There was a sombre feeling squeezing at Karina’s gut as she made her way over the cresting dunes where they were staying. The reef cut short on this particular shelf, leaving lots of sandy hills and swaying grasses in its wake. It had been just over a moon since she and Nero had joined up with his pod, and while the sting of her lost family was a wound that remained raw and bloody, she was beginning to settle in. His parents were nothing but welcoming and doted on her constantly and while she never felt the need to be spoiled that way, it did make her feel loved in a way she desperately craved. She had made a couple of friends, and it was gradually getting easier to breathe. But that did not mean that there were not new hardships they were facing, and Karina knew the pain twisting up in her belly was not entirely hers.
As she swam over the final crest of a hill before the shelf sloped down and dropped off into a trench, Karina finally found her mate. Nero was sitting with his head bowed and his back slumped on the very edge of the shelf, with his tail dangling into open water. Karina’s heart pinched at seeing him look so defeated. It was not a look Nero had often, he was always so strong and protective and sweet that seeing his pain felt like swallowing broken oyster shells. This was where the unease was coming from. He was in duress and they had both noticed an ability to sense it since their bond was forged.
She hurried over to him and laid a splayed hand on his back. “Nero?”
When he did not reply, she twisted in front of him and dropped into his lap so that she could cup his cheeks and gently guide his gaze up to hers. The pain sparkling in his irises broke her heart further as she stared back at him.
“She really is gone,” Nero murmured finally. His voice was hollow and his eyes wide with a pale, gaunt expression. His sister.
Karina leaned her head down until her forehead pressed to his and she hummed softly. There was not much that could be said about his situation. Reuniting with his family had not been without pain, and learning the fate of his younger sister had crushed Nero. For turns now, he had resisted the notion, argued and denied it and demanded an alternate explanation for what happened to her. Karina understood his grief and yearned to help him, but Nero had been unable to accept the truth. It seemed that it was finally sinking in and she knew it was going to be hard, but that he could heal. They could heal together.
“I wanted you to meet her,” he admitted.
“I know,” Karina agreed. “I would have loved to. You always spoke so fondly of her. I can understand why you love her so much.”
“I failed her,” he growled. “I should have been here.”
Karina gritted her teeth and forced herself not to recoil. She knew Nero did not regret their bond and that he did not blame her, that he was in pain and blaming himself. “There was nothing you could have done, Nero,” she whispered. “It is tragic, but no one is to blame for it, least of all you.”
He shook his head and his arms curled around the small of her back as he squeezed her to him. “I am sorry,” he apologized. “You are in enough pain that I should not be unloading this on you. Are you doing alright?”
Karina shook her head and pulled out of his grip. She met his gaze with bared fangs and he flinched. She knew he was not used to this as she rarely showed her anger quite so aggressively. She had only ever hissed at him in the height of her blinding pain as he pulled her away from her home reef. “No,” she snarled. “You do not do that. We are mates, Nero, there are no secrets. You should not be hiding your pain or comparing our losses, that is not how it works.”
Her anger fled her and she leaned back in to touch noses, and she stroked his cheek with her thumb. “I love you, Nero. I appreciate everything you have gone through and had to put up with. I know I did not always treat you fairly while grieving and I will regret that as long as we live, but do not do this. We are mates, partners. We face everything together. That was what you promised me, that we would face every hardship and every trial, and experience every joy together. We will face your loss together too. Do not shut me out, please,” she whimpered. “You do not have to protect me from it, there is no other place I would rather be than by your side, helping you overcome the hurt.”
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His grip as he lurched closed and embraced her made Karina’s ribs creak and bubbles puff from her lips, but she merely hugged him back and began rubbing his back around his dorsal. His body began to shake as he clung to her, and she began to hum softly in hopes of helping to soothe him. “I am sorry. I did promise. Karina, I miss her so much,” he sobbed.
“I know,” Karina soothed. She continued to rub his back and though she was still perched in his lap, it felt more like she was cradling him as she turned her head and rested her cheek against his soft curls. “She was your sister, Nero. You are always going to love her and miss her.”
“I promised I would always keep her safe,” he muttered. “I promised the same to you, but I failed Kera. I failed her, so how long before I fail you too?”
Karina pursed her lips and twisted to kiss the crown of his head. She hated that Nero was tearing himself apart like this. Did he not realize how much he was loved and how much she admired him? Nothing was going to shatter that. She took a breath. She just needed to remind him. “You could never fail me, Nero,” she assured him. She lifted his chin until he was looking up at her and she smiled. “I love you. I love you and cherish you and admire you, and you could never do a thing to change any of that. You are my heart, my soul, and my world. You will not fail me, and I will not fail you, because we are in it together. If we fail anything, it will be together. Just as we shall succeed together.”
A few heartbeats passed between them in silence that was only disturbed by the few shaky inhales Nero took as he continued to cry. Karina hated seeing him in this much pain, but she simply continued to embrace him. She was learning from Rebecca that sometimes emotion had to flow. No matter how painful it was was, it could not always be stemmed. And Karina was more than willing to console her mate through his grief.
When the tide of his emotion began to ebb, Nero grabbed Karina by her hips and rolled so that she was lying in the sand and gazing up at him. The weariness that showed on his face prompted her to reach up and cup his cheek. He leaned into the touch with a subdued hum. “Do you feel any better?” she checked.
“I always feel better with you,” Nero assured her. “Thank you…I-I miss my sister a lot now that she is gone, but I cherish having you to share life’s burdens and triumphs with. I need you, Karina.”
“I need you too. But I am here for you, Nero. Please do not ever try to hide your heart from me like that. We need to support each other, always.”
Nero hummed in the back of his throat and bowed his head to kiss her. Her fins curled as his mouth pressed to hers, but some small part of her could not help worrying. This felt more like him trying to be strong for her, and she did not want him holding his hurt inside.
She slid her hands up his arms and pushed herself up, breaking the kiss in the process.
“Karina?” Nero queried. There was a frown on his lips and his brows had met over the bridge of his nose. “Is something wrong?”
Karina shook her head. She cupped Nero’s face on either side and pulled him down against her chest. Whenever she was distressed, Nero would cradle her against him and she would calm herself with the rhythmic sounds of his heartbeat drumming in his chest. She yearned to offer him the same now that he was the one in distress. She curled her tail around him and pulled him back into an embrace. “Be at peace,” she murmured into his hair as she held him.
Mates were always meant to support each other, but Karina had been starting to feel like a burden again with how heavily she was leaning on Nero. She knew he did not mind, but the opportunity now to support him for a change drove Karina’s rumbling purr to be twice as deep. She was only spurred on further as he began to relax in her grasp and he matched her tempo.
He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. “Where would I be without you?”
“The same place I would be without you. But I do not like to think about that.” Karina teased the fingers of her free hand through his hair. “I am sorry about Kera, Nero. I wish I could have met her and I wish even more that you did not have to endure such grief. But she was lucky to have you as a brother, just as I treasure you as my mate. You are not a failure, Nero.”
“No,” he agreed. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to the side of her jaw. “Because I have you.”
Karina’s purr grew stronger and she nuzzled him. “And you always will,” she vowed.