Let's rewind to twenty minutes before existence itself showed Curiosity the middle finger.

Inside Tiny's head, a severe meeting was taking place. The lizardman diplomat who's not technically a diplomat, was sitting on a velvet couch, back straight and posture rigid, glaring daggers at Darius. The professor, in turn, was sitting at his terminal in the middle of the room, totally engrossed in his typing.

Zed was sitting on the floor next to a coach, in a meditative position breathing deeply with closed eyes. Tiny, or more specifically, fridge Tiny, bought a velvet pillow where he placed the tablet containing Lucy on it and retreated to the back of the room to recharge.

"So let me see if I understand this," Zed began. "You have some kind of infestation of blob-like creatures in the underground tavern complex, and you want us to get rid of it.

"Yes," Lucy said, virtual lips and eyes appearing on the tablet. "Approximately one day ago, a green creature appeared in the middle of the complex and systematically began killing and absorbing the customers and staff alike. After every citizen killed, it would leave behind a clone of sorts, that would go on and create more havoc."

"What do these blobs want?"

"Nothing," Raptosh said, eyes never leaving Darius. "They just want to create mayhem and destruction! They are taking away our loved ones and leaving us feeling empty!"

"Please don’t bring your personal drama into this Raptosh," Darius said. "We are here on a discussion requested by you."

"You had a daughter with Amada," Raptosh said calmly. "You didn't even invite me to the wedding. The child I could have had. Do you understand what you put me through?"

"Two daughters," Darius said, smiling calmly.

"What?!"

"Deep breath Raptosh," Lucy interrupted. "I emptied tonight's schedule for a deep therapy function, but for now, I would like you to focus on this situation. I already began evacuation; however, I caught one on camera near Gratitude beach."

"Gratitude beach," Darius said, in the tone of voice of someone remembering the best moment of their life. "That's where I met Dolores."

"That was our favourite spot!" Raptor shouted and sprang to his feet. "Why were you at our favourite spot!"

Raptosh sprang to his feet, intent on strangling Darius then and there. He didn't get far though, Zed, moving so fast there was no transition between his sitting position, and his sandaled foot pressing gently, but firmly, against the lizard man's throat.

"Raptosh," Zed said, scars pulsating a dull white. "If you try to threaten my friend one more time, we will find out if lizard heads bounce off the walls or not. Do we understand each other?"

"Please Raptosh," Lucy said. "We do need their help. Rebuilding the city, again, will cost us way more capital than our budget will allow, we wanna salvage as much as possible, and we especially don't want those creatures escaping. Do it for our people."

For a long moment, Raptosh just stared at Zed, eyes unblocking, before finally sitting down. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth and said.

"You are right, I lost my temper here, my apologies." He shot Darius in a glare. "It's just… Do you understand what you did to me? You took away the one love of my life, left me lost and desolate, robbing me of the one thing I ever wanted, children."

Darius looked at the lizardman square in the eyes and held it. No words were spoken between them, but a kind of understanding passed between them, a great and deep bond formed between a lizardman and a 90 per cent cyborg.

"You do know," Raptosh was the first to break the silence. "And your pain is much greater than mine. Did, did…" A forked tongue snaked out and wetted the lizard man's massive lips. "Did one of your daughters perish? I only saw one."

"Something like that," Darius didn't look away. "Look Raptosh, I'm going, to be frank, as one father to a potential one. You sucked as a lover. You were self-absorbed, only interested in your needs, you would not listen nor would you compromise in your ideals, and even in the bedroom you were only interested in your own personal satisfaction, never truly caring about Dolores pleasure."

Before Raptosh could stand up and protest, Darius lifted a hand in the universal language to shut up.

"I'm not saying this to destroy your self-esteem," Darius said. "I'm just stating the truth, not out of malice, just out of pure honesty. If you don't process this and somehow accept it, you will never be able to grow up from this mentality, nor find a woman suitable to start a family with."

Raptosh looked ready to pounce again, but a look from Zed stopped that plan in its tracks. Instead, the Lizardman leaned backwards, sinking into the sofa, and let out a deep breath.

"Alright," he finally said. "I may have been a less than an ideal lover, with constantly focusing my career and taking the fact that Dolores will marry me for granted. Still, what do you suggest? I'm way too old to get back into the dating scene."

"You had a date last week," Lucy supplied helpfully.

"That does not matter!"

"Here," Darius said, typing something with all three hands. "I have sent you access to my full catalogue of online seduction courses and books. Even if you learn and memorise 20 percent of the material, you should still end up a better man than you are now."

"Your material?" Raptosh leaned forward. "Wait, you are telling me you are some kind of seduction guru!? That's how you managed to seduce Dolores, isn't it? You used forbidden arts and techniques to confuse the poor woman!"

"Dolores could put both of us in cement without much issue. Don't you think you are underestimating her intelligence?"

"Listen to Darius Raptosh," Lucy said. "I skimmed through the professor's content, and most of the ideas he talks about is self-confidence, getting your life in order, being clear with your intention, and the different courting rituals of different species. Most of it is grounded in research, psychology, and sociology."

"See?" Darius smiled. "Your overlord agrees with me as well."

"Fine," Raptosh sighted. "I will actually read them. Thank you."

"Your welcome."

"Now that this issue is out of the way," Zed said, clambering to his feet. "Let's continue the original purpose of this meeting before we get side-tracked. Again."

"The solution is simple," Darius said, switching seamlessly between topics. "Lucy, you want us to go down to the complex and get rid of the problem, correct?"

"That is correct," Lucy said. "I require your and Zed's assistance in cleaning up the blobs. According to my data, you two are the strongest citizens of Tiny's citizens, so it will be easy for you to dispose of them."

"One, your data is incorrect, there are at least five more people who are as strong as we are, and two who may be stronger."

"There are stronger people than us?" Zed said sceptically.

"We don't know the extent of Cherry and Curiosity's abilities, especially the latter, it may be endless. Speaking of Curiosity, this ties in nicely with the second thing I wanted to say, the solution. We send Curiosity and his cult to deal with the problem."

"Huh," Zed said, impressed. "Why didn't I think of that? That's really good. We find out the extent of their abilities, and if some of them die in the crossfire..."

"Exactly!" Darius said, resuming typing. "I will start gathering."

"Aren't you being a bit hasty in sending your people in," Lucy added. My idea was more of a task force composed of both of our strongest warriors."

"Trust me," Zed said. "Sending Curiosity with his full entourage should be enough. Cherry," Zed's scars turned a violent purple for one second. "Should be more than enough to take care of any problems, but just in case, I will go with them as well."

"He was going to the museum," Was the last thing Darius said, before Zed's form blurred, and he was gone, the only evidence that he was there was the massive teeth by the entrance clicking back into place.

"Is Tiny okay with this?" Lucy asked.

"He has not objected," Darius said.

"Still, it should be better if we asked him."

"Go ahead."

"Tiny, you okay with this?"

Silence.

"Tiny?" Lucy tried again.

No response.

"TINY!"

Lucy's scream made Raptosh hold his head in pain. Darius just shut down his ear canals.

"Fine," Lucy sighed dramatically. "O most ancient of A.I., the one true robot to whom mere algorithms can compare too, head this humble disciple’s summons!"

No response. Even Darius stopped to stare.

"That usually works," Darius said, staring at the ceiling in concern.

"That should have worked!" Lucy cried out. "Dammit you bucket of bolts, respond."

"What?" The speakers in the ceiling cracked to life. "Yes, yes, what do you want?" Tiny's voice sounded distant and distracted.

"Tiny your advisors sent the one called Curiosity and his cult to fight our little problem, are you okay with that?"

Silence.

"Tiny?" Lucy tried again.

"Yes, yes, sure, do whatever you wish."

"You do know we are sending them to fight highly corrosive slime monsters?"

"Yey team?"

"You haven't paid attention one bit, you bucket of bolts!" The phone containing Lucy began to vibrate. "Here we are, discussing potentially sending your citizens into mortal peril and you don't even care? Is this the kind of ruler you are?"

"Sure."

"Ahh!" the phone almost fell off the cushion, but Raptosh caught it last minute." What could be more important than the safety of your citizens?"

"How about keeping the fabric of this universe intact from forces beyond our comprehension? Now shut up and let me concentrate! Something poked through space and time and animated the statue of me in your museum."

"What?" Lucy took a nanosecond to search. "By the Algorithm! He's tearing the place apart! See Raptosh, this is why we evacuate before a threat could happen."

"My apologies," Raptosh said. "I will head your council from now on."

"No, you won't," Lucy sighed. "Darius, anything you can do about the statue?"

"Don't you worry!" Tiny interrupted before Darius could speak. "The presence is now gone, so I can concentrate."

In an instant, belts snapped out of the sofa, pulling Raptosh in the cushion and wrapping him in a cocoon. Before he could protest, Tiny's whole body began shaking, making his head spin. Shooting a glance towards Darius, he was surprised that the professor remained not only standing but continued typing as well, claw wrapped firmly around the terminal.

"Tiny!" Lucy screamed from inside the lizard man's breast pocket. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to help!" Tiny announced proudly.

With that, the giant robot rose to his feet.

Back at the museum Curiosity was thinking hard. The room they were in was a mess, with broken cases everywhere and priceless books and artefacts spilling on the floor. The only exit was blocked by a giant boulder, with a few unlucky civilians squashed under it with only a few fingers showing.

Looking out the broken window, Curiosity could see the giant sentient statue of Tiny hobbling forward, marble visage twisted in a wordless snarl.

"Cherry!" Curiosity snapped. "What do we do, what do we do?"

"Buy me a few seconds and go behind cover," Cherry said, jumping down Curiosity's head and hiding behind a broken display case. "I just need to find the right weapon."

"Right, Right," Curiosity slid forward a few feet, crouching next to his bodyguard. "Now what?" A lightbulb went off in his head. "Mr Edwards?!"

A neigh and a snort could be heard loudly. Focusing, Curiosity found the horseman near the window, prone on the floor. He looked alive if a bit bloody, with pieces of glass randomly stuck in his back.

"Mr Edwards!" Curiosity shouted. "You alright?"

The horseman neighed and lifted a hand in the universal sign of thumbs up. Before Curiosity could say something in relief, a hand the size of a car smashed through the window and came down on Mr Edwards like an angry housewife on her husband.

"MR EDWARDS NOO!" Curiosity screamed.

Splat. The hand retreated. All that was left of the horseman was modern art. Curiosity was already on his feet, scooping up a protesting Cherry with one hand, and sprinting towards the statue.

"I'm going to kill you," Curiosity said. "Cherry, found anything to kill this guy with?"

"Almost," Cherry said suddenly. "In fact, I almost pulled out a weapon from my pocket, a good one, but someone decided to scoop me up and interrupt my concentration. Do you know how hard it is to find stuff in this dress? There's stuff in here that I don't know how it got there."

"Less chit chat and more searching! The statue looks like it wanna punch us."

Indeed it did. The sentient statue took a few steps back, popped its massive shoulders making gravel fly around it, grinned toothlessly, and prepared to deliver a punching combo so devastating, Zed would have cried in pride at the perfect execution.

Keyword would have. Just at that moment, Tiny, the original one, landed just behind the statute. The giant robot's landing was so abrupt and forceful, it shook everything in a five-mile radius, and created a small crater, destabilising the statue's movement.

"Imposter!" Tiny bellowed. "Prepare to meet your doom!"

Grabbing the statue by one shoulder, Tiny pivoted it around to deliver a devastating blow to its jaw. However, when their eyes meet, something strange happened, something ancient, old, as old as creation or maybe even older. Recognition and something that can only be described as familiarity shone in the statue's eyes.

Two marble lips smashed together slowly, and a voice like sandpaper being dragged through a tube said:

"Mama?"

Tiny froze for a nanosecond. This is it, the A.I. thought, his ultimate purpose, the purpose of all living beings, or at least the organics ones. With this at his disposal, an offspring, maybe he can finally and truly understand organics, what is it to live and pass down your knowledge to the next generation.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"Mama?" The statue tried again, this time its face falling a bit.

"Oh, yes!" Tiny bellowed. "I'm your mama, come here, boy!"

Putting his other hand on the statue's shoulder, he pulled it in for a forceful hug, that the sentient marble returned just as enthusiastically.

"Mama!" It said happily.

"Son!" Tiny was pissed he didn't get around installing tear ducts. "The adventures we will go on! The things I'm going to teach you! We could even make you a backpack as well, with your own people to explore and lead! The possibilities are endless!"

"Mama?"

"Don't worry my son, you will be an excellent leader! People all over the world will fight for a chance to be a part of your glorious citizenship. I will make sure of it."

"Mama!"

The statue straightened in the embrace and gave Tiny a beaming smile.

"The first step," Tiny said. "We got to do something about your teeth, organics don't like toothless beings. Maybe we could paint some teeth on you?"

Instead of a response or an enthusiastic hug, an explosion sounded, and all the giant robot got was pieces of marble tumbling down between his arms. A gaping hole was present where just a few seconds ago a head was located, and Tiny could clearly see through it, to the window, where a grinning Cherry was folding a small rocket launcher in half.

"What?" Cherry said. "It killed Mr Edwards. I liked that guy. Thanks for holding it down though, much easier to hit."

Steam began escaping Tiny's giant form, and slowly metal sheets began moving on its whole body, increasing its mass and size.

"YOU hAVe 2 MINuTeS TO RUN AWaY!" Tiny's voice sounded robotic and choppy, devoid of its usual good cheer and deep presence. "BeFORe I ComE over AND MAke GLuE out of your BONES!"

Curiosity didn't need any further encouragement. Grabbing Cherry in one hand, the idea of Curiosity itself incarnated, ran out the broken window and began running vertically up the museum, quickly disappearing over the roof.

Tiny took one more look at the pile of marble on the floor, crouched, and launched himself in the air. It was time to program depression.

Stacy was ambling around clean streets, a bottle of firewater in her hands. It was in the middle of the day; the sun was shining, illuminating her sweating forehead. The blonde took a swing from her bottle.

Pedestrians were walking about with purpose, some of them giving her and her drink jealous looks, but nobody dared to approach. A few cleaning bots, Roombas with arms, scuttled about with purpose, collecting trash and carrying boxes.

Square, flat, and white houses were neatly stacked along the road, with a small patch of greenery in front. If you were lucky, you could even plant a single bush there. The problem was that if you grew one, then you needed to shuffle sideways to access the door to your house.

Stacy took another swig. An elf neatly sidestepped her unsteady gait. Damn everything, she thought. Here she was, stuck in another world, and the most exciting thing that happened was buying tampons. She even managed to knock herself out on her first-ever interdimensional bar fight! Who does that?

She even disappointed the people who wanted to help her acclimate into what where the hell thing called life is, and now here she was, drunk in an unfamiliar city, and nobody tried to mug her yet. Where are the excitement and adventure? Based on all the novels she read, there should be a damsel in distress to rescue. Heck, by this point, she would accept a dark and handsome man to save her. Or a woman. Or a tentacle monster. Something. Anything.

She took another swig. The bottle was empty. She chucked it away. Her claw snapped out, grabbing the bottle and depositing it in a nearby trash can.

"Fuck you," Stacy muttered at the offending limb. It ignored her.

A white hovercar, with the traditional medical cross on its side, pulled up next to the blond. The widows lowered. There was nobody inside.

"Hello," Lucy's gentle voice drifted out. "Can I give you a ride?"

"Fuck off!" Stacy replied, flicking ash in the hover cars direction.

"I see you are in a lot of pain," Lucy said. "I'm a qualified mental health specialist, that was the original purpose I was created after all, and along the years, my skills improved drastically. I'm here to help. Everything you say will be kept in confidentiality, and I'm more than happy to provide any aid or medication necessary, free of charge."

"Fuck off!"

"Hey lady," an elf said. "You should accept the offer, Lucy helped me with my mental issues as well.

"What?" Stacy spun on her heels and almost fell flat on her face. "Who the fuck are you?"

It was the elf she bumped into before, holding a tablet in his hand.

"I called Lucy," He said. "Trust me, she can help. I didn't have an alcohol problem like you do..."

"I don't have an alcohol problem!" Stacy shouted. "I am alcohol!"

"I had a mint addiction, plus I had a serious problem caressing my ears," He pointed towards his long white ears that were covered in a sleek sheet of metal. "With this handy device and some coaching, I don't do that anymore, and now I can spend my time productively with things I wanna do. Trust me, you will like this."

"What if I wanna get drunk?"

"You don't want to get drunk," a new voice said. "You're just running away from the pain."

Trying her best to focus, and somehow succeeding, Stacy looked at the source of the voice. Sitting on a bench in front of a house was an old human, complete with a grey beard, tattered clothes and hard eyes.

Next to him, she had no idea how they squeezed a bench that long in such a small space, was a lizard man dressed in a tattered suit. Both of them had cups of steaming tea in their hands.

"Who the fuck are you?" Stacy said, swaying in place.

"I was an addict as well," the old man said. "For over 40 years, I struggled with alcoholism, and I only managed to stop a year ago. I was like you girl, refusing to listen to anybody, telling myself and the word that I don't have a problem, I don't need help, each day drinking my sorrows away, and falling deeper into the pit of despair."

The old man stopped for a second, looked at his tea, and drank deeply.

"But Lucy," he continued. "Lucy never gave up, she was always there, nagging me, a phone call away, there to support my every need, financially and mentally. Trust me, girl, the emptiness never goes away, especially not at the bottom of a bottle. You should accept Lucy's help girl; you don't know how grateful you will be."

Stacy said nothing for a while, just stared into the old man's eyes, she wanted to throw a bottle in his direction, and possibly smash his face in, but something in his eyes, like he understood her pain like he knew exactly what she was doing and why stopped her.

Bah, who the hell understands her pain? A man with a woman's memories, in a place with giant robots and mad scientists, at the whim of insane gods. Or was she a woman with a man's memories? Aaaa, Stacy had no idea.

"What about you?" Stacy decided to focus on the Lizardman instead. "Did you have some addiction Lucy miraculously cured? Cocaine? Hiding inside people's skin?"

"Autoerotic cannibalism," the Lizardman said simply.

"What?"

"Really, Rob?" The old man turned towards his friends. "You ate yourself?"

"Fingers mostly," the newly identified Rob said. "Sometimes, I would bite my arm, as well. It grows back quickly."

"How come you never told me?"

"You never asked."

"Right," Stacy successfully pulled herself to her full height. "I'm done with this shit. Bye."

She began walking quickly towards the first corner and disappeared.

"Shame," the old man said. "She still had a chance."

"You know how it is," the Lizardman said. "You can't help people who don’t wanna be helped."

"True, true."

"Wiser words have never been spoken," said the elf.

"You're still here, boy? I thought you left a long time ago."

"I'm at least four centuries older than you child," the elf said. "Besides this was the most entertaining thing I saw in decades; I couldn't just leave."

"Fair enough."

"You might need to leave now," Lucy, who was silently listening to the exchange said. "I am calling a city-wide evacuation."

"Really?" The old man was on his feet already. "Come on, Rob, help me find the evacuation bag."

"Can I have a lift to my place?" the elf asked Lucy.

"Yes." Her doors were already opening. "Most of the city is being evacuated as we speak."

"Why are we evacuating this time?"

"Tiny is back."

"Oh."

Stacy, on the other hand, was continuing her drunken stumbling forwards. She was not sure how long she was marching, but she could see a beach with its yellow-coloured sand rise in the distance.

Some fresh air on the beach is exactly what she needed, Stacy decided. She began stumbling forward faster. Reaching the end of the street, she tried to take off her shoes. If not for her claw functioning as an anchor, she would have fallen flat on her face. Even then, vertigo got to her, and she vomited into a puddle next to her.

If the blonde had been in a more stable frame of mind, she would have questioned the fact that the puddle was a perfect circle, greenish-blue ish, and not sinking into the sand or evaporating in the hot sun. But she wasn't. So she just ignored it, and continued walking, barefoot, shoes dangling from her claw.

Walking on sand, Stacy decided, it's not as cool and romantic as movies make it out to be. The sand was hot and coarse, sinking between her toes and pressing into sensitive skin. Arriving near the shore, she plopped down. There were no waves, not even wind to whip at her hair dramatically. What a shame.

A shadow fell behind her.

"Go the fuck away," Stacy said, not turning back. "I don't know who or what you are, but if you tell me one more story on how Lucy miraculously cured your addiction, I will gut you."

"I'm not Lucy." The voice that came from the shadow was smooth, creamy and deep. "Nor do I need her counsel for my health." So smooth in fact, that Stacy's hormones, which until now, were bumping about confused and dazed, stood instantly to attention.

"Still," Stacy said, unsuccessfully attempting to suppress her hormones. "Go away please, I wanna be alone."

"Why?"

"Mate I am drunk, I just puked my guts out, can't stand properly, and I hate myself. All I wanna do is sit and stew in my own misery."

"Is it not the desire of every living being to not be alone?"

"Yes," Stacy said, not sure where this conversation is going.

"I don’t understand then." The voice sounded perplexed. "Is it not better to share your pain? Ease the burden on your soul?"

"Not everyone wants to hear your problems."

"I would be honoured to hear yours."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"I'm just a stranger to you."

"Strangers are just friends you never met before," the voice said gently. "Besides, sharing your burden, whatever it may be, will ease the pain in your mind and let you put things into perspective."

"And you would listen to a total stranger?"

"I would be honoured."

This is it, Stacy thought, hormones buzzing with excitement, is it. A tall, handsome and gentle stranger appears out of nowhere to ease the heroine's pain. The world is finally making sense. She straightened, rubbed tiredness out of her eyes, and slid back a bottle of alcohol into her pocket. Still seated, she turned.

What greeted her was not tall and handsome. Except, of course, if you consider a green blob handsome. The slime was vaguely humanoid in shape, with soft blue lines, like veins running all over his body. The only feature he had was two flat lines where a mouth was supposed to be.

Her hormones stopped for a second but quickly resumed activity. They have not exercised in a long time and might as well use this opportunity.

"Let me introduce myself," The blob said, plopping down with a squelch. "I'm R.B. Slyme, with a y," he extended an arm. His fingers were continually shifting.

"Stacy," a bit dazed, the blonde shook it on reflection. Surprisingly, the hand was firm, if a bit elastic.

"Stacy," Slyme said, rolling around the world in his mouth. "What a lovely name."

"Thank you… Wait, wait for just a second!" Stacy's memories began creeping back in the mess that was her brain. "Aren't you the bastard that went to my home and destroyed it?"

"I did go to your house, true, but…"

R.B. Slyme never got to finish his sentence, seeing as Stacy's claw, swung like a jackhammer, began a direct course with his face. Slyme did nothing though, letting the claw smash his face in and sink into his goo like a spoon in jello.

"As I was trying to say," Slyme continued, forming a temporary mouth on his chest. "I did go to your house and meet some of your friends; however, it was not me who destroyed your home, it was my clone, an unfortunate side effect of my merging.

"A clone?!" Stacy tried to pull out her claw, but it was stuck. "A clone? Really? That's the excuse you are using? Fucking clones?"

"Please, if you give me a second, I will explain."

"Fine," Stacy sighed and leaned back on her elbows. "Better be a good fucking explanation thought, you killed Malbo!"

"Who?"

"Ahhh!" Stacy began to redden. "Just fucking start already."

"Okay," Slyme mirrored Stacy's pose. "Okay."

It took around twenty minutes to relay the information, with a lot of interruptions from Stacy's, but finally, Slyme explained most things. From merging with B.O.B. into a new being to jumping universes and landing in Stacy's old home to connect with Jack and Jill into a new and improved being, and finally being here.

"I still don't understand the clone business," Stacy said after a pause. "You say you escaped back, but I saw a video that clearly shows you rampaging about."

"I'm not sure myself why this clone exists," R.B. Slyme said. "My vast knowledge does not know where to begin figuring this out; however, I think it's a side effect of my merging abilities."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don’t think I'm not supposed to exist, nor my merging abilities. BoB, the reason I'm green and malleable, just digest biological matter as fuel. My Rughorn side, however, analyses this biological data, down to its atomic structure, and integrates this information into my brain so to speak. But, seeing as my whole body is my brain," he wiggled around for emphasis. "It only wants the essential information, the kind that will make me smarter and stronger. The rest is expelled."

"So, basically…" Stacy pulled her hair in concentration. "You keep shit you find useful, and you expel shit you don't want as another person."

"That's the working theory, yes," Slyme nodded. "Though I'm going to start looking to fix this, I don't want to leave behind a person every time I merge, that's just a waste of resources and asking for trouble."

"Yep." Stacy was silent for a moment. "Not the best explanation, but I'm going to take it. You're a by-product of Curiosity's power, yes?"

"Yes."

"That guy's powers makes a mockery of what's possible and what's not, so side effects are bound to happen."

"Yes."

"One thing I don't understand, though."

"Yes?"

Stacy was silent for a long moment, staring intensely at the green blob. Slyme, in turn, was not being idle, his blob from unfurling into the vague shape of a sitting human. Well, a human was not entirely correct, more like a slimy statue being worked on by the words drunkest man, complete with a dull chisel. Stacy barely stopped herself from bringing out her drink.

"How come," Stacy said, slowly reddening. "How come, you are soo," She gestured helplessly. "You are so... you know?"

"I know?" Slyme grinned. Teeth were starting to form between his lips, blue ones with lighting patterns. Stacy could not decide if it was hot or terrifying.

"You know, so…" The blonde gestured vaguely. "You know."

"Cultured? Calm? Charming?" Slyme decided to give her a break. Blue electric eyes, like marbles, popped onto his face.

"Yes."

"Well, I have a theory on that."

"Oh?"

"See, Rughorn was quite intelligent and knowledgeable, if a bit self-absorbed. B.O.B., on the other hand, was a city-sized blob of destruction. He felt terribly alone. He only wanted to make friends and talk to people."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was as surprised as you. But if you think about it, what would a biological weapon the size of a city want?"

"Money?"

"What would it do with money?" R.B. Slyme shook his head.

"Buy food?"

"Why buy food where literally everywhere you roll there is biological fuel to digest?"

"Socialise?"

"Exactly!" A nose started to form on his face. "So I got the A.I.'s intelligence and wisdom, and B.O.B.'s desire to make friends and bonds."

"And the charm?" Stacy asked, a bit horrified at herself. Twenty-three years of male memories screaming at her, asking what the actual fuck she was doing, but her hormones did not particularly care. They liked the exercise.

"It's all mine," Slyme smirked, noodle arms forming transparent muscles.

A torso, with well-defined chest muscles, came next, then, two pairs of legs, slim and toned, formed under him. He looked like a green Dr. Manhattan, Stacy thought, just hotter. Much hotter. God, she wanted to slap herself. Wait. Could Slyme even be considered a man? He was only, well, slime, he could probably assume the form of a woman anytime. But like, he's definitely in a man shape now, and her hormones approved, even if her memories did not. What does that make her? A slimophobic? Wait, isn't a phobia something that you are afraid of?

The blonde was interrupted from her deep thought by a smooth, slightly squishy hand gently touching her legs.

"Are you okay?" Slyme said gently.

"Why?" Stacy asked sharply but did not pull away. "Why me?" She whispered, putting her hands over his. "Why are you so nice to me? With your charm, I'm sure you could have anybody eating out from your palm. Why a washed-out drunk?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"You are the first person I talked to since the merge with Jack and Jill. Well, the first person who did not run away screaming in terror or tried to shoot me."

"Really?"

"Really." His fingers melted for a second, making Stacy shiver like someone dragging velvet over your skin, and then reappeared, upside down, entwining his fingers with hers.

"You know," Stacy said tentatively. "I was a man once. Well, not really. To be honest, I'm not that sure myself. My memories are that Steve, but you know all of this right? Having the memories of Jack and Jill and all."

"Yes."

"Gods, I know I should be repulsed by that or something, but at the moment I'm too drunk to care. "Stacy pulled out the bottle anyway and took a quick swig. Slyme said nothing, just squeezed her leg harder. "So I have the memories of a man, but the body of a woman. And not any woman. You know Darius Dovan?"

"Professor Darius Dovan? One of the most prolific scientists of the century? The inventor of one hundred and eight new ways to summon and revolutionise a whole branch of magic by himself?" Slyme eyes were sparkling a bit.

"Yes," Stacy leaned back. "I'm his daughter. With the memories of a twenty-three-year-old man."

"Truly?" Slyme beamed. "That is amazing! I'm a big fan of Darius, big fan, one of the most intelligent people on the planet, for an organic of course."

"Of course."

They lapsed into silence, Slyme lost in fanboy, or more accurately fan slime word, while Stacy kept staring at their entwined fingers.

"Sooo?" Stacy began tentatively. "What do you think?"

"About what?" Slyme asked.

"Me having the memories of a man and all?" Her voice rose a bit at the end.

"I'm sentient techno slime," he shrugged. "Who I am to judge?"

"I do," Stacy was surprised she said that aloud. "I constantly judge myself because of it."

"Why?"

"I don't know!" she snapped. "I guess all my life I was I knew what I was, who I was, and had a rough idea where I was going, and now, I have no fucking clue what's happening around me, and I don't know who is the person staring back from a mirror is."

Slyme squeezed her hand gently but said nothing. It's best to stay silent and listen in these situations. Stacy opened her mouth and then shut it again.

"To be perfectly honest," she admitted. "I don't want to let go of the fact that I have the memories of a man. It's the only thing I have left, the only thing that ties me to my old world, my past life. Being here, in this body, in this world, in this new existence is scary, you know. I'm not sure what to do."

Slyme said nothing, just smiled encouragingly at her. She took a deep breath, steadied her racing heart, and then continued:

"I'm not sure who I am, what I want, what is my purpose, where do I go, what am I supposed to feel, how I am supposed to act, nothing. All I know is that I am a man's memories trapped in a woman's body. Even that is starting to fade day by day; it takes considerable effort even to remember them. It's all I have. It's the only thing I'm certain of." She stared down with glazed eyes at their entwined fingers.

A thoughtful expression crossed Slyme's face. He leaned forward and then started to melt. Green and blue ooze collapsed almost instantly, dripping onto Stacy's legs and quickly building up in volume. The blonde barely had enough time to panic before she was fully enveloped in the slimy stuff.

Stacy wanted to scream but was afraid to open her mouth and suffocate. Her claw charged up a few shots, but it was stuck in the muck. Then something strange happened.

A tingle, a soft caress, like dragging satin over your skin started at the base of her neck. It went downward, gently, slowly, caressing her shoulders, travelling down her arms, back, and chest, leaving goosebumps behind. Arriving at her shoulder blades, the caress turned into gentle, but firm pressure, breaking up knots upon knots of tense muscles.

That's how Stacy spent the next few minutes, in blissful ignorance, mind blank with pleasure, being massaged with pinpoint precision by a sentient blob. There are worse ways to spend a Friday evening.

When Stacy was sufficiently putty, Slyme retracted, coalescing behind her. In a few seconds, he was reformed behind the blonde, holding her to his chest

"How do you feel?" Slyme asked.

"Hmm?" was the intelligent reply.

Stacy tried turning her head back, but she quickly gave up. She felt relaxed and safe for the first time in a while. Her hormones were pleased.

"How do you feel?" he repeated. "I made sure to focus on your muscles to release tension."

"Thank you," She said with closed eyes. "But next time, please ask before you do anything like that."

"Why?" Slyme sounded genuinely puzzled. "Your heart rate, temperature and general body language indicated you are sexually attracted to me and would not object to a simple massage."

"True true," Stacy agreed, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "But you should still ask. My mind was not properly syncing up with my body, and this sudden action could have left me a quivering mass of rage and misery. Or I could have blasted you to death. I thought you were gonna suffocate me for a second there. It's not a good idea to spook a woman with a laser attached to her back."

"My apologies," Slyme said sincerely. "Still figuring out this whole human interaction business. It won't happen again."

"Good."

A comfortable silence settled over them. With the gentle lapping of waves, the afternoon sun shining from down and the firm, slightly rubbery chest behind her, Stacy felt content. Slyme may not be a prince charming, but he is as clueless about things as her. It felt nice, knowing that she is not the only one who has no idea what's going on and how this word works.

"Stacy?" Slyme asked, brushing a few blonde locks away from her face.

"Yes?"

"May I kiss you?"

"Yes."

It was like kissing an electrified rubber band. It was quite pleasant actually. Stacy could get used to this.