"What the hell afro man!" Hans yelled out after the rag tag team of cosmic misfits had crash landed after running out of fuel.

"Now I'm in no state to think, but I think it's pretty fucking obvious that a ship needs fuel to fly! And I'm not caught up on the latest in medical science, but falling from space! Is not a healthy thing to do!" He yelled.

He was on the cusp of sobriety.

Trying to keep a handle on the demons that began to swirl within.

"I know how to fly a fucking ship you drunken asshole!" Bob shot back as he quickly bandaged and slinged a broken forearm.

"We crash, not fly…" Jakaab added as he flailed his newly acquired artificially grown legs around in his seat.

"It doesn't help that every station we fly to either wants us dead or locked up! Not to mention every fringe system we visit has been completely conquered by those fucking wrinkley freaks!" Bob ignored the lizard man and retorted.

"Gagh! Nothing but complaints from you…" Hans added duly while looking for some sort of narcotic.

The Hynx crossed his arms and muttered in mock anger at the pilot.

"Get the fuck out of my craft." He said, opening the cockpit hatch.

The three passengers flopped out onto the spongy soil below.

They had arrived on Jubembo I in the laudus system of the Lions mane nebula.

It was a planet known for its dense, fungal flora.

Everything on the planet had evolved from one original fungi aeons ago.

Due to its orbit and plentiful amounts of subterranean water, the planet was now a colourful, steamy, fungus filled bioscape.

With plenty of creatures and crawlers spawning from the diversity.

Even the intelligent species that had evolved there were a fungus.

"This is hot and colourful, either we're in hell or my uncles bathroom. Hey slick where did you crash us this trip? I better not get chained up again, it's starting to get old." Hans rattled out his nonsense before even letting the cockpit seal once more.

"Jubembo I… I remember doing a job here once. There was a couple of conglomerate stations here as well as some local fiefdoms last time round. You two!" He pointed at Hans and Jakaab who were arguing over Jakaab's post surgery anaesthetic.

"Stay here and guard the ship! I don't want to have to worry about another rescue mission. You, furball." The Hynx looked up at Bob after picking a bright yellow mushroom from the soil.

"Come with me, you might prove usefull… and don't eat that! Wait till I can get you some cookies or something." Bob ordered as he put his arm out down to the hynx who jumped into his palm and scurried to the mans shoulder.

"Let's get on going." He said as he flicked open a terrestrial compass and pulled out his saber as he cut his way into the dense fungal canopy.

"Agh! Fine, leave me with the lizard wizard while you go on an adventure!" Hans protested in jest, begetting no response.

Bob and the hynx trudged through the soft, marshy soil under the mossy carpet.

For hours he walked through the muggy, heavy aired terrain.

He fought off blood sucking leech like beings with, sharp toothed, suckling mouths at the end of each of its five heads.

He cut down tonnes and tonnes worth of fungus and mushrooms before him as he made his way through the dense colourful fungal scape.

The hynx seemed to enjoy the journey.

Jumping from giant fungus to giant fungus, chittering about boisterously as he did so.

He was getting hungry and so picked some small colourful mushrooms on the ground below and slid them into his pouch for later.

Finally the duo cut their way into a clearing where there lay a bridge passing over a river that led into a small settlement.

Bob could see smoke rise into the air from across the river, and over high standing fungus.

"Hmmm, looks like locals… we'll see if they've evolved enough to synthesise me some fuel…" he said before stepping onto the bridge.

As he approached the outskirts of the town he noticed a few of the aborigines shuffling about sparsely. They were humanoid enough to be familiar but they were definitely a sentient, biological offshoot of the fungus that had colonised the entire planet.

They all stared at him with wide eyes and quiet murmurs.

Fuck! They haven't seen many aliens… Primitives… might be no luck with the fuel…

He approached a signboard that he could not read and so he flicked on his interactive shades and pressed the Hud switch.

It began to translate for him.

Havortshire the sign read and now he could hear the murmurings around him and it was exactly as he had expected.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Outsider… offworlder… strange skin… big man… danger… hide… interesting…" those were the key words he picked up that gave him a functional map of how to act in the town.

He amassed a staggered following as curious onlookers and loiterers took notice.

He walked up to what seemed to be the merchant of the town.

He noticed a pair of modified evernet glasses on the creature.

That as well as the sentient mushrooms relaxed posture told Bob that the creature had been offworld.

Ah good… might have what I need…

He flicked his auto translator on and began speaking.

"Good day kind sir." The translator changed his casual greeting to something far more formal.

Agh great… a fucking monarchy…

"Hail." The mushroom man said with indifference as he went back to cleaning a box in his hand.

"How may I be of service, traveller?" The alien asked.

"I seek sustenance for the belly of my flying beast." Oh great no word for fuel here…

"Ah, I see…" the fungal fellow turned his own translator on to galactic common.

"We got no juice of any kind on this planet man, I'm gonna have to ship it in. You in a rush?" He said.

Bob was more dismayed by the news than he was relieved of the merchant's savvy nature.

"Does this fungus burn good?" Bob asked slightly sarcastically.

"En guard! Thine offworld stranger!" A loud voice came from behind.

Bob turned to notice that the entire settlement must have heard of the visitor and crowded around behind him. Most with a meek fearful look on their face.

One came walking out on his lonesome to the middle of the clearing.

He approached Bob with his chest out and his chin high.

He was a scrawny mushroom and not too tall either.

He wore some shoddy home made armour and had a rapier that looked more like an overgrown tooth pick than a weapon.

Bob switched his translator back to the local dialect.

"Hail good sir" who the fuck are you?

"Alas stranger I have no good tidings for thee. I offer thee a warning, leave now or die by my sword. I shall protect my homeland with all my might!" The crowd was quiet, neither supporting nor condemning him.

One child threw a stick at him but he held his pseudo stoic pose.

A female broke through the crowd with an annoyed panic painted on her face.

"Gerad! Get back over here you are going to get yourself killed! I'm sorry stranger… he gets far too excited this time of day, must be the heat hehe" She yelled in caution before beseeching Bob.

"Fear not fair maiden! I shall do away with this pesky putrid poultry and return to your loving warmth in naught but a moment."

Putrid poultry? Bob thought with bemusement.

Who is this guy?

Before his sensible half could reach him, Gerad dashed forward and drew his sword.

He was fast but nowhere near fast enough to get the drop on a seasoned killer.

Bob pulled out his baton and parried and was just about to cripple the furious fungi.

"Halt!"

A collection of armed, shield bearing fungus people came marching into the clearing through the crowd.

Standing on top of a platform formed by the soldiers' fungus' shields was a short, rotund fungus with long tendrils of moss running from his face.

He wore a crown with shining jewels on it and a long purple robe.

And here we go… Bob thought in irritation as he slid his hand closer to his blaster.

"GERAD! Are you causing trouble again in my kingdom?!" The little old mushroom man said in a rickety old voice.

"Fear not good king, I merely mean to rid your good kingdom of this offworlder and his little fiends malevolence!" Gerad pointed his rapier at Bob and the hynx dramatically.

"Guards, throw him in his cell… Gerad! This is the last thread! You shall rot in the dungeons until you have learnt your lesson." The king ordered and some of the big fungal soldiers marched to Gerads' sides and grabbed him.

"Gerad noooo!" His spouse screamed as she sobbed and hit at the soldiers' sturdy chests.

They kicked her away but with so much unnecessary force that she flew back into the crowd.

"Nay! Nay I say! My sweet summer fungus! How dare you! Unhand me you fiends! This shall be the death of you!" Gerad protested and kicked about in vain as the crowd yelled and applauded.

I've gotta get out of here… were Bob's immediate thoughts as the hynx went to investigate the hurt spouse.

Bob turned to follow the monkey but was stopped in his tracks.

"Ah! Stranger, off worlder! Welcome, welcome." The king of the mushroom folk started.

Oh please no…

"Welcome to my kingdom! I know it's no conglomerate but please be my guest, I assure you I am the most gracious of hosts." The king said as he signalled his soldiers to usher the man back down the path to what seemed to be a primitive castle.

He did not want to cause a stir so he went along begrudgingly.