“Nero.”
At the sound of his name, Nero snapped awake and jerked upright.
Devin was crouched in his line of sight and she smiled. “I didn’t mean to startle you. You were out cold for a while. Do you feel any better?”
Nero nodded. He was too busy stretching out stiff muscles to bother with a verbal response immediately. But as he woke up more, it struck him that Devin had a reason for waking him and panic ignited in his heart. “Karina?”
“She’s fine,” Devin assured him. “She’s still confused and scared, and more than a little frustrated, but she’s recovering quickly. Physically, at least. We’ve confirmed she has amnesia. I’m sorry that we were forced to doubt you, Nero.”
“You know for certain?”
Devin grimaced. “Az asked her how old she was. Now, Karina is a beautiful young woman, but she is noticeably older than sixteen.”
Nero gritted his teeth and hung his head.
“It’s alright,” Devin encouraged. “There’s still a fair chance that her memories will return. And if they don’t, then you’ll catch her up. She’s been very insistent about returning to her pod. Why don’t you offer to take her? It’s home anyway, right?”
“N-no,” Nero shuddered. He licked his lips. It was still a painful wound in his heart and that was only half the pain Karina felt. If her memories did not return, he would have to break her heart with the truth all over again and he was not prepared to do it. “It is impossible for Karina to return to her pod. Her family passed several cycles ago.”
Devin lifted a hand to her lips and shook her head. Sorrow glazed over in her eyes and she took a shaky breath. “The entire pod? How many died?”
“Excluding Karina and I, her pod was smaller, but supported seventeen members.”
The emotion sparkling in Devin’s eyes grew stronger and she shook her head. “Those poor people…what happened? We haven’t heard of much that can take out an entire pod of Mer.”
Nero sighed. It was painful to remember Karina’s pod. They had saved his life. They had taken him in and cared for him, and did not drive him off when he developed feelings for Karina, despite their customs being vastly different from his own. He owed them a lot and now that they were gone, he had sworn to fulfill that debt by keeping their legacy safe. It felt like he was failing Karina terribly now. “A storm and a ship,” he answered finally. “The reef tore the ship apart and its dark blood killed our pod. Karina and I were away from the reef and that is the only reason we only got sick instead of perishing outright.”
“An oil spill…” Devin whispered. She shook her head. “Nero, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must have been like to go through.”
Nero worried at his lip and twisted his fingers together into a knot as he stared at his tail. “It was many cycles ago, but it has haunted her ever since…I cannot imagine having to tell her all over again if she does not regain her memories.”
Devin reached up to lay her palm over his shoulder before she gave it a squeeze. “I don’t have the answer for that, Nero. But it probably should come from you. We’re going to bring Karina down to the pools now. Carson doesn’t want her to start feeling dehydrated. Between her illness and the medication, the water will do her good. It might be better if you’re waiting for her, so I came to show you back.”
Nero’s heart fluttered in his chest. He desperately wanted to see his mate again. To see for himself that she was still awake and doing alright. But he was also afraid that she might look at him and be scared again. It had been one of the most awful feelings to have frightened her while she was vulnerable and could not remember him. He clenched his jaw and nodded at Devin. Despite his uncertainties, he needed to try. Karina still needed him whether she knew it now or not and he was going to try once more to assure her that he was not a threat she needed to be wary of. He had not been prepared for what had initially happened, but now that he was, he would be more careful with his words and actions. “Alright,” he affirmed. “Lead the way.”
Devin pushed herself up onto her feet and then nudged the discarded blue device from earlier at him. “Here,” she offered. “Make use of it, it’ll make your job easier.”
Nero placed a hand on the device and took a moment to inspect it. It moved easily with every motion of his hand and he nodded. He suspected Devin was right, that it would make it easier, and it would certainly be better than dragging his tail across the den floor.
There was a dull thump as Nero flopped his tail up onto the device. The noise made as he rolled himself after Devin was mildly grating, but he supposed it was a minor inconvenience compared to the effort dealing with the gravity of land would be.
When they reached the water, Nero discarded the device next to a few similar ones and dove into the largest of the five basins in this area of the den. This one led directly out to the water and was connected to two of the others, while the other two were smaller and remained separate.
There were far fewer Mer milling about than there had been earlier, but that did not bother Nero. He had never been the most comfortable in a crowd anyway and he was not sure how social Karina would be feeling given her current condition.
The water was pleasant against his skin and he sighed with relief. He took a moment to stretch out some of the muscles in his tail and torso before resurfacing with the intent of thanking Devin, but she had already departed. He frowned and pursed his lips as he glanced around in case he had merely missed where she had moved to.
“Do not look so alarmed. Devin and Carson tend to back off as soon as possible if there are Mer who are less than comfortable around humans.”
Nero turned and watched as Moore dragged herself from the water to sit on the edge of the basin. “Pardon?”
The elderly Mer shrugged. “I have known those three for many cycles now. They have worked very hard to make this place what it is for our people; a sanctuary. They want nothing more than for every Mer who comes here to feel safe and comfortable. Even if that means making themselves scarce from time to time.”
Nero pursed his lips and nodded. “I understand. Thank you, Moore, for helping me yesterday; I was not in a good state of mind.”
Moore hummed, but she did not say anything more.
He appreciated the silence, so instead of pushing for further conversation, Nero redirected his focus to the passageway he had come from. He could only assume Karina would be led back to the water the same way and he was antsy with the need to see her again.
He did not have to wait long. Though he had been expecting to see Carson, it was Az who came down the tunnel with Karina. Though he appreciated that her contact with humans was being kept to a minimum and that she did not have to attempt to navigate dragging herself down the hall after being so weak for so long, the distinctly uncomfortable look on Karina’s features as she shifted her weight half in Az’s lap made Nero bristle. He had to swallow back the urge to growl because he knew that Az meant no harm and that he was not directly the cause of Karina’s discomfort. It was far more likely that their surroundings and her current mental state were the primary sources.
When Az pulled to a stop near the edge of the water, Karina whistled a quiet ‘thank you’ and slithered down from his moving perch and pulled up short in front of Moore.
So far, Karina had seemed to have a negative response to everyone she had interacted with since she had woken up. But when she made eye contact with the elderly Mer, she froze and blinked slowly, before offering Moore a shy smile. It did not really surprise Nero much. Karina’s pod primarily yielded to the decisions of the eldest member, and Karina’s grandmother was both strict but kind, and her granddaughter had respected her immensely. It was no shock that Karina would seek comfort in that instinct now. “Hello.”
Moore hummed. “It is good that you are up and well now. You were in a very poor way when you arrived here. But I have heard that you have faced some new struggles upon waking up.”
Karina glanced away and rubbed at her arm. “It has been disorienting,” Karina admitted. “I do not know how I got here or what led to me taking sick. I have not felt right. But I have to get back to my pod. My family will be worried about me.”
“I know,” Moore purred. “And no one will stop you, but you need to stay here a little longer. It will be a long journey and you are swaying as it is. You need to rest and recover before such a taxing endeavour. Have you even eaten since you woke?”
“I am not hungry,” Karina muttered. “The thought of food merely makes me feel worse.”
Moore nodded. “You are worried for the people you love. Turn around,” Moore instructed. “I will deal with your tangles and you can tell me about them.”
Karina worried at her lip, but after a moment or two, she turned her back to Moore. Moore reached out and began to pull her fingers through Karina’s long, blonde tresses. They had become quite tangled with sand and sickness, and that had only grown worse above the water where it had been allowed to dry. “Thank you,” Karina whispered. “But…I do not wish to discuss my family. I hope you can understand…I…It only makes being away harder.”
“I do understand,” Moore agreed as she continued untangling Karina’s hair. “If not your family, something else then. I heard you are having some problems with your memory.”
As the muscles in Karina’s back tensed, Nero had to swallow back a growl. He was so stressed about her well-being that despite knowing she was in no danger, his instincts urged him to protect her over even the smallest slight.
“There is nothing wrong with my memory,” she hissed.
Moore clucked her tongue.
“It is only how I got here that eludes me.”
“Karina…would you tell me about yourself? How old are you, child?”
“Sixteen cycles,” Karina responded. “But I do not see why it matters.”
"Look into the water, Karina,” Moore urged. When Karina complied, Moore placed a hand on her back. “Hardly the reflection of one quite that young, would you not agree?”
“I…I do not understand,” Karina whimpered. She retreated from the edge of the water with a shake of her head. “I…”
“You have forgotten a lot, Karina,” Az added. “I know it is daunting, but you have to accept that or you are going to get yourself hurt.”
Karina shook her head and retreated from both of them. “No,” she hissed. “You are wrong. Both of you. I could not forget so much. It was nothing more than a trick of the water.”
Nero sighed. He had been listening to the back and forth between them for long enough. He could not remain silent any longer while his mate struggled. So he pulled himself from the water and took a breath. “Karina,” he called, making certain to keep his tone soft and calm. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her off again. That had been bad enough of an experience the first time and he did not think that their currently fragile relationship could withstand another blow like the first. She may never allow him near enough again to garner her trust, much less rekindle their bond.
But Karina’s eyes were already wide and she ducked low as if cornered when she turned to look at him. “You again…I do not know you,” she whispered. She began to slowly push herself back further away from him.
Though he longed to grab for her hand, Nero chewed his lip to resist the urge and he nodded. “I know,” he agreed. “And that is alright. I am sorry that I frightened you earlier.”
“You…you were there when I woke up,” Karina murmured. “You claimed we are bonded, you kissed me, but I have no mate. I have tried to prolong bonding at all. Why would you do that, why would you lie and say those things? Who are you?”
Every accusation felt like an urchin thorn being punctured deep into his heart, but Nero swallowed back his emotions. “My name is Nero and I know that you are frightened and that there was a misunderstanding when you first woke, and I apologize for that. I was relieved that you were recovering that I behaved hastily. It will not happen again. All I would like is the chance to start fresh. To talk to you, explain what I can, and hopefully reassure you. Will you be willing to forgive our first interaction long enough to hear me out?” he requested.
Karina’s mane had flattened to her skull, but her gaze was directed at the ground and she began to trace her finger against the ground. “Yes,” she agreed finally. When she met his gaze, there were tears swimming in her eyes. “Tell me the truth. Why did you bring me here, why did you take me from my family…what…what is wrong with me? Why do I feel so confused and muddled up and…and drawn to a stranger?”
She did not come any closer, but Karina had stopped retreating and was watching him intently, so he supposed that was a start. “You feel that way because Az and Moore are right, Karina. Since you have woken up, there are a lot of things missing from your memory…” Nero trailed off as Karina began to shake her head frantically. “Karina, I am not trying to upset you. I know it is disturbing, but if you are willing to listen, I will tell you a story.”
Karina chewed on her lip. “What kind of story?”
“Our past,” Nero replied.
“But, I do not-”
“Know me, I know,” Nero agreed. “Please, Karina, just hear me out.”
She glanced away from him and Nero felt his heart sink. But then she sighed and nodded. “Okay,” she agreed. “But I do not see how a made-up story will help.”
“It is not made up,” Nero refused. “But it does start several cycles ago. Back when you really were sixteen.” Karina opened her mouth – no doubt to object – so Nero hurried on before she could protest again. “There was a terrible storm that tore apart my hunting party. I got caught in a tempest tube.”
“And you claim your tale is not made up…that would have killed you,” Karina interrupted. She did not sound cross, however, so Nero merely smiled and dipped his head at her.
“It should have,” he agreed. “And I was very badly wounded. I would have died if I was not shown kindness by your pod. Endalla tended to me.”
“How do you know my grandmother’s name?” Karina pressed.
Nero smiled. “How could I forget. For all her skill and generosity, she is one scary Mer. I received several bruises while I was healing from that whalebone of hers. She would get quite upset if she felt I was not resting or healing as I should be.”
It had started as a soft smile, but as Nero spoke, Karina began to laugh and his heart pinched. It had been too long now since he had heard her laughter. “I know that feeling well,” she admitted. “I was a foolish child, but I learned quickly. But she loves me. I…I miss her.”
“I know,” Nero agreed. “I miss her too. But that is only how our story starts, Karina. I met you when I first woke up. I was so disoriented and in a lot of pain, and my vision was blurry. I will admit, I was scared. But you were there…I remember thinking you were a bright ray of sunlight, but then I saw your smile and it was hard to be scared then. You made the moons of recovery tolerable and we became close friends.”
Karina began shaking her head again. “What you say cannot be true. How could I forget someone I considered a good friend?”
“I know you did not mean to,” Nero assured her. “And there is plenty of time for us to know one another again. Once I got better, I was faced with a difficult choice; return to my pod or stay for the chance to grow closer to the Mer I loved.”
Karina shuffled her fins and tapped a finger against the floor. She was silent for long enough that Nero began to worry he may have upset her again. “Which did you choose?” she asked.
Nero’s heart skipped a beat and he risked reaching out to place a hand over hers. She flinched, but she did not pull away. “I chose to stay, Karina. I chose you and I always will. Of course, at the time, it was not the easiest choice to make. I had to sway your family, prove myself a useful addition rather than a drain on resources. Your father was happy for me to stay. He cared only about having another able-bodied hunter and your happiness. Karn knew you never wanted to leave and he knew we had grown close. I never would have succeeded without his support. Miere was a little tougher to convince though.”
“She wanted me to go,” Karina agreed. “It was our custom. Merik had already gone and she wanted me to take a mate from one of the pods who passed through, for me to go and to know that I was well-cared for. I do not want that,” Karina sighed. “I want to stay with my family and I want to bond for love, not security, but I know she means well and it is because she loves me. If what you say is true…I did not leave? I…we stayed with my family?”
“Yes,” Nero agreed. “We stayed. And we did bond for love, Karina. You are my very best friend. You mean the world to me. And I know that you remember none of that right now and I do not want to put any pressure on you. We became friends once and all I am asking for is a chance to become friends again. Everything else will come later.”
Karina hesitated. Her nose wrinkled up and her face pinched in as she continued worrying on her lip. Nero started to worry she would slice through the flesh if she kept at it, but he knew this was something she would have to work through on her own. Her mane flicked back and stayed lowered and she began to pick at the tip of one of her fingers. “I cannot imagine forgetting something so important as a mate. If you speak the truth, then I have forgotten many cycles of my life. I have forgotten the Mer I love who would have also been my best friend and I cannot imagine I could ever do such a thing. Bonds are meant to be the strongest thing in our lives, how could I not remember that? It has to be a lie.”
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The words hurt. The truth hurt, but so did her rejecting it. All he wanted was to sweep her into his arms and hug her tightly. He wanted to express his relief that she was alright and just hold her close until all his stress about losing her melted away. But he could not do any of that. It would spook her if he did that. He had to be patient and though it was difficult, he knew he would do anything for her. So he took a deep breath and offered her a small smile as he recalled what Devin had suggested to him when he had the same questions earlier. “I do not think you have forgotten our bond at all, Karina. I think it is still there and that it is what is making you so uncomfortable now. Look at me, just for a moment. What do you feel?”
Though she still looked uncertain, she levelled her wide brown eyes at him and Nero’s heart still managed to skip a beat despite the circumstances. For a few heartbeats, Karina did not say anything or react, but tears began to water in her gaze. “I…I feel confused,” she admitted.
“Why?” Nero prompted. He shifted his weight and tensed his fingers as he resisted the urge to reach out and wipe a tear from her cheek. He was not sure if she would be okay with that right now.
Karina sighed. “Because I do not know you. I have no memory of you at all and yet…as unsure as I feel around you, I want to be near you.”
Hope ignited in Nero’s chest. Her words confirmed what he had been hoping for. Their bond was still there, still active, but it was struggling beneath a lack of recognition. As long as it was there, they could strengthen it again. “You were very ill, Karina. You nearly died,” Nero paused as he choked on the word. “You were feverish and spent almost half a moon more unconscious than awake. I do not fully understand how you have forgotten so much, but it has been explained to me that there are consequences of that level of illness and that disorientation and memory loss can be side effects.”
Karina pursed her lips and nodded along as he spoke. “How did I get that ill?”
Nero shook his head. “I do not know. It was not severe at first. You got tired more easily and started coughing and sneezing, and that is all that it was for a while, but when you started getting sicker, you declined so quickly and nothing we did helped you get any better.”
There must have been some desperation that leaked into his tone – or perhaps Karina could still sense his emotions through their bond – because the look of confusion morphed to sympathy as she smiled at him and flipped her hand upright to squeeze his fingers. “I am sure you did everything you could,” she acknowledged. “That must have been scary.”
Nero nodded. “But the important thing is that you are alright now. We will face everything else the same way we always have; together. That was our promise to each other. That we would always face any challenge, any hardship, and any joy together. I know you do not remember that and I have no desire to pressure you. I know you do not remember and that is likely going to make it harder to trust me. I have no expectations. I just want the chance to know each other all over again.”
Karina stared back at him for a few heartbeats. There was nothing truly positive or negative in her gaze, she simply appeared lost in thought. He could only imagine how overwhelming this all must have been for her. Then she glanced at Moore, who had shifted back a little way, but had a soft smile on her face. Then she glanced at Az, but he merely shrugged. This was her choice. “Okay,” she agreed finally.
Nero’s heart fluttered in his chest and he squeezed her fingers back. “Thank you, Karina,” he breathed. He wanted to hug her, to hold her, and to give her a kiss, but he swallowed back all his urges. This needed to be at her pace. She had a lot to remember and relearn. He hoped her memory would return after a short while, but he knew he needed to prepare for the situation where it would not.
“There is just one thing I cannot understand,” she admitted.
“What is it?”
Karina chewed her lip. “I want to believe you, Nero. I cannot explain why, and believing you scares me, but I want it to be true. But I do not understand why you would bring me here. Surely my grandmother never would have allowed you to take me away if I was so poorly. I do not like to think about the implication that someone I do not remember might have gone behind her back and stolen me away while I was not conscious.”
Nero nodded. This was not a conversation he wanted to have now, but he could not lie to her if he wanted to regain her trust. If she never recovered her memory, the truth would come out eventually and make her doubt him all over again. And there were no secrets between mates. That was part of their promise. They faced everything together and did not hide anything from each other. “Your grandmother is the best healer that I have ever known,” Nero began while choosing his words cautiously. “And you are right that Endalla would not have allowed me to bring you here, to take this sort of risk. She would have beaten me bloody merely for suggesting it and I will always respect that about her. She took her healing very seriously. But she was not the one tending to you. My mother practices healing as well and while she is very skilled, no other Mer will ever match Endalla. When she told me there was nothing more she could do for you other than to end your suffering prematurely before your illness could drag out and eventually claim you regardless, I panicked. I need you, Karina. I love you and I could not fathom spending the rest of my life without you. Not without exhausting every option I had. When another spoke of this place and the miracles they could work, I knew I had to try, that I would never forgive myself if I did not.”
As he elaborated, Karina’s expression grew more and more concerned until she finally shook her head. “Why did you not bring me to my grandmother?”
Nero shook his head and a lump of sorrow rose in his throat to choke him. “I could not.”
“But why?” Karina pressed.
Nero pursed his lips and met her gaze evenly, even as he felt his heart cracking. “Karina…you know why,” he urged.
Tears began to water in Karina’s gaze and she shook her head. “No…” she protested with a croak. “No…not…not her. She….she was so strong, so healthy…how did she-”
Nero shook his head to cut her off. “Do not ask that,” he refused. “Not now, the knowledge will not change it and it is a few cycles in the past now.” He knew he should tell her that it was not just Endalla who was gone. She would need to know, but he could not find a way to form the words.
Karina gulped and redirected her gaze to the ground. She nodded, but her shoulders began to shake, so Nero risked leaning forward to wipe a tear from her cheek. “I…I just cannot imagine that…”
When she did not say anything more, Nero cupped her cheek and stroked his thumb over the smooth skin. Surprisingly, she leaned into his touch, but now was not the time to be happy about that. “Oh Karina,” he murmured. “I never wanted you to have to relive your grief…I am so sorry.”
Karina shook her head. “It is not your fault,” she replied. She took a deep shaky breath. Then her brows knitted together and lifted her gaze back to his. “Nero…you said we stayed with my family…Why were we with another pod? My pod never would have merged with another but I cannot imagine we were merely visiting yours if I got so sick for so long?”
Nero bit his lip. There was no way around the conversation, but it felt like the wrong time for it. Karina was teetering as it was and he had only just gotten her to give him the benefit of the doubt. This would not be something she would want to hear and he worried that it would fracture any of the fragile trust he had earned. “Because there is more to our story, Karina,” he admitted. “But I do not know if it is the best time for the rest of it. Not all of it is pleasant and I worry that you are still not well enough yet.”
Karina shook her head and her gaze hardened. She pulled away from him and her hand slipped from his. “Tell me,” she demanded. There was a quiver to her voice as if she already suspected, but her tone had been firm regardless.
Nero nodded. “Alright,” he agreed. He shifted into a seated position with his tail trailing in the water, and motioned with his hand to invite her to join him. She hesitated for a moment, but then pulled herself over and sat with her tail over the edge of the basin too. They were not close enough that they were touching, but it was close enough. Nero took a deep breath. “You were eighteen,” he replied. “Our bond was still new and we were so infatuated with one another that we would have done anything to slip away and spend some time together.”
Karina nodded along to the start of the story. “How old are we now?” she asked.
“I have a cycle on you,” he clarified. “But you are twenty-two.”
Karina squeezed her fingers into fists and then opened them again. “How can I be missing almost six cycles of my life?”
He reached out and took her hand again. She did not protest or pull away, but he kept his grip loose in case she changed her mind. “It will be alright,” he assured her.
She sighed and shrugged. “Perhaps. Just…finish the story…please?”
“We had snuck away for the night. There is a mangrove patch not far from your reef if you recall.”
“I do.”
“We spent the night in the shallows, cuddling and watching the stars. But a bad storm rolled in. We were safer – if a bit battered – among the root tangles than we ever would have been trying to swim back. You did not want to leave though. You found it was like a little adventure, just the two of us. I do not know if our decision made us lucky or unlucky, depending on how you look at it, but by the dawn, the water tasted wrong and a dark film spreading across the surface began to reach us.”
He watched Karina tense and turn her gaze to him with parted lips and furrowed brows. “I…I do not understand,” she whispered, but the horror in her tone told him she suspected.
“By the time we made it back, we were coughing and struggling to breathe, and there was nothing to return to,” Nero whimpered. He gritted his teeth together and closed his eyes to fight back tears of his own. He had loved her pod too, they had done so much for him, and he would never forget the sounds of Karina’s screams, of her desperate cries as he had to hold her back from diving into the poisoned waters after her family. Eventually, he had needed to carry her away.
Karina’s mane flattened to her skull and her eyes grew wide and glassy. “You do not mean…”
Nero grimaced and shook his head. “A ship had been grounded on the reef in the storm. The coral tore it open and it spilled poisonous blood through the water. Anyone nearby would have died very quickly. It was only our distance that spared us…I…I did not know what to do, but when it became clear no one else had made it out – or at least stuck around if they had – I brought you to my pod. We have been living there for the last four cycles.”
Karina began to shake her head. “No,” she whimpered. She tugged her hand free of Nero’s. “You are wrong…that cannot be true.”
“Karina…”
“You are lying!” Karina hissed. She bared her fangs and more tears flowed down her cheeks. “You are wrong or lying or trying to trick me, but it is not true. It cannot be. My family is not…they cannot all be gone…I…I will prove it. I am going home,” she announced.
Before Nero could say anything or stop her, Karina dove from the side of the basin and was darting for the exit out to sea. Nero bit his lip to stem his own emotional agony and dove after her. This was going to hurt the most.
He caught up to her quickly and reached for her hand but she jerked away from him. “Stay away from me,” she cried. “You are wrong, I will prove it.”
“Do you even know where you are going?” he demanded. She was so disoriented and was never the strongest tracker that while instinct may still drive her in the direction of home, there would be no scents left to follow. “Karina, you are still sickly and weak and you need to rest.”
Karina shook her head. “I do not care, I will figure it out. Just…just leave me alone. You are a liar.”
Nero shook his head. He did not want to do this to her, but he had no other choice. If she went out to sea alone in this state, she would get herself killed and he could not go with her without her driving herself to exhaustion trying to get away from him. If her memory returned to her, she would understand. If it did not, she may never wish to see him again after this and while that would break his heart, he knew he could not allow her to risk herself like this out of fear she would be angry with him.
So he lashed his tail, caught up to her again, and wrapped his arms around her torso, pinning her arms in the process. He wrapped his tail around her and threw his weight back to bring them to a halt.
Karina hissed and bucked her tail in his grasp. “Let me go,” she sobbed. “I have to go, I have to.”
Nero shook his head. He spun her around and squeezed her against his torso and bowed his head. “I am sorry,” he murmured. “But I cannot let you go, not in this condition.”
Karina tossed her head from side to side and pushed as hard as she could against his chest, but he refused to relent. He gritted his teeth together and sunk in the water until he was curled up on the ground and holding his thrashing mate. “Let go!” she pleaded. She beat a hand against his chest. “Let me go. I do not believe you, you are wrong. They are fine. They have to be. Why are you lying to me, I…” Her words died away as heavy sobs overtook her. Nero hugged her as best he could while she was still pushing against him. It was hard to find anything to purr about, but he needed to soothe her as best he good. Her pain was pulsing like the raw, bloody wound it had been the first time, and he was the one who had torn it open again.
“I am so sorry, Karina. So, so sorry. This was never supposed to happen, you were never supposed to relive this. It will be okay.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it will not,” Karina wailed. “It is not okay. Let me go. I…I hate you! You are wrong and I hate you. Why are you saying such awful things?”
Her words tore at his soul, but he blew bubbles from his gills and hardened his heart. He could tell by her emotional turmoil that she knew. She did not remember, but she knew that her family was gone and that he had spoken the truth. Somewhere inside, she still knew. Perhaps that was why she had been so desperate to get back to them when she had woken up. She knew something was not right. She had been in denial the first time too, as he had carried her away. She had pushed and hit and beat at him then too. She had cried and shouted terrible things, but he knew she did not mean them and just did not know how to express her grief. He had endured it once and he would endure it again. There was nothing to be done but ride it out. She would find miserable acceptance eventually.
So he continued to hold her and she continued to cry and to resist. There were a few other Mer in the water, and a couple drew closer, likely attracted by her outbursts, but Nero paid them no mind. Karina did not even seem to realize that they were there. But they did not matter, she was all that mattered to him. And she needed all of his focus.
Her first outburst ebbed off eventually and she collapsed in exhaustion in his arms. She was quivering and sniffling and had resorted to whispered begging as she pleaded with him to admit the truth, to tell her that he was lying and that they were alright. Each request to be released, to be reassured that he had lied, that there was nothing amiss with her pod, tore the wounds in Nero’s heart deeper, but he pressed his lips together, held her tight, and gave in to none of those requests.
He apologized over and over and over, but he did not relent. Eventually, her frustrations and disbelief built up again and she began to yell and resist him once more. His arms and torso were littered with scratches from her nails as she fought him in her desperation. Some were shallow, others bled lightly, but if they were the price he had to pay to keep her safe, he was glad to endure it.
Time progressed and Karina’s second wave died out, but her shaking and begging never did. He began to grow worried that she might lose her voice. Most of the scratches were not intensional. She had clawed at him out of desperation in her squirming, but never maliciously. But she did hit him a few times, purposefully and pointedly, while reminding him that she hated him and he was awful and needed to let her go. But it was not malicious abuse. He knew that. She was frightened and hurt and sick, and now she had to grieve for the first time all over again.
He just continued to rub her back and whisper to her all the way through it.
At two separate points, Moore and Az both had joined them at the bottom of the basin. Moore had tried to offer condolences and reassurances to Karina, while Az had tried to convince her to eat and rest. But each time, Karina’s resisting had only grown worse as she tried to plead with them to help her, started asking for the truth from them, and getting worked up all over again, so eventually, Nero had growled and sent them both away respectively.
The basin had gradually been vacated until he and Karina were alone, and her struggles continued long after the lights above the water had dimmed and night had fallen. Then, finally, Karina succumbed to her exhaustion and fell asleep against him. She whimpered softly in her sleep and her gills flared with her stress, but she was finally limp. Nero did not dare move or risk disturbing her again, so he merely remained as he was. Holding her and guarding her. He could not forever. If in the morning she was still as upset, he would have to release her, have to find another way. It was wrong to pen her in his grasp and force her to remain where she was distressed, so he would not be able to for another round. For now, though, he would at least ensure she got some rest.
But it was a long night and Nero was exhausted and heartbroken too, and eventually, he surrendered to sleep as well.
***
Nero slept until he felt movement. Karina was stirring in his grasp and everything from the day before came flooding back to him. He was terrified to face what the dawn would bring. But as he opened his eyes, he found Karina rubbing at hers with a grimace like she had a headache. When she finally lowered her fists and met his gaze, her expression was blank with confusion for a moment, and then she smiled weakly. “Nero?” she murmured.
There was none of the previous day’s grief or anger or frustration in her tone, simply sleepy disorientation. But the longer he stared at her, the more her expression morphed. Her smile slipped and she cocked her head and raised a hand to his cheek. “Nero…are you alright?”
He was not sure how to answer that question and he did not want to risk antagonizing her again, but he licked his lips. “Karina?”
The start of a grin flickered on her lips. “Who else?” she teased, but her tone was flat and the smile did not linger.
“W-what…what do you remember?” he asked.
Karina chewed on her lip and her brows furrowed together. “I…I am not sure,” she muttered. “Everything is a little hazy…I was sick. Really sick. Rebecca was trying to help, I was so tired…it…it hurt…How long have I been out of it?”
As soon as she said his mother’s name, Nero knew that her memories had returned. Or at least, some of them had. He had not given her the name yesterday. He squeezed her against his torso and clung to her until she squeaked and began to wheeze. “Too tight,” she croaked.
Reluctantly, Nero loosened his embrace so that she could sit up. “You have been in and out of awareness for a while now,” he admitted. “I am just so glad you are alright.” He chewed his lip. So far, she had said nothing about their interactions since she had woken the first time and he was afraid to bring it up.
Karina nodded, but then her gaze drifted down and her frown returned. She lifted a finger to trace one of the scratches down his chest. It stung and he flinched involuntarily. “You are hurt…Nero…did I do this?” she asked. Her eyes widened with regret and she shook her head. “Nero, how…I would never…”
“You do not remember yesterday?” he checked. When Karina shook her head, he cupped one of her hands. “You were sick,” he told her. “It is only a few scratches.”
“That does not matter,” she resisted. Her mane flattened and she slumped in on herself. “I hurt you. There is no excuse for that.”
Nero shook his head. “No, Karina, please do not guilt yourself,” he begged. “Please. It is alright. I just…I just really need to hold you right now, okay? I was so afraid for you, I do not want you to burden yourself with things beyond your control.”
He wrapped his arms around her once more and she lowered herself down against his chest. She pressed her lips to one of the scratches. “I am sorry,” she whispered.
Nero shook his head. “Do not be.”
“Nero…what happened? I have no memory of these or anything else yesterday. It feels like it has been a long time since any solid memories. Everything is a haze. Tell me what happened?”
He shook his head. He would not. He would not relive it or burden her with the truth of her actions. It would only cause unnecessary pain. “There are no secrets between mates,” he murmured. “I will tell you, Karina, I promise. But not now. Please, I do not want to relive it, I just want to cherish a happy moment with you. I have needed on desperately. Just know that it was a really awful day in a long line of truly miserable turns.”
Karina did not argue or press the matter further. She hummed and pressed her lips to the side of his jaw. “I am sorry for the pain you have endured. I trust you, so I do not need to know right now. But Nero…where are we? This place is not natural, it smells of humans…are we in danger?”
Nero shook his head, though his heart sunk. “No…we are in no danger. I am sorry, Karina. I fear I made some poor choices while you were sick.”
“Like what?”
Nero sighed. “I brought you here. You were so ill that there was nothing more my mother could do to help you, but I could not let you go, could not let her…She would have been kind and merciful about it, but I was selfish, Karina. I needed you, I could not face the idea of your…of your death. So I brought you here. There are humans here who help our kind. It was a desperate gamble for your life, but the entire time I worried about your wishes, and whether you would have preferred…”
Karina began to shake her head and she cut him off by pressing her lips to his. It was a sweet kiss, tender and loving and she clung to him within his embrace. “No,” she whispered. “You are right that I have no desire to be near the shores or the people who dwell on the land, but I would never prefer to leave you. Not unless the cost of living is too great. Was it? What has coming here cost us?”
Nero shook his head. “A long journey home,” he replied.
Karina hummed. She bowed her head and nuzzled his cheek. “I am alive and I get to stay with you. I trust you, Nero. I always have, I always will. And I am thankful that your choices mean you were not left alone and that I get to continue living with the person I care most for in the world.”
Nero tightened his grip on her again, but not so much as to risk squeezing her as he initially had. “And how are you feeling?” he checked as he searched her face. Her colour was normal and she was no longer shaking. The scent of illness still lingered on her, but it was so faint it might as well have been stale by many turns.
She smiled and hummed as she kissed him again. “Nero? Let us go home,” she urged. She laced her fingers in his. “You say it is a long journey? Both long journeys in our shared life, you have had to support me and face the stress and risk alone. This time, I want to make it together. Take me home?”
Nero began to purr and he nodded. He squeezed her fingers and cupped her face in his palm. It had been terrible to see her without her memories, so frightened and angry, but that shell no longer stared at him. Karina was healthy and whole, and he knew their bond would grow stronger than before after this. Trials and challenges were hard and he hated them, but they always wound up reaffirming how much he loved and needed her. “I would love nothing more.”