sick of this.” I silently cursed through my teeth. “Get out of my head.” I grabbed my hair tightly.
Charlotte gently held my hands. “Deary, everything will be okay. Everything wi-”
Your. Fault.
Charlotte’s voice got silenced by the noise. “Get. Out. OF. MY. HEAD.” I screamed, clutching my hair tightly until it hurt. The feeling of the thin deep lines on my arms returned. Somebody tried to get my hands away from my hair. Gently and firmly.
I don’t know for how long I was screaming. But when I finally got back to… Whatever sanity I had left. It was dusk, and we were right outside the giant gates of Dreokpis. They were made of some orange solid metal and had watchtowers covered by runes and mana crystals.
My head felt as if it was splitting apart and my eyes stung. “...No. No not again… I’m sorry, I’m so-”
“Everything is alright, deary.” Charlotte Stroked my head comfortably, slowly. But her arms were red, filled with scratch marks.
“No, no, no no no.”
“Everythin is-”
“Nothing is alright! Nothing!”
I shouldn’t even be. In. this. World.
“I hurt. You. I hurt. Other people.” Killed other people. Innocent people. “That isn’t good. People shouldn’t be like this. I’m not right. I’m… Something is wrong with me, mom…”
Charlotte’s hands trembled. “Nothing is wrong with you deary. Alright? Nothing you did was your fault. Amara’s death wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do.”
I looked at the floor of the carriage and slowly shook my head. Charlotte drew me into a hug and I quietly sobbed in her embrace.
“Is everything alright here?” An unfamiliar voice asked from outside the carriage.
“Aye. ‘e just bein’ havin’ a hard time there after tha town was attacked.”
I didn’t even spare a look. But from the set of questions the man continued to ask, I presumed him to be some sort of a guard.
“Alright! All of the wounded will be handled outside of the gates while we register everyone! No cost! Be sure to cooperate! For anyone who wishes for information may come to us! Please do not disturb the sages from their duty once they come!” One of the guards shouted.
Another took our names, ages, and asked us of what happened to the town. Saying we would be given help in all forms to get back on our feet.
"Guessing we wouldn't need to return to your family huh honey?" James whispered into Charlotte's ear with a smile.
She sighed, never letting me go. "What are we going to do?"
James took a sit on the other side and put his hand on my head. "I'll find a job as a guard. Will find some nice cozy place and settle in." He explained simply.
Charlotte nodded with a small frown.
At the side of the carriage Koll was rubbing his ringed beard. He gave us a side look, opened his mouth only to grunt, shake his head and look away.
"Koll?" James noticed his reaction.
Koll tapped his foot. "D'ya think 350 gold will get me a place?"
"Rented or purchased?” Charlotte straighted a bit in her sit.
I couldn't help but blink when she started to give him a rundown of the economic state of Dreokpis.
Everything from loans. Where to get them. The last remembered interest rates that were the best. Where to settle a smithy, whether at the bustling east side near the ocean that was ring on the edges of the kingdom, or and the outer edges near an adventurer's guild.
I couldn’t help but get knocked out of my melancholy and listen to her more carefully. Who is this woman?
Koll thanked her and nodded. But he seemed to chew on something in his mouth. "Mind me askin' how do ya know all of this?"
At least we were in the same boat.
Charlotte fidgeted with her hands. "I'm the third daughter of a low house in the kingdom. I know some things."
“Huh.”
Charlotte noticed that I had stopped sobbing, she looked at me with a vibrant smile. “I never told you about my family, did I? Would you like to hear more?”
I nodded slowly. Everything was better than listening to the whispers. Her tale didn’t reveal anything new about her as a person. Except for the fact that she was proficient in everything that had to do with money, alongside how she and James knew each other, and how her family disowned her for going with him to become an adventurer.
“Wait. You were an adventurer?”
“Well… You know that I never got the hang of magic. So I didn’t really do any fighting, me and your fat-”
“She used to carry our stuff and make meals.” James interjected, making Charlotte flush red. As he was right past me, Charlotte leaned on me in a desperate attempt to try and choke him.
“You said that it would be fun! Instead all I got was a giant forest filled with mana terrifying beasts! What else could I do?!”
“They weren’t that bad! We were only at the beginning line of the land!”
“The fourth night in the beginning line had a giant beast with five legs roaring and charging towards us!”
“We got out of it fine!”
“We. Almost. Died.”
Koll huffed. “I remember me time near the land of the beasts. Aye, ya can only stay in the first line if ya want ta stay with all ya body parts. Instead of dayin’ o’ course”
“See?!”
“Koll’s opinion doesn’t count.”
I smiled weakly as Charlotte and James bickered with each other. James said everything was always under control, while Charlotte kept bringing instances in which they nearly died again and again.
Only when I felt a pull in a different direction, I stopped hearing them. My heartbeat grew too loud for anything to be heard. I sat frozen clenching my fists.
The sages went between the carriages that needed their aid. They all wore colorful cloaks that were covered by runes. Each had a wand engraved with a purple rune that glowed when it touched someone’s wound, miraculously healing it.
A long while after all the sages had helped everyone in need, and near the end of the procession all the former townspeople had to go through. I sensed one of the sages run towards our carriage.
Before he crashed himself into the inside of the carriage, he stretched out his hand and held himself back by holding the edges of the carriage. He was out of breath, but as soon as his eyes met mine he managed to calm himself a bit.
Half a moment passed and Charlotte brought me closer to her, eyeing the sage.
“Need somethin’ sage?” Koll slowly grumbled, his hands seemed twitchy. His posture was stiff.
The sage blinked and seemed to acknowledge the dwarf, as well as James and Charlotte. He controlled his breathing. “Ah, no, excuse me, I must have the wrong carriage.”
Lier.
He gave us a small smile and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Grumbling under his breath something about not being able to find who he was looking for, he turned his back on us calmly and took a couple of steps.
As if he was truly not concerned about me. Playing the part that he was truly mistaken, he turned around amidst his steps and looked directly at me. “Do any of you need any healing perhaps?” He made his voice calm and non committed. But his eyes that were glued to me, searching for something. Spoke volumes.
He knows me?
“Can I help you sage?” Aubree appeared with his arms crossed. And the man brought a smile to his face.
A smile that was a tiny bit strained. “I apologize for the disturbance, I got the wrong carriage.”
“But from how it sounded you came to the right carriage?” Aubree’s words made the sage stop in his tracks. “I heard you asking about a white haired young man, I assure you, you will find no other from Pinefort.” Aubree came to stand between us and the back of the sage.
Inside the carriage we all tensed.
The sage turned around with a smile. “I see, that is very helpful. I was told that he’ll be passing through there. It was actually two weeks ago… I thought that he might have been caught in all of it.” He bowed his head deeply. “I apologize for placing my concerns on you.”
Lier.
While Charlotte and James calmed a bit. I couldn’t help but know that he was lying.
“Hope that yer friend is safe. If it helps, I dinna see anyone with white hair except for tha boy.” Koll answered back.
“The same goes for me, I’m afraid.” Aubree nodded, never leaving his eyes of the sage.
The man looked between all of us, with an expression that slowly turned sour. He sighed deeply and bowed again. “I deeply apologize. I’ve heard of what you all went through. And yet here I came barreling down on you. Forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive.” Charlotte comforted.
“If that’s all…” Aubree left his sentence hanging in the air and the sage bowed one last time with a smile and left.
“Never met anyone beside ‘im that has white hair.” Koll said under his breath. Aubree’s ears twitched and he nodded. “Think ‘e was tellin’ the truth?”
“No. No I don’t. But I don’t see any reason for him to lie.”
He knew me. And he hurried to see me. Which person, which I had never met before, would ever want to see me? And why? …Or perhaps I had met him Before?
There was only one sage that I met once in Koll’s smithy.
They have the same height.
But I’ve never seen how he looked.
“I will keep an ear out for him. For now let's get into the kingdom. I tire of this bureaucratic procession.”
“We finally agree on somethin’, Tha world truly most be goin’ down in flames.”
Aubree looked at all of us. “If that man comes to you again, or any other sage. Tell me.” He declared making James and Charlotte straighten. “And you, dwarf. If you need any help with finding a place I could help.”
“Did ‘e hit ‘is noggin’ or somethin?’” Koll muttered casting a side glance at Aubree.
“For now, let's get into the kingdom. I tire of sleeping in carriages.” He said and a moment later the carriages started to move. We passed through the giant orange gates of the wall and into the large kingdom.
Mana flooded my senses.
Unlike Pinefort, the streets were truly filled with everything. Merchant noise and the laughter of children. It was an entire new world. Each shop had magic crystals with runes on them, making them shine off lights.
Every street corner had performers doing magic tricks. Dragons made from flames flying in the air, and kites flying in the air with wind magic. Guards, wearing armor filled with runes. Not simple metal to cover oneself.
The roads led all the way unto the mountain. and each corner had shops and stalls filled to the brim. And the higher you looked the better and grander everything looked.
Though the whispers never left my ears. I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. Dreokpis was nothing like I had ever seen.