There was a sharp ringing in Katie’s ears. She hated the noise. She wasn’t sure how long ago it had started - she had no real concept of time anymore - but it had felt like a lifetime she had been living with the obtrusive sound. To accompany it, her vision remained a haze, blurry and dulled as though someone had dimmed the lights and she was squinting to make sense of her surroundings in a partial darkness. It made her head hurt.
The entire experience had been surreal, and not in a good way. She was always missing massive chunks of time - she could tell by the way she would wake to new changes and new aches in her body. She was sore from the crown of her head to the tips of what used to be her feet. Katie found that part exceptionally cruel. Every time the scientist woke her and sat her up, Katie got nothing but a fantastic view of the grotesque mutilation of her feet and ankles. The cracking of shifting bones was one of the only sounds that cut clearly through the ringing noise, and it was always accompanied by a painful sensation jarring up her body. The intensity of it varied. Sometimes it was like stubbing a toe and other times it was like getting jabbed with a red-hot poker stick. All in all, her ‘feet’ just felt like one big cramp all the time.
She wished that Dr. Manson would at least turn her head so she did not have to watch the process of her body being deformed and altered against her will. She would do it herself, if she could move, but she couldn’t. It was like someone had shoved her into the passenger seat of her own brain. She could see what was directly in her field of view, she could taste and smell and hear - sort of, everything just sounded muffled through the ringing in her ears - and feel the various sensations of her body. She could blink and breathe and keep herself sitting up, but any movement beyond that felt disabled. She could not make her body respond no matter how she tried. The only time her limbs weren’t completely limp was when Dr. Manson moved them. If she lifted one of Katie’s arms, it would lock like that. She was glad the woman realized quickly that she could not lower them of her own accord. Katie’s muscles had begun to ache and her arms had shook with exertion the first time Dr. Manson had done it.
She supposed it was accidental, and she appreciated that the scientist was striving to keep her healthy. In the times Katie was awake, the woman would talk to her and exercise her arms and her legs - though less so now that they were fusing - she would brush her hair and clean the dried blood from the places where Katie’s skin would split. She hated what was being done to her, but it could be worse. She could have been left awake and strapped to a bed with her agony and discomforts virtually ignored.
Katie sighed internally. She missed home. She knew her mother and Lewis had to be frantic by now, and poor Luna never did handle anxiety well. Katie had broken her promise to her little sister. She hadn’t meant to, but she knew Luna would probably still have a hard time with it. She always kept her word. She made a point to. After all, Luna’s life was very small. She was a bubbly, happy kid, but she was trapped in a house and a lagoon, with only three other people making up her entire social circle. She had to stay a secret, and couldn’t join any of them when they had to come and go. She was such a champ about it, but Katie knew trust played a big part in that. Luna trusted them to look out for her and not forget about her, so Katie nurtured that trust, that bond, as best she was able.
At least her abduction seemed coincidental. She was a random choice. They didn’t know about Luna. She didn’t want to think of what they would do to the preteen if they found out, or to Sophie and Lewis if they tried to protect her.
A hand being laid on her head spooked Katie from her brooding and a soft, near whispered squeak of surprise left her lips. She heard Dr. Manson inhale sharply.
“Was that a sound?” the woman inquired as she petted Katie’s hair. Katie tried not to feel offended at the motion - she was not a dog - as it did feel a little comforting and almost pleasant. “You haven’t moved or made a peep since I initially put you under...and whenever you’re off the sedatives, you’re usually naturally asleep within an hour. It’s been three...are the drugs too strong? Putting you in some sort of dissociated state, perhaps? Are you coming out of it now then?”
The scientist was clearly mulling more to herself than she was actually asking Katie, but it made the girl wonder too. She could hear her more clearly now, the ringing in her ears having subsided. Maybe if she focused hard enough, she could reclaim control of herself.
The more she came out of her daze, the more Katie’s exhaustion hit her like a speeding train. It was clearly taking everything she had to endure what they were doing to her, and it didn’t help she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten or had a proper rest not forced on her by sedatives. Maybe if she just closed her eyes and slept, she would feel better when she woke.
Or the woman would put her back on the sedatives again. She forced herself to focus, despite her weariness.
“I suppose we’ll find out,” Dr. Manson murmured. “I don’t want you to feel any pain unnecessarily; the sedatives are a good thing, but I have to leave you off of them for now, so we’ll see if any effects fade with a little more time."
Katie had stopped listening to the scientist’s musings at the point, narrowing all her focus on trying to move; her goal was to twitch a finger. One finger couldn’t be too difficult, she moved them all the time without hardly thinking about it. It was taking all of her focus now though. She could feel the finger she wanted. The little one on her left hand. She could feel the warm water around her skin, and the way her hand gently bobbed in the liquid, but no matter how much she gave the command to her brain to move it, she could not get it to respond.
Frustrated tears welled up in her eyes and she gave up. After a moment, she realized she was actually crying. A fat, warm tears dripped from the corner of her eye and began rolling down her cheek. She felt Dr. Manson’s hand on her face as the woman carefully wiped the tear away. She clucked her tongue. “You poor thing,” she whispered. “You are still in there, aren’t you? It’s okay. I’m not going to put you back on the sedative unless you seem to be in a lot of pain. Just relax and don’t get upset; it looks like it’s fading faster now. Good girl,” she soothed.
It did help to know that she very well might get the chance to recover properly. Being able to witness and experience what was happening to her, without any actual control over herself was terrible and she was not eager to experience it again.
She wasn’t quite sure what made her trust the woman enough to take her at her word, but Katie felt comforted at the promise. She closed her eyes and another tear leaked free. It was wiped away too. Katie took a deep breath and tried to relax. Maybe she would feel better after a nap and she was too fatigued to keep herself awake any longer anyways.
***
A burning sensation along the sides of Katie’s neck roused her from slumber. She winced and opened her eyes. As she inhaled, she knew something was wrong. Her head was spinning and her chest felt too tight, too tiny. Her lungs weren’t expanding and she could barely breathe. She began to cough and sputter.
“Oh, you’re awake again. Are you choking? Hang on, sweetie, calm down,” the scientist exclaimed. Dr. Manson was on her knees beside Katie in less than a few seconds. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was finding a way to breathe. The burning was getting worse.
A high pitched whine whistled past Katie’s lips as the pain grew worse and morphed. She gasped, feeling as if someone had stabbed her in the side of the neck. She felt the skin rip before she heard it, but it was audible, and then she could not breathe at all as the three jagged flaps on either side of her throat, just below her ear, opened and began to flap in the air. She could taste the acrid tang of blood across her tongue, and the new gill slits were oozing fluid too. Panic began to gnaw at her like a caged animal as Katie’s throat tightened and spots swam in her vision.
“Okay, hang on, calm down,” Dr. Manson said. She had her arms around Katie and she was pushing her forward in order to lean her back in the water. Katie could move a little now, but not enough to help herself. Her fingers clenched and unclenched, and she was vaguely aware of the gasping fish expression she was making as she fought for air.
Katie’s head submerged and the woman flipped her. As she did, more sharp cracking sounds echoed from Katie’s feet.
The water felt nice at least. Katie struggled for a moment to figure out how to use the gills. She remembered asking Luna about it once or twice, and the girl had always said it was like breathing and swallowing at the same time. Katie didn’t think that was possible, but she parted her lips a fraction anyways and sucked in. At first, she gagged on the water rushing down her windpipe, but then her body spasmed and she hiccuped, and the pain faded. Her chest loosened and she felt a lot less light-headed. She inhaled again and felt the pressure of the tiny jets of water shooting back out from her gills. She really was becoming a fish, a Mer. It made her head swim.
Katie continued to lie limp in the water, simply trying to recover from the sensation of nearly asphyxiating. The water tasted funny on her tongue, or was it in her gills? Either way, it was like a chemical was in the water that burned her tongue and left a bitter taste in her mouth. It made her want to retch, but she preferred it to choking, so she continued to lay there and quiver.
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Dr. Manson had a hand on her back, and she heard the woman sigh with relief above the water. “Day Fifteen since initial omega serum cocktail was administered. Subject...Paisley’s gills opened just a few moments ago. The formation was rather sudden and jagged, and subject experienced immediate breathing difficulties. Struggle continued for a few seconds underwater before instinct appeared to take over. Subject Paisley is breathing naturally on her own now. Unclear yet whether dual breathing can be achieved or if the subject will have to remain submerged. Will allow a little while for recovery before testing and updating.”
Katie grit her teeth and balled her hands into fists beneath her. She hated listening to the woman talk into that stupid recorder of hers. She was always so formal and disassociated that it made Katie’s heart squeeze. It really made her feel like some animal science project being observed and documented under a microscope.
She watched Dr. Manson from under the water as the scientist stood and set the recorder aside before rummaging around in the drawers of the tiny counter of the room. “Where is it?” the woman muttered to herself as she did. Finally, she pulled out a second recorder and collapsed into her chair with a sigh. Her black hair was looking a little greasy and disheveled, and she ran a hand over her head to shove some of the fly aways back before she began to speak again. “Private data log entry one,” she said. “I’m concerned about the mental state of my charge. This experiment has taken a moral toll I had not anticipated. After initial sedation fourteen days ago, subject Paisley appeared to enter a sort of vegetative state with no emotional response and little brain activity. Originally it was believed to be caused by the cocktail, emptying the head to make room for a new conscience to grow. Now, I believe the cause to simply be an extreme side effect of the heavy sedation drugs being used. Paisley has been awake now for five hours and is showing signs of movement, attempted vocalization, and shockingly powerful emotional displays,” she recorded.
“Crying is a very human emotion and I believe that at least traces, if not the whole identity, of the human girl before still lurks in a stasis within Paisley’s head. While it is a cruel thing and I did not seek to destroy a life so completely at the start, I believe it would be better if the mind did die off. From there, a new identity could form, one based on the animal instincts and motivations of the mermaid she’ll become. That creature will be much more equipped to adapt to the life ahead. She will find satisfaction and be content in her existence. If the human girl continues to exist, she will not find the same quality of life - which I strive to ensure - and will instead be plagued with regrets and loss and sadness, that will only pave the way to depression and a loss of will to live. A cruel fate to bestow on one so young, that also hinders the future of this experiment.”
There was a long pause before Dr. Manson continued to speak. “There are several trials with stimulating and debilitating brain tissue with electroshock therapies. I have read a few successful case studies with animals that have completely stripped away learned identities, training, and recognition of owners and environments, without leaving the brain in a vegetative state. It allowed for a completely new identity and temperament to be enforced. It feels...wrong to consider, and makes me feel monstrous to suggest aloud, but if...if Katherine remains inside her head, it may be kinder to painlessly erase her from the body rather than leave her to suffer trapped in a tank in the body of a fish. I will reevaluate when the transformation stage of the trial has been completed, and assess what level of mental state is prevalent in Paisley. If deemed necessary, I will administer electroshock treatments.”
The genuine strangle in Dr. Manson’s tone was the only thing keeping Katie from outright loathing her. The woman seemed truly tormented by her choice, and in a twisted up way; Katie could almost understand it. The woman had a moral compass often trumped by her passion for her work, but still tried to use it and contemplate the right thing. She understood why the woman might make the decision she was, and it horrified Katie because she knew the woman probably did have both the means and the ability to eradicate her personality and thoughts.
Katie braced her fingers against the bottom of the small tank to steady herself. She was glad to have control of her body again, even if her movements were a little sluggish. Though she had absolutely no desire to live the rest of her life as an exotic pet in a tank, Katie knew that a tail would not ruin her chances of a life beyond. Her family would be highly accepting of her and she and Luna could easily find a new routine. It took some life goals out of the picture, but there would be no future for her at all if Dr. Manson ruined her mind.
There was slim hope she could bargain with the scientist and convince her that she wanted to stick around. She would never be able to provide satisfying reasons to the woman other than a fear of death. Knowing how the scientist seemed to compartmentalize her thoughts, Katie assumed the woman would wave that fear off if the electroshock was relatively painless and effective. Once it was over, Katie wouldn’t be afraid anymore. She simply would no longer exist.
Though it left a sour taste in her mouth, Katie decided that if she wanted to live, she would have to play a role. She would need to play it well enough to convince Dr. Manson that she was not a girl trapped in the body of a fish as she seemed to believe, and instead simply the fish. The scientist and her creepy benefactor wanted an animal. The Mer were not animals, but she was not inclined to share that information with them. They wanted a wild critter named Paisley. She would give them Paisley then…for now.
Katie took another watery breath. Her gills were going to take some getting used to, but she was growing more comfortable with using them. She wanted to stop floating now though. She was not certain where the subtle current was coming from in the stationary glass box, but it was jostling her about and making her feel a little sick. Without really thinking about it, she inhaled again, but swallowed the water a little differently. Her gut grew heavy - though not uncomfortably so - and her belly pressed flat to the glass. Katie kept herself propped on her flat, splayed forearms.
“Amazing,” Dr. Manson murmured from beyond the small tank. She fumbled around for her original recorder and began to update the log. “Subject Paisley appears to have developed a fully functioning swim bladder and has used it instinctively and without aid to achieve a desired negative buoyancy. The procedure is progressing better than anticipated. The water seems to be doing her some good. Paisley is now much more alert and active, and seems to be in little to no pain despite her continued progression towards a finished product. It may be best to keep her submerged the remainder of the trial.”
Katie shook herself under the water and gave her half-formed fin an experimental flick. It was hard to move it with her lower body bound in the tight sleeve, but she managed. There were several noisy crackling sounds and some pain as she forced the limb to move. It did cup the water better than she expected and jolted her forward until she crashed face first into the glass. She barely bit back a cry of surprise and instead gave a more animalistic yelp.
The sound made Dr. Manson begin to chuckle. “Oh Paisley,” she laughed. “Looks like perhaps not all instinct has fully set in yet, hmm? Did you hurt yourself?”
The woman leaned forward and pushed up her sleeve in order to reach into the water. The second she touched Katie’s shoulder, Katie reacted. She lashed her half-fin and twisted her body to dart away into the corner and coil up, hissing softly. It was what Luna did when she was genuinely spooked, and Katie hoped the behavior was common enough in most Mer that Dr. Manson might recognize it from the other Mer they had.
The rapid motion had hurt more than she anticipated, and she could not bend properly to curl as much as she would have liked, but Dr. Manson did pause, and her intake of breath was audible. Her hand retracted from the water as she picked up her second recorder once again. “Perhaps my initial assessments were wrong,” she whispered into the microphone. “There may not be very much of the human girl left. Paisley is displaying much more animalistic behaviors now. While I may have been inclined to suspect the girl capable of pretending, her last response to physical contact was a near perfect replica of the original specimen’s behaviors when spooked; though Paisley seems far less aggressive. I have seldom seen any exactly similar displays in other marine creatures and the likelihood of the display being accidental is small. Her instincts seem to be taking root and encouraging the appropriate mermaid behaviors,” she reported.
Katie took another breath and sighed with silent relief. She quietly thanked Luna’s slightly more primitive tendencies and made a note to keep her sister’s habits in mind. They may help save her skin more than she’d initially thought.
Turning her head, Katie took a moment to examine what was left of her feet. The fused limb was throbbing now, and she wasn’t overly surprised. She probably shouldn’t have been moving it so much when it clearly wasn’t ready to function yet. Despite the ache, it actually now looked a lot more like a fin. It had flattened further and the fusion seemed a lot more seamless, rather than a knotted warp of her flesh. The fin had taken on a wide shape, as though someone had merged two triangles together, and Katie realized that while it had hurt, the motion might have been exactly what her development had needed.
She knew there was no going back now, no way to stop the scientist. To be frank, Katie had no desire to try at the moment. At least she could make a life as a Mer; she didn’t want to be stunted as some halfway between mutant being. So her only true goal was for the transition to finish as quickly as possible so that she could hopefully get free of the IV and tangle of wires. She wanted to learn to use her new tail once she had it, and glean a bit more space and privacy to figure out how she was going to get out of this place.
Within the brace holding her legs together, Katie was aware of more changes occurring. She could feel as her skin split, knit itself together, and shifted around. She felt partially fused up to her knees, and there was a growing pressure as her bones quaked and were ground tightly together. She knew Luna had next to no true bones in her highly flexible lower limb, and Katie suspected that her tibias and fibulas were facing a painful, imminent destruction. She was not going to like that part.
She winced openly as the pressure and pain grew worse. She shifted her hips, hoping a new position would help - it didn’t - and her pained hiss was not an act this time.
“Paisley?” Dr. Manson’s concerned tone cut through Katie’s discomfort. She wasn’t about to reply to the scientist, but even if she had wanted to, she would not have gotten the chance. The loud snapping sound responded for her. Katie shrieked as a wave of white hot agony rolled over her, shooting from her right leg - or what was left of it - and was quickly followed by another echoing crack. Katie’s back arched and her nails dragged along the bottom of the glass tank as she cried out again.
“Okay, okay, easy Paisley, easy,” Dr. Manson cooed as she rose and hurried to the other side of the room. Katie ground her teeth and bowed her head. Every breath, every slight movement jostled the bone shards and renewed her pain.
She reopened her eyes in time to see Dr. Manson pushing a small brown hose into the water with her. The water level didn’t appear to change, but the taste in her mouth quickly began to taste sickeningly sweet, and Katie felt her head begin to spin. Dr. Manson was drugging her again.
“It’s okay, Paisley,” the scientist murmured. Her hand reached into the water and began to stroke Katie’s hair as the pain began to melt away. “Rest now. It shouldn’t be too much longer.”
Though she hated the sedatives and especially despised the sensation of waking from them, for once she welcomed the firm embrace of forced slumber. At least it took the pain away.