ON THE PERILS OF EXPOSITION

Unruffled by the cannon-blast, the admiral's bride pirouettes back from the smoking barrel, smooths her sequined skirts, and gives Dakiya a mocking bow.

"At last!" the admiral giggles, chewing his fingers with glee, "At last you two rapscallions shall die! I shall make you the most executed people in all of history!"

In response, Dakiya leans against the cannon with infuriating nonchalance, casually smoking a pipe in a crocodile-like fashion. "Hm?" she murmurs, "Did you say something?"

"I'm going to cut off your head!"

"Hm, that's nice," she mumbles absently, tamping down the smoldering shag with one thumb and fiddling with the bowl.

"You're not going to weasel out of this one!"

"Out of what one?"

The admiral seizes his hair in frustration, while the pirate king folds his arms and nods with fatherly pride. Countless times, he has stonewalled executions by playing dumb in exactly this way.

But this time, the admiral's determination is greater than ever before, and he is relentless in seeking Dakiya's attention, throwing fireworks, dancing jigs in his nightgown, and shrieking like a howler monkey in her ear, "Pay attention to me!"

Finally, he is reduced to dangling from her elbow, moaning and groaning, and actually outgrabing in despair.

Dakiya keeps her heart as hard as cheese, smoking away with her hands tied behind her back. But the pirate king finally melts. He says, "My daughter, my hearty, you are the apple of my eye—nay! the watermelon, even. But just look at the poor man, he literally outgrabe!"

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Dakiya sighs, "Alright, alright, you nightgowned knave. How about this? I promise to stop ignoring you if you give me one point."

"But!" the admiral whines, "but then we'd be tied!"

"Everyone here knows that. Why would you say that out loud?"

"But!" he exposits, "then we would have to participate in the traditional tiebreaker round, a battle to the death in which each participant may select only four of their special powers to use."

"Yes I know. We all know."

Rolling around on the ground, the admiral continues, "It was established in 1498 by Emperor Rigoth, the Mad King, who cast the Crown Gem into the sea!"

Dakiya looks helplessly at her friends, who shrug and shake their heads.

"In 1499 it was written that the Crown Gem was fated to—"

Dakiya spreads her (bound) arms to the sky, and uses her special power: "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Undeterred, the admiral continues, "—a prophecy that said, oneday, the fate of the world—"

Dakiya fires the cannon, decapitating the highest mountain. "Would you shut up!"

"I want to," the admiral groans, "but I can't do it!"

"Do it do it do it!"

"Oh, very well then."

Thereafter, the admiral begins to paint the traditional battle-ring upon the stage, using velociraptor blood, but meanwhile (since the admiral failed to work it into conversation) we must discuss the events of 1498. You see, in the reign of Emperor Rigoth, who was known as the Mad King, the legendary Crown Gem—"

"Shut uuup!" Dakiya howls. "Do it!"

The others glance at her oddly. Suddenly, Dakiya is distracted by a passing butterfly, her favorite!

In 1498, Rigoth, in defiance of ancient law, cast the Crown Gem into the sea, but due to the Prophecy—

Dakiya swivels the cannon around and blows off the narrator's head.

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