THE UNFOLLOWABLE INTRICACIES OF THE PIRATE KING'S RUSES, DECEPTIONS, IMPOSTURES, SUBTERFUGES, FRAUDULENCES, TRICKERIES, MISREPRESENTATIONS, AND LIES, AND HOW THEY WERE PENETRATED AND CRUSHED

Ayavail accompanies Dakiya on the way to their chambers. "So," Ayavail asks, "who's your father?"

Perking up at the topic, Dakiya says, "Bongolabongola Balongo Balongolus Bolololongolalolus Blonogo-Blongo Balongollia the seventeen-thousand-and-seventeenth."

Ayavail blinks. "But… which Bongolabongola Balongo Balongolus Bolololongolalolus Blonogo-Blongo Balongollia the seventeen-thousand-and-seventeenth? You mean our geography teacher?"

"No, a different one," Dakiya says. "My father is the pirate king."

"Wow! What does he look like?"

"Exactly like our geography teacher."

"Well… what does he dress like?"

"The geography teacher seems to have stolen his clothes." Dakiya rubs away a tear at this tragedy.

"Uh, wow. Are you sure your father's not also our geography teacher?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I asked him specifically, just to be sure."

"And… what did he say?"

"He said yes," Dakiya admits. "But then he immediately said no, and that was more recent."

"I see," Ayavail says, absorbing this gem of wisdom.

But secretly, unbeknownst to Dakiya, their 'geography teacher' was utilizing a false identity.

Follow closely, now, while all is explained. See, although Dakiya and her surviving friends believe that their geography teacher is Bongolabongola Balongo Balongolus Bolololongolalolus Blonogo-Blongo Balongollia the seventeen-thousand-and-seventeenth the geography teacher, he is actually none other than Bongolabongola Balongo Balongolus Bolololongolalolus Blonogo-Blongo Balongollia the seventeen-thousand-and-seventeenth, the pirate king!

So to be clear, the geography teacher and the pirate king in this story are the same person, but one is pretending to be the other!!

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

But at the same time (simultaneously, if you will), Dakiya doesn't know this, because he is in disguise!!!

Now, at this point you may be understandably confused. You may be thinking that the pirate king and the geography teacher are two very similar people, perhaps identical twins, but I have to tell you that this is, in fact, not the case. You see, in this story, the pirate king and the geography teacher are quite literally THE SAME CHARACTER.

To help you keep track of the plot, I recommend tattooing or branding onto your chest the following reminder:

GEOGRAPHY TEACHER = PIRATE KING

Now, moving on, Ayavail and Dakiya are playing inside the doll castle, but meanwhile, not half a league away, their geography teacher (who is also THE PIRATE KING) is in an argument with the admiral of the imperial fleet, who is right in the midst saying, "You're obviously the pirate king." (and he's right about that).

"You lie!"

"No, you lie!"

The pirate king laughs nervously, "Why would I lie? I'm… not even in the mood for lying."

"You must come with me and be executed!"

"Ahahaha, maybe later," the pirate king says. Then a cunning ruse occurs to him, and he continues, slyly, "I actually have an appointment at the bread market just now."

The admiral counters, "But it will only take a moment."

The pirate king tries to slip past the admiral, but the admiral steps rudely into his way. The two men square off in the cobbled street, the admiral glittering fantastically in his suit of blue silk and jangling telescopes, the pirate king shirtless and barefoot, covered in skull tattoos and cutlass scars, with a cannon strapped onto his gigantic back and an eyepatch over each of his humongous eyes. Pinned to his chest hair is a nametag that reads PIRATE KING.

"I'm taking you to be executed," the admiral insists. "You've put it off long enough."

"I won't." the pirate king pouts slyly. "I'm just a geography teacher." (FALSE).

The admiral lets out a hiss of vexation, realizing that his opponent is on the brink of weaseling out of execution yet again. But as the pirate king attempts to edge around him, the admiral gets a flash of inspiration: "Ah," he says, "but will you… not not… come to be executed?"

The pirate king freezes, staring wildly at the admiral out of the corner of one (eyepatched) eye. His piratey teeth clench, and his illegal brain begins thundering with calculation. Finally, he ventures, "… nnooooo I won't."

The admiral huffs, foiled. "Well then I suppose you can be on your way."

The pirate king bellows a laugh at his triumph and saunters on down the street, congratulating himself on another ingenious escape. But suddenly the admiral shouts, "Wait!"

The pirate king freezes, staring wildly at the admiral out of the corner of two (eyepatched) eyes.

The admiral is stroking his chin, his strategic mind ascending to such heights of intellectual functioning that it can actually be heard blaring like a trombone. Slowly, he asks, "Will you… not not not… refrain… from coming to be executed?"

Sweat begins to pour down the immense body of the pirate king, until the entire street is destroyed by flooding. Neck-deep in wet rubble, he answers in a whisper, "…Yyeeeees…?"

"A-HA!" the admiral shouts.

And that is how the pirate king was captured.